Monday, January 15, 2007

Golden Globes Live Blog

Anyone who is anyone was at the Globes!

Todd and I are going to stay on the phone together for Best Drama. Todd is weeping like Forest Whitaker right now and somewhat incoherent. I have oyster juice all over me and I'm forming a zit on my nose so it is good we are not on the red carpet this year. We decided if you are watching the Globes, you must already love shopping at Target so Target is preaching to the converted and should save their advertising dollars for Sunday Night Football. Todd and I are voting Reese as best dressed woman. PSH and Jeremy Irons are the worst dressed men. OK, here we go! What happened to Arnold? He's as incoherent at Forest Whitaker. Todd hated Babel and is going apeshit and screaming "NO, NO!" Babel is this year's Crash. Goodnight! And to all the Oscar voters, vote for Borat!

I don't think I've ever heard Forest Whitaker speak as himself and perhaps that is a good thing because he's seems inarticulate and kind of stupid. I suppose he's touched, but I'm very confused.

PSH is the worst dressed man at the Globes. And where is Judy Dench? I guess she knew Helen Mirren was a lock for Best Actress.

I don't see how Dreamgirls could have beat Borat. As I watch this awards show, I realize how fucking good Borat really was and should win the Oscar. I also hate that they always try to get the big winners off the stage so fast at the end of the show.

Pretty! Canary is the new black!

Bill Nighy is a silver fox!
Martin Scorcese looks shocked. I'm glad he beat Clint. I'm sick of Clint. Reese looks fresh and young and perfect. Come on Borat! I am so happy he won! The performance was amazing!

I've been dating a man much older that I am and sometimes he makes very bad unfunny jokes and I have to pretend to laugh. That is how Annette Benning must feel right now.

Kate and Leo are unsinkable!
Time for the smoked oysters. I'm taking a food break during the Beatty/Hank jerk-off tribute.

All hail The Queen and thank god for Prince!

Clint Eastwood wins best Foreign Film. No comment.

Real girls can win Globes too!
Todd just called again to discuss the Back to the Future Direct TV commercial which is pretty odd. What happened to Geena Davis? Did she have a facelift?

Lighten up, Cam! You'll meet someone more age appropriate. JT was just a snack!
The second Cameron Diaz came onstage, my IM went beserk with all my girlfriends going crazy. Deirdre said she looks "disastrous" and Marcy asks, "What lamp was she pulled off of?" Give her a break. She just broke up with Justin and he's there and he is screwing Scarlett (who might be the only star I haven't seen tonight.) I agree, she could look better, but have a kind heart and remember the bad hair choices we all make during bad breakups. Now, can I say how much I hate Zach Braff? And wtf is going on with Vanessa William's hair?

You think SJP would have looked more fashionable to introduce The Devil Wears Prada.
For the record, I saw The Devil Wears Prada three times in the theater. Man, it seems every celeb in the world is at the Globes this year. Also, during the commercial break, Prince walked by. He must have arrived late and missed his chance to pick up his award which sucks because I LOVE Prince. Also, Sienna Miller is wearing a Marchesa dress which is designed by Georgina Chapman who fucks Harvey Weinstein right now. I'm not crazy about this dress but Factory Girl starring Sienna Miller is a Weinstein Company movie so I wonder if Harvey made Sienna wear Marchesa. Also, I must be getting older, because I'm kind of turned on by Bill Nighy.

I just want to say that this was a great year for movies for women. Also, there are a lot of stars at the Globes tonight. This is truly an A-list evening at the Globes.
Who would you rather? I vote Salma. She's hotter than anorexic Ellen Pompeo. Go T&A!

8:45 I love that Annette was having some champagne when the camera went to her. Meryl Streep deserved to win this. If Beyonce beat her, I was going to puke. That's all. I'm moving onto the bean dip.

I can't believe the Globes finally included Animated Film and Cars won? I hated Cars. I saw it on a plane. Shit. I just got salad dressing on my tank top.

Bobby sucked. Don't bother to see it. I am now eating some salad spinned in my new spinner. Next, I'll have some smoked oysters. I am not sure where the white bean dip fits in, but I think that might be after 10.

Two handsome cats!

Yeah, I love Hugh Laurie! He won! He's the hottest man at the Globes, Clooney!

I love Rene's dress for both the color and its length. Rene was at the BAFTA Q&A for Miss Potter. Rene weighs about 90lbs. She is very skinny.

In every award show, some old guy comes up and puts the show out of whack. So far it's this old Globes Guy who just insulted Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep by comparing them to Sunset Boulevard's Norma Desmond. That was non-comedy comedy at it's finest.

Now that Emily Blunt won, mabye she'll get to sit at a closer table in the future. But, what is wrong with her? Did she just sniff coke?

Todd just called me to discuss Jeremy Irons. Todd thought he was a "big goofball." Todd loves Clooney. Todd is live commenting during my live blogging. For some reason, Naomi Watts looks like the poor man's Cate Blanchett. She doesn't seem to be able to read the teleprompter but I guess in the world of Babel, pure communication is difficult.

What's the deal with Jeremy Irons? I used to think he was kind of hot, but he seems older than Peter O'Toole now. I don't watch The Closer so I have not feeling about this win except that Kyra's boobs looks weird in that dress.

Felicity's style desperately needs a makeover.

Beyonce should have "listened" to her sytlist and not worn this ugly trashy dress.

Smile, Angie! You're at the Globes with Brad Pitt!

I hate Clooney! What a pompous ass. Anyway, from Idol to winner of Best Supporting Actress at the Globes, Jennifer Hudson really puts the dream in Dreamgirls! I'm already two minutes into the show and I'm tearing up.

Me gusta su nalga, Penelope.

I almost didn't make it because I lost my keys at TJ Maxx, but I got the back and I'm here to blog the Globes. I'll be updating on the 1/2 hour.

I'm watching the pre-show on E! now. Angelina Jolie looks flawless but super pissed off. I'd be pissed off if I was Jennifer Anniston watching her ex gush about their kids.

Drew Barrymore looks better than last year when she forgot to wear a bra.

Felicity Huffman makes very bad dress choices. My mother just called me and said, "Can't she afford a better dress. She should be making some decent money now."

I love both the Kates. Kate Winslett is a vision of ethereal beauty.

Beyonce looks trashy. No wonder she's not getting Oscar buzz.

Meet you all the way at the Globes!

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