80th Oscar Awards Liveblog!

Welcome to my third annual Oscar Liveblog. I am celebrating tonight's Oscars by eating a bunch of Spanish delicacies in honor of the very sexy Javier Bardem. I will be snacking again on smoked oysters and Nutty Buddies. I'm wearing black leggings and a grey sweatshirt. I'll be updating frequently thoughout the broadcast so let the commenting begin!

Me gusta Javier Bardem!

8:05
I'm watching the preshows. There is so much red on the red carpet that it looks like Nancy Reagan is the new celebrity stylist of choice. Regis is making me very nervous. Oh my god, what in the hell happened to John Travolta's hair?

John Travolta or Count Chocula?


Anne Hathaway and Heidi Klum as styled by Nancy Reagan.


Tilda Swinton should plead guilty to this terrible Oscar look.
8:30
The show is starting and I'm so excited the Oscars are really happening! It was such a great year for movies including There Will Be Blood, Diving Bell and the Butterfly, No Country for Old Men, Eastern Promises and Juno. Plus, all my cinema boyfriends are there tonight including Javier Bardem, Viggo Mortensen and Daniel Day Lewis! I, however, am not so crazy about John Stewart as host. He better win me over.

I hope fellow blogger Diablo Cody wins a statue for best original screenplay!

8:38
John Stewart is not cracking me up. He needs the writing help of Bruce Villanch to help him with these jokes. I kind of miss Billy Crystal. Speaking of Oscars past, I also have to confess that I also really missed Melissa and Joan Rivers on the preshow. Is it me, or is Casey Affleck now the hotter of the Affleck brothers?

The Oscars are a whole new world for Marion Cotillard.
8:45
Elizabeth the Golden Age just won Best Costume Design. The movie sucked but had my favorite catchphrase for 2007 which was "My bitches wear my collar."
8:58
I was feeling the Oscars were off to a boring start until I saw that Eric Slovin is sitting behind Marion Cotillard. It's very disarming to see your imaginary boyfriends sitting with someone you actually went on a date with once. Why in the hell is he there and why didn't he ask me to be his date?
9:02
That Oscar montage was very lame. Also, every year I wait for some old person to go crazy during the telecast. This year, however, the person was not old. It was Katherine Heigel. Nancy Reagan must have gotten to her too.

Viggo, I thought you promised to be my date for the Oscars?



9:11

Well, it's been less than an hour and I've also spotted my nemesis John Carrabino sitting behind Johnny Depp. He at least looks better than he did the last time I saw him walking down Bleecker in a navy blue velour sweatsuit.



John Carrabino cleans up for the Oscars.
9:17
It's time for my boyfriend to win his Oscar for Best Supporting actor and he won! Time to break out the canned sardines!


Javier Bardem rightfully claims his Oscar while the sexy Josh Brolin cheers on!
9:25
These Oscar nominated songs suck. The best song of this year was Pop Goes My Heart from Music and Lyrics. I would have preferred to see Hugh Grant performing right now than this boring choir.


9:30
Any sympathy I had for the writers is now gone. The writing on this show sucks and wtf is this boring bee sequence? It was nice to see Owen Wilson looking healthy.

I would love to get on Owen Wilson's Darjeerling.
9:34
This best supporting actress award montage is sad because so many of these women have never relived their cinematic glory. Cate Blanchett deserves to win this year. She was amazing. I loved Ruby Dee in Jungle Fever. OMG, Ruby's also wearing Reagan red. I hate this little scary girl in the green dress from Atonement. I just realized that my ex is with Amy Ryan. I need to look this up on Wireimage immediately. Cate was robbed!

This is what MJ thinks about Jessica Alba.
9:47
Adapted screenplay is tough competition and now it seems that No Country For Old Men just may win Best Picture over There Will Be Blood. I have to say, this year is full of hunks at this event. Josh Brolin is devastatingly handsome and nice. I met him earlier this year at a BAFTA event.
9:55
This Kristen Chenowith number is totally sucking ass. I watched Across the Universe last Friday night which had some actual good dancing in it. This number needs some Debbie Allen in it ASAP!

10:05
I just dozed off for a minute. This year's Oscars are boring.


Who would you rather take to the Oscars? Me or Amy Ryan?
10:10
OK, finally we have Best Actress. Let's see who wins. I don't have a prediction although Laura Linney was fabulous in The Savages. Ellen Page looks cute. I wonder how her career will turn out. Marion wins and I get to see Slovin again. Why in the hell is he there?

Who invited HIM?
10:19
I thought Once was kind of boring and this song kind of sucks in a whiny way. The best Oscar song performance ever was when the late Elliott Smith sang Miss Misery. I wish Hugh Grant was singing right now or even that weird Kimya Dawson from the Moldy Peaches for Juno. This is as grating as Pilobolus. I need to check my facebook account now and put the TV on mute so I don't kill myself.

Jack Nicholson acts sober.
10:25
I kind of like this Best Picture Montage. The 1970s was a great decade for American cimema.
10:38
I'm a bad person. I just vacuumed during the Lifetime Achievement Award. All I caught was some very old dude wearing a scarf. I think men's tux scarves need to make a comeback.
10:43
I have not seen any of these foreign films but Penelope looks kind of cute in her bird dress.
10:47
I can't believe I'm sitting through another boring song from Enchanted. Also, wtf was wrong with Renee Zellwegger's hair? I think her manager Fatty C's bad taste is rubbing off on her. Oh good, here's John Chocula, I mean Travolta to present the award. I used to love him, but now he's a gay scary Scientologist.

Poor Rene.
10:55
I'm kind of afraid that Cameron Diaz' nipples are going to pop out of this dress. I like her dress though. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly was a great film and I hope it wins something but I'm happy There Will Be Blood won. That oil burning scene was unbelievable.

MJ contemplates the meaning of life during the death montage.
11:09
Am I crazy or was the score for There Will Be Blood NOT EVEN NOMINATED? WTF? That was the best score of the year and one of the most audacious of all time. This is even more bullshit than Pop Goes My Heart not being nominated. What the hell is wrong with the academy? Perhaps they are all under the wrath of Randy Newman and can't vote for worthwhile music. Oh god, it's Tom Hanks. I kind of hate Tom Hanks in the same way I hate George Clooney.
11:14
I love this woman showing real emotion for winner her Oscar for short documentary film. This is what the Oscars should be about!

For those of you who missed it, I found a clip of Jennifer Garner getting attacked by Gary Busey during the preshow.
11:29
My mother just called me to say that John Stewart sucks which I agree. She also thought Renee Zellwegger looked good which I disagree. She needs to gain her Bridget Jones weight back. She looks like she was squeezed out of a tube of toothpaste as my friend Adam used to say. Now, we are on to Best Actor. If Daniel Day Lewis doesn't win, I will lose all faith in the world. I'm not digging Helen Mirren's Dynasty dress this year. She's too classy for Bob Mackie. By the way, I have to give a shout out to the hot Johnny Depp who is another one of my cinematic fantasies.

There will be Daniel Day Lewis as Best Actor!
11:37
I'm entering to win Heidi Klum's Nancy Reagan dress on mycokerewards.com. I'm also really glad blogger and former stripper Diablo Cody won her Oscar. It gives me hope for the future.
11:42
Ok, we are at Best Director and this is a crapshoot although I predict the Cohen's will win although I'm a big Schnabel and PT fan. I was right. It's hard to beat the Cohens.
11:45
Finally, we are at Best Picture. No Country for Old Men was a great film during a great year for movies but I voted for There Will Be Blood. For those of you who didn't see No Country for Old Men, please watch Max's version called No Country for Old Cats which I can guarantee is not as boring as this year's awful Oscar telecast.

as seen on tv

Guest blogging is really hard, so sorry for the lack of updates here. Besides the fact that I'm a cat and it's, like, impossible to type with paws, there's not really a whole lot going on in the apartment right now other than ECCHC activities.

I am watching a whole lot of infomercials though. And by the time Rachel gets home, we'll be receiving the following great products to make our lives so much easier...



This is gonna feel good on my paws, and Rachel will be able to remove any calluses obtained in the name of fashion.






I really can't be on pest watch 24/7, so this little plug-in product better work. I need a break from the mice chasing. And frankly, they scare me.


I'm using this in the bathtub. Next year, Rachel's bringing me to Aruba. I'm going snorkeling.

the politics of the pussy

Now that Rachel's out of the house and on her little binge-drinking, scuba-diving, crazy-dancing Aruba vacation, I thought I would turn the apartment into campaign headquarters for the East Coast Cats for Hilary Clinton.

ECCHC (which is pronounced just as it sounds and sounds just like my hair-balls) will be working around-the-clock to ensure that our favorite candidate lands in the White House.

Hillary is clearly the most cat-friendly, and this country's great history of First Cats should not, and will not, be defeated. Furthermore, not since the days of Jimmy Carter's siamese Misty Malarky Ying Yang, has there been such potential for this level of pussy in the presidency. Make what you will of that last statement.

To help fund the ECCHC 08 operation, donations are gladly being taken in the form of a 10% proceed from all purchases of Todd's great There Will Be Coffee coffee mugs.

Meowingly yours,

MJ Cat

Off to Aruba

Me and ANP are headed off to our annual Blogger Girl convention in Aruba. The thing about Blogger trips is that we totally unwire and spend time with the fish and birds! MJ Cat will be Catblogging in my absence.

Finally the Underdog Wins! Go Uno!

As my friends and family know, I love Beagles! I had a little beagle named Stanley when I was a little girl and Uno looks just like him. So, I'd like to congratulate Uno the Beagle on winning Best in Show at Westminster! Howl!

Beware of the Babylon Third Anniversary Podcast

Celebrate the
THIRD ANNIVERSARY OF BEWARE OF THE BABYLON
live on tape from the
ANGELIKA FILM CENTER
Rather than flash back to past shows, we're bringing you a fresh episode with the following important topics:

* The fine line between Schnabel vs. Chic

* How to get great hairstyles in a hotel lobby

* Why rehab is out and the bin is in

* What we could have learned at an Ivy League

* How to dress for this year's BAFTA awards

* How not to read subtitles

As alway, this and every BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes here.

Or listen to our show at the office, when you should really be working....



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BAFTA Awards

I just returned from a BAFTA Awards East Coast party where the food was British and bad and the live feed was broken, so I don't have much to report except the following fashion comments.

Marion Cotillard is so hungry waiting for bad British food that she's ready to fly away back to the USA or Paris.

Thandie Netwon look stunning in a satin and lace dress that looks like she stole it right off the Carmen Marc Valvo runway show I saw in NYC on Friday.

Recession

A new film starring MJ Cat.

It Ain't Easy Being Green

On Sunday afternoon, I took a stroll through Chinatown where I had a $20 massage, ate some juicy pork buns and bought some new "designer" shades. I was feeling good and happy. As I walked past all the fruit, veggie and fish stands, I saw a bunch of people buying something out of a big garbage pail. I peeked in and to my surprise, I saw an entire bucket of live frogs being sold for food. While I am a carnivore, something about the slimy cute frogs staring up at me both scared the hell out of me and broke my heart at the same time. I ran home and forgot about the frogs until today when I realized that some anonymous person is out there fucking with my shit and good attitude. For you out there spreading your bad karma in the world, be warned. I'm not just some fucking frog trapped in a bucket for your lunch. This frog has legs and can jump.

Boys Gone Bad

In the past week, I've had two old hometown friends randomly send me photos of some of the highschool hunks from the Class of '89. I don't want to offend the guys by posting photos, but jesus christ, are we that old? I mean are we so old that we've had the time to gain 150lbs? Are we old enough that we actually have hair implants? Are we so old that we can't even recognize one another anymore on an elevator?

Favorite Super Bowl Ad

It takes a special ad to get me choked up over Budweiser.

Puppy Bowl Sunday!

While all you lamos are at some party watching the Super Bowl, Max and I are chilling out and watching Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl IV with Kitty Bowl halftime show. Meow!

I Left My Hair in Francisco!

I'm back from a long week of working non-stop for 11-days straight. I spent most of the week in Orlando at a work-related hair education event where I hung out with fabulous celebrity colorist Tracey Cunningham and her fun assistant Kay, my fun coworkers, and my new long-distance hair bf Francisco Villa. I actually cheated on my beloved hairstylist Chrystoph with Francisco in his hotel room at midnight where he chopped off all my hair to make me look more "sexy." If you are ever in Corpus Christi, Texas run and don't walk to see Francisco at his salon "Francisco's Salon de Belleza."

Say No, No, No to Celebrity Rehab?

In 2007, Rehab was the new black. Lohan, Winehouse and even Spears either spent their 28 days, said "no" or broke out of rehab. To capitalize on the trend, VH1 is airing it's third week of the the new reality show "Celebrity Rehab" with Dr. Drew. Celebrity Rehab is full of either f-list or people I've never even heard of in my life which means they must not be celebs at all. But, I admit to being addicted to Celebrity rehab, and probably need an intervention from watching it. There is something disturbing about any situation where Brigitte Nielson and Daniel Baldwin seem like voices of reason and Chyna Doll seems normal. I'm salivating over nerdy Dr. Drew like he's Dr. House. And, why in the hell is Jeff Conaway further humiliating himself after his disatrous turn on Celebrity Fit Club? Why is he in a wheel chair? How much are these celebrities getting paid to be on this show? Who is exploiting who here? Is Celebrity Rehab actually a genius concept where reality television deconstructs the genre and our obsession with celebrity culture or is it the most exploitive and disgusting television program ever? Discuss.

RIP Heath

Like many New Yorkers, I was sad to hear about the unexpected death of actor Heath Ledger today. I was reminded of the tragedies of River Phoenix and Kurt Cobain, both talents who died young from my generation. Todd and I had the pleasure of seeing Heath in person at a BAFTA event. My thoughts go out to his family during this sad and difficult time for the.

There Will Be Coffee Podcast!

BEWARE OF THE BABYLON is live on tape this week from
CAFE UN DEUX TROIS

After listening to this show, you'll surely want to buy one or two of Todd's THERE WILL BE COFFEE mugs by clicking here.

When not hocking mugs, we discuss:

* How you too can be "with" the band.

* Rachel's latent homophobia.

* Todd's shameless self promotion as he sells his coffee mugs.

* What missiles will look like if a woman lands the White House.

* Why we don't need no stinking WGA.

As alway, this and every BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes.

Or play it right here, right now...


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Babylon Alert

I have been very busy at work and tomorrow I have to go to a BAFTA pub quiz, so my blogging has been lazy. Max and I are healthy and happy and enjoying these first few weeks of 2008. 2007 ended on a strange note. Max almost got killed by a dog (actually his uncle dog) and I was eager for the horrible and stressful year to end. Now, we are having fun, meeting new people and getting our creative grooves back. Well, actually, that's just me. Max is just happy to be alive.

The Globes

Well, the Globes press conference was slightly brilliant and I wasn't really ready to live blog anyway. So, in spirit of Globes fashion, here is me, Wyndham and Chat in our Globes outfits. We're wearing a new couples trend called "British Lord and his Russian bride" chic. Eat your hearts out, Angie and Brad.

Big Black Hole Thursday

Here are a list of questions I just don't have answers for right now.

1. What the hell is wrong with the entire Spears family?
2. What does it mean if someone has "meth face?"
3. When will the WGA strike be over?
4. Will they cancel the Oscars?
5. What is the deal with Tom Cruise?
6. Why is the weather so warm in January?

Sinus Backup

My life is falling apart. My sinuses are completely stuffed and infected. And, the Golden Globes are cancelled and now I feel like I have nothing to live for anymore.

Riding of the Bulls

Wyndham and I are going tomorrow night to the Bull Riding Championships at Madison Square Garden! Eat your hearts out!

Citigroup Article of the Week

I know how my readers love reading about the bank aka Citi so I am going to link to a Citi story of the week.

This week learn about how Citi my take a $12billion write down. To learn more about this, click here.

Also, if you happen to see an ad above for a Citi Credit Card above or any other credit card offer, be sure to click on the link to learn more. (Please note that the lame advertising on this blog helps to support this site. Every click helps!)

New Year's Madame

Perez Hilton has jumped on the Babylon Madame bandwagon and pointed out that Posh aka Victoria Beckham put her Madame on as she stepped out for New Year's Eve.

No Country For Old Cats

MJ Cat meditates on the meaning of life, death and "home" as he is being hunted by the evil HW Dog.

Things I Hate 2007

It is that time of the year when I list all the things I hated in 2007.
1. When people I love die way before their time.
2. When people stop to tell me shoe is untied.
3. The use of the word "meh" to describe a mediocre emotion.
4. Having to enter a special code to post a comment on a blog.
5. The small wrinkles that are starting to form around the corner of my eyes.
6. The crazy BAFTA rsvp system
7. When people call sandwiches "sammies." If you are an adult, speak proper English.
8. Twentysomethings who think they can go from an entry-level job to becoming a VP in 3 months. Pay your dues, kids.
9. I hate when Max (my cat) purrs in my face at 4AM.
10. Guilt trips
11. People who think that the hours they stay in the office qualifies the work they perform. Depriving themselves of sleep, social lives and/or being a responsibile parent does not make an ideal corporate citizen.
12. This fucking pain that has developed in my left hip.
13. Not having a doorman
14. People who think text messaging counts as an actual conversation
15. Annual reviews
16. Going to the ER alone in the middle of the night
17. Pokes on Facebook. I don't get the point.
18. Going to the dentist
19. Airport delays
20. Hot dressing rooms.
21. When my friends have affairs with married men.
22. Tourists who stop in the middle of the sidewalk
23. The fact that airlines don't offer you anything to eat anymore
24. Talentless sisters trying to capitalize off the fame of their older siblings ala Jamie Lynn Spears and that Lohan sister.
25. mayo
26. ketchup
27. cheese
28. relish
29. My CVS pharmacist.
30. Men who don't have their shit together over the age of 35.
31. Pet abuse
32. Breakfast meetings
33. The new woman at my nail salon
34. George Bush
35. Allergies
36. When something new breaks right after I buy it.
37. The WGA strike!
38. The Hills
39. When Todd gets mad at me because I don't want to get up early to go to brunch. He's known me for over 10 years and we've NEVER had brunch so I don't know why he gets disappointed.

Best Films of 2007

Now that BAFTA season is officially over, I'm free to list my top 10 films of the year. This year was an amazing year for film and I'm hoping that the Writer's Strike ends so I can enjoy all the award shows! For the record, the worst film I saw this year was El Cantante.

1. There Will Be Blood
When I told PT Anderson that this film was "Citizen Kane good", he said that was the ultimate compliment. Plus, it stars Daniel Day Lewis as Daniel Plainview in this year's best role to do impressions of ala Billy Bob Thorton in Sling Blade. Seriously, it's an amazing film with an amazing performance by Daniel Day Lewis, a drop-dead score and the most audacious first fifteen minutes of a film I've seen in a very long time. It's the perfect film to come out at the end of the Bush presidency. I can't stop talking about it with Todd. Plus, when that oil well blows, I almost fell out of my seat.
2. I'm Not There
First of all, I'm a big fan of Bob Dylan. I've seen both DA Pennebaker's Don't Look Back documentary and Scorcese's No Direction Home and the only box set I've ever purchased was that of Bob Dylan. And, I read Dylan's own autobiography Chronicles. And, if I didn't have any background in Dylan, I probably wouldn't know what the hell was going on this film with six different actors playing different constructs of the public perception of Bob Dylan. What I do know is that Todd Haynes is an amazing director. Again, he deconstructs film genre as he did in Far From Heaven and the cult of personality as he did in Superstar and Velvet Goldmine. And, he totally deconstructs documentary film "narrative" in a fictional film. Plus, it's clear that Todd Haynes truly loves music. It's a Cinema Studies graduate's perfect kind of film to analyze and watch over and over again. Finally, Cate Blanchett totally blew my mind playing the best Bob Dylan ever.
3. No Country for Old Men
This film was number one my list until I saw the two above. It's a fabulous horror film with Javier Bardem playing the scariest villain since Hannibal Lechter.
4. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
I loved this inspirational, funny and yet tragic film about the former editor of French Elle who becomes paralyzed into "locked in" syndrome and writes his biography by blinking one eye. I know this sounds crazy but you have to see this!
5. The Namesake
Mira Nair is an amazing filmmaker. I cried at the end. It's just as good as the book and I immediately went for Indian food after leaving the theater.
6. Before the Devil Knows Your Dead
This is just good old fashioned cinematic story telling at it's best. Ethan Hawke makes a comeback in this year's most underrated performance.
7. Darjeerling Limited
I'm a big fan of Wes Anderson. I found this film funny, moving and representing the current GenX sentiment. I also really want that luggage! I also bought the soundtrack.
8. Eastern Promises
I saw this film three times in the theater due to my love of Viggo. The bathhouse scene is fantastic. This was really the most entertaining film of the year. Cronenberg keeps getting better and better.
9. Zodiac
All year long, I've been telling everyone how awesome and enthralling this film was which was released early in the year about the Zodiac Killer. The film's length, rhythm and style all perfectly reflects the mystery.
10. Things We Lost in the Fire
I was deeply affected about this film about grief and addiction. Benicio del Toro is again amazing in this one. I cried all the way home.

My New Film

I skipped BAFTA and OSCARS tonight to experiment with my new Flip. Here's the result.

Bollywood Thriller

Father on Flickr

Nothing scarier than finding your father tagged on flickr looking thrilled to be at his 45th high school reunion. See how he looks like Frances Ford? Now, you can see where I get 1/2 my good looks from!

del Barco Sighting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life is strange. Tonight, I walked into the downtown Bloomingdales and the first person I see standing closest to the door in front of the Dior counter, is Andy del Barco pushing a baby stroller! He looked the same and was immediately recognizable. I was flustered, considering the last post I wrote on this blog was about him. I told him that I was just writing about him, and became slightly flustered because I was a little freaked out about the coincidence, and clearly, had no idea what the hell I was talking about.

I was going to take his photo but he didn't want me to but I did get his email address. Since Tim died, I've been feeling that the plot of life just doesn't make sense anymore. Everything that has happened to me since June has just been a series of quick images and nonlinear events. Yet, somehow, this coincidental siting puts my faith back into the meaning of life. While someone (perhaps trivial) from my past, Andy represents the optimism I once had when I first came to NYC in 1992. Perhaps seeing Andy with his beautiful family shopping in Bloomies is some kind of sign that my life has some kind of plot and meaningful future.

Andy Del Barco Update

Back in the late 90s, I posted my first web page which was a page dedicated to one of my first friends I made in NYC. His name was Andy DelBarco and he worked in the Visitor Services Department with me at the Museum of Television and Radio during the summer of 1992. Before I became a corporate nerd, I often used to run into DelBarco in the East Village and in the NYC art scene. Then, I forgot about him until today, thanks to the magic of Google another old friend of DelBarco sent me an email that he was also looking for him. He also sent me some fabulous still of Andy circa 1984. So, Andy if you Google your name and find yourself here, email me. People need an update!

Youth Without Youth Premiere

At certain times in my life, I realize that great experiences and opportunities that are available to me as I live in NYC. Tonight I was invited to attend the premiere of Francis Ford Coppola's first film in 10 years Youth Without Youth at the Paris Theater. As I sat in the same row as the Godfather himself, I have to confess, I felt a little starstruck. While the movie was no Apocalypse Now, I did feel Coppola was channeling his inner Lynch. I can't really explain the plot except two people get struck by lightening and then some funky stuff happens to their bodies and souls and people start speaking in Sanskrit, grow second sets of teeth and have doppelgangers following them around. Oh, and they are running from the Nazis and dreaming of Shiva. I don't think this film will be as successful as his last vintage, but as a Cinema Studies graduate, I feel a little more complete having sat in a theater with FFC himself which was kind of like the time I saw Steven Spielberg power walking in East Hampton.

The One Macy's Friends and Family Cast

BEWARE OF THE BABYLON is live on tape from
the Macy*s Friends and Family sale...
Join us for a brand new show featuring:

* An all-star blogger Macy*s gathering featuring Perez Hilton, Trent Vargas, Arianna Huffington, Todd and Rachel.

* Todd's deceptively delicious brownie revelation.

* Rachel's latest shit-your-pants movie review.

* Gossip Girl and other Government conspiracies.

* Fool proof tips on holiday regifting.

* Another trip to the scariest place at Christmastime - Santaland

As alway, this and every BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes.

Joan Van Ark or Madame?

A Spice Girls Xmas

I don't know where my closest Tesco is, but I sure want to buy some pudding there thanks to the Spice Girls!

My Meat Plate

Please behold one of my best holiday meat plates EVER!

The Savages Review

Last night, I saw the new film The Savages. I can't say it was the greatest movie I saw this year, but it has stayed with me today. The movie stars Laura Linney and Philip Seymour Hoffman as siblings who have to put their father into a nursing home. The thing is, neither sibling really had a relationship with their father who abandonded them and are torn between emotions of obligation, loss and guilt. Laura Linney's character is a neurotic self-obsessed survivor living in New York with her cat. (I kind of related to her.) PSH plays a drama professor living in Buffalo who can't commit to his Polish girlfriend. Both performances were amazing, and the script had some killer dialogue such as, "This isn't therapy. This is real life." There is also a hilarious exchange where the siblings equate their father's situation to the Emergency Alert system determining that their father's situation is in "yellow" status. Yet, as I watched the film, I kept thinking about how every year my family argues about going to the Lancaster Outlet malls on Black Friday. I used to enjoy the outlets, but now the outlets don't sell outlet clothes. They just sell cheap crap that is manufactured for the outlets and while I can find something good sometimes, I don't enjoy the experience as much as I used to ten years ago. The Banana Republic outlet sells last season's styles replicated in cheap single ply fabrics. I'd prefer to do my discount shopping at H&M and Target where the bargains are genuine and not pretending to be something they are not. Somehow, I always still wind up on the outlet trip, despite my better judgement. Inevitably, I always get really cranky at the outlets and this results in a family fight where we yell at and insult each other's life choices, fashion sense and finally, each other's weight. Jabs can include everything from "Why are you so angry?" to "I hate you" to "Well, since you put on weight...." And, I'm always the bad guy because I didn't want to go to the fucking outlets in the god damned first place. After the outlet trip, The Savages drama seemed slightly obvious and trivial to me. I think my family status is in Orange.

Dancing with the Stars

I admit that I am not watching The Dancing With the Stars finale. And, now that Marie Osmond is voted off, I don't care who wins. It's not that Marie deserved to win, but she tried so damned hard that I kind of wanted her to take the "glory."

Pissed

OK, I've been really pissed off since I had to drag my ass to the ER by myself a week ago in the middle of the night. Going to the ER alone is a very sad and lonely experience. You face your death and realize that nobody is present to even share your last moments with you.

Plus, I'm mad at someone else, but I'm too mad to talk about it right now. I don't like feeling this angry. It's not attractive.

Talking Cats

OK, this is the cutest thing I've seen in awhile.

Barely Breathing

So, last night my peak flow went below 200 at around 1:30AM so I had to haul my ass over to St. Vincent's ER. Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than going BY YOURSELF to the ER in the middle of the night. They admitted me immediately and hooked me up to the nebulizer pronto. My bed was between one drunk guy vomitting and another guy getting a catheter who didn't speak English. I felt like the supermodel of patients. Also, there was no McDreamy or McSteamy or Dr. Ross present. Now, I'm home and breathing and realizing I don't want to die alone.

The Bachelor

OK, I'm sick AGAIN with a cold and I'm watching The Bachelor and this Austin asshole Brad is actually not picking EITHER woman. I mean this is the fucking Bachelor and I'm wasting two hours of my life to see this asshat actually choose someone and instead it's like real life and not what "reality tv" is supposed to be. It's full of confusion, false promises and "grey" matter. I could write about my own life, but you could just watch the series finale of the Bachelor instead and I'll spare you the drama.

Writer's Strike Late Night Break

It may be the writer's strike, but that doesn't mean you can't go back in time (thanks to YouTube) and watch some of the greatest moments in TV history.

Warning: If you are a homosexual male, you may spontaneously combust when you watch this clip.

Bandar's Bitch

One of my new adult qualities is my ability to talk about fashion, celebrity gossip and now, financial services. A couple of days ago I wrote how fucked up Citi is and about Chuck Prince's resignation. Now, that I'm in the world of beauty, I feel freer to write about the crazy state of the bank.

When I was at Citi, I was ready to propose a credit car incentive program where customers could redeem points to donate money to their favorite environmental cause. Management told me I had to be very careful about the "cause" aspect because of Saudi Prince Alwaleed who owns part of Citi. For example, if the cause was environmental, Alwaleed could get word of it and get pissed off because he's Saudi and has ties to oil and oil hurts the environment and my program would just be one big mess of corporate hypocrisy. I could never remember Alwaleed's name so I just called him Prince Bandar and the project became known as "Project Bandar." In any case, after reading this interview with Prince Bandar aka Alwaleed, I realized that Prince was Bandar's bitch. In any case, Project Bandar never even made it through one round of paper passing and any profit the bank makes in the future will continue to make the Prince richer.

More Entertaining Than El Cantante

Bobby Brown Where Are You?

As most of you know, Tyra Banks did an entire show about vaginas the other day. I'm going to channel my inner Tyra and talk about another taboo topic which is constipation. I've been regular my entire life but due to some stress and some antibiotics, I found myself painfully constipated last night. Don't read on if scat talk freaks you out.

I felt that I had to go, but I just couldn't get it out. The stool was stuck in my rectum. I wasn't sure if I should go to the emergency room so I Googled my problem and could find very little information about what I should do. The only information out there is for babies, seniors and pregnant people. I think this indicates most people are too embarrassed to discuss stuck stools, but it turns out that this is a pretty common ailment. I tried a suppository and two Exlax with little success. I was kind of wishing Bobby Brown would stop by and help me out, as he did famously with Whitney Houston. So, I called my doctor today and told him my issue. He told me to use a Fleet enema which solved the problem. So, if you are in the situation I was in last night and are googling, "I have a stool stuck in my rectum" and get to this site, go get an enema. It works.

Chuck Prince Gets Druskined

Today was a big news day for me. First of all, my former boss Chuck Prince resigned from Citi. Last year, when Robert Druskin was brought in the bank to create a "cost cutting" program, we referred to our unfortunate colleagues who lost their jobs as being "Druskined." The truth is, as Prince will admit, the bank just is too big and has too many layers. Citi wants to service clients and be innovative but they are too slow to market because there are just too many people who have to sign a piece of paper.

For example if nycbabylon was a Citi site, I would have to have at least 10 signatures each time I wanted to add a blog entry. And, those 10 signatures would require days of negotiation since every stakeholder would have his or her opinion which I would have to debate and defend my own choices. Plus, I'd have to have the entire negotiation in writing and with screenshots to show how choices were made so that I wouldn't get nailed during the quarterly audit. So, by the time I'd want to comment on the new Spice Girls album, Posh would already be in her grave. This sounds ridiculous, but this is a problem, especially for marketers where customer's needs are in constant change in today's rapidly changing world. I saw a lot of talented people with great ideas take their talent elsewhere simply because they were spending more time walking around with a piece of paper than being able to do their actually work.

Let's Make the Headlines

OK, it's been 10 years and I confess, I love the Spice Girls.

Happy Halloween!

If I ever get a kid, I'm dressing him or her as Prince for Halloween.

Things to Do While in Line at Trader Joe's

Yesterday, I ventured to Trader Joe's on the worst night of the week to go there. If you find yourself stuck in line at Trader Joe's for 45 minutes on the a Sunday night, here are some ways to pass the time.

1. Shop. Ask the hipster captain staff or whatever they are called to get the shit you need while you wait in line.
2. Watch Gossip Girl on your new iPod Video Nano. Think about how you wish you were rich enough to have a private chef so you don't have to stock up on cheap Trader Joe's frozen foods on a Sunday night.
3. Read Self magazine. I'm always behind on my Self, and I love to catch up at Trader Joe's.
4. Call your ex boyfriend and ask him what he's doing. You can hang up on him when the one of the hipster captain staff people drops some pita in your cart.
5. Call your mother. She'll be glad to hear your saving money and buying actual groceries rather than eating out every night.

Happy Birthday ANP!

I'd like to wish a very happy birthday to fellow blogger, dear friend, travel companion and whacko Anittah! Anittah is the only friend and person I know who has the balls to jello wrestle, walk out of a crappy job without another one, match her travel tracksuit to her suitcase and wear a white pornkini to a Halloween party dressed up as a "douchebag." Despite the tough exterior, she's an amazing friend who is always around to share a meal and a laugh, provide insightful advice, go to Aruba and have some honest to god fun. Plus, she really came through for me this year when I had a very tough time. I will always be grateful to her for that.

So, crazy Anittah! I love you and look forward to having more laughs, tears and memories as you enjoy finally being OVER 30!

Win a Date with NYCBABYLON and Jimmy Carter Contest!

My family and old friends know of my fascination with President Jimmy Carter. My first comedy routine in the late 70s actually involved a Carter impression and a song I wrote about the Iran hostage crisis sung by my Carter character. (I have this on a cassette tape somewhere as proof.) I've also been a long-time Jonathan Demme fan as well, so imagine how excited I am to see the new documentary Jimmy Carter: Man from Plains directed by Demme which is being released this weekend.

To celebrate, I'm hosting a contest where one lucky winner will be able to attend a white tie benefit in Washington D.C. where he/she will be able to escort me to a star-studded event where we will actually be able to meet Jimmy Carter in person. To enter, please send an essay of why you love Jimmy Carter and why you have lust in your heart for me. This is not a joke.

Who Would You Rather Wednesday

They Called it Wild Fire

Just in case you were worried about how the rich and famous are reacting to the CA wildfires, click here. It's nice to know the addicts staying at Promises are all safe now.

Marie Osmond Falls on Her Ass: The Video!

Dancing With the Stars: Marie Osmond Collapses!

Marie Osmond just totally passed out on Dancing with the Stars! This was exciting TV!

Update

I've been out celebrating Viggo's 49th birthday and haven't been able to blog. Actually, I've been thrown on my ass with a nasty cold/flu and haven't been able to get out of bed. I, however, have so much I need to comment on and Todd and I have been too busy to do the podcast, so here's the lowdown:
1. I can't believe Dumbledore is a 'mo. I wonder what other imaginary characters are going to come out of the closet. Is Judy Blume going to out Fudge?
2. While I find it fascinating that Jessica Seinfeld gave Oprah 21 pairs of "thank you" shoes and that she may be the James Frey of cookbooks, I find it most interesting that this is all over a cookbook trying to fool kids into eating veggies. This is a woman who tries to pull one over on her own children by deceiving them into eating food they don't like. One time my mother tried to force me to eat stuffed shells by shoving them down my throat and while this was upsetting at the time, I now appreciate she didn't try to hide them in a brownie.
3. I am upset about Ellen DeGeneres and the Iggy scandal and I'm praying someone doesn't come to my house to confiscate Max.
4. I got my flu shot a week and half ago so why is it that I now have the flu?
5. The weather is starting to really freak me out. Why is it still summer and what is going on with those wild fires in CA? I'm now more afraid of Mother Nature than Bid Laden.
6. I don't understand how Lohan found a bf in rehab. Aren't you supposed to stay single for your first year in the program?
7. What the hell is wrong with Britney Spears and why does she eat so much fast food in public? I only sneak my fast food when nobody is watching. Maybe Britney should call Jessica who can help her sneak her junk food into a carrot.

Sex and the City Movie Update

Tonight I was a guest on the Sex and the City movie set. I met director Michael Patrick King who told me I had a "business handshake." I didn't uncover any plot details except Miranda has moved to Chinatown and is bummed out and alone on New Year's Eve so Carrie goes to visit her wearing her trademark fur coat, pajamas and a Madamesque silver sequined turban. Carrie also had dark brown hair. There is also a pit bull in the movie and his trainer looks like Fabio.

That's all I've got.

Mad Money

OMG. I just saw a preview for the new movie called "Mad Money" starring Katie Holmes, Latifah and Diane Keaton. This movie looks just plain terrible. Also, for those of you care, Jessica Seinfeld gave Oprah 21 pairs of designer shoes thanking her for promoting her cookbook on her show. Like Katie Holmes, it is amazing what a rich celeb husband can do for your career. Comments?

Tuned Out

In the past week, I was given a Blackberry and a new iPod Video Nano. Now, as my mother pointed out, I never have to have a human conversation again. So, in light of my new adjustment to my new job and to my new electronics, I'd like to send the following shout-outs to my friends:

1. Chris and Lynn--Congrats on the birth of Emmett!
2. Erik and Jason--Sorry for not calling you in Chicago! I was over scheduled and breaking out.
3. Adie and Shauna--Please invite me over to see the babies! I'm not comfortable with dropping in unannounced.
4. ANP--Congrats on the new job!
5. Scott-I miss you as my boss!
6. Kristen-Can't wiat to see your new pad. Say hi to Cookie for me!
7. Laura and Chris and Erik and Lori--We must get together soon!

That's it for now.

No Country for Old Men Event

I love Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem. The movie was fabulous too.

Pageant Flashback

I love the talent portion of pageants and this particular routine reminded of some girl from Jr. Miss who did cartwheels in an Uncle Sam costume with her clarinet and then went into a Yankee Doodle Dandy solo.

No Country for Old Women

I've been so busy with work and BAFTA, that I haven't had a second to blog. But, now I'm back and here's some of the things I've learned over the past week.

1. Josh Brolin is one of the best looking men on the planet.
2. Negative customer reviews on your web site can actually have a positive impact on your business.
3. Max does like other cats.
4. Ann Taylor is not my favorite store, but is the best store to buy suits on sale.
5. David Cronenberg is smart and interesting in person.
6. O'Hare airport sucks just as much as LaGuardia.
7. Chicago is cold.
8. Virgin Orchid is my new favorite Essie nail color.
9. There is a genre of music inspired by Harry Potter called "Wizard Rock."
10. Tommy Lee Jones is cool.

Things We Lost in the Fire Review

I had no expecatations about the new Halle Berry film Things We Lost in the Fire and only attended the screening because it stars my lusted-after Benicio del Toro. I, however, did not anticipate how raw and moving this film turned out to be. I cried thw entire way home. I went in without any knowledge about the film so I will not spoil it for you except to say that Benicio's performance is incredible and at times, he actually seemed to be channelling James Dean. He may have won my BAFTA vote over Viggo. I can't decide so whoever calls me first and takes me to dinner will win my support.

The Power of Darkness

Tonight, Wyndham and sat through three hours of the Tolstoy play "The Power of Darkness" at the Mint Theater which was a very long three hours of our lives. And you thought "War and Peace" was long? It reminded me of House of Sand and Fog in that I hated every character in the entire play. I felt like I was sitting through the entire Russian Revolution. The play was so devoid of humor that I was forced to laugh out loud when the lead throws a newborn baby down a shaft. The lead, however, who Wyndham used to babysit, was hot and did have a leading man spark. Hopefully, his next job will be a better showcase for his looks and talent.

More interesting than the play was the 90+ crowd that filled the audience. I mean, these theater fans were so old that we felt we were in a morgue. I'm not exaggerating. During the intermission, we had to go into the hallway and discuss the audience more than the play.

To All the Boys I've Loved Before...

Over the past few weeks, I've been receiving desperate phone and text messages from men I was interested in the past. Actually, it was so far in the past that I've actually moved on and don't really think about them so much anymore. Now, that I've started a new job and prioritized some life goals, I must tell you guys, you are not at the top of my list anymore. I still like you as a friend and we can meet up one day but you seem to forget that there was a time, you broke my heart. You have a lot of nerve to leave me whiny messages about how I haven't called you back because I'm "too important" now or too busy to see you right now. And the truth is, I'm swamped and don't want to play your game of pursuit-withdrawal right now. So, simply, in my busy life right now, you are just not at the top of my call list. As you told me when you were a dick to me three years ago, "It's not you, it's me."

Darjeerling Limited Film Review

This may sound bizarre, but Wes Anderson's new film Darjeerling Limited left me with the same raw empathy that I felt as I finished Joan Didion's book Year of Magical Thinking. His most moving and raw movie to date, Darjeerling Limited is a cinematic meditation about grief, especially the loss of a parent. Each brother (played by Owen Wilson, Adrian Brody and Jason Schwartzman) try to reconcile the meaning of their own lives as they reunite on a train ride through rural India after being frozen by grief after the death of their father.

Although often criticized for filling emotional spaces with gags, jokes and with the right song, Anderson's films actually chronicle how many of his (my)Gen X peers actually "deal" with painful reality. And, I argue that perhaps you have to be Gen X to really "get" Anderson's films and to be on the same emotional inexplicable wavelength as we soundtrack and dramatize our emotional lives. Defined as apathetic, cynical, disaffected and slackers, Generation X has surprised our critics by becoming successful, motivated and innovative and yet we are still catching up emotionally with our own outward success.

Darjeerling is a movie about emotional recovery from devastating loss and literally letting go of your baggage, something that becomes more profound as you reach your mid to late 30s . We each bring our experiences as we watch films, and perhaps grief is an emotion so close to me right now (and a new one at that) that I couldn't be helped from being very affected by this film. Owen Wilson's character Francis is literally held together by bandages after facing his own near-death experience. (Yes, you think about poor Owen's own brush with death throughout the film.)

Tonight at the BAFTA Q&A when asked what the film meant, Anderson responded quoting Harold Pinter about how what you see and what is written speaks for itself and it's not Anderson's job to tell you what the film means and for your to draw your own conclusions. So, I'm going to eat some chicken tikka, burn some incense and meditate on how much I love Wes Anderson movies.

Viggo Update

So, Katie Holmes fantasized about Tom Cruise and now they are together. Well, I'm serious about my quest for Viggo Mortensen. Viggo, I want you. Call me. You won't be sorry.

Oh No Winona

OMG. I'm the same age as Winona Ryder. Do I look this old?