Baftas!

I was unable to live blog the BAFTAs because I was actually at the BAFTA East Coast party! As expected, Helen Mirren won for The Queen and The Queen won for Best Picture. Unexpectedly, Eva Green who is quite beautiful won for Best Up and Comer but she looked like she was channeling another once promising English rose Helena Bonham Carter who has never been known for her fashion sense. Emily Watson also made an error in fashion judgement. Both Jennifer Hudson (Dreamgirls) won for Best Supporting Actress and Alan Arkin (Little Miss Sunshine) won for best supporting actor but both didn't show up. Last King of Scotland was awarded Best British Film. As they say in UK, I'm knackered!

Eva Green channels Helena Bonham Carter...not a good choice.

Best Actress Helen Mirren looks smashing!

Todd and I peruse the program while Emily Watson looks unhappy with her own fashion choice.

Music and Lyrics

Does art imitate life or does life imitate art or does life imitate art imitating life? Take the following example:

A couple of weeks ago I went on a promising date with a musician. Since the date, this man went on vacation and has been back for a week. Due to his busy schedule, he cancelled a date last Thursday and is busy preparing for a show he is doing next week. Before our date, I accidentally had a conversation with him(which I forget most of) under the influence of a bedtime Ambien. I later apologized for whatever I said under the influence of the velvet hammer which this blog will prove is a term I've been for Ambien since 2003.

Tonight, I went to meditate and then decided to log onto myspace.com. I decided to look at the musician's personal page where I noticed that he changed his status to "in a relationship." I'm pretty sure he's not in a relationship with me so I'm not sure if this just means nothing or he has a girlfriend. Of course, I'm also pretty sure based on past experiences, he probably got back together with a girlfriend. Then, I decided to torture myself and look at his official music page where I then noticed he had uploaded a new song entitled "Velvet Hammer." Then I listened to the song surprised that it was purely an instrumental so the meaning of the song is still a pure mystery to me although I'm 100% sure I inspired the title. This is not the first time I've inspired a NYC band to write a song. Back in 1999, the late great Cogs wrote a song called Joanna about a story I told about an old roommate of mine. So, I don't know if this guy digs/dug me or perhaps I'm just a fleeting muse among yet another musician/artist. In any case, I then immediately called Todd and explained the situation to him. Since we are going to the BAFTA screening tomorrow night of Music and Lyrics, Todd immediately exclaimed, "This is just like Music and Lyrics." Then, Todd and I decided to actually write the lyrics to the music which Todd then recorded to the actual music but we will not post for the public until this situation is resolved. But, without the music, here are the lyrics to the song which was originally recorded by the musician who from this day forward will now be known by the nickname of "Music And Lyrics."

you tell me to get ready

that you're coming back

i cant sleep

you hit me like a velvet hammer

you say you're in a relationship

i dont know if it's me or someone else

but that's what it says on myspace and i cant sleep

i need to take the velvet hammer

(chorus)

like the little white pills

you put me in a dream

but now you're just a side effect my doctor warned me about

you promised me that every day would smell like christmas eve

but now i only taste regret

and all i'm left with is the velvet hammer

As you can see, there is a lot going on here and these are my questions.

1. Does this dude have a girlfriend?

2. Should I be flattered he wrote the song but didn't tell me about it?

3. Am I reading too much into all this because I'm getting stir crazy from this freezing cold weather?

With all this confusion combined with the mystery surrounding the death of Anna Nicole, I'm so wound up that I'm going to have to take a velvet hammer to make myself fall asleep.

Deep Freeze

Between the sub-zero temperatures and my PMS, I have lost all motivation to go outside and socialize. Tonight, I ordered some steamed shrimp and broccoli and egg drop soup from Sammy's. For the record, Sammy's puts corn into the egg drop soup. There is nothing I hate more than corn in egg drop soup. So, I flushed the soup down the toilet. Now, MJ Cat is literally sleeping on my right shoulder which is making it difficult to type.

Yo Quiero Chaka Chaka Contigo!

Mark Anthony humps wife JLo at a pre-Superbowl party.

It's Fashion Week!

It's Fall 2007 Fashion Week and two of my favorite designers showed their collections early in the week. So far I want this red ruffle Diane Von Furstenberg dress and this awesome Philip Lim 3.1 Jacket!

Puppy Bowl 111

For those of you lame testosterone-filled Super Bowl watchers, here is where the real action took place tonight. Animal Planet screened the 3rd annual Puppy Bowl which included a fantastic Kitty Bowl Half-Time Show. While this sound ridiculous, it was really no more ridiculous than a bunch of guys playing football in the pouring rain. Plus, I have to admit, despite being a big Prince fan, the kitties gave a much more exciting half-time performance.

Kiss Her Ass!

I don't normally like Tyra, but this one of the best things I've ever seen on TV and Tyra is far from fat.

Crazy Wisdom

I actually was able to meditate tonight for an hour. As you can imagine, getting into this state is not easy for my overactive mind. Aftewards, I took a steam. I can't even write tonight because I'm so relaxed.

The Root of the Matter

So, after going to bed all happy about Madame, I woke up around 4:30AM with a HORRIBLE sharp pain coming from my tooth. So, I had to have an emergency root canal today and I feel like crap. Sympathy, please.

The Madame Podcast!

Center Square dreams come true for Rachel and Todd as BEWARE OF THE BABYLON meets television and Vegas celebrity diva Madame in a rare caberet performance. Enjoy their pre-show ramblings to find out...

• just how do you get into Grey's Anataomy's Isaiah Washington's homophobic rehab?

• just how does Spring Awakening stack up against High School Musical?

• just what is it about the vagina that pissed Todd off in Babel?

• and a Sundance recap although we never saw any of the movies!

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

OR, just listen right here and now with the audio player below...


powered by ODEO

All Madame Tuesday!

Watch this special video of vintage Solid Gold with a surprise visit at the end from our favorite dame Madame!

It's Really Madame and Me!

On account of all my recent posting, I was invited to go meet Madame in person! Of course, I made Todd go with me for the greatest photo op of all time with Madame!

SAG Awards: Madame Award

And the SAG Madame Awards goes to....



Ellen Pompeo most embodied the marionette glamour and attitude of the great Madame!

Bonus Buys

So, your bonus wasn't what your HR representative promised. That doesn't mean you can't go out and get some cheap luxury items to warm your spirt on these cold days.

1. Portolano Leather Gloves: Although these retail for $175, you can score them on sale for under $50 now at Macy's.

Nightgown Friday

Are you there God? It's Me, nycbabylon!



The Softer Side of xoxoanp




I realized that me and fellow blogger xoxoanp.com both took self portraits in our nightgowns this week. While I'm more modest than ANP, I'm posting my own nightie shot along with hers that I stole from her blog. These sexy shots can inspire all you readers to get excited for the first annual "NYCBABYLON and XOXOANP Caribbean Consumer Generated Media Blowout Week" which will start 3/15 in Aruba. From Aruba, we will be blogging, youtubing, flickring, while getting our tan on! We need a better name for our event. Any suggestions?

Charcroute Awards

It's Awards Seasons and along with the Golden Globes, BAFTAs, Oscars, and the Grammys is the annual Charcroute Awards where I was an official seat filler. Being a seat filler is not an easy job. As part of this honor, I had to sit at a long formal table with a placecard and listen to a 30 minute dissertation about the definition of "charcroute." The host, however, did not speak very fluent English so I am still not quite sure what charcroute means except that after the speech some people I never heard of were inducted into the "Charcroute Hall of Fame" and then we were served a shitload of different kinds of sausages and saurkraut. I hate saurkrat more than I hate cheese and I don't think veal sausage quite agrees with my stomach. I also wasn't sat with my date Wyndham and had to converse with a food writer who told me about how she survived cancer. I'm not sure chemo and charcroute quite mix. On my other side, was a podcaster who was podcasting the event. I started asking her about her show but she didn't seem interested in my by far more popular and entertaining podcast. For her show, she was interviewing the French host who couldn't really speak English. As we left, the host kissed me on both cheeks and gave me a goody bag with even more charcroute and wine. I wonder if cats like charcroute. Now, I'm ready for the BAFTAs!

State of the Babylon

1. I am still single.
2. I still have only one cat.
3. My immunotherapy is still at Level I.
4. I am seeing Chrystoph for cuts and Charlene for color.
5. I need to get rid of my old TV and microwave and need help in removing these heavy outdated items.
6. I am getting my deviated septum fixed in the Spring. There will be no cosmetic changes and I prefer profile photographs to be taken of my left side.
7. I still have the same job but secretly wish I had different one.
8. I renewed my BAFTA membership.
9. I am stil recording the podcast time permitting.
10. I still live in the same apartment.

Gay, Gay or Gay?

Tonight, during a very bad Monday night TV evening, I watched a new reality game show called

Gay, Straight or Taken.

where a woman had to decide out of three men which one was gay, which was was straight and which one was taken. Frankly, all three contestants were queens and I couldn't stand to even see the outcome. The woman put the men through challenges to determine their masulinity. One challenge was riding a mechanical bull which seemed a very backwards way of determining the "straight" man. Didn't she see Brokeback Mountain? I can't imagine any confident straight man or proud gay man who would humiliate himself going through this process. So, I think the game should be renamed to "In the Closet, Living a Lie or TV Whore."

Winter Awakening

I've been feeling kind of down after the exciting holiday season, but this weekend really brought my spirits back. First, I had a great date on Friday night with an eccentric musician. As he drove me home, he pulled a tree branch from his back seat and asked me to smell it and then looked me deep in the eyes and seriously said, "It smells like Christmas." He asked me out again and I can't wait to see him once more.

Then, last night I went to see the musical Spring Awakening. I went alone and scored a second row center orchestra seat. Before the show started, Tracey Ullman sat by me. As you can imagine, I'm a huge fan of Tracey who was as funny and outgoing as she is in her act. During intermission she leaned over and asked me, "What do you make of this?" She even did a bit of shtick where she projected the average old Jewish lady response to the show. "Oy, where's the dancing?" Then someone came up to her and told her how much they loved her on Frasier which she thought was pretty funny and she looked at me and said, "Can you bloody believe that?" The show was fresh with a great score so I recommend it. Lisa Marie Presley was also there but I don't consider her nearly as exciting as Tracey. Lisa was actually with Angela McCluskey who I met and chatted for a long time with at a party last year but I didn't have time to chat with Angela or meet Lisa because I was too starstruck by Ullman. So, on Saturday night I had a great date with Tracey Ullman.

Today, I made some bolognese and cheesecake, practiced my sax and downloaded the Spring Awakening soundtrack. I'm in a very good mood and I still can smell the faint scent of Christmas.

Catblog Friday by MJ Cat: Real Men Love Pussies

I meet a lot of suitors for my person who admit to not liking cats. I was speaking about this with my pals Thor and Heather and we have a theory. Men who don't like cats, don't really like women. Cats are complicated creatures and it takes patience, confidence and good communication skills to connect and love a cat. You, in turn, have to earn our trust, love and respect. We have mysterious moods and won't provide you with instant gratification at your leisure like some dumb needy dog. The straight men (and gay ones) who love cats are more patient, emotionally healthy and kinder men than the men who hate cats. Frankly, I think if a man can't connect with me, he will never be able to connect with my person. So, if you want a quality woman, you better considering appreciating her pussy.

Deal or No Deal

So, tomorrow is big bonus day at the bank! Everyone finds out if he/she receives the "bonus" and if it was worth turning down jobs all fall to receive a check of what could be absolutely nothing! Frankly, while I really need a bonus to pay off my years of no bonus and I'll go apeshit if I get nothing, I think bonuses are a corporate mind-fuck. Here is some advice for all of you waiting for your bonus.
1. It's a beyond your control.
2. If you don't get a bonus, find another job.
3. Any money is better than no money.
4. Your company does not own you.
5. Money does not buy happiness.

Now, I'm going to worry about it.

Freshly Popped Back from the Dead

Orville's Zombie moment.

I've been so consumed with the Golden Globes, that I haven't mentioned the new Orville Redenbacher ad where a digitally resurrected Orville Redenbacher appears popping some popcorn while inexplicably wearing headphones. Isn't the fun of popping popcorn hearing it pop? Today, in AdAge, Ken Wheaton wrote a fabulous post about this disturbing scary advertisement:

The agency, the marketer and Digital Domain are crowing about the ground-breaking technology used here, but this technology is not ready for prime time. Firstly, the Orville zombie sounds nothing like the original. More important, it is visually jarring ... my emotions ranged from "this is amateurish-looking crap" to "holy jeebum crow, this scares the hell out of me" -- especially near the end, when the Orville zombie's shoulder start hitching and it looks as if he's about to hack up a hairball.

Read Todd's hilarious commentary on this ad along with the scary DirecTV ad here.

Golden Globes: Madame Award

I've created a brand new award surrounding any award show. The award is the official "NYCBABYLON Madame Award" where the celebrity attending either the show or an afterparty most embraces the style and glamour of the puppet Madame. JLO won for the MTV Music Awards and for the 2007 Golden Globes the winner is.....

Mary-Kate Olson is this year's 2007 Golden Globe winner of the NYCBABYLON MADAME AWARD!

Golden Globes Live Blog

Anyone who is anyone was at the Globes!

10:57
Todd and I are going to stay on the phone together for Best Drama. Todd is weeping like Forest Whitaker right now and somewhat incoherent. I have oyster juice all over me and I'm forming a zit on my nose so it is good we are not on the red carpet this year. We decided if you are watching the Globes, you must already love shopping at Target so Target is preaching to the converted and should save their advertising dollars for Sunday Night Football. Todd and I are voting Reese as best dressed woman. PSH and Jeremy Irons are the worst dressed men. OK, here we go! What happened to Arnold? He's as incoherent at Forest Whitaker. Todd hated Babel and is going apeshit and screaming "NO, NO!" Babel is this year's Crash. Goodnight! And to all the Oscar voters, vote for Borat!

10:53
I don't think I've ever heard Forest Whitaker speak as himself and perhaps that is a good thing because he's seems inarticulate and kind of stupid. I suppose he's touched, but I'm very confused.

10:45
PSH is the worst dressed man at the Globes. And where is Judy Dench? I guess she knew Helen Mirren was a lock for Best Actress.

10:37
I don't see how Dreamgirls could have beat Borat. As I watch this awards show, I realize how fucking good Borat really was and should win the Oscar. I also hate that they always try to get the big winners off the stage so fast at the end of the show.


Pretty! Canary is the new black!

Bill Nighy is a silver fox!
10:23
Martin Scorcese looks shocked. I'm glad he beat Clint. I'm sick of Clint. Reese looks fresh and young and perfect. Come on Borat! I am so happy he won! The performance was amazing!

10:15
I've been dating a man much older that I am and sometimes he makes very bad unfunny jokes and I have to pretend to laugh. That is how Annette Benning must feel right now.

9:52
Kate and Leo are unsinkable!
Time for the smoked oysters. I'm taking a food break during the Beatty/Hank jerk-off tribute.

All hail The Queen and thank god for Prince!

Clint Eastwood wins best Foreign Film. No comment.


Real girls can win Globes too!
9:30
Todd just called again to discuss the Back to the Future Direct TV commercial which is pretty odd. What happened to Geena Davis? Did she have a facelift?


Lighten up, Cam! You'll meet someone more age appropriate. JT was just a snack!
9:19
The second Cameron Diaz came onstage, my IM went beserk with all my girlfriends going crazy. Deirdre said she looks "disastrous" and Marcy asks, "What lamp was she pulled off of?" Give her a break. She just broke up with Justin and he's there and he is screwing Scarlett (who might be the only star I haven't seen tonight.) I agree, she could look better, but have a kind heart and remember the bad hair choices we all make during bad breakups. Now, can I say how much I hate Zach Braff? And wtf is going on with Vanessa William's hair?

9:07
You think SJP would have looked more fashionable to introduce The Devil Wears Prada.
For the record, I saw The Devil Wears Prada three times in the theater. Man, it seems every celeb in the world is at the Globes this year. Also, during the commercial break, Prince walked by. He must have arrived late and missed his chance to pick up his award which sucks because I LOVE Prince. Also, Sienna Miller is wearing a Marchesa dress which is designed by Georgina Chapman who fucks Harvey Weinstein right now. I'm not crazy about this dress but Factory Girl starring Sienna Miller is a Weinstein Company movie so I wonder if Harvey made Sienna wear Marchesa. Also, I must be getting older, because I'm kind of turned on by Bill Nighy.

8:50
I just want to say that this was a great year for movies for women. Also, there are a lot of stars at the Globes tonight. This is truly an A-list evening at the Globes.
Who would you rather? I vote Salma. She's hotter than anorexic Ellen Pompeo. Go T&A!



8:45 I love that Annette was having some champagne when the camera went to her. Meryl Streep deserved to win this. If Beyonce beat her, I was going to puke. That's all. I'm moving onto the bean dip.

8:42
I can't believe the Globes finally included Animated Film and Cars won? I hated Cars. I saw it on a plane. Shit. I just got salad dressing on my tank top.

8:40
Bobby sucked. Don't bother to see it. I am now eating some salad spinned in my new spinner. Next, I'll have some smoked oysters. I am not sure where the white bean dip fits in, but I think that might be after 10.


Two handsome cats!

8:31
Yeah, I love Hugh Laurie! He won! He's the hottest man at the Globes, Clooney!

8:25
I love Rene's dress for both the color and its length. Rene was at the BAFTA Q&A for Miss Potter. Rene weighs about 90lbs. She is very skinny.

In every award show, some old guy comes up and puts the show out of whack. So far it's this old Globes Guy who just insulted Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep by comparing them to Sunset Boulevard's Norma Desmond. That was non-comedy comedy at it's finest.

Now that Emily Blunt won, mabye she'll get to sit at a closer table in the future. But, what is wrong with her? Did she just sniff coke?

8:21
Todd just called me to discuss Jeremy Irons. Todd thought he was a "big goofball." Todd loves Clooney. Todd is live commenting during my live blogging. For some reason, Naomi Watts looks like the poor man's Cate Blanchett. She doesn't seem to be able to read the teleprompter but I guess in the world of Babel, pure communication is difficult.

8:15
What's the deal with Jeremy Irons? I used to think he was kind of hot, but he seems older than Peter O'Toole now. I don't watch The Closer so I have not feeling about this win except that Kyra's boobs looks weird in that dress.


Felicity's style desperately needs a makeover.


Beyonce should have "listened" to her sytlist and not worn this ugly trashy dress.


Smile, Angie! You're at the Globes with Brad Pitt!

8:02
I hate Clooney! What a pompous ass. Anyway, from Idol to winner of Best Supporting Actress at the Globes, Jennifer Hudson really puts the dream in Dreamgirls! I'm already two minutes into the show and I'm tearing up.





Me gusta su nalga, Penelope.

I almost didn't make it because I lost my keys at TJ Maxx, but I got the back and I'm here to blog the Globes. I'll be updating on the 1/2 hour.


I'm watching the pre-show on E! now. Angelina Jolie looks flawless but super pissed off. I'd be pissed off if I was Jennifer Anniston watching her ex gush about their kids.



Drew Barrymore looks better than last year when she forgot to wear a bra.

Felicity Huffman makes very bad dress choices. My mother just called me and said, "Can't she afford a better dress. She should be making some decent money now."


I love both the Kates. Kate Winslett is a vision of ethereal beauty.

Beyonce looks trashy. No wonder she's not getting Oscar buzz.

Meet you all the way at the Globes!

Tastes Like Chicken: Artist Eats Swan

Performance artist Mark McGowan ate a swan today protesting the British monarchy and upper class. By law, it is illegal in the UK to eat a swan unless you are the queen. I hate George Bush and ate a cow today, but that was not in protest. I just like steak.

Live Golden Globes Blogging

I will be live blogging during tomorrow night's Golden Globes. Be sure to check back between 8PM-12AM to add your comments.

Sucky Sunday

Today sucked. Nobody called me and I fell on the corner of Bleecker and Perry and nobody stopped to help me or see if I was dead. Then my friend cancelled on me because she is feeling depressed. This pisses me off especially because this is a holiday weekend and I wanted to go out tonight. So, I made a steak and got my snacks ready for the Globes tomorrow while a huge bruise is forming on my left thigh.

Donald vs. Rosie

Today, I got an email from a reader/friend who wanted my opinion on the Rosie vs. Trump feud. Frankly, I can't believe it's still making headlines and that on a poll today that I saw on AOL, most people are on Trump's side. Here, however, are my thoughts:
1. Rosie is a comedienne and entitled to her opinion and frankly, I thought what she said was funny and Donald seems on the defense.
2. Trump's initial response on Acess Hollywood disgusted me since his comments were been both homophobic and misogynist. Instead of stating that perhaps Rosie was misinformed about his finances, he attacked her by calling her fat, unattractive, and threatening to have a friend come steal her girlfriend Kelly.
3. If Trump is as smart and powerful as he claims, he should act as a responsible corporate citizen. Instead, as a self-proclaimed symbol of corporate power, his homophobic tirades demonstrate the sexism women face in the white corporate world. If a man disagrees with him, he'd never call him "fat" or a "pig." This type of rhetoric is very anti-woman and that type of response does not create an intellectual debate.
4. It's making me sick he's dragging Ivanka into this as a mere ratings device for his show the Apprentice which I used to enjoy, but now is officially fired from my TV schedule.
5. I love the View!

Brrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's finally cold out and I have nothing to write about because I'm home eating udon noodles and curling up on the chaise with Max. To all my friends out their joining cults, sitting home blogging or having babies, give me a call. I miss you.

Oprah Talks Shit!

I was shocked yesterday when I watched an repeat episode of Oprah where she and some guy named Dr. Oz answered "Your Most Embarrassing Questions" about poop. Oprah seriously covered questions such as "What Shape Should Your Poop Be?", "Why does poop smell?", and "What makes poop brown?" You can click here for a recap. While I have to confess, I'm curious about poop, I can't believe Oprah dedicated a show to discussing bowl movements. I'd like to ask her why pinenuts always come out as some weird deposit in my shit or what to do when you get poop stuck 1/2 way on the work toilet. Tonight, I'll be watching "Does My Butt Look Big?" I know mine does and don't need Oprah to tell me this either.

The Smell

Yes, MJ cat and I definitely woke up to the gas smell this morning. At first, we thought it was our new stove but then realized that our water was turned off and there were a bunch of truck and jackhammers dealing with the reported leak out on Bleecker Street. I opened a window and rushed off to chair this morning's "Rapid Results" window hoping MJ wouldn't light a cigar today while I was at work. Well, I was very nervous when I heard the gas smell was permeating all of downtown and MJ was all alone with an open window. We're both alive and still don't know the source of the smell and thank god, we have running water.

The Mambocast Podcast

BEWARE OF THE BABYLON
THE SUSHI MAMBOCAST

Mambo in the New Year with Todd, Rachel and raw fish...

* Dirty jokes about dental fillings.

* Catching up with all things BAFTA.

* Favorite holiday moments remembered.

* PLUS, we answer the question "Is he just not into her or is he dead?"

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

Hold the Mayo: TomKat Marriage Update

I don't know who this person is but this account of rumors about the reasons for a possible breakup of newlyweds TomKat is fascinating. Accusations include that Katie doesn't like Tom's moving toe disorder and Tom doesn't like that Katie doesn't like mayo and Tom loves mayo. Read this fascinating article here.

What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?

So, before the holidays, I had more than one man hint he'd take me out for the New Year. Needless to say, they all seemed to vanish (and I mean fall off the face of the earth) one by one after they mentioned taking me out for the big night. I had more hope about some than others and surrendered myself to the fantasy that one of them would show up at the last minute and the goddess of fate would take care of me and 2006 would come to a very happy ending. Despite the fabulous time I ended up having with my gfs, I want to stress to the men out there that this kind of vanishing act is not cool during the period between 11/26 and 12/31 when women are especially vulnerable so don't hint at holiday dates when you cannot come through or at least let the woman know you are crapping out, freaking out, going out of town, etc. At least, The Boss has the decency to share his schedule with me and for that reason, he still has my respect. Out of generous spirit, I'm providing some guidance to the guilty about how to get back in my good graces.
1. Send me flowers. Make sure they are my favorite. If you don't know my favorite flowers, do some homework and find out. I have enough online media that you can find one of my friends and find out.
2. Send me an apology card that includes a photo of a cute animal on it that says, "I'm sorry" including a handwritten explanation of your disappearance. Depending on the animal you choose, I will determine if I will forgive you.
3. Call and profusely apologize and invite me to Sparks for dinner.
4. Email me a list using the headline "I'm sorry" and then list 10 things you think are great about me.
5. Write me a song about how great I am and record yourself singing it on youtube and then send me the link.

Happy New Year!

A cute snack took this fabulous photo of me, Anittah and Michael Panes last night some time around 3:30AM.

Things I Hated 2006

It is that time of the year when I list all the things I hated in 2006.
1. Mark McGrath hosting Access Hollywood or Extra or whatever it is he hosts. He's a sell-out. 2. I hate when strangers stop me on the street to tell me that my purse is open. Why are they looking in the first place?
3. Cinea discs
4. When my friends diss me for their new bfs.
5. I hate when Max (my cat) purrs in my face at 4AM.
6. That "upset stomach diarreah" Pepto Bismal ad.
7. Breaking out. I can't believe I still get zits at 35.
8. Dieting. It still does and will always suck.
9. "Reorgs" at work and the undeserving people who end up promoted as a result because there is no where else to put them.
10. Cleaning the bathroom
11. Text messaging. I feel this is a cop out for a real conversation.
12. Mid-year reviews.
13. The weekly "rapid results" meeting at work which I am not ironically in charge of.
14. I hate when my pants get too tight.
15. Waiting in doctors' offices
16. Doing dirty dishes
17. I hate when washed up pop stars like Barry Manilow or Lionel Richie whore themselves out by doing live performances on ET.
18. Fake celebrites on myspace.com.
19. Guys who don't call when they say they will call you.
2o. Subway transfers
21. Tourists who stop in the middle of the sidewalk
22. Lip sunburns
23. Amtrak
24. Perez Hilton. I read the site relgiously, but I hate him.
25. mayo
26. ketchup
27. cheese
28. relish
29. Slow service at fast food restaurants
3o. I hate when Christina moderates BAFTA Q&As.
31. I hate when people stop on the street to "ask me a question" but all they really want to ask for his money.
32. Growing out my hair.
33. I hate being single when I'm sick.
34. People who push you on the subway.
35. Tickmaster surcharges
36. Itchy nipples
37. Going to weddings alone
38. I hate when people do not RSVP to my evite invites
39. Saurkraut
40. Deep dental cleanings
41. 9:00AM Monday morning meetings.
42. Flight delays
43. Pet abuse
44. Pushy and/or abusive coworkers
45. The size of my studio apartment
46. George Bush
47. I hate hearing about robberies at gunpoint on my block.
48. I hate leaving Max alone by himself when I go away.
49. I hate being told to shut-up.
50. Allergies and asthma

Good Night and Good Luck

Hussein Hanged!

I just found out that Sadaam was just hanged and I feel sort of weird about it in the same way that one might feel finding out an ex boyfriend married a person in a wheelchair or a good friend had an abortion or suddenly the makeup you've been wearing for years has been discontinued. Hanging seems just so final yet anticlimactic.

Songs of 2006

While my good friend Todd posted his favorite albums of the year, I have to list my favorite pop songs. Like Todd, I have some more screeners to watch, so my movie list will come in early 2007. I don't buy albums anymore since I have entered the age of iTunes and individual downloads. Here are my favorite (not necessarily the best) songs of 2006. These are the best songs to dance to, make out to and sing into your hairbrush. These are not in order.

1. Crazy (Gnarles Barkley)
2. Save Room (John Legend)
3. Steady as She Goes (Raconteurs)
4. Public Affair (Jessica Simpson)
5. Get Myself Into It (The Rapture)
6. Wagon Wheel (Old Crow Medicine Show)
7. You'll Think of Me (Keith Urban)
8. Smile (Lily Allen)
9. Put Your Record On (Corrine Baily Rae)
10. Lloyd, I'm Ready to Be Heartbroken (Camera Obscura)
11. What's Left of Me (Nick Lachey)
12. Deja Vu (Beyonce)
13. Hips Don't Lie (Shakira)
14. Not Ready to Make Nice (Dixie Chicks)
15. Crosses (Jose Gonzales)
16. Heartbeats (The Knife)
17. Woman in a Bar (Lloyd Cole)
18. Sexy Back (Justin Timberlake)
19. Be Without You (Mary J. Blige)
20. SOS (Rihanna)

Socialites' Greeting Cards Blind Item

Each you, NY Social Diary publishes a collage of socialite greeting cards. This year, I had a very special treat because I actually recognized one of the socialites as someone I had a brief affair with back in college. He appears to be single and has most of his hair. Can you guess who?

Happy Holidays!

This is from last week's SNL, but I can't get the song "Dick in a Box" out of mind.

Men of 2006

This is a list of the best (not all) of the men I dated in 2006. These are the men who inspired me, drove me crazy, consumed me and pissed me off and, yet, made my year memorable. Like last year, I did not find true love but at least I did not relive the insanity of 2004's drunks, skunks and spankers. I'm still optimistic and I think I'm making better choices so let's hope that perhaps that I will not be writing this annual list in the next couple of years.

The Brit (May 2005-January 2006)
I wrote about the Brit last year and his sweet painted postcards he sent me in the mail. On New Year's day of last year, the Brit disappeared. I finally received a note from him in February that he was depressed and he would contact me when he recovered. I heard from him finally some time in the Spring, but by then, he was crossed off the list.

Hojo Fantasy (?)
I can't say when the Hojo Fantasy began, but he is truly a fantasy. I sometimes think that he just likes me liking him and other times as he brushes up against my knee or makes a flirtatious remark, I wonder if perhaps the desire is returned or he just enjoys playing me the fool. I don't know why I allow Hojo's fickle attention to distract me from eligible and realistic suitors, but I do. Whenever there is a break in my dating, it is because I am focused on him.

Fawlty Towers (April-June)
I didn't date anyone for a couple of months after the Brit trauma, but I made the awful mistake of dating another Brit hotelier who lived in my neighborhood half the time or as he used to say "in the trees" for the other half. I can't say anything about bad him except that after a couple of months, I received an email from him about how "nice" I am and then I never heard from him again. Actually, he was kind of boring.

Mr. Wrong (August-October)
Mr. Wrong was my West Coast man for a couple of months. All I can say is, when I visited him in October he was rude to me and abandoned me at a party in the Hollywood Hills. I hate LA.

Guess Who's Not Coming to Dinner (August-October)
The fun loving Vespa-driving Scotsman provided some real fun. Unfortunately, he informed me after a handful of dates that he didn't eat dinner. He doesn't eat after 2PM. I don't know if this was an excuse to not take me out to dinner, but in any case, I need to see a man who eats dinner.

No Moore (September)
He's hardly worth writing about except for the fact that I had the best date of the year with this guy but never saw him again. There were a couple of follow-up text messages, but that was it. I wonder what happened to him.

The Boss (November-present)
I am definitely one of the Boss' many women. The Boss is 50 and doesn't really seem to work so he has a lot of time to pick of girls and boss them around. He's actually the only man who has ever captured my attention by making a joke about my "embouchure" and also who made the moves on me in a cafe ladies room. My friend thinks the boss is good for me and that because I like working at the bank, being bossed around is not such a bad thing for me. She thinks that perhaps I need more bossing in my personal life and should keep him in rotation. Despite my better judgment, I like him and hope we at least remain friends. Oh, and he looks like Michael J. Fox.

Spicoli (December-present)
I just met Spicoli last weekend and he's already been over for dinner. Spicoli is the opposite of the boss. He's very "chill." He leaned over the bar and said, "You're cute" and then he kissed me. We ended up making out at the Dark Room for the rest of the night to the soundtrack of the Smiths and New Order. Spicoli kind of reminds me of my high school man Chip. Spicoli also has very nice dark hair and a tight bod. He, however, called me last night at 1:30AM to chat.

The Architect (January 2003-present)
I ran into the Architect over the summer on the street and he continues to solicit me despite his new baby and wife. I'm starting to think he knows he should have been sweeter in 2003. In July, he actually showed up at my apartment late at night, but when I let him in he freaked out and had a panic attack and ran home. He has since apologized but I haven't seen him again.

Hot Times in the City

I'm on vacation in my hometown New York City! As you can see from this photo taken of me and my good friend Annitah, I'm having a blast. Now, I have to start the 2007 diet. I stole this photo from Anittah b/c her camera is better than mine.

Happy Hannukah From MJ Cat

While all my heathen dog uncles are out terrorizing department store Santas, I'm staying home, drinking a good bottle of Sofia Coppola sparkling wine and quietly licking the Hannukah bush.