Sunday, December 31, 2006

Things I Hated 2006

It is that time of the year when I list all the things I hated in 2006.
1. Mark McGrath hosting Access Hollywood or Extra or whatever it is he hosts. He's a sell-out. 2. I hate when strangers stop me on the street to tell me that my purse is open. Why are they looking in the first place?
3. Cinea discs
4. When my friends diss me for their new bfs.
5. I hate when Max (my cat) purrs in my face at 4AM.
6. That "upset stomach diarreah" Pepto Bismal ad.
7. Breaking out. I can't believe I still get zits at 35.
8. Dieting. It still does and will always suck.
9. "Reorgs" at work and the undeserving people who end up promoted as a result because there is no where else to put them.
10. Cleaning the bathroom
11. Text messaging. I feel this is a cop out for a real conversation.
12. Mid-year reviews.
13. The weekly "rapid results" meeting at work which I am not ironically in charge of.
14. I hate when my pants get too tight.
15. Waiting in doctors' offices
16. Doing dirty dishes
17. I hate when washed up pop stars like Barry Manilow or Lionel Richie whore themselves out by doing live performances on ET.
18. Fake celebrites on
19. Guys who don't call when they say they will call you.
2o. Subway transfers
21. Tourists who stop in the middle of the sidewalk
22. Lip sunburns
23. Amtrak
24. Perez Hilton. I read the site relgiously, but I hate him.
25. mayo
26. ketchup
27. cheese
28. relish
29. Slow service at fast food restaurants
3o. I hate when Christina moderates BAFTA Q&As.
31. I hate when people stop on the street to "ask me a question" but all they really want to ask for his money.
32. Growing out my hair.
33. I hate being single when I'm sick.
34. People who push you on the subway.
35. Tickmaster surcharges
36. Itchy nipples
37. Going to weddings alone
38. I hate when people do not RSVP to my evite invites
39. Saurkraut
40. Deep dental cleanings
41. 9:00AM Monday morning meetings.
42. Flight delays
43. Pet abuse
44. Pushy and/or abusive coworkers
45. The size of my studio apartment
46. George Bush
47. I hate hearing about robberies at gunpoint on my block.
48. I hate leaving Max alone by himself when I go away.
49. I hate being told to shut-up.
50. Allergies and asthma

Friday, December 29, 2006

Good Night and Good Luck

Hussein Hanged!

I just found out that Sadaam was just hanged and I feel sort of weird about it in the same way that one might feel finding out an ex boyfriend married a person in a wheelchair or a good friend had an abortion or suddenly the makeup you've been wearing for years has been discontinued. Hanging seems just so final yet anticlimactic.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Songs of 2006

While my good friend Todd posted his favorite albums of the year, I have to list my favorite pop songs. Like Todd, I have some more screeners to watch, so my movie list will come in early 2007. I don't buy albums anymore since I have entered the age of iTunes and individual downloads. Here are my favorite (not necessarily the best) songs of 2006. These are the best songs to dance to, make out to and sing into your hairbrush. These are not in order.

1. Crazy (Gnarles Barkley)
2. Save Room (John Legend)
3. Steady as She Goes (Raconteurs)
4. Public Affair (Jessica Simpson)
5. Get Myself Into It (The Rapture)
6. Wagon Wheel (Old Crow Medicine Show)
7. You'll Think of Me (Keith Urban)
8. Smile (Lily Allen)
9. Put Your Record On (Corrine Baily Rae)
10. Lloyd, I'm Ready to Be Heartbroken (Camera Obscura)
11. What's Left of Me (Nick Lachey)
12. Deja Vu (Beyonce)
13. Hips Don't Lie (Shakira)
14. Not Ready to Make Nice (Dixie Chicks)
15. Crosses (Jose Gonzales)
16. Heartbeats (The Knife)
17. Woman in a Bar (Lloyd Cole)
18. Sexy Back (Justin Timberlake)
19. Be Without You (Mary J. Blige)
20. SOS (Rihanna)

Socialites' Greeting Cards Blind Item

Each you, NY Social Diary publishes a collage of socialite greeting cards. This year, I had a very special treat because I actually recognized one of the socialites as someone I had a brief affair with back in college. He appears to be single and has most of his hair. Can you guess who?

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Happy Holidays!

This is from last week's SNL, but I can't get the song "Dick in a Box" out of mind.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Men of 2006

This is a list of the best (not all) of the men I dated in 2006. These are the men who inspired me, drove me crazy, consumed me and pissed me off and, yet, made my year memorable. Like last year, I did not find true love but at least I did not relive the insanity of 2004's drunks, skunks and spankers. I'm still optimistic and I think I'm making better choices so let's hope that perhaps that I will not be writing this annual list in the next couple of years.

The Brit (May 2005-January 2006)
I wrote about the Brit last year and his sweet painted postcards he sent me in the mail. On New Year's day of last year, the Brit disappeared. I finally received a note from him in February that he was depressed and he would contact me when he recovered. I heard from him finally some time in the Spring, but by then, he was crossed off the list.

Hojo Fantasy (?)
I can't say when the Hojo Fantasy began, but he is truly a fantasy. I sometimes think that he just likes me liking him and other times as he brushes up against my knee or makes a flirtatious remark, I wonder if perhaps the desire is returned or he just enjoys playing me the fool. I don't know why I allow Hojo's fickle attention to distract me from eligible and realistic suitors, but I do. Whenever there is a break in my dating, it is because I am focused on him.

Fawlty Towers (April-June)
I didn't date anyone for a couple of months after the Brit trauma, but I made the awful mistake of dating another Brit hotelier who lived in my neighborhood half the time or as he used to say "in the trees" for the other half. I can't say anything about bad him except that after a couple of months, I received an email from him about how "nice" I am and then I never heard from him again. Actually, he was kind of boring.

Mr. Wrong (August-October)
Mr. Wrong was my West Coast man for a couple of months. All I can say is, when I visited him in October he was rude to me and abandoned me at a party in the Hollywood Hills. I hate LA.

Guess Who's Not Coming to Dinner (August-October)
The fun loving Vespa-driving Scotsman provided some real fun. Unfortunately, he informed me after a handful of dates that he didn't eat dinner. He doesn't eat after 2PM. I don't know if this was an excuse to not take me out to dinner, but in any case, I need to see a man who eats dinner.

No Moore (September)
He's hardly worth writing about except for the fact that I had the best date of the year with this guy but never saw him again. There were a couple of follow-up text messages, but that was it. I wonder what happened to him.

The Boss (November-present)
I am definitely one of the Boss' many women. The Boss is 50 and doesn't really seem to work so he has a lot of time to pick of girls and boss them around. He's actually the only man who has ever captured my attention by making a joke about my "embouchure" and also who made the moves on me in a cafe ladies room. My friend thinks the boss is good for me and that because I like working at the bank, being bossed around is not such a bad thing for me. She thinks that perhaps I need more bossing in my personal life and should keep him in rotation. Despite my better judgment, I like him and hope we at least remain friends. Oh, and he looks like Michael J. Fox.

Spicoli (December-present)
I just met Spicoli last weekend and he's already been over for dinner. Spicoli is the opposite of the boss. He's very "chill." He leaned over the bar and said, "You're cute" and then he kissed me. We ended up making out at the Dark Room for the rest of the night to the soundtrack of the Smiths and New Order. Spicoli kind of reminds me of my high school man Chip. Spicoli also has very nice dark hair and a tight bod. He, however, called me last night at 1:30AM to chat.

The Architect (January 2003-present)
I ran into the Architect over the summer on the street and he continues to solicit me despite his new baby and wife. I'm starting to think he knows he should have been sweeter in 2003. In July, he actually showed up at my apartment late at night, but when I let him in he freaked out and had a panic attack and ran home. He has since apologized but I haven't seen him again.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Hot Times in the City

I'm on vacation in my hometown New York City! As you can see from this photo taken of me and my good friend Annitah, I'm having a blast. Now, I have to start the 2007 diet. I stole this photo from Anittah b/c her camera is better than mine.

Happy Hannukah From MJ Cat

While all my heathen dog uncles are out terrorizing department store Santas, I'm staying home, drinking a good bottle of Sofia Coppola sparkling wine and quietly licking the Hannukah bush.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Don't Pee on Claus

This is a photo of my dog brother Hank taken with Santa this morning at Super Petz. Now that her daughters are all grown up and she doesn't have any grandchildren, this is how my mother gets into the spirit. The funny part of this photo is that right before it was taken, Hank peed on Santa!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

The Company Party

So, tomorrow night is the annual company Xmas party. And the truth is, although I love parties, I dread the annual holiday party. I always get cornered by someone I don't want to talk to and I am never comfortable drinking at these mass events and I hate standing in line for food. I don't mean to sound ungrateful and think it is very nice companies go all out for their employees, but for some reason, I just can't get into it anymore. Perhaps I'm spoiled. Lorne Michaels and Broadway Video used to host the best holiday party ever. I remember one year winding up with my head up Janeane Garofalo's shirt to smell her new chocolate scented cologne. This was when she was somewhat famous. After that party, I felt much closer to my coworkers and we all had a blast. Now, it's a different story. Last year one of the bankers got sloppy drunk and called one of our coworkers a slut, and she burst out crying and stormed out. I witnessed the entire incident. I didn't like the offender anymore and was forced to face him at work the next day. Thank god, he quit later in the year. So, I'm going to go, eat my free food and keep my mouth shut until next year in the blog.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

New Year's Eve Blues

As cheesy as it sounds, New Year's Eve is my favorite night of the year. And, this year I don't have any plans or invitations. All my friends are coupled up so this year, it looks like I'll be on my own for a quiet night alone with MJ Cat. If you need a date to anywhere fun or want to escort me out on the town, please send me a note. I'll even buy dinner. I'm looking for a good time, baby.

Monday, December 11, 2006

My Embouchure

OK, so I've been lazy about blogging, but between my dates and my sax playing, I haven't had much time to write. In any case, I finally can play "Easy" by the Commodores by heart.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Dreamgirls: Too Hot in the Hot Tub

Tonight, I got a sneak peak at the new movie Dreamgirls starring Beyonce, Jennifer Hudson from Idol, Eddie Murphy and Jamie Fox. The movie is highly entertaining and Jennifer Hudson's rendition of "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" is so powerful that when I get my DVD, I will need to watch this scene immediately at least 20 times in a row. But, the real highlight of the movie for me was Eddie Murphy who recreates his SNL performance of the James Brown Celebrity Hot Tub party. And, this is not a bad thing as that skit is one of the funniest in the history of SNL. If you want a real preview of the fabulousness of Dreamgirls, watch the clip below.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Man Fakes Retardation

So, I just read a news story on AOL where a man has been faking mental retardation for the past 20 years so that his mother and he could receive government benefits. And while this is a serious story about abusing the system, I can't help but think of Rosie faking retardation in Riding the Bus with my Sister. I know it's not PC to make fun of mental retardation, but it seems of all the ailments to fake, that would be the last one I would pick.
For nearly 20 years - ever since Pete Costello was 8 - his mother has collected disability benefits on his behalf. In meetings with Social Security officials and psychologists, he appeared mentally retarded and unable to communicate. His mother insisted he couldn't read or write, shower, take care of himself or drive a car.

But now prosecutors say it was all a huge fraud, and they have video of Costello contesting a traffic ticket to prove it.

"He's like any other person trying to get out of a traffic ticket," Assistant U.S. Attorney Norman Barbosa said Tuesday.

Pete and Rosie Marie Costello were indicted in September on charges of conspiracy to defraud the government and Social Security fraud, and the case was unsealed Tuesday. The Vancouver pair pleaded not guilty in federal court in Tacoma on Tuesday after the case was unsealed. The traffic ticket was deferred.

Next, Please

People often ask me about what "my type of guy is" and frankly, I'm not so sure anymore of who I should be dating. I know that it's not the two Williamsburg "hipster" dudes photographed for Curb in the photo above. I know that my current attraction to a 50 yr. old semi-retiree playboy is truly flirting with disaster. And, I'm through with twenty-something snacks. My question is then, where are the available men my own age? Please let me know or feel free to fix me up with any suitable sane bachelors.

Nightmare on Harlan Street

Ever since I can remember, I've had a terrifying recurring nightmare where I fall into a huge top hat and am attacked by a live playing card. While this sounds crazy and defies most modern psychoanalytic interpretation (believe me, I've tried), I came across a video on YouTube that mirrored this awful nightmare which haunts me to this day. The dream that I have had since the age of 3 is actually the opening segment to the old TV Show Lidsville. In the dream, I replace Butch Patrick and fall into the hat where I encounter scary other hats, dragons, and witches. Lidsville was a Sid and Marty Krofft program I watched at a very young age without parental supervision. I don't think my parents realized how terrifying this program was to a toddler. Now, perhaps that I know it's source, that after 30 years, the dream will leave my subconcious. Yet, if you watch this again, you will see that this is still some very very scary shit and now I can't sleep.

Monday, December 04, 2006

The Santaland Diary Podcast

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas on this very special episode of Beware of the Babylon for all our friends and family...

* Todd and Rachel create their own Santaland Diaries moments.

* Discover which cookies Macy*s claims as Santa's "favorite."

* Find out which winter holiday is totally made up.

* Plus, which celebrity will flash their naked shaven vagina before the holidays.


As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.