Tuesday, May 24, 2005

I Wanna Be Pin Thin

I need to find a friend who wants to jump on the new trend in friend weight loss competition as outlined in this week's Star Magazine. Like Lindsay and Nicole or Calista and Portia or Jennifer and Courtney, I need to find somebody to become skeletal and underweight with as soon as possible. I have been too happy and comfortable and because of this pleasant mental state, I've gained 7 lbs. According to the "celebrity friend competition diet", for every 5lbs. one friend adds, the other one must lose three times as much to compensate for both of their temporary fatness. I figure I must now lose at least 21 lbs to obtain the bony body I secretly desire. I want to have a summer full of pickles, egg whites, sacrifice and denial. By August, I want to wear a thong bikini and for my friends to gasp when they see my new ultra-ultra-thin waistline, protruding ribs and razor-sharp shoulder blades. I want to see the look of disappointment on men who once loved my big round boobs which will have disappeared to small mounds of loose A-cup flesh. I don't have a friend to do this with yet, but the diet starts today. Wish me luck.

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