The 2009 Golden Globes Madame Award

It's that special post-awards show moment where I name the celebrity that most embodies the glamour and spirit of the greatest puppet of all time-Madame!

Golden Globes Liveblog

10:59
Why isn't The Wrestler nominated? I knew Slumdog would win. I'm taking a bath. See you at the Oscars.


Mickey is more than just a piece of old meat. He's a Globes winner!

10:54
I am tearing up from Mickey Rourke's speech. I love a comeback and his performance was amazing. I also have to say that I was about three inches away from Rourke during a BAFTA event and I still can't tell you what's up with his face.

10:45
I just want to bitch that I agree it's not fair that the biggest awards are last and then the producers cut off acceptance speeches. I'm starting to get tired. I'm hoping Rourke wins.



Kate wins two Globes and professes her "love" for Leo.
10:36
Is anyone out there agreeing with me that Marisa Tomei looks fabulous? I don't like this dress the Slumdog woman is wearing. I am digging Cameron's haircolor. I think Kate forgetting Angelina has been a highlight of tonight. I remember the first time I saw Kate in Heavenly Creatures. Angelina even looks touched.


Rita Wilson wears a big fat ugly getup to the Globes.

10:28
"There's that asshole Borat." That's what my mother said just said Sascha Baron Cohen appeared onscreen. I just again had to explain that there are two categories for comedy and drama. I'm glad Vicky Cristina Barcelona won. It's on my top 10 list of 2008. Letty Aronson is Woody Allen's sister in case you don't know that. She also used to work at MOTAR.

10:16
After seeing Sigourney and Emma, I agree that we need more films with these older fabulous actresses. I, however, am not a big Sandra Bullock fan or of her dress. Where is Javier Bardem? Is he hiding out with Brolin? I didn't see In Bruges.


9:55
It's time for the lifetime achievement award. My favorites are E.T. and The Color Purple.

Duchovny is two degrees from NYCBABYLON.

OK, Duchovny is still married? I thought he and Tia broke up when he was sent to the sex addiction clinic? Also, for the record, I've never met Duchovney but I'm seperated by him by two degrees. I used to take dance class with Krawkoski who just presented him and many years ago my neighbor used to date him. Tina's dress looks good but there is something funky about ther hair and makeup.

9:35
Tina Fey is wearing a very sexy dress. Tracey Morgan is hilarious but Jeff Zucker doesn't look amused. Did anyone else read about the SAG blacklist? Where is Brolin? Is he too mad to attend? Or was he banned? I thought of Brolin because like Brosnan, he's devastatingly handsome. Also, where is Sean Penn?


Neither my mother or MJ cared for Sally Hawkin's acceptance speech although neither of them saw the film.
9:24
I only recently fired Grey's and started watching 30 Rock and I have to confess, it's really great television. For those watching the ads, I wear the Laetitia Casta shade of L'Oreal star secrets lipstick.


I need exact details to follow Seth Rogan's diet.
9:15
Is it me or does Emma Thompson look fabulous? Where are Cate Blanchett and Nicole Kidman? I would like Maggie's dress better without that print. I wore a big shoulder bow on my dress to the senior prom so I'm biased towards that silouhette.

8:55
Demi looks beter than Rumor and I was getting my chicken out of the slow cooker and didn't get a photo of Drew! Tom Cruise is with his mother. Where's Katie? Deserved but very sad win for Heath and now I'm choked up.


Do it for Johnny.
8:37
Ricky Gervais is never going to break through to American audiences. I think he's funny but the average Miley Cyrus fan will just not appreciate Ricky. He's like Eddie Izzard and the fact the Jonas Brothers followed him, shows my point. The Jonas Brothers make me feel old. Johnny Depp makes me feel lusty. Sally Hawkins is freaking out she beat Streep and Thompson. My mother just called me and once again I had to explain that the foreign press divides comedy and drama into two categories because she thought Sally Hawkins acted like a "jerk. She's a damned a movie star. She should be able to talk."



Rene does not have me at hello.
8:27
I don't understand Eva Mendes. Is she talented? Why is she on this show? I've never seen her on TV or in a movie. If I could have any job in the world, I'd want to be President of the Hollywood Foreign Press. Man, I love Gabriel Byrne. Where in the hell is he? I always used to see him looking haggard walking down Bleecker.

8:07
For the record, the TV stars I can't stand are Eva Longoria and Simon Baker. Simon Baker just looks creepy to me. Someone who is out to get me just put them on the stage at the same time. Did anyone see Neil Patrick Harris on SNL last night where he made a great Piven joke?


What in the hell happened to Sting? At least Bruce looks the same and his song won!



JLo forgets we are entering the Great Depression in her lame gown.
8:00
The show is starting. Jay from ANTM is going crazy over Drew's Galliano dress. I'm all about her hair. I think that she really caught me so offguard, she's my favorite. I love a fashion surprise. JLo looks like Hannukah gelt. We're on to Best Supporting Actress. I want Penny to win. She rocked in Vicky Christina Barcelona but Marissa is my favorite over 40. And the winner is....Kate! Wow, I'm surprised although I love Kate.


Drew and Jessica debate. Hot messes or fabulous? I think I want to do my hair like that for my sister's wedding.


Kate Winslet demonstrates real glamour. I also think Leo is still hot.

7:31
Jolie just got out of the van with Brad but Kate Winslet demonstrates perfect hair and makeup. Myley Cyrus was just on and I just don't get it.


Maggie shares an uncomfortable moment in an unfortunate dress during the preshow.

7:19
Finally, an uncomfortable red carpet moment. Ryan just asked Maggie Gyllenhaal about the death of Heath Ledger. She's wearing a very strange ruffly leopard print Lanvin dress and basically answered that she didn't want to talk about her "dead friend" during the Globes. Then, Ryan put his foot in his mouth and they went straight to David Duchovny but unfortunately they didn't ask him about his sex addiction. OMG. Drew Barrymore is wearing a Marilyn Monroe costume and promoting Grey Gardens with Jessica Lange. Drew's look is freaking me out. I need to find a photo.


7:11

Brooke Adams breaks out her Slumdog Millionaire look.

7:06
The preshow on E! is BORING. TV stars in general are boring. Susan Sarandon just showed up looking good but I could give a rat's ass about Eva Longoria.

Rumor Willis is this year's Miss Golden Globes. She's also now a redhead.


Lisa Edelstein from House vies for this year's Madame Award.

6:00 PMWelcome to my liveblog coverage of the 2009 Golden Globes! Stay tuned as I comment on the winners and fashions. I'm watching the preshow right now and it's the boring cast of Slumdog Millionaire. I'm waiting for the big stars to arrive and will be keeping you posted. For those of you who don't know, I'm all about Mickey Rourke and as always, Angelina Jolie.

Where in the hell are Joan and Melissa? Why am I stuck watching Lisa Rinna and Jay from ANTM?

Best Dressed at the Emmy's

Even I was bored and only half watching the Emmy's so I'm giving my best dressed award to my somtimes neighbor Perrey Reeves who was the only person I know personally at this year's broadcast. I applaud for not wearing black and looking so smoking. Girls, eat lots of veggies and do a lot of Yoga and you can look at as good as this broad when you're 40ish.

80th Oscar Awards Liveblog!

Welcome to my third annual Oscar Liveblog. I am celebrating tonight's Oscars by eating a bunch of Spanish delicacies in honor of the very sexy Javier Bardem. I will be snacking again on smoked oysters and Nutty Buddies. I'm wearing black leggings and a grey sweatshirt. I'll be updating frequently thoughout the broadcast so let the commenting begin!

Me gusta Javier Bardem!

8:05
I'm watching the preshows. There is so much red on the red carpet that it looks like Nancy Reagan is the new celebrity stylist of choice. Regis is making me very nervous. Oh my god, what in the hell happened to John Travolta's hair?

John Travolta or Count Chocula?


Anne Hathaway and Heidi Klum as styled by Nancy Reagan.


Tilda Swinton should plead guilty to this terrible Oscar look.
8:30
The show is starting and I'm so excited the Oscars are really happening! It was such a great year for movies including There Will Be Blood, Diving Bell and the Butterfly, No Country for Old Men, Eastern Promises and Juno. Plus, all my cinema boyfriends are there tonight including Javier Bardem, Viggo Mortensen and Daniel Day Lewis! I, however, am not so crazy about John Stewart as host. He better win me over.

I hope fellow blogger Diablo Cody wins a statue for best original screenplay!

8:38
John Stewart is not cracking me up. He needs the writing help of Bruce Villanch to help him with these jokes. I kind of miss Billy Crystal. Speaking of Oscars past, I also have to confess that I also really missed Melissa and Joan Rivers on the preshow. Is it me, or is Casey Affleck now the hotter of the Affleck brothers?

The Oscars are a whole new world for Marion Cotillard.
8:45
Elizabeth the Golden Age just won Best Costume Design. The movie sucked but had my favorite catchphrase for 2007 which was "My bitches wear my collar."
8:58
I was feeling the Oscars were off to a boring start until I saw that Eric Slovin is sitting behind Marion Cotillard. It's very disarming to see your imaginary boyfriends sitting with someone you actually went on a date with once. Why in the hell is he there and why didn't he ask me to be his date?
9:02
That Oscar montage was very lame. Also, every year I wait for some old person to go crazy during the telecast. This year, however, the person was not old. It was Katherine Heigel. Nancy Reagan must have gotten to her too.

Viggo, I thought you promised to be my date for the Oscars?



9:11

Well, it's been less than an hour and I've also spotted my nemesis John Carrabino sitting behind Johnny Depp. He at least looks better than he did the last time I saw him walking down Bleecker in a navy blue velour sweatsuit.



John Carrabino cleans up for the Oscars.
9:17
It's time for my boyfriend to win his Oscar for Best Supporting actor and he won! Time to break out the canned sardines!


Javier Bardem rightfully claims his Oscar while the sexy Josh Brolin cheers on!
9:25
These Oscar nominated songs suck. The best song of this year was Pop Goes My Heart from Music and Lyrics. I would have preferred to see Hugh Grant performing right now than this boring choir.


9:30
Any sympathy I had for the writers is now gone. The writing on this show sucks and wtf is this boring bee sequence? It was nice to see Owen Wilson looking healthy.

I would love to get on Owen Wilson's Darjeerling.
9:34
This best supporting actress award montage is sad because so many of these women have never relived their cinematic glory. Cate Blanchett deserves to win this year. She was amazing. I loved Ruby Dee in Jungle Fever. OMG, Ruby's also wearing Reagan red. I hate this little scary girl in the green dress from Atonement. I just realized that my ex is with Amy Ryan. I need to look this up on Wireimage immediately. Cate was robbed!

This is what MJ thinks about Jessica Alba.
9:47
Adapted screenplay is tough competition and now it seems that No Country For Old Men just may win Best Picture over There Will Be Blood. I have to say, this year is full of hunks at this event. Josh Brolin is devastatingly handsome and nice. I met him earlier this year at a BAFTA event.
9:55
This Kristen Chenowith number is totally sucking ass. I watched Across the Universe last Friday night which had some actual good dancing in it. This number needs some Debbie Allen in it ASAP!

10:05
I just dozed off for a minute. This year's Oscars are boring.


Who would you rather take to the Oscars? Me or Amy Ryan?
10:10
OK, finally we have Best Actress. Let's see who wins. I don't have a prediction although Laura Linney was fabulous in The Savages. Ellen Page looks cute. I wonder how her career will turn out. Marion wins and I get to see Slovin again. Why in the hell is he there?

Who invited HIM?
10:19
I thought Once was kind of boring and this song kind of sucks in a whiny way. The best Oscar song performance ever was when the late Elliott Smith sang Miss Misery. I wish Hugh Grant was singing right now or even that weird Kimya Dawson from the Moldy Peaches for Juno. This is as grating as Pilobolus. I need to check my facebook account now and put the TV on mute so I don't kill myself.

Jack Nicholson acts sober.
10:25
I kind of like this Best Picture Montage. The 1970s was a great decade for American cimema.
10:38
I'm a bad person. I just vacuumed during the Lifetime Achievement Award. All I caught was some very old dude wearing a scarf. I think men's tux scarves need to make a comeback.
10:43
I have not seen any of these foreign films but Penelope looks kind of cute in her bird dress.
10:47
I can't believe I'm sitting through another boring song from Enchanted. Also, wtf was wrong with Renee Zellwegger's hair? I think her manager Fatty C's bad taste is rubbing off on her. Oh good, here's John Chocula, I mean Travolta to present the award. I used to love him, but now he's a gay scary Scientologist.

Poor Rene.
10:55
I'm kind of afraid that Cameron Diaz' nipples are going to pop out of this dress. I like her dress though. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly was a great film and I hope it wins something but I'm happy There Will Be Blood won. That oil burning scene was unbelievable.

MJ contemplates the meaning of life during the death montage.
11:09
Am I crazy or was the score for There Will Be Blood NOT EVEN NOMINATED? WTF? That was the best score of the year and one of the most audacious of all time. This is even more bullshit than Pop Goes My Heart not being nominated. What the hell is wrong with the academy? Perhaps they are all under the wrath of Randy Newman and can't vote for worthwhile music. Oh god, it's Tom Hanks. I kind of hate Tom Hanks in the same way I hate George Clooney.
11:14
I love this woman showing real emotion for winner her Oscar for short documentary film. This is what the Oscars should be about!

For those of you who missed it, I found a clip of Jennifer Garner getting attacked by Gary Busey during the preshow.
11:29
My mother just called me to say that John Stewart sucks which I agree. She also thought Renee Zellwegger looked good which I disagree. She needs to gain her Bridget Jones weight back. She looks like she was squeezed out of a tube of toothpaste as my friend Adam used to say. Now, we are on to Best Actor. If Daniel Day Lewis doesn't win, I will lose all faith in the world. I'm not digging Helen Mirren's Dynasty dress this year. She's too classy for Bob Mackie. By the way, I have to give a shout out to the hot Johnny Depp who is another one of my cinematic fantasies.

There will be Daniel Day Lewis as Best Actor!
11:37
I'm entering to win Heidi Klum's Nancy Reagan dress on mycokerewards.com. I'm also really glad blogger and former stripper Diablo Cody won her Oscar. It gives me hope for the future.
11:42
Ok, we are at Best Director and this is a crapshoot although I predict the Cohen's will win although I'm a big Schnabel and PT fan. I was right. It's hard to beat the Cohens.
11:45
Finally, we are at Best Picture. No Country for Old Men was a great film during a great year for movies but I voted for There Will Be Blood. For those of you who didn't see No Country for Old Men, please watch Max's version called No Country for Old Cats which I can guarantee is not as boring as this year's awful Oscar telecast.

BAFTA Awards

I just returned from a BAFTA Awards East Coast party where the food was British and bad and the live feed was broken, so I don't have much to report except the following fashion comments.

Marion Cotillard is so hungry waiting for bad British food that she's ready to fly away back to the USA or Paris.

Thandie Netwon look stunning in a satin and lace dress that looks like she stole it right off the Carmen Marc Valvo runway show I saw in NYC on Friday.

Madame Award: The 2007 Oscars

As I do for every award show, I'm ready to name the celebrity that embodies the style and spirit of the greatest puppet ever-Madame! Following in the footsteps of such greatness and Jennifer Lopez, MK Olsen and Jack White, the winner of the 2007 Academy Madame Award is....


Congratulations to Jack Nicholson, winner of the 2007 Oscar Madame Award!

Academy Awards Liveblog 2007!

Yikes! I may be invisible, but I look better than Melissa Rivers!

I may not be at Elaine's or the Spotted Pig or wherever the NYC glitterati gather together to watch the Oscars but I'm at home again live-blogging my reactions. My menu includes bbq chicken, potato pancakes and asparagus courtesy of Jefferson Market. I'll also be snacking on smoked oysters and Oreo cookies I'm wearing a cute lounge outfit courtesy of Anthropologie. I also predict we'll be seeing a lot of bright pink lips in the red carpet, so I bought some pink Chanel lipstick today which I applied to watch the show. Feel free to comment in the comment box. I'll be updating frequently starting at around 8:00PM.

8:00PM
The E! preshow is over and here are my thoughts. Cate and Kate look fabulous! JLo, Kirsten Dunst and Kelly Preston look frightful. I hate Nicole Kidman's and Gwyneth's hair. Also, with Ellen, Portia, Melissa Etheridge, Queen Latifah and Jodie Foster taking over the red carpet, lesbians are taking over the Jews in Hollywood!



Forget the fashions. Pussy is the new black at this year's Oscars.


Tippers's hair in inconvenient.

Kelly Preston wears her cat suit to the Oscars.


Cate Blanchett's perfection creates no scandals on this year's red carpet!

JLo wears Marchesa or Harvey Weinstein will kill her! Which is uglier? Her date of this dress?

Now, that's a sandwich!

8:30
The show is about to start! Where in the hell was Brad and Angie? This opening montage is kind of lame. I need to locate my cell phone. OK, this is good now. Someone just mentioned Stan Brakhage. Mom, do you know who that is?

8:45
Ellen's rocking the lesbian chic and being funny to boot. The Gore/Hudson joke was comic genius.

My pussy is ready for the Oscars!

8:47
The Mexican Movie Mafia wins the first award. Is it me, or does Nicole Kidman look like a used tampon?


8:55
This comedian at the Oscar's thing is brilliant. I was kind of missing Debbie Allen until this. By the way, I can't stand Pilobolus. For the record, Stranger Than Fiction was snubbed.

9:15
Ellen is apologizing for saying Penelope Cruz is from Mexico, when she is from Spain. While this is not funny, I'm laughing my ass off. The Oscars seems to be attempting to be "classy" which is starting to get boring. Something good better happen soon.

9:18
I'm freaking out because due to my popularity, my comment system is down and everyone is trying to comment. Either save your comments for later or email me, and I'll post them for you!

9:21
Thank god, the show is now getting into the big awards. I really want Jackie Earle Haley to win. Upset! Shit! I thought Eddie would get it. Now, the show is back on!

9:26
When I was in college, we had to write a review on a Pilobolus show that came to campus. I hated it and wrote a bad review of the show. Frankly, I thought it was boring and was entitled to my opinion. I was given a "D" on the paper and dropped the class. Bring back Debbie Allen!

Seat fillers.

9:49
I just realized my TV is filthy so I cleaned it off. This is a boring show. I think I need to eat the oysters now. I'm sick of Tom Hanks. The DaVinci code sucked. I love the way Helen Mirren narrated Borat. Sascha Baron Cohen was also snubbed. Where in the hell is Angeline Jolie?

10:01
Anne Hathaway looks fat in that dress. Why are they (Anne and Emily Blunt) giggling? Are they stoned or too amateur to present? Marie Antoinette deserved to win this one.

10:05

Tom Cruise appears and Max goes in the closet.

10:11
We are now at the consumer generated media portio of the show. Ellen just made a myspace joke and Gwyneth Paltrow referenced youtube. I think Zac Posen is one of the more overrated designers.

I'm trying to come up with a funny caption for this, but I can't.

10:30
Why is the only American I've seen tonight winning for Best Foreign Film? And did I just spy Faye Dunnway in the audience? And did Ellen change? Thank god, we're back into the big awards but as my good friends know, I can't stand the self-congratulatory George Clooney who just made a bad name-dropping arrogant joke about Nicholson and Gore. If Hudson loses, this will be an upset. Rinko should win though. Her performance made me cry.......and the winner is, Hudson. I guess she's telling us she's not going. Eat that, Cowell.

10:45
Jerry Seinfeld once threatened to sue me so as you can imagine, I am not thrilled to see him right now. I, however, love documentaries but Inconvenient Truth was not one of my favorites.

I suggest a recount!

10:52
As I've pointed out in past posts, every year a very old person gets onstage and become confused and incoherent. This year Clint Eastwood provides this special Oscar moment.
10:58
Why is Celine Dion singing a song that wasn't even nominated for an Oscar? Also, every year, someone wins and gives a heartfelt speech in another language or in broken English. This year it's Ennio Marricone and it seems that Clint Eastwood has to translate. So, Clint directs, writes movies and music, acts AND speaks fluent Italian, but can't follow the teleprompter? This is very confusing and I don't know what's going on and I'm getting bored and tired and they just flashed to Kate Winslett who looks equally confused.

11:07
We're onto best Original Score. Ennio Marricone speaks better English than Penelope Cruz. For the record, this is Todd's favorite category. There are so many foreigners and Lesbians here tonight. Maybe they had to throw Seinfeld up there as the token Jew. I better stop my un-PC comments, or I'll have to go to rehab tomorrow.

Writer Michael Arndt wins for best original screenplay for Little Miss Sunshine. He uses the word "funnest" in his acceptance speech. He also used to be Matthew Broderick's PA.
11:28
Melissa Etheridge just won the biggest upset of the night shutting out Dreamgirls for best original song!

The Oscars are a real snooze. Or is this the Grammy's?
11:35
OK, I'm on the phone with my mom and we're getting bored and thinking that Little Miss Sunshine just might win. Thank God, Kate Winslett is on because as Todd can testify, I LOVE her and when she came to a BAFTA event last year, I was completely starstruck. She's my glamour goddess! I wish Marty would hire me and get me out of the bank.
11:45
Jodie Foster comes back from the dead to introduce the death montage. I wonder if they'll show Anna Nicole Smith.

Max plays dead during the Death Montage.
11:52
Did PSH just roll out of bed to present Best Actress? He officially is the worst-dressed person at the Oscar's this year. Helen Mirren is a lock.

I LaCroix Best Actress Helen Mirren!
12:01
I like Reese Witherspoon and she looks pefect, but I'm just not feeling her tonight for some reason. I hope Peter O'Toole wins because he'll give the best speech but it's Forest Whitaker who seems a little freaked out. He's thanking his ancestors. Actually, I'd like to thank my ancestors now since I've never done that before. Now that he won the Oscar, hopefully he'll spring to get his woman's teeth fixed.
12:08
Best Director FINALLY goes to Marty Scorceses which is great and long overdue and I'm tearing up right now. This is an emotional Oscar moment, but it's sad it had to be for The Departed and not for Raging Bull, Mean Streets or Goodfellas.

Spielberg, Landis and my father present Best Director!
12:13
We're finally at Best Picture. Diane Keaton looks amazing and I'm exhausted. And the winner is.....The Departed! Wow! I'm shocked! I need to take a bath and go to bed soon. Thanks for commenting and stay tuned for the Madame Award!