Wednesday, September 27, 2006

The Devil Wears Burberry

Tonight, I saw a fantastic movie called The Queen. Helen Mirren stars as the actual Queen of England reacting to the death of Princess Diana in 1997. For those of you who forgot recent history, the Queen did not react or comment on Diana's death until she got blasted in the press and pressured by Tony Blair. While this plotline is the backdrop for the film, the film's tone is really not much different than the Devil Wears Prada. The Queen is not much different than Miranda Priestly. Both films contemplate the sacrifices powerful women must make to stay on top. But unlike Devil, The Queen has Mommy Dearest potential. Hags and fags everywhere will be acting out scenes at midnight screenings and I think this film is coming out right in time for The Queen to be the most popular Halloween costume of 2006.

I can't wait for the Mirren/Streep Oscar battle! This film is a total "run don't walk." Now, roll over, Cabbage!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Too Thin

Forget Kate Bosworth and Nicole Richie. Has anyone seen the new scary pin-thin figure of socialite Somers Farkas? Gasp! Sometimes you can be too rich and too thin.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Time Goes By So 'Lowly

This hilarious video was pointed out to by my good friends James and WSL. Receiving this kind of information is why is why it is important to have gay friends.

Happy New Year!

This is how we celebrate Rosh Hoshanah in the Big Apple. We make it very very sweet.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

What's Left Of Me: Final Results

For my loyal readers, you will remember that on 7/31 I posted the "Nick Lachey What's Left of Me Challenge." Tonight, much to my own surprise, I won my own contest. I brought a very cute Scotsman back to my house, served him a Becks, put on the song and the rest is now as concrete as Nick's divorce from Jessica. And to make it even sweeter, when the Scotsman came to, he quoted, "What the hell was that music? It's not really my scene." I feel like Vanessa Minillo.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Ventriloquist Week!

In one of the most exciting developments on late-night TV in years, David Letterman is hosting ventriloquist week. Tonight the great Willie Tyler and Lester are kicking things off! All my talk about Wayland Flowers Madame is hitting mass consciousness. Below, is this week's entire ventriloquist schedule"

Monday, September 18
Dr. Phil
Ventriloquist, Willie Tyler & Lester
Survivor Castaway, Sekou Bunch

Tuesday, September 19
Patrick Dempsey (Grey's Anatomy)
Ventriloquist, Jay Johnson & Darwin
Kasabian (CD, "Empire")

Wednesday, September 20
Marg Helgenberger (CSI)
Ventriloquist, Ronn Lucas & Scorch
Diana Krall (CD, "From This Moment On")

Thursday, September 21
Ted Turner
Ventriloquist, Jeff Dunham & Walter
Fergie (CD, "The Dutchess")

Friday, September 22
NBA star, Lebron James
Ventriloquist, Todd Oliver & Irving
Ludacris (CD, "Disturbing Tha Peace")

A Good Timin' Man

Willie Nelson was arrested today for having over a pound of marijuana and mushrooms on his bus. I don't have any comments, except to say that Willie is still one of my favorite performers and songwriters. Stay young, Willie!


Now, not only is bagged spinach bagged, but I can't eat ANY spinach. This recall is totally effecting me because spinach salad is a huge part of my overall diet. Spinach is the only green that fills me up and my favorite salad green I love the baby spinach bagged salad mix. This is pure terror.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Madame: The Look of Fashion Week

What celebrity/socialite wife has jumped on the Madame bandwagon and is transforming herself into the most fabulous puppet of all-time? I dare Entertainment Weekly to steal this joke.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

BAFTA season has begun

I have to apologize in advance, but my blogging might be spotty over the next couple of months. As a member of the academy, I will be attending nightly screening with my business partner Todd. I will continue to report on the films and celebs we encounter. Tomorrow night, I'm seeing All the King's Men with a Q&A with producer James Carville.

Bad Hair Day

Believe it or not, this is actress and former soft-porn star Carmen Electra at the Imitation of Christ Fashion Show. I never quite got the allure of Carmen. I don't think she's that pretty or talented or interesting. She just screams "Skinamax" to me. This shows that C-listers just can't go high-fashion.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Scars are Blind: Beware of the Babylon Podcast!

This week on BEWARE OF THE BABYLON we are reviewing our scars and explaining their orgins.

Also find out...

• The truth about Suri's fringe on top.

• Why Rachel's mother is so afraid of Madame.

• The hottest new haircut, the hottest new fashions.

• How In N' Out Burger may just drive you to drink and drive.

• MySpace break-up etiquette.

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Today's News in Photos

Suri Cruise makes her debut. Is it me, or does she look like Chris Klein?

Lindsay Lohan supposedly revealed her firecrotch, but it was just an online hoax. She wears pink panties like a lady.

New Garbage Can

This past Labor Day weekend, my goal was to purchase a brand new garbage can. This task was more difficult than you can imagine. I finally found my dream can for $39.99 at National Wholesale Liquidators. While this may seem extreme for a garbage can, please note that I rarely purchase anything for my home so this is probably the biggest luxury item I own. I can't wait to start throwing away some serious trash!

Greater Than/Less Than Movie Reviews

I have invented a new way to review the movies I see during the busy BAFTA screening timeframe. I am using the mathematical symbols <, > and = method.

Tonight I saw Hollywoodland starring Adrien Brody, Ben Affleck and Diane Lane.

LA Confidential > Autofocus > Hollywoodland > Art School Confidential

This tranlates that LA Confidential is greater than Autofocus which is greater than Hollywood land which is greater than Art School Confidential

You do the math.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

I Miss Madame!

My friends all know that I have always been a big fan of Madame. After seeing JLo last night at the VMA's, I can't stop thinking about how I miss her bawdy puppet humor. Growing up, I used to watch Madame's Place with my mom when we couldn't sleep at night. She claims she never liked the program, but I distinctly remember watching this with her late at night in the early 80s. Madame also appeared on Solid Gold and on the Hollywood Squares. I think my early love of Madame was an early indicator that I would one day become a fag hag. When my sister and I went to see the AIDS quilt, we actually made a special visit to Wayland Flowers' square. Thank god for YouTube because I was able to track down a snippet from the show. Like JLo, I'm going to pay my respects to the greatest diva of all-time---Madame!

Friday, September 01, 2006

It's Madame's Place!

Last night at the VMA's, JLo officially joined a special group of celebrities inspired by the greatest puppet of all time Madame!

Is it Me You're Looking For?

If you ever want to freak out your coworkers, sing a duet of the song "Hello" by Lionel Richie with your office boyfriend at an after-work karaoke function. My office bf and I did this tonight and as we stood close and seriously sang to one another, everyone in the room became visibly uncomfortable. Some started checking their blackberries, some buried their faces in the karaoke books and others sat still completely stone-face. As we realized what was happening, we continued to sing very seriously and closely while desperately trying to keep a straight face. Later, my boss came up to me and said, "Man, I thought you two were going to make out." The best part is that someone videotaped this moment, and once I get my hands on it, I'll share.