Monday, February 28, 2011

Lady Madonna

After all the boring Oscar fashion, I was actually relieved to see Madonna forgot her pants at the Vanity Fair party.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

83rd Oscar Liveblog

Melissa Leo is not only the most annoying actress but also the worst dressed.
6:30 PM
Welcome to my annual Oscar liveblog. I'm gearing up and making dinner while watching the red carpet. I predict that Anne Hathaway will bomb and that Celine Dion will sing. I'm routing for Social Network and Aronofsky. Oh, I am getting a late start because I went crazy at the Loehmann's Italian event where I got into the Oscar spirit by buying a couple of Valentino jackets.
I'm still in red carpet hell with Guiliana The Panda and Kelly Osbourne. What are their credentials as fashion critics? I lost weight and I didn't get a column in Vogue. All of these girls all look so styled. What happened to personal taste? I prefer to see mistakes than the vision of Rachel Zoe. Oh, shit. It's Celine Dion. Told you'd she would sing.

Thank God for Sharon Stone.

Getting ready for the telecast. I am wishing the following will win:
Best Picture: Social Network
Actor: James Franco
Actress: Michelle Williams
Director: Aronofsky

Also, I will be taking a bathroom break when Paltrow sings. I can't stand her.

Anne Hathaway is not funny. When I was working as a stand up, actors would try to be funny. They couldn't. This hosting gig is going to really hurt her career. That opening was unwatchable.

Max is skeptical about this telecast.

Why didn't they let Kirk Douglas host? Oh, no. Now I have to listen to that egomaniac Leo. I guess paying for your own campaign pays off. That speech will go down as one of the worst in Oscar history.

Kirk Douglas in better days. He, however, is funnier than Hathaway.

Sorkin will win but let's talk about the Bardem/Brolin sandwich. I actually have met and spoken to both of them and they as nice as they are handsome.

Now, that's a sandwich.

I want to beat the shit out of Hathaway. This is more painful than a middle school talent show. Franco is on the Pineapple Express tonight.

This is worse than Inception.

I don't understand this fake tension between Hathaway and Jackman. I mean, what was that bad joke about his being the wolver to her rine? And what was that weird out of place summer camp cabaret number Hathaway performed? This may be the worst Oscars ever. Also, I know this is an unpopular opinion, but Reese Witherspoon looks ridiculous.

Wolfman won for makeup but my bf wasn't nominated this year.

Franco looks so high I'm not sure he'll make it through the show. Oprah is very fat tonight on my HD TV.

Shout out to my alma mater! Go Tisch! Thank god for God of Love and Luke Matheny's speech and hair.


What the hell did Billy Crystal do to his face? Dead Oscar hosts are better than the ones alive today.

Yes, we live in a crazy world where Gwyneth Paltrow can win an Oscar
and sing a nominated song. I'd like to see Randy Newman and Kirk Douglas as hosts next year.

It's karaoke time.


Told you Celine would sing.

Max thinks this In Memorium is a real yawn.

James Franco can't keep his eyes open. Natalie Portman is now an Oscar winner.

Michelle, you had my vote.

Oscars are almost over. Steven Spielberg is looking very Boca tonight. Anne Hathaway should not be allowed to ever host a show again for the rest of her life. James Franco needs a urine test. Melissa Leo needs to disappear for awhile. Arnofksy should shave his stache. Christian Bale needs to shave his beard. Where is Angeline Jolie? And the winner is, The King's Speech. Thank God for PS22 to end on a good note.

The look of regret.