Phone Etiquette

Something that drives me crazy is when I call someone (usually a parent) and they unexpectedly "put someone on the phone" which can include someone you haven't spoken to in 20 yrs, your old pediatrician, your 3rd grade gym teacher or an old boyfriend. This, of course, is excused if the person is your spouse or child and lives with you. First of all, if I am calling you, I am calling you and not the person you want to put on the phone. This puts everyone in a bad position. Here's why:
1. I may owe this person a phone call and by you telling them it is me on the phone shows that I have time to call you, but not them.
2. I may only have time to talk to you from work and want to call this person back when I can savor the conversation.
3. This person may not want to talk to me.
4. This person might be busy or distracted and not have time to talk.
5. I could have had a huge fight with this person or secret romantic relations and now you are putting everyone on the spot in a public space.
6. I could be running out of free minutes.
7. I could have nothing to say to this person and vice versa creating a very awkward phone convo.

There are many other possibilities, but I hope you learned that if you are in situation where you might feel compelled to "put someone on" and you see it is me, don't pick up the fucking phone!

P.S. Steph, you fall under "2" and I still owe you a call!

Madonna for H&M

As most of my good friends know, I'm a sucker for both Madonna and for H&M. So, when I found out that Madonna was launching her own line for the Swedish department store, I was sure to get my ass over there to check it out. So, despite tepid reviews, I found some good solid pieces. I bought three dresses and a cashmere wrap sweater. With my new shoes from te casan, I'm ready for spring!

Eyebrows

I want to confess. I'm addicted to my Tweezermans. I am obsessed with any stray hair anywhere on my body. So, as you can imagine, growing out my eyebrows is going to be a difficult challenge. I was told last week that my eyebrows are "too thin" so I am now undergoing a project where I WILL NOT TWEEZE my brows for one month. My brows, however, are not that thin and without proper care, I'll be Brooke Shields in a few days. BUT I AM NOT GOING TO TOUCH MY BROWS WITH TWEEZERS! if you see me, don't look through my bangs at my hair brows. I will be seen my an A-list eyebrow expert who will shape my brows in movie star style. Wish me luck.

Deal or No Deal

So, tomorrow is big bonus day at the bank! Everyone finds out if he/she receives the "bonus" and if it was worth turning down jobs all fall to receive a check of what could be absolutely nothing! Frankly, while I really need a bonus to pay off my years of no bonus and I'll go apeshit if I get nothing, I think bonuses are a corporate mind-fuck. Here is some advice for all of you waiting for your bonus.
1. It's a beyond your control.
2. If you don't get a bonus, find another job.
3. Any money is better than no money.
4. Your company does not own you.
5. Money does not buy happiness.

Now, I'm going to worry about it.

The Company Party

So, tomorrow night is the annual company Xmas party. And the truth is, although I love parties, I dread the annual holiday party. I always get cornered by someone I don't want to talk to and I am never comfortable drinking at these mass events and I hate standing in line for food. I don't mean to sound ungrateful and think it is very nice companies go all out for their employees, but for some reason, I just can't get into it anymore. Perhaps I'm spoiled. Lorne Michaels and Broadway Video used to host the best holiday party ever. I remember one year winding up with my head up Janeane Garofalo's shirt to smell her new chocolate scented cologne. This was when she was somewhat famous. After that party, I felt much closer to my coworkers and we all had a blast. Now, it's a different story. Last year one of the bankers got sloppy drunk and called one of our coworkers a slut, and she burst out crying and stormed out. I witnessed the entire incident. I didn't like the offender anymore and was forced to face him at work the next day. Thank god, he quit later in the year. So, I'm going to go, eat my free food and keep my mouth shut until next year in the blog.

Free Advice

In the spirit of the holiday season, I'm doling out some free advice today. This is the kind of advice you can't tell anyone to their face so I'm writing it down in the blog.

1. Eat something. Frankly, I used to be concerned about friends and celebrities with eating disorders. Now, I just find anorexia to be boring. I prefer bulimics, because at least they will go out for dinner. Watch the documentary Thin, look at Nicole Richie's zombie hands or check or Kate Bosworth's 20-something wrinkles and you will see how tiresome eating disorders have become. Help exists. Get some.

2. If your insurance will cover some kind of plastic or cosmetic surgery, you should probably get it. For example, if you are overweight and need stomach stapling and it will be paid for by your insurance, go for it. Or if your boobs are too big and your insurance will cover it, get the reduction. You can get a full set of veneers FOR FREE? Get in the chair. Insurance companies are cheap so if they are willing to cover you on something like this, chances are that you really need it.

3. If more than one person has suggested you need to see a shrink, make an appointment. You might not be crazy, but perhaps your friends are sick of hearing your problems and it is time to turn to a professional for help.

4. If you are a member of an organization, don't say you hate being a member of that organization to other members who enjoy it. For example, if you are a member of BAFTA and you hate the Q&As and are upset about the fees, don't rain on the parade of your friend who is also a member and enjoys the privileges.

5. Don't diss your friends for a man/woman. Listen, we're happy you have a new boyfriend or girlfriend, but remember to make "friend time" or who is going to be around to console you when things don't work out or to be very happy for you if they actually do?

6. Don't ask your other woman or ex-girlfriend to go ring shopping with you. If you have a flirtation with a woman, even the mere suggestion of asking her to help you pick out an engagement ring for your other woman will really hurt her feelings and piss her off.