Today is National Kiss and Make Up Day! There are a few people I would like to kiss and make up with, but since most of my disagreements involve these people getting mad at me for writing about them on the Web, I can't name them by name or they will never want to make up with me. All I can say is that if you are mad at me for writing about you over the past ten years, I am sorry. Let's all kiss and make up!
 This is one of the best pieces of gossip I've heard in a long time. The entire image made me picture me, Pepe, Job and Michael all getting it on at the Risotteria back in the day and customers wondering the real reason the rice is so creamy. Gross! August 25, 2005 -- AN after-hours orgy erupted at celebrity chef Mario Batali's Bistro Du Vent last week, resulting in the firing of four staffers, PAGE SIX has learned.
The randy sex romp between an openly bisexual waitress, a male chef, a female manager and a waiter was captured on the West 42nd Street restaurant's surveillance cameras, which feed to a monitor right next to the host's stand.
We're told that the oversexed staffers were boozing it up at the bar after closing when things got physical.
Our snitch, who saw the steamy surveillance footage, says the X-rated action took place "on the bar top, down to the floor, on top of the banquettes — chef on waitress, manager on waiter, waiter on waitress, all four tangled up in one bunch."
But apparently the night porter caught a glimpse of the freaky festivities, and told the incoming dishwashers and busboys that morning on his way out. They, in turn, tattled to the waiters and waitresses, who all crowded around the host stand monitor and watched the orgy unspool, freeze-framing it at points for maximum enjoyment.
Later that afternoon, Bistro Du Vent general manager Jeremy Noye announced to his staff that four employees had been fired, adding, "That's all I'm going to say, and we're going to move on from here."
When we called Noye for comment yesterday, he told us, "I'm going to let Mario handle this. I'm not in a position to make any official comment at this time."
 Tomorrow August 25th is the official Kiss and Make Up Day. So, let me know via the comments section if somehow I've wronged you or you perhaps wronged me and want to get together tomorrow to kiss and make up. If I would like to make up with you, I will be sending you an ecard tomorrow making my intentions known. Kiss and Make Up Day is now my new favorite holiday beating out Yom Kippur and Good Friday.
As I try to revamp my life, I've created the following survey for my readers. Please click on the link to and fill this out in order to help me make this the best blog it can be!
Click here to take our Online Survey
Well, I'm officially a year older now. I'm still recovering from the hangover of old age. Thanks to everyone for sending me cards and wishes! I decided that this year I will settle down, get married and move to the suburbs. Each Monday I'll document where I am in this process which begins today. So far, nothing has happened yet today to bring me closer to my goal.
 Today is not only my person's birthday, but it is my own Founder's Day! Founder's Day is a special holiday created to celebrate the day a person is united with his or her adopted animal. Because I lived my kittenhood out on the streets, nobody knows my actual birthday. So, rather than the day I was born, I celebrate the day I came to my new home to unite with my person. So, although I'm estimated to be around 4 years old, this is my second Founder's Day! I can't wait for my catnip cake tonight!
Tomorrow is my birthday, and I fear I'm now an official single old-maid living with her cat. Yet, I had a decent year of emotional growth. Here are some of the highlights: 1. My love life was complicated, upsetting and yet, a lot of fun. I'd especially like to thank Mr. Book, The Snack and Liev Schreiber. 2. During this year, I dyed my hair dark brown and hated it so I went back to blonde. Then I decided to cut it into a very short bob which was also a big mistake and I'm still growing it out. My colorist moved to Ohio and my stylist was too expensive so I had to find an entire new hair team which seems to be working out so far. 3. I had a good year at work and for the first time, I like my job. 4. I perfected my recipe for BEEF BOURGUIGNON. 5. I started the podcast with Todd and we were featured in the Wall Street Journal!
 I was very sad to hear about another death of an old friend of mine from York, PA. I was informed that Fortunata Pitella aka "Pitella" passed away over the weekend. Pitella was my first full-time hair stylist during my teenage years in York, PA. Responsible for keeping my hair on-trend during the fabulous 80's, Pitella's creations included the famous "electrocution" hairdo, the lopsided bob, the long bleached blonde bangs, numerous tight curly perms and the infamous Joan Jett hair crisis. Pitella would cut and color all of his client's hair with their backs to the mirror and I allowed him full artistic license. Being the Jose Eber of York, PA, Pitella was always overbooked so he'd put you under hot lights and dry your hair with the dryer stuck in a drawer while he worked on fifteen other clients. After he finished you off with the curling iron, he'd spin you around to "shake it out" to see his final creation. He once told me that this was just how Jose did it. Pitella always served tiny Cokes in the bottle, which even as a teenager, I thought was very high-class. When I competed in Junior Miss, Pitella bought a ticket to see me and even snuck backstage to ensure that my hair was at its best. As much as I loved Pitella, my sister hated him. Once, as he was working on her, he was simultaneously styling a senior citizen named Doodles and gave them the exact same bouffant. My sister emerged crying from the salon screaming, "Have you ever seen a teenager with a hairdo like this?" Pitella laughed and my sister became the only client to ever be allowed to look in the mirror as he worked on her hair. Pitella was an old-school Warren Beatty Shampoo era hairdresser who felt that you should always look as you if you just left the salon and his curling irons were always on high. He loved women and he loved to attempt to make them look as close to Sophia Loren as he could manage (he had a photo of her hanging on the wall.) Despite his styling inconsistencies and crazy experiments, I relied on him and spent so much time on my hair I once was grounded for going through too many bottles of Sebastian Spritz Forte in one week. Before I moved away from York to attend to college, Pitella gave me one last perm so extra curly that it would last for the semester. In my preppy New England college, someone asked me on the first day with disdain, "DO YOU HAVE A PERM? ARE YOU SOME KIND OF TEENYBOPPER?" I never saw Pitella again and found someone else in my college town who wouldn't give me a perm and also allowed me to look in the mirror as she cut my hair. She even styled it holding the dryer in her hands. She never used a curling iron. When I went home for vacations, I always felt guilty when we drove by Pitella's salon and I saw his big silver Mercedes parked outside. I secretly missed him and his crazy hair styles. Now, having my hair cut, colored or simply washed is the most relaxing thing in the world to me and I'm a salon fanatic. I've never had Jose Eber work on my hair, but I've seen some of the top-hairdressers written about in the glossy magazines Pitella kept in his salon. Pitella taught me at a young age that a good haircut could make any outfit look good and I still believe in this philosophy. And to this day, I always take off my glasses when I get in the chair so I can't see what's going on. As I witness the final hairdo, I love the final rush I experience as if I'm 16 years old again, back in Pitella's chair, believing for one split second that I just might be beautiful. Here is Pitella's official obituary: InYork.com - York's Internet Community
I don't have much to report this week. I'm bored and it's dull and it's hot and I am getting old. I will be back to my normal blog/podcast self next week.
 The Daily News reported the following today about Donatella Versace: LEAN AND HUNGRY: Hard-partying fashionista Donatella Versace has calmed down and cleaned up since her rehab days, but her checkered past still shadows her. Radar magazine digs up this gem from her coked-up times: "In one memorable incident, sources say, she stumbled into a glass table in Vogue editor Anna Wintour's office, sending shards flying. Believe it or not, the exact incident happened to me. Years ago, I had a job interview at Vogue where I was so nervous that I knocked over a vase of flowers with my purse. Donatella has inspired me to come forward and confess I BROKE A VASE AT VOGUE. My purse knocked the vase off the desk, water spilled, and glass smashed. I left the building, cried and was punished with a job at FamilyPC Magazine. With one simple swoosh, my dreams of working at Vogue were shattered as fast as the ill-placed vase of roses.
Well, in a little over a week, my 34th birthday is coming up. I am telling everyone, I'm turning 25, but the fact is I am reaching or am already in my mid-30s. I'm getting older and hopefully wiser. Here are some of the revelations I've had over the past year. 1. Most men are crazy in some way. I always kind of knew this, but this year I am admitting it. My chances of finding true love suddenly seem slim. 2. Weight Watchers really is for the rest of your life. My leader Lauren once said this and she was right. I will be dieting for the rest of my life. 3. Mary Kay Time Wise products are fabulous. I won't make fun of anyone using Mary Kay ever again. 4. Tom Cruise is crazy (see #1). I used to love and defend Tom cruise against allegations regarding his sexuality and his religion. Now, I can't even drag myself to see War of the Worlds. 5. Some babies are cute. I used to be scared of holding babies, but over the weekend, I held my friend Diane's brand new baby and for a second, I kind of wanted to steal him. 6. I will never cut my hair too short or dye it dark brown again. I did both of the past year and regretted both decisions.
 Well, it's hot outside so I've been holded up in the apartment chilling in the AC. It's hard to look cute in this weather and the humidity doesn't make my fur look it's best.
While I was away on vacation, I was informed that the very scary Miss Snell, the former York Suburban math teacher passed away at the age of 83 which was suprising to me because I could have sworn that she was at least 100 when I had her as my teacher 18 years ago. Parents would try to get their gifted children in Miss Snell's math class for some odd reason. Miss Snell believed that you should spend at least 3 hours each night studying math. I believed that math should never interfere with one's social life. I was right as my social skills and friends provide me with many more benefits than my calculus education. In any case, I have to admit, I never forgot Miss Snell and her red check marks either.
It all added up for my high school math teacher - York Daily Record
 It is so hot that I've been drowning myself in Jean Nate after-bath splash. Jean Nate is one of the most underrated beauty products on the market. Last year, I was dating someone who used to joke that I smelled like Jean Nate. Due to the mockery in his voice, I didn't have the heart to tell him that he was correct. Before we'd meet for a date, I'd splash myself all over my body. I always wear Jean Nate during the month of August and now I'm confessing it to the world.
Today at work we had a company picnic where my chocolate ice cream immediately melted on my white t-shirt. This is the most exciting news I've had all week. I'll have more to report tomorrow.
I'm back in town and trying to catch up with my life. It's amazing how much minutiae piles up during my absence. I have to respond to 3,000 emails, open 400 bills and call 4,500 people. I'm going to be lazy with the blog this week and I don't have time to podcast.
Tyra Banks is advertising for guests to be on her new talk show. I'd love to be on the show entitled, "Tyra Stole My Man!" A couple of years ago, I was dating someone who was always dissing me for Tyra and frankly, I just couldn't compete.
The Tyra Banks Show - Premieres September 12th
MJ Cat and I will be out of town next week. We're recording a new podcast tonight before I leave so be sure to check out bewareofthebabylon.com to download it and hear me during my much needed vacation!
Last night after a long evening including a work dinner and a run-in with an ex boyfriend, I hopped in a cab ready for bed. As I got out of the cab, I couldn't believe it, but Felipe was standing there sweating on the corner. I haven't seen Felipe in about four years since he left town to return to Mexico to open up his own restaurant. Felipe was the cook at a restaurant where I worked in NYC and we developed a bizarre friendship over the course of my employment. Once when I was behind the register, Felipe reached over and grabbed my nipple with a stapler. In any other work environment this would immediately have sent me to HR, but in this situation I was helpless and could only laugh at the situation and the current state of my disappointing life. In any case, I am wondering if Felipe's return to the country is a good omen or bad omen.
 As many know, David Lynch is one of my favorite directors. I once dyed my hair from brunette to platinum blonde after my first screening of the underrated movie Lost Highway. Page 6 posted today that Lynch is setting up schools for transcendental meditation callded the "David Lynch Foundation for Consciousness-Based Education and World Peace." Lynch, however, does not want his foundation to be confused for being a cult or a religion. Quick to point out that "TM" is not a "religion" of "clones" but a "mental technique to dive within," he'll only say of Scientology and Kabbalah, "I don't know enough about either to comment. People believe in what they believe in, and that's a beautiful thing." I have actually tried TM, and I must confess it does chill me out. I wish they offered it at Equinox.
I have a crush on someone and it's making me feel like I'm in junior high because I don't think he likes me back at all. And if even if he did like me back, I can't imagine what kind of relationship we could even have together. But, when I see him I feel paralyzed and I don't know what to say. I freeze up inside and if he were ever to touch me, I fear that I'd melt or shatter. I know I should be excited about feeling so young and vulnerable again, but seeing him instead makes me sad and pessimistic.
I just rewatched Tarnation on DVD this weekend and listened to Jonathan Caouette's commentary. If you haven't seen this movie, rent it as once. Caoette is our generation's Stan Brakhage. On a second and third viewing, this film continues to inspire me both creatively and intellectually. If you haven't seen it, I won't go into details about the content or the construction. I wouldn't want to prepare you for this at all.
 It's been a muggy and emotional week. As of COB today, I'm going to curl up with a good friend in bed, destress and get some much needed rest!
 Today I had a debate with a man about the phrase "working like a dog." According to him, dogs don't work at all and that the phrase should be changed to "working like a miner." I countered that a lot of dogs do work either helping blind people, rescuing people, sniffing out bombs, herding flocks and other assorted crappy jobs. He then stated (out of his ass I think) that only less than 1% of the dog population actually works. He then went on to say that cats also do not work and I argued that some cats indeed do have jobs, and before I took him as my son, MJ Cat was a professional mouser. I also pointed out that dogs and cats don't get paid so it's hard to track the actual working statistics on these animals since they can't even file for unemployment. What is the point of this debate? I think I might have met my dream man.
York, PA, my hometown, has been rated the 95th place to live by Money Magazine. No comment, but let's just say, I don't still live in York for some very good reasons.
Ranked above par - York Daily Record
THIS WEEK ON BEWARE OF THE BABYLON - FAME! On this podcast you will learn: * how everything and everyone has jumped the shark * how W. Houston street is really Whitney Houston Street * why I learned nothing about Atrophic Vaginitis * what will we wear to the Emmys!?! * when is it too old to be acting weird If you haven't already done it... click here to subscribe to the podcast on ITUNES. Or if you just want to hear it from here... click here to download the podcast and listen.
Somewhere in the early 90's, someone put a curse on me. The curse is that if I meet a romantic prospect or someone I am dating for lunch, I can guarantee that this will be the last time I ever see him or that we will break up. I must find a way to break this curse as it happened to me again this week. Here is a record of my lost New York City lunch dates: 1. Christopher-Tramway Diner-Christopher was my first boyfriend in New York. We dated for a while, met each other's families and even traveled together. We broke up over lunch at the Tramway Diner, but I don't remember why. 2. Bill D., Trattoria Del Arte-I met Bill at my old hangout NW3 in 1994. He was in town for a wedding and it was actually Valentine's Day. He was a lawyer from Philadelphia and he walked me home from the bar and called me that night when he returned to his hotel room saying that he couldn't wait to see me again. We corresponded for a few months, but lost touch. Four years later, he contacted me out of the blue to tell me that he moved to New York and asked me to meet him for lunch. I remember I wore my best black suit. I never saw him or heard from him again. 3. Michael-his loft- Michael was an older handsome investment banker I met while in grad school. He lived in a loft on Bond Street. He'd pick me up in his SUV and take me to Nobu after class or I'd rollerblade over to his apartment and drink fine wine. The last time I saw him was Easter Sunday 1994 to meet him for a holiday lunch. When I arrived, I noticed a woman's straw hat left by his door. I never saw him again after that day. 4. Rob-Da Silvano-Rob took me to lunch for my birthday while I was working at a dot.com that was going out of business. I liked Rob and we had been on a few dates, so I thought this power lunch might be the time to break the curse. We had a pleasant lunch where during desert he informed me he was quitting his job and moving to Hawaii to become a surfer. I never saw him again. 5. Chris, Manatus Diner-Chris is someone I met recently who I really liked and thought might have the potential to turn into someone I could actually date. A couple of weeks ago, he asked me to meet him for lunch on my day off. I was hesitant and told him about the curse and that I'd hate to not see him again. He assured me it wouldn't happen. So, against my better judgment I agreed to meet him for lunch. Last night he told me that he doesn't think it's a good idea for us to see each other again. I blame the lunch.
I spent this past weekend home watching NY1. As a result of the London bombing attacks, I'm going to stay off the rails here for awhile. I, however, was horrified by the following story that I watched repeatedly on the NY1 rotation. Rats have taken over the Bronx and the footage made my stomach turn. They showed dead rats surrounded by flies, rats running around in broad daylight and children attacked by rats. I was even treated to the story one more time this morning before work. One night Eldalis Roa woke up with rats in her bed.
"One on my hair and one on my finger. The one me on the finger and the one on my finger bit me," said Roa. I don't quite get that second part of that quote, but it doesn't sound good. Read about it for yourself. This is a true story. NY1: The Bronx
 It's time for everyone's favorite expert MJ Cat to answer all your questions! MJ Cat just received his PhD in Cultural Studies from a top online university and continues studying at DeVry. He also has a MA in Cinema Studies, which according to the New York times is the "new M.B.A." MJ can answer questions on any topic from any human being. >^..^< >^..^< >^..^< >^..^< >^..^< >^..^< >^..^< Dear MJ Cat: I recently went with my girlfriend for a pedicure and they charged me 4 dollars more than her. 16 vs. 20. i would not say that my feet are significantly bigger or dirtier than hers. does this seem fair? is this standard? i enjoyed it and would go back, but i am kind of pissed about the upcharge and may reconsider returning.--twinkle toes, Brooklyn, nyDear Twinkle: I hate having pedicures and am usually held down or attacked with the clippers when I'm sound asleep. I would never pay for this torture. If you must get feet done, I advise to try somewhere else because you got nailed.Dear MJ Cat: If a bus left Cleveland at 2 PM and travels 4 hours to Cincinnati, how many beers will I need for the trip?--Aaron D, New York, NYDear Aaron: This question is so disturbing that I don't even know how to answer it. First of all, I can't understand why if you live in NYC you'd be in a situation where this bus trip would be necessary. If you are forced to take the trip, buy a 6-pack. Drink 3 in the first hour and spread the rest out of the rest of the trip.Dear MJ: Does it anger you that each summer families and their canines go on vacation, and the felines are never invited?--Your Aunt, Washington, DCDear Aunt: Does it anger you that you are allergic to cats and can't experience the true joy of curling up with a good book and a furry friend?
 Today rapper Lil' Kim was sentenced to one year in prison for perjury. I normally would not care about Lil' Kim and I don't know much about her except she wore a pastie on her boob for the MTV Music Awards and someone she knows shot someone in her presence and she tried to cover it up. The story is interesting to me because in my hometown of York, PA a well-known attorney was also sentenced to jail for screwing with the court system. Aside from this, he's been found guilty of groping a woman in a bar, sexual molesting male clients and embezzling funds from his own law firm. Meanwhile, his son has been arrested with a gun and cocaine in a cheap hotel room. My friends and family in York are always updating me on the fate of this attorney as he was a member of our community and his son was a classmate of mine. As part of the new improved me, I will now refrain from participating in schadenfreude which is a German word that means to take pleasure in the misfortune of others. I will feel sorry for all powerful rich people who are either too crazy or stupid to avoid being thrown in jail.
THIS WEEK, WE ARE LIVE ON TAPE FROM MY APARTMENT!
Over the past few days, I've been offline contemplating the meaning of life and had a personal rebirth. Here are some of the things I realized and learned: 1. A lap around the Christopher Street Pier is called a "Love Lap." Walking alone around this pier, however, does not guarantee that you will find love. 2. Your company does not "own" you. You have the right to make choices that are best for your own present and future. 3. Receiving a painted postcard in the mail is more satisfying than receiving an email. 4. I'm smarter than most people give me credit for and I always undersell myself. I'm going to stop doing this going forward and again, not waste the pretty in all my life endeavors.
We might not have a podcast this week, but we do have a new commercial! Check it out here! http://libsyn.com/media/bewareofbabylon/bewarePROMO.mp3
Everyone keeps asking about this week's Beware of the Babylon podcast. Todd and I are taking a vacation this week and will resume our recording next week after the holiday. In the meantime, visit our site Beware of the Babylon and catch up on the ones that you may have missed. Or, check out our new group The Pod Squad and listen to some other independent podcasts coming out of NYC!
 I was pleased to learn today that the American Psychiatric Association released a statement against Tom Cruise's additional statements about psychotropic drugs to Matt Lauer on the Today Show. Tom Cruise should stop trying to control the minds of crazy people and concentrate on winning back the heart of his lost love Rob Thomas. Yesterday, I received email gossip that Tom Cruise actually was having an affair with Rob Thomas and was caught by Rob's wife Marisol. To cover up the affair, Tom paid off the Thomas, contracted Katie Holmes for 8 million dollars for five years and is jumping on couches to hide the fact that he went just a little bit crazy for Matchbox 20 singer Rob. At first I was skeptical about this story, but I was once in a bar in the East Village in the late 90s where Rob Thomas rubbed against my boobs and chatted me up. Based on my own personal history and the kind of men that I usually attract, Rob Thomas could very likely be both secretly gay and crazy! "It is irresponsible for Mr. Cruise to use his movie publicity tour to promote his own ideological views and deter people with mental illness from getting the care they need," said APA President Dr. Steven S. Sharfstein.
Over the past five years, the nation has more than doubled its investment in the study of the human brain and behavior, leading to a vastly expanded understanding of postpartum depression, bipolar disorder and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Much of this research has been conducted by the National Institutes of Health and the nation's leading academic institutions." U.S. Newswire : Releases : "American Psychiatric Association Responds to Tom Cruise's Today Show Interview"
Yesterday was a terrible day, although nothing really that terrible happened. I am still recovering and afraid to leave the house and answer the phone for a few days. 1. I had huge lapse in judgment and forwarded a short story via email that a friend of mine wrote. The friend that I sent it to responded NOT to me, but accidentally to the writer with the word "boring." Needless to say, this put me in a bad position and I had to call and apologize to the writer for forwarding on the story without approval and also convince him that I really did like the story myself (which I did.) I also owned up to my breach of judgment that I should never have shown it to someone else. My punishment is that he stated that he will cease sending me any juicy or confidential emails going forward, which blows, cause I love his emails and have a secret crush on him. 2. I had a disturbing conversation with a former fling where he accused me that I still have feelings for him. Frankly, I haven't seen or heard from him in months and have moved on, so I was caught by surprise by this bizarre accusation and told him that I was insulted by his assumption since he knew that my New Year's resolution was to Not Waste the Pretty, which includes him. I feel badly that this man is such a self-centered asshole because he lives close by and the chances of bumping into him are highly probable in the future. 3. After reloading my iPod for five days straight, I accidentally erased all the work I did during the phone conversation with #2. Needless to say, this was the final aggravation of long and upsetting day.
I have to confess something to all of you men who ask me out to lunch on weekends or on my day off. I don't like meeting men for lunch. Here is why: 1. If I am not working, I usually stay up all night and sleep at least until noon the following day. Lunch for me is like breakfast and I never look so good in the morning. I also don't like worrying about waking up in time or hearing the phone ring to confirm the lunch date when I should be sleeping. 2. I never know what to wear to meet someone for lunch. I prefer dinner when the rules are more in place. 3. I don't mind meeting for lunch with old girlfriends or under the pure premise of business. I don't like romantic lunches, unless they are an extension of the dinner the previous evening. 4. Frankly, I'm slightly insulted when I'm asked for a weekend lunch rather than a weekend dinner. The man gives himself an "out" by planning lunch so that he can go onto his higher prioritized evening activity. I don't like being second choice.
 The Times reported today that scientists have researched the brain's chemical reaction to seeing celebrities and other images. When scientists sampled brain cell activity in people who were scrutinizing dozens of pictures, they found some individual cells that reacted to a particular celebrity, landmark, animal or object. In one case, a single cell was activated by different photos of Berry, including some in her ''Catwoman'' costume, a drawing of her and even the words, ''Halle Berry.'' The findings appear in a part of the brain that transforms what people perceive into what they'll eventually remember, said Dr. Itzhak Fried of the University of California, Los Angeles, a senior investigator on the project. While all this scientific mumbo jumbo is confusing, you can see an actual diagram of my brain and the specfic celebrities, landmarks and animals that produce a chemical reaction. This kind of research makes me want to be a scientist!
Today Fox 411published a timeline of Katie Holmes' life as of the beginning of April to the present. This is one of the most fascinating pieces of journalism I have encountered in a long time. As I've said before, I've had a dish in the sink that still needs to washed in this short amount of time, while Katie has totally changed her life. Here is Katie's timeline versus my own timeline: April, 7th 2005: Katie: moves to New York City and attends Fragrance Foundation's Fifi Event. Babylon: I am still living in New York City and feeling on the fence about American Idol's Constantine. April 11th, 2005: Katie: Katie attends "Save the Music" concert. She has never met Cruise before. Babylon: I hear a rumor that my ex's new girlfriend smells. This puts me a funk. April 11th-April 27th: Katie: Nobody spots Katie but rumor has it that she flew to Los Angeles to meet with Tom about a role in "Mission: Impossible 3" sometime during this period. Babylon: I fall in the shower and attend the first meeting of the NYC Podcasting Association. April 27th: Katie: Katie reappears and announces she is Tom Cruise's lady. Her star power increased by three points. Babylon: I'm devastated as Constantine is voted off Idol. The podcast appears in the Wall Street Journa. My star status increases by .5 pt. The article also questions the period when Katie fires the great John Carabino as her manager during her April 11th-April 27 disappearance. For the most of the month of May, I've been bugging friends to call him directly and get the real scoop.
 Yesterday, I made one of my dreams come true. Every since the mid-80s and the prominence of such great dancers as Shrimp and Shaba Doo (Breakin' 1984), I've had this secret desire to be a famous breakdancer. I noticed that a group of breakdancers were taking a break so I asked them if I could dance on their mat for a little bit on the Coney Island boardwalk. Little did I know that they were going to turn on the boombox to "Planet Rock" and clap around me as I did the robot and moonwalked in front of a gathering crowd of people.
Believe it or not, Rachel and Todd actually recorded this week's podcast from outside Manhattan! Coming to you more live than a freak-show carny is our WE GOT CRABS PODCAST recorded from Coney Island and Clemente's Crab House in Sheepshead Bay. In this week's podcast you will learn: * how to bump, bump, bump your ass off * what happens when you put the mic in the earphone jack * where to get bootleg copies of DVDs in Brooklyn * how to speak up and ask for more crab legs * CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE PODCAST AND LISTEN! *
 Someone actually emailed me and asked why I am obsessed with Katie Holmes? And my response is, how could I NOT be! I admire this woman. She has put aside all of personal beliefs, judgment, values and reputation to advance her career and bank account by agreeing to marry the publicity-crazy Scientology brainwashed Tom Cruise. I wish I could be that way in order to be more famous and make more money. Cruise proposed to Holmes atop the Eiffel Tower and creepy Dakota Fanning was there to wish them all the best at Cruise's press conference to promote War of the Worlds. Yet, Tom and Katie go on to say that this entire relationship is NOT a publicity stunt! And also, I'm willing to be patient to wait for the day when the entire romance/marriage goes to hell and Katie writes a tell-all book called, "What in the hell was I thinking?" The CNN article ends with this statement: Holmes said then that she was embracing Scientology -- Cruise's religion. The former star of television "Dawson's Creek" grew up with a poster of Cruise on her bedroom wall and has said she grew up wanting to marry him. God, maybe this entire romance provides the hope for me that I can marry some of the men I had posters of on the wall as a teenager. Perhaps there is still a chance I'll be Mrs. Huey Lewis, Mrs. Robert Smith or Mrs. Daryl Hall. I now have a photo of Benicio del Toro on my fridge. Perhaps there's a chance for us! Congrats to Katie and best wishes to Tom! href="http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/Movies/06/17/cruise.holmes.ap/index.html">CNN.com - Cruise, Holmes engaged to marry - Jun 17, 2005
I'm being held hostage all day as I attend a workshop on how to influence WITHOUT authority. The goals is that I will learn to get people to do stuff for me because they WANT to, and not because they HAVE to. I always take up any chance to receive any type of corporate brainwashing as it provides me with the opportunity to think less while achieving more. I'll be back on my next break to share my authority "score" with you.
While everyone is still discussing the verdict in the Michael Jackson case, I've been more shocked by the following information and think I need some Jesus Juice to calm down. 1. Katie Holmes is converting to Scientology and ADMITTED this during a press conference? What in the hell is she thinking? How long until she realizes she is totally playing Tom's fool? 2. Somebody I know had his eardrums "pop" today and blood and puss oozed out. This story was shocking. 3. This hot weather is more disturbing than the Jackson case. 4. While I was watching the verdict in a bar, there was a man there who admitted to being molested by his father as a child and when the TV showed Joe Jackson, the guy started screaming, "He's the devil!" This man's reaction to the case was by far more shocking than the case itself!
As a former participant in the Jr. Miss program (it is not a pageant)and Spirit of Jr. Miss winner, I was saddened to hear the news today that the Junior Miss program is officially closing. Junior Miss not only taught me to "Be My Best Self," but also provided me probably the only time in my life where I will get to wear an expensive white beaded gown. Former Jr. Misses participants include luminaries such as Diane Sawyer, Deborah Norville, Julie Moran, Debra Messing and Kim Basinger. Below, is the official notification. The board of directors of America's Junior Miss, a premier scholarship program for young women that has presented cash scholarship awards totaling more than $87.7 million, announced yesterday that the 48-year-old program's last day of operation will be Sept. 30.
AJM was a pioneer programthat had blazed a trail that helped raise awareness of the need for scholarship opportunities for young women. The board also said it believed that because AJM had been so successful in raising that awareness, many more such opportunities exist today. We are extremely proud of all AJM has done. It has accomplished its mission at an even greater level than was probably envisioned by its founders.
However, in recent years, the program has faced difficult circumstances and that AJM had been finding it increasingly difficult to attract and retain national sponsors and also had been unsuccessful in efforts to attract the interest of a major television network. Unfortunately, AJM without television means AJM without national sponsors,
The board said it will soon begin developing a plan for closing AJM that will allow the program to end in an orderly, dignified manner and that this year's AJM National Finals will be the last. TV viewers can watch the final night of competition live on Saturday, June 25, on WKRG-TV 5 and on Monday, June 27, when it is aired by PAX TV.
  This week in the podcast you WILL learn: - all about the bathroom habits of Pulitzer prize winning author David McCullough - what ever happened to Paula Cole - what a kiss from a rose really feels like - where to find the Madison Avenue of the West Village * CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE PODCAST AND LISTEN! *
 June is the official adopt-a-shelter-cat month. Here is a picture of my first day living in my new home. As you can see, I've fattened up a bit since then, but I have to confess, I love living in my comfortable apartment rather than the cold hard cage. I suggest for all of you who don't have your own pussy to go down to shelter or rescue mission and adopt a cat this month. http://www.aspca.org/site/DocServer/9_Ways_to_Welcome_Your_Cat_Home_-_New_Adopter.pdf?docID=4743&AddInterest=1022
 Today, a "great friend" of NYCBabylon was let go by the crazy brainwashed Katie Holmes. In the photo above, John Carrabino is pictured in the background talking on his cell phone most likely to Big Hands Meagan. I once tried to get John C. to represent me and turn me into a star like he did for Renee but he told me I had no talent. Page Six reported this today. KATIE SWINGS THE AX AGAIN
KATIE Holmes has made yet another change in her life. Just a week after replacing Brandt Joel of CAA as her agent with Tom Cruise's representatives at the same agency, Rick Nicita and Kevin Huvane, Holmes has ditched her longtime manager John Carrabino, who also reps Renée Zellweger. Carrabino didn't return calls, but another exec at his firm confirmed that Holmes "recently" left. Holmes' rep didn't know about the move when we called. Meanwhile, Cruise's ex-publicist, Pat Kingsley, is now experiencing Schadenfreude over his career meltdown. The studio cut Cruise's promotion schedule for "War of the Worlds" after he jumped up and down on Oprah Winfrey's couch like a chimpanzee and blurted his love for Holmes. And "Mission: Impossible 3" might be canceled because of Cruise's demands — he insisted on having a "Scientology tent" on the set. The Internet was abuzz that Kingsley — fired by Cruise last year and replaced with his sister, Lee Anne DeVette — must be gleeful. But close friends say no. "Pat is very worried and concerned for Tom," one pal said. "She has always loved and adored him as a good friend."
 -"Something's wrong with somebody who isn't happy with the face that god gave you."-Strange man to my mother at the gas station as they discussed their theories on the outcome of the Michael Jackson trial.
I just took a quiz classifying my elitist classification. My results are:  French pop Kid. You like to listen to Serge Gainsbourg and you can actually understand what he's saying. You prefer to go to sit at a cafe discussing philosophy and art, and chances are you're speaking in french, just to be pretentious. Still, you've got great taste in music, and it's okay to be pretentious about it, because you know your cool and you could careless if anyone else thinks so. What type of indie elitist are you? brought to you by Quizilla
 THE WE'VE GOT MAGIC TO DO PODCAST Break a leg! On the podcast this week, you will learn: - What Todd and I did to get our asses kicked out of the Mercer - How I spend my Saturday nights - What kind of soup I really hate - How we are SO golden monkeys for Liev and Mike - How much I loved the Sith * CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE PODCAST AND LISTEN! *
Earlier this year, Liev Schreiber proclaimed to be my " golden monkey." Although we rang in the new year together, Liev, however, seems to be having such a fantastic 2005 that perhaps he was wrong. I am actually his golden monkey. While we both have won awards for our work this year, he won the Tony while I won a basic corporate-based award. He is dating Naomi Watts while I sat home on Saturday night alone.
 On this warm Sunday, every woman in New York City decided to wear her new bohemian Spring 2005 outfit. Long flowy skirts, sequined tunics, smocked emroidered sundresses and beaded necklaces crowded the streets making me feel as if I was on my way to a Dead show rather than to sun myself and read the Times weddings section on the Christopher Street Pier. Women were looking much more dirty than they were a year ago when they were wearing more civilized 50's inspired sundresses and circle skirts. I, too, was part of the fashion madness in my own smocked sundress which I know makes me look pregnant. I am embarrassed I've fallen prey to this ridiculous and unflattering trend.
We had to take a break from Friday catblogging. My person and I got caught up at BEA (Book Expo of America) and then we went to K-Mart to buy a brand new vacuum. The amount of dirt and fur picked up by the powerful new vacuum put my person into a terrible asthma/allergy attack and she had to take two Benedryl which made her pass out until today. As you know, I am smart, but my paws can't turn on the computer alone. See you next week for Ask MJ Cat!
Someone asked me today if I prefer to formally addressed as "Ms." or "Miss." After careful consideration, I have concluded that I like to be formally addressed using as "Miss." I am clearly still single, never married and I am never invited anywhere with a guest. This marked single status grants me the privilege of proudly utilizing my "Miss" status. I am available and want everyone to know it. Why mask my single independence and sexuality in a cloud of mystery by using the "Ms." title? The title of "Ms." adds years to a woman's age. If I lived in France, I would want to be addressed as mademoiselle over madame.
Many of my friends and business associates keep asking me "What the hell is wrong with Tom Cruise?" After reading this article in the Times, my theory has been confirmed. Tom Cruise's publicist (his sister Le Anne De Vette) needs to be fired. Paramount Pictures is considering taking away Mission Impossible III from Cruise due to his recent publicity fiasco which includes his overzealous love of Katie Holmes, jumping up and down on Oprah's couch and pretending to be a neurologist making judgment on Brooke Shields. In reaction to his embarrassing Oprah appearance the article states: Mr. Cruise's spokeswoman, his sister Lee Anne De Vette, said she had not heard anything negative after the "Oprah" appearance. "You're looking at someone who's genuinely very happy," she said. "The response we've gotten back is complete enthusiasm and exhilaration for his enthusiasm and exhilaration. He's a very happy person." First of all, he has the potential to damage his career, lose roles and industry respect for his insane Scientology ramblings and teenager behavior. No good publicist would allow a client this type of career-damaging freedom. On that note, I would NEVER hire my sister as my publicist. Your publicist should be someone who has never seen you naked, is entitled to money in your will or who is only a publicist riding on your own famous coattails.
When I was a teenager, I used to write my "summer goals" at the end of the school year. I decided I think I need to do that again. Surprisingly, the goals are exactly the same while the methods of reaching them might have changed. Here are the goals circa 1985. 1. Get a new bikini that makes me look really cute. 2. Get a great tan. 3. Get passionately kissed by a guy that really likes me. 4. Go to a cool concert with my friends. 5. Play a lot of miniature golf. 6. Save some money to buy some new makeup. 7. Make my hair blonder.
I just read in the LA Times that Prep School fiction is the "new black." For some reason, this statement just doesn't make sense to me. So, in the spirit of new summer trends, here is what I consider the new black for June 2005. 1. Merled fur is the new black. 2. Bo Bice is the new black. 3. Honest communication is the new black. 4. Pinching asses on the street while drunk is the new black. 5. Cold sores are the new black.
I'm back in town but slightly traumatized from Christian Slater grabbing my ass over Memorial Day weekend in a bar. (OK, it wasn't exactly Slater who grabbed my ass in a bar last night.) While Slater was getting arrested, I was in York, PA where someone at the bar I was at was seriously wearing a t-shirt that said "Shut Up and Spread 'Em" including a graphic of a nude woman. He also was wearing a fanny back and acid-washed peg-legged Levis. I found this outfit much more offensive than Slater's behavior. This was a guy who should have been arrested by the fashion police.
 I'm skipping town for the long weekend so I can tan my fur and rest eyes. Hopefully, everything will appear clearer and brighter on Tuesday.
 THE PROMCAST PODCAST Questions brought up in this week's angst-filled podcast... - Do vitamins substitute for psychotropic medications? - What is the official song of all proms? - What has Rachel smelling like a rasberry? - When was Todd killed off by R.L. Stine? - How did Rachel and Todd lose their front teeth? * CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE PODCAST AND LISTEN! *
This has been a very unhot and uncool week. Here's things that I think are definitely NOT HOT right now. 1. Tom Cruise's bizarre breakdown. Will this destroy his career? 2. The Podcasting Association Code of Ethics? WTF? 3. Ex-girlfriends of men I like. They win every time. 4. Weight Watchers Flex Points. The new system is just so confusing!
 It's only be one day since my struggle to become pin-thin, but I'm down four pounds in 24 hours so it seems to be working. Yesterday, I ate only two pickles, two steamed shrimp, four tic tacs and bowl of raw spinach. I worked out for an hour on the elliptical trainer and read Self Magazine. I can't wait until my collarbone starts jutting out. Thank you for all of your support on my quest to become shockingly skinny!
 I need to find a friend who wants to jump on the new trend in friend weight loss competition as outlined in this week's Star Magazine. Like Lindsay and Nicole or Calista and Portia or Jennifer and Courtney, I need to find somebody to become skeletal and underweight with as soon as possible. I have been too happy and comfortable and because of this pleasant mental state, I've gained 7 lbs. According to the "celebrity friend competition diet", for every 5lbs. one friend adds, the other one must lose three times as much to compensate for both of their temporary fatness. I figure I must now lose at least 21 lbs to obtain the bony body I secretly desire. I want to have a summer full of pickles, egg whites, sacrifice and denial. By August, I want to wear a thong bikini and for my friends to gasp when they see my new ultra-ultra-thin waistline, protruding ribs and razor-sharp shoulder blades. I want to see the look of disappointment on men who once loved my big round boobs which will have disappeared to small mounds of loose A-cup flesh. I don't have a friend to do this with yet, but the diet starts today. Wish me luck.
The news today is insane, especially the announcement that Donald Trump is creating an online university. MJ Cat will be enrolling as soon as possible hoping to become the next Apprentice!
I rarely read Lloyd Grove, but I was absolutely shocked today when I read Tom Cruise's comments to Billy Bush on Access Hollywood about Brooke Shield's use of Paxil to conquer her postpartum depression. Tom actually states: These drugs are dangerous. I have actually helped people come off,''...'When you talk about postpartum, you can take people today, women, and what you do is you use vitamins. There is a hormonal thing that is going on, scientifically, you can prove that. But when you talk about emotional, chemical imbalances in people, there is no science behind that. You can use vitamins to help a woman through those things. For years, I always defended Tom Cruise's heterosexuality and sanity, but I have to say, today, he really pissed me off. There is nothing that makes me more angry than celebrities doling out half-assed medical advice. Vitamins? I take vitamins which does nothing for my mental state. Also, is Tom now a neuroanatomist and I missed the summary of his dissertation and research findings in In Touch? And, how in the hell is he helping these women "come off" Paxil? Where is the Tom Cruise treatment center? I can't imagine turning to Tom Cruise to help me with any sort of medical problem. I hope this story gets blown up, because this is truly a celeb abusing his status and forcing misogynist lies and myths upon the ignorant American public. Brooke Shields better kick his ass. And, yet, this comment explains why Katie Holmes' face is breaking out. Tom's probably getting her to "come off" Proactiv and forcing vitamin E down her throat. Katie, get out before it's too late. This man is a total nut.
 It's time for everyone's favorite expert MJ Cat to answer all your questions! MJ Cat just received his PhD in Cultural Studies from a top online university and continues studying at DeVry. He also has a MA in Cinema Studies, which according to the New York times is the "new M.B.A." MJ can answer questions on any topic from any human being. >^..^< >^..^< >^..^< >^..^< >^..^< >^..^< >^..^< Dear MJ Cat: What the hell is up with John Bolton's mustache? It looks like he's snorting a rat or something. Since cats are experts at good grooming practices, what advice do you have for Mr. Bolton?--Barry @ enrevanche, New York, NYDear Barry: I take pride in my own whiskers although I burnt one in a candle last week. Who is John Bolton? Is he related to Michael Bolton? Those Boltons sure are cheeseballs. Dear MJ Cat: Dear Max. A Brazilian friend of mine recently wrote: "To dream is to make plans. To live is to have courage to realize them." I've been suffering
from a lot of fear lately - fear of doing stuff I really want to do. Any
advice?-Scaredy Cat, New York, NY Dear SC: As the cool cats say in Rio,"Tenha coragem. O desafio viver o sonho."Dear MJ: What do you think of Chris Klein getting busted for drunk driving a few days after the press announcement that his ex-fiancee and Tom Cruise are dating? How does one deal with horrible break-ups, especially in the public eye?--DMB, Michigan
Dear DMB: There is no easy way to deal with a sudden upsetting breakup. When faced with man trauma, my person usually recoups at home and spends more time with me. I guess the answer is, it's always best to spend some quality time with your own pussy and stay away from the bottle. Dear MJ: How do you stay regular? Zel Norm, NYCDear Zel: I watch my diet and eat food strong in protein and fiber. Also, don't eat too much cellophane cause that definitely stops me up.
 Most people who know me understand that I HATE waiting in line for anything. I was surprised last night to witness people actually camping out for two weeks to see Star Wars. I can count the times on one hand I've actually been so excited for something that I've camped out on the pavement or at least waited over 1/2 hour for something to take place. Last year, I freaked out at the National Archives after having to wait for 25 minutes. I left although we were at the front of the line. Here are the events that I waited for: 1. Kate Bush signing and Tower Records (1994): While this might make me just as big a nerd as the Star Wars people, Kate Bush rarely makes US appearances due to her fear of flying. In my formative youth period, I was a huge Kate Bush fan (still am) and had to have her sign my rare Belgium imported album. I stood out in the freezing rain for four hours to meet Kate. 2. Vamp restock at Barney's (1995): For years I was waiting for that perfect nail polish to emerge on the market. When Chanel introduced the color Vamp, I went crazy and actually stood in line for an hour to get my turn to pluck down my $20 for that perfect dark red enamel. 3. Dick Tracey movie premiere (1990): While this was a terrible movie, I just had to see Madonna again on the big screen. My friend's dad scored us midnight tickets for the York, County premiere. As we were waiting in line for the big show, I was interviewed by the York Daily Record and was outed as a huge Madonna fan. 4. Waiting for Simon LeBon outside Radio City Music Hall (1996): OK, I admit they were even past their prime and I was too old to be behaving like this, but after seeing Simon onstage for the first time in my life, I had to wait outside the backstage door to get an up close and personal look at him. Simon shaking my hand was worth the two hours outside in the snow!
 What do these three images have in common? Find out in this week's Beware of the Babylon Podcast. Also, listen and you may just learn: - How long has it been since I've touched another man's lightsaber - What is Spiderman is doing in the line? - What celebs are galavanting around midtown - Who shot J.R.! * CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE PODCAST AND LISTEN! *
New York Magazine has a hilarious article defining the new hot trend of being a nerd in relation to the new Star Wars release. According to this article, it seems everyone I know is some kind of nerd, especially those with nothing better to do than harrass me on the message boards. Perhaps people are buying into the delights of earnest, giddy enjoyment—the joy of being a nerd. And then suddenly you realize that, in the end, everyone’s a nerd, not just those of us with Han Solo key chains. Did you preorder the next season of Sex and the City on DVD as soon as it was announced? Then you, my friend, are a nerd. Do you faithfully trudge out to each new Jude Law film, hypnotized by that rakish grin? Hello, Jude Law nerd. Do you hotly debate Broadway debuts, haunt the newest eateries, track obsessively the ups-and-downs of your favorite team? One might call you an aficionado, a foodie, or a sports nut. Or more succinctly: a nerd, a nerd, and a nerd. http://newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/movies/features/11998/index.html
 Things are going so well in my life that it's taken a toll on my mental health. I've finally received hate mail, got a fantastic review at work and met a great guy. My therapist told me I need to calm down for a couple of days because I've been too wound up for too extended period of time. If I don't calm down, I'll go back into a downward spiral and be forced to return to a diet of depakote, vodka and sodas and tuna tartar. I can't let this happen.
It's Tuesday which means I have a lot of questions that I can't answer alone. Here they are: 1. Who is Big Hands Meaghan? 2. What was the mashed purple stuff on my plate today at the Union Square Cafe? 3. Who is it from NBC that is reading this blog? Is it Meaghan? 4. Also, what is a ramp? I ate ramps today at lunch as well. 5. What are the benefits of a monthly tanning membership at Hollywood Tans? Is it worth it or will it make you too tan or sick?
 I'm not sure if his final name will be Willie, but I wanted to welcome a new member into the nycbabylon family. He might not be a Savannah cat, but he sure is cute.
There is a mean and crazy person calling herself Meaghan who is using this blog as a forum to post comments. I, however, think that this Meaghan character is hiding under a pseudonymn to protect her identity. I do admit that perhaps I have some enemies who might be interested in screwing with me on this blog. I've contacted the authorities and they have narrowed down the following suspects as the real "Meaghan." 1. Federico from WFMU-Federico has told me to my face that he hates the blog and the podcast. (ed. correction--Federico does not hate the blog or the podcast, but wants the podcast to be "tighter." Apologies to Federico who is not Meaghan and a good friend.) 2. Liev Schreiber-I've heard he's upset he hasn't been a guest on the podcast. 3. Katie Holmes-I did make fun of her zits. But, if she is "Meaghan," she can stop writing these messages because Todd and I both broke out after making fun of her. 4. Mr. Book-Maybe he went crazy after the Kentucky Derby? 5. John Carabino-He can't control his clients so he's taking it out on me. 6. Caroline-She is the one who did cut me out of the picture!
 Everyone is being so catty this week on nycbabylon and my person is feeling guilty because perhaps she has been kind of nasty recently. As you can see, I'm ignoring the harsh words and totally chilling on the chaise. I think you all should do the same.
 I must have one of these exotic Savannah cats! I think these even beat out Ligers! Someone asked me the other day if I was reading the new Thursday Style section in the Times, and when I confessed I wasn't, she must have called them and pitched this story. I want a Savannah NOW!
Today, I would like to clarify that I do not own a dog that has ever bit anyone. Also, if you do not like this blog or the podcast, please stop torturing yourself by listening and reading. I do not torture myself in this manner and I would not want to torture others who perhaps think I am a total waste of time as a human being. Although many people love and watch E.R., I don't because the show doesn't appeal to my tastes and sensibilities. And, for the record, my family owned dogs and the only person they ever bit was ME causing me to nearly lose an eye and a finger. These attacks were not funny and I do not like being accused of owning a biting dog, especially when this is completely a viscous lie insulting MJ Cat, who is clearly not a canine.
Last night I made a troubling discovery at my friend's house. As I was leaving, I noticed a nice photograph she has of herself with her friend Jordan who disappeared to Australia last year. Then I made the shocking discovery that she has physically CUT me out of the picture leaving only half of my body remaining! I returned from the bedroom to say goodbye but was unsure if I should say something. What could this mean? Here are the possibilities: 1. She likes Jordan better than she likes me which frankly doesn't make sense because he left the country and doesn't seem to be coming back. Also, he doesn't have any more designer discounts to offer while the presence of my company is priceless. 2. She was being sensitive that the photo was taken during my fat days and is actually being a good friend and destroying all fat images of me for public viewing. 3. She is embarrassed to be my friend in general so she cut me out! This can't be true though or she wouldn't have invited me to her house in the first place and besides, she's a loyal friend and doesn't really operate like that. It's all a puzzle. I'm not sure what this could mean, but if you ever cut me out of the picture, cut me out completely and don't shove half my body into the side of a frame. It's just too upsetting!
I have to give Renee some credit. She can gain and lose weight like nobody's business. She can go back to blonde with one simple dye job. And in the amount of time I've had a dish in the sink, she's met and married a new man! Wasnt' she just with Jack White yesterday?
I think it's all a conspiracy planned by her longtime manager John Carabino to detract detention from his other client Katie Holmes' acne/herpes riddled face.
 If you haven't listened to the Beware of the Babylon podcast before, this week be sure to download so you can hear the premiere of our new hit single "RIAA" which will be sure to be the summer dance hit of 2005. This week's breakthrough podcast comes from the Burger Joint in Le Parker Meridien. In it, you might just learn... - Is Rachel dating the Messiah? - What is and what is not a Motown song - Which Yu-Be you be - How much burgers sizzling sounds like tape hiss - How did Tom bring up Katie's unsightly cold sore to her face? Download here!
Over the weekend, I received a surprise message on the voicemail from a man I went on a blind date with in 1994. I haven't heard from him since but below is a transcript of the message he left for me out of the blue on Friday afternoon. The message is full of assumptions that I find slightly insulting and hilarious. Uh, hi...this your old friend/blind date Marc (last name edited). I'm calling you randomly after all these years because I'm working on a film production and only have two more scenes to shoot. I know you are hot to trot and might have some good insight into good locations in the Village. Unfortunately, most of my friends are married and moved to the suburbs. I hope you are well.
 Last week I discovered the Fountain of Youth. After receiving a free sample, I purchased a tube of Yu-Be, the best-selling medicated skin cream from Japan. Not only can Yu-Be eliminate fine lines and wrinkles, but it can soothe cuticles and tired feet. Yu-Be can also cure zits, roids and chapped lips. And I look like I'm 16 years old now. Thanks, Yu-Be!
 This year, I worked hard to make sure my person got a mother's day card in the mail. (Actually, I sent her two!) The poem in one was so touching, I wanted to share it with all you cat-owners out there: You feed me when I'm hungry.
You keep water in my dish.
You let me stare at you all day,
or longer if I wish.
You don't get mad whenever
I leave fur about the place.
You let me sleep most anywhere-
Your room, your bed, your face...
You cope with coughed-up hairballs
that are covered with my spit.
You always fill my litter box
so I can take a...well, you know.
You'll always have my loyalty,
until the bitter end,
'cause after all, it's plain to see...
You're truly my best friend!
Love,
MJ Cat
Tonight, I'm going to see New Order at the Hammerstein Ballroom. New Order has played the background for some significant background music for some influential experiences in my life. Going tonight is bringing back a couple of specific memories that are troubling: 1. My first kiss that included tongue took place to Temptation at Big City Under 21 Nite Club. This guy is now gay. 2. I went to see New Order with my close high school friends right after graduation at Merriweather Post pavilion. That was the first concert I drove to and we were very excited about seeing New Order along with the Sugarcubes and PIL. As New Order closed the night, people were lighting fires on the lawn and jumping over them. My friend Ed from school and drama club was getting especially dangerous with his fire behavior and was putting his arm in the fire. That was the second to the last time I ever saw Ed. He killed himself in his garage the following Thanksgiving.
It has come to my attention through certain contacts that someone I know well is secretly reading this blog, commenting on it profusely and forbidding our friends from telling me that he reads it (and that he also enjoys the podcast.) He is also spreading vicious rumors that Todd is the brain behind the podcast, which is totally false. Why can't he provide support to his friend (me)? Why does he need to keep all of this a big secret? Here are my initial thoughts: 1. He lost his mind from falling off his high horse one too many times. 2. He wishes he had a cat. 3. He's the agency and I'm the client. 4. I'm the prettier queen. 5. My tits are perkier.
 Today has been a shocking day. This Dateline Corey Clark interview accusing Paula Abdul must have the Idol producers' panties in a twist. What will happen to Paul tomorrow? Will she tell us straight up what really happened? Will this scandal overshadow Michael Jackson's trial? What will Simon Say? Will Pigface Savol claim to have bagged Paula in a hot tub? Rush, rush, Paul, with your side of the story!  Everyone knows I'm very careful about having my photograph taken and this photograph of Katie Holmes illustrates my biggest fears. Not that I have a weird herpe or bizarre mustache acne, but I wouldn't leave the house looking like this, especially when I've been in the public eye all week. I wonder if Tom likes her looking like this in the morning. Katie, get some Yu-Be to clear up all your skin problems!
Today I am writing about nothing and nobody because I don't want to get in trouble for writing how I feel about things and my life and my job and the men I meet because I am getting too much attention and people are reading this blog and I don't want to get in any more self-induced trouble today. I am going to go to Target and then go home and watch American Idol and keep to myself and not interact with anyone or talk on the phone or gossip or do anything that might get me in trouble.
 My apartment is notoriously messy and disorganized. This weekend, I went to this great store called The Container Store. There, I purchased a hanger especially made to hang silk scarves. I can't begin to tell you how long I've needed this piece of equipment. I've had scarves strewn around my apartment for over the past 15 years and now they are hung quietly in my closet. Thank you, Container Store.
 MAY DAY, MAY DAY!!!! On this week's infamous low-budget Beware of the Babylon podcast you shall learn: - how do I befriend celebrities? - Houston--gay or straight? - do you really need to ride the bus with your sister? - what does D.U.M.B.O. mean? - why is Fisher Price running the NY Waterways? -all about our special guest Seth Herzog's love of tabloid television
|
