No Country For Old Cats

MJ Cat meditates on the meaning of life, death and "home" as he is being hunted by the evil HW Dog.

Things I Hate 2007

It is that time of the year when I list all the things I hated in 2007.
1. When people I love die way before their time.
2. When people stop to tell me shoe is untied.
3. The use of the word "meh" to describe a mediocre emotion.
4. Having to enter a special code to post a comment on a blog.
5. The small wrinkles that are starting to form around the corner of my eyes.
6. The crazy BAFTA rsvp system
7. When people call sandwiches "sammies." If you are an adult, speak proper English.
8. Twentysomethings who think they can go from an entry-level job to becoming a VP in 3 months. Pay your dues, kids.
9. I hate when Max (my cat) purrs in my face at 4AM.
10. Guilt trips
11. People who think that the hours they stay in the office qualifies the work they perform. Depriving themselves of sleep, social lives and/or being a responsibile parent does not make an ideal corporate citizen.
12. This fucking pain that has developed in my left hip.
13. Not having a doorman
14. People who think text messaging counts as an actual conversation
15. Annual reviews
16. Going to the ER alone in the middle of the night
17. Pokes on Facebook. I don't get the point.
18. Going to the dentist
19. Airport delays
20. Hot dressing rooms.
21. When my friends have affairs with married men.
22. Tourists who stop in the middle of the sidewalk
23. The fact that airlines don't offer you anything to eat anymore
24. Talentless sisters trying to capitalize off the fame of their older siblings ala Jamie Lynn Spears and that Lohan sister.
25. mayo
26. ketchup
27. cheese
28. relish
29. My CVS pharmacist.
30. Men who don't have their shit together over the age of 35.
31. Pet abuse
32. Breakfast meetings
33. The new woman at my nail salon
34. George Bush
35. Allergies
36. When something new breaks right after I buy it.
37. The WGA strike!
38. The Hills
39. When Todd gets mad at me because I don't want to get up early to go to brunch. He's known me for over 10 years and we've NEVER had brunch so I don't know why he gets disappointed.

Best Films of 2007

Now that BAFTA season is officially over, I'm free to list my top 10 films of the year. This year was an amazing year for film and I'm hoping that the Writer's Strike ends so I can enjoy all the award shows! For the record, the worst film I saw this year was El Cantante.

1. There Will Be Blood
When I told PT Anderson that this film was "Citizen Kane good", he said that was the ultimate compliment. Plus, it stars Daniel Day Lewis as Daniel Plainview in this year's best role to do impressions of ala Billy Bob Thorton in Sling Blade. Seriously, it's an amazing film with an amazing performance by Daniel Day Lewis, a drop-dead score and the most audacious first fifteen minutes of a film I've seen in a very long time. It's the perfect film to come out at the end of the Bush presidency. I can't stop talking about it with Todd. Plus, when that oil well blows, I almost fell out of my seat.
2. I'm Not There
First of all, I'm a big fan of Bob Dylan. I've seen both DA Pennebaker's Don't Look Back documentary and Scorcese's No Direction Home and the only box set I've ever purchased was that of Bob Dylan. And, I read Dylan's own autobiography Chronicles. And, if I didn't have any background in Dylan, I probably wouldn't know what the hell was going on this film with six different actors playing different constructs of the public perception of Bob Dylan. What I do know is that Todd Haynes is an amazing director. Again, he deconstructs film genre as he did in Far From Heaven and the cult of personality as he did in Superstar and Velvet Goldmine. And, he totally deconstructs documentary film "narrative" in a fictional film. Plus, it's clear that Todd Haynes truly loves music. It's a Cinema Studies graduate's perfect kind of film to analyze and watch over and over again. Finally, Cate Blanchett totally blew my mind playing the best Bob Dylan ever.
3. No Country for Old Men
This film was number one my list until I saw the two above. It's a fabulous horror film with Javier Bardem playing the scariest villain since Hannibal Lechter.
4. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
I loved this inspirational, funny and yet tragic film about the former editor of French Elle who becomes paralyzed into "locked in" syndrome and writes his biography by blinking one eye. I know this sounds crazy but you have to see this!
5. The Namesake
Mira Nair is an amazing filmmaker. I cried at the end. It's just as good as the book and I immediately went for Indian food after leaving the theater.
6. Before the Devil Knows Your Dead
This is just good old fashioned cinematic story telling at it's best. Ethan Hawke makes a comeback in this year's most underrated performance.
7. Darjeerling Limited
I'm a big fan of Wes Anderson. I found this film funny, moving and representing the current GenX sentiment. I also really want that luggage! I also bought the soundtrack.
8. Eastern Promises
I saw this film three times in the theater due to my love of Viggo. The bathhouse scene is fantastic. This was really the most entertaining film of the year. Cronenberg keeps getting better and better.
9. Zodiac
All year long, I've been telling everyone how awesome and enthralling this film was which was released early in the year about the Zodiac Killer. The film's length, rhythm and style all perfectly reflects the mystery.
10. Things We Lost in the Fire
I was deeply affected about this film about grief and addiction. Benicio del Toro is again amazing in this one. I cried all the way home.

My New Film

I skipped BAFTA and OSCARS tonight to experiment with my new Flip. Here's the result.

Bollywood Thriller

Father on Flickr

Nothing scarier than finding your father tagged on flickr looking thrilled to be at his 45th high school reunion. See how he looks like Frances Ford? Now, you can see where I get 1/2 my good looks from!

del Barco Sighting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life is strange. Tonight, I walked into the downtown Bloomingdales and the first person I see standing closest to the door in front of the Dior counter, is Andy del Barco pushing a baby stroller! He looked the same and was immediately recognizable. I was flustered, considering the last post I wrote on this blog was about him. I told him that I was just writing about him, and became slightly flustered because I was a little freaked out about the coincidence, and clearly, had no idea what the hell I was talking about.

I was going to take his photo but he didn't want me to but I did get his email address. Since Tim died, I've been feeling that the plot of life just doesn't make sense anymore. Everything that has happened to me since June has just been a series of quick images and nonlinear events. Yet, somehow, this coincidental siting puts my faith back into the meaning of life. While someone (perhaps trivial) from my past, Andy represents the optimism I once had when I first came to NYC in 1992. Perhaps seeing Andy with his beautiful family shopping in Bloomies is some kind of sign that my life has some kind of plot and meaningful future.

Andy Del Barco Update

Back in the late 90s, I posted my first web page which was a page dedicated to one of my first friends I made in NYC. His name was Andy DelBarco and he worked in the Visitor Services Department with me at the Museum of Television and Radio during the summer of 1992. Before I became a corporate nerd, I often used to run into DelBarco in the East Village and in the NYC art scene. Then, I forgot about him until today, thanks to the magic of Google another old friend of DelBarco sent me an email that he was also looking for him. He also sent me some fabulous still of Andy circa 1984. So, Andy if you Google your name and find yourself here, email me. People need an update!

Youth Without Youth Premiere

At certain times in my life, I realize that great experiences and opportunities that are available to me as I live in NYC. Tonight I was invited to attend the premiere of Francis Ford Coppola's first film in 10 years Youth Without Youth at the Paris Theater. As I sat in the same row as the Godfather himself, I have to confess, I felt a little starstruck. While the movie was no Apocalypse Now, I did feel Coppola was channeling his inner Lynch. I can't really explain the plot except two people get struck by lightening and then some funky stuff happens to their bodies and souls and people start speaking in Sanskrit, grow second sets of teeth and have doppelgangers following them around. Oh, and they are running from the Nazis and dreaming of Shiva. I don't think this film will be as successful as his last vintage, but as a Cinema Studies graduate, I feel a little more complete having sat in a theater with FFC himself which was kind of like the time I saw Steven Spielberg power walking in East Hampton.

The One Macy's Friends and Family Cast

BEWARE OF THE BABYLON is live on tape from
the Macy*s Friends and Family sale...
Join us for a brand new show featuring:

* An all-star blogger Macy*s gathering featuring Perez Hilton, Trent Vargas, Arianna Huffington, Todd and Rachel.

* Todd's deceptively delicious brownie revelation.

* Rachel's latest shit-your-pants movie review.

* Gossip Girl and other Government conspiracies.

* Fool proof tips on holiday regifting.

* Another trip to the scariest place at Christmastime - Santaland

As alway, this and every BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes.

Joan Van Ark or Madame?

A Spice Girls Xmas

I don't know where my closest Tesco is, but I sure want to buy some pudding there thanks to the Spice Girls!

My Meat Plate

Please behold one of my best holiday meat plates EVER!

The Savages Review

Last night, I saw the new film The Savages. I can't say it was the greatest movie I saw this year, but it has stayed with me today. The movie stars Laura Linney and Philip Seymour Hoffman as siblings who have to put their father into a nursing home. The thing is, neither sibling really had a relationship with their father who abandonded them and are torn between emotions of obligation, loss and guilt. Laura Linney's character is a neurotic self-obsessed survivor living in New York with her cat. (I kind of related to her.) PSH plays a drama professor living in Buffalo who can't commit to his Polish girlfriend. Both performances were amazing, and the script had some killer dialogue such as, "This isn't therapy. This is real life." There is also a hilarious exchange where the siblings equate their father's situation to the Emergency Alert system determining that their father's situation is in "yellow" status. Yet, as I watched the film, I kept thinking about how every year my family argues about going to the Lancaster Outlet malls on Black Friday. I used to enjoy the outlets, but now the outlets don't sell outlet clothes. They just sell cheap crap that is manufactured for the outlets and while I can find something good sometimes, I don't enjoy the experience as much as I used to ten years ago. The Banana Republic outlet sells last season's styles replicated in cheap single ply fabrics. I'd prefer to do my discount shopping at H&M and Target where the bargains are genuine and not pretending to be something they are not. Somehow, I always still wind up on the outlet trip, despite my better judgement. Inevitably, I always get really cranky at the outlets and this results in a family fight where we yell at and insult each other's life choices, fashion sense and finally, each other's weight. Jabs can include everything from "Why are you so angry?" to "I hate you" to "Well, since you put on weight...." And, I'm always the bad guy because I didn't want to go to the fucking outlets in the god damned first place. After the outlet trip, The Savages drama seemed slightly obvious and trivial to me. I think my family status is in Orange.

Dancing with the Stars

I admit that I am not watching The Dancing With the Stars finale. And, now that Marie Osmond is voted off, I don't care who wins. It's not that Marie deserved to win, but she tried so damned hard that I kind of wanted her to take the "glory."

Pissed

OK, I've been really pissed off since I had to drag my ass to the ER by myself a week ago in the middle of the night. Going to the ER alone is a very sad and lonely experience. You face your death and realize that nobody is present to even share your last moments with you.

Plus, I'm mad at someone else, but I'm too mad to talk about it right now. I don't like feeling this angry. It's not attractive.

Talking Cats

OK, this is the cutest thing I've seen in awhile.

Barely Breathing

So, last night my peak flow went below 200 at around 1:30AM so I had to haul my ass over to St. Vincent's ER. Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than going BY YOURSELF to the ER in the middle of the night. They admitted me immediately and hooked me up to the nebulizer pronto. My bed was between one drunk guy vomitting and another guy getting a catheter who didn't speak English. I felt like the supermodel of patients. Also, there was no McDreamy or McSteamy or Dr. Ross present. Now, I'm home and breathing and realizing I don't want to die alone.

The Bachelor

OK, I'm sick AGAIN with a cold and I'm watching The Bachelor and this Austin asshole Brad is actually not picking EITHER woman. I mean this is the fucking Bachelor and I'm wasting two hours of my life to see this asshat actually choose someone and instead it's like real life and not what "reality tv" is supposed to be. It's full of confusion, false promises and "grey" matter. I could write about my own life, but you could just watch the series finale of the Bachelor instead and I'll spare you the drama.

Writer's Strike Late Night Break

It may be the writer's strike, but that doesn't mean you can't go back in time (thanks to YouTube) and watch some of the greatest moments in TV history.

Warning: If you are a homosexual male, you may spontaneously combust when you watch this clip.

Bandar's Bitch

One of my new adult qualities is my ability to talk about fashion, celebrity gossip and now, financial services. A couple of days ago I wrote how fucked up Citi is and about Chuck Prince's resignation. Now, that I'm in the world of beauty, I feel freer to write about the crazy state of the bank.

When I was at Citi, I was ready to propose a credit car incentive program where customers could redeem points to donate money to their favorite environmental cause. Management told me I had to be very careful about the "cause" aspect because of Saudi Prince Alwaleed who owns part of Citi. For example, if the cause was environmental, Alwaleed could get word of it and get pissed off because he's Saudi and has ties to oil and oil hurts the environment and my program would just be one big mess of corporate hypocrisy. I could never remember Alwaleed's name so I just called him Prince Bandar and the project became known as "Project Bandar." In any case, after reading this interview with Prince Bandar aka Alwaleed, I realized that Prince was Bandar's bitch. In any case, Project Bandar never even made it through one round of paper passing and any profit the bank makes in the future will continue to make the Prince richer.

More Entertaining Than El Cantante

Bobby Brown Where Are You?

As most of you know, Tyra Banks did an entire show about vaginas the other day. I'm going to channel my inner Tyra and talk about another taboo topic which is constipation. I've been regular my entire life but due to some stress and some antibiotics, I found myself painfully constipated last night. Don't read on if scat talk freaks you out.

I felt that I had to go, but I just couldn't get it out. The stool was stuck in my rectum. I wasn't sure if I should go to the emergency room so I Googled my problem and could find very little information about what I should do. The only information out there is for babies, seniors and pregnant people. I think this indicates most people are too embarrassed to discuss stuck stools, but it turns out that this is a pretty common ailment. I tried a suppository and two Exlax with little success. I was kind of wishing Bobby Brown would stop by and help me out, as he did famously with Whitney Houston. So, I called my doctor today and told him my issue. He told me to use a Fleet enema which solved the problem. So, if you are in the situation I was in last night and are googling, "I have a stool stuck in my rectum" and get to this site, go get an enema. It works.

Chuck Prince Gets Druskined

Today was a big news day for me. First of all, my former boss Chuck Prince resigned from Citi. Last year, when Robert Druskin was brought in the bank to create a "cost cutting" program, we referred to our unfortunate colleagues who lost their jobs as being "Druskined." The truth is, as Prince will admit, the bank just is too big and has too many layers. Citi wants to service clients and be innovative but they are too slow to market because there are just too many people who have to sign a piece of paper.

For example if nycbabylon was a Citi site, I would have to have at least 10 signatures each time I wanted to add a blog entry. And, those 10 signatures would require days of negotiation since every stakeholder would have his or her opinion which I would have to debate and defend my own choices. Plus, I'd have to have the entire negotiation in writing and with screenshots to show how choices were made so that I wouldn't get nailed during the quarterly audit. So, by the time I'd want to comment on the new Spice Girls album, Posh would already be in her grave. This sounds ridiculous, but this is a problem, especially for marketers where customer's needs are in constant change in today's rapidly changing world. I saw a lot of talented people with great ideas take their talent elsewhere simply because they were spending more time walking around with a piece of paper than being able to do their actually work.

Let's Make the Headlines

OK, it's been 10 years and I confess, I love the Spice Girls.

Happy Halloween!

If I ever get a kid, I'm dressing him or her as Prince for Halloween.

Things to Do While in Line at Trader Joe's

Yesterday, I ventured to Trader Joe's on the worst night of the week to go there. If you find yourself stuck in line at Trader Joe's for 45 minutes on the a Sunday night, here are some ways to pass the time.

1. Shop. Ask the hipster captain staff or whatever they are called to get the shit you need while you wait in line.
2. Watch Gossip Girl on your new iPod Video Nano. Think about how you wish you were rich enough to have a private chef so you don't have to stock up on cheap Trader Joe's frozen foods on a Sunday night.
3. Read Self magazine. I'm always behind on my Self, and I love to catch up at Trader Joe's.
4. Call your ex boyfriend and ask him what he's doing. You can hang up on him when the one of the hipster captain staff people drops some pita in your cart.
5. Call your mother. She'll be glad to hear your saving money and buying actual groceries rather than eating out every night.

Happy Birthday ANP!

I'd like to wish a very happy birthday to fellow blogger, dear friend, travel companion and whacko Anittah! Anittah is the only friend and person I know who has the balls to jello wrestle, walk out of a crappy job without another one, match her travel tracksuit to her suitcase and wear a white pornkini to a Halloween party dressed up as a "douchebag." Despite the tough exterior, she's an amazing friend who is always around to share a meal and a laugh, provide insightful advice, go to Aruba and have some honest to god fun. Plus, she really came through for me this year when I had a very tough time. I will always be grateful to her for that.

So, crazy Anittah! I love you and look forward to having more laughs, tears and memories as you enjoy finally being OVER 30!

Win a Date with NYCBABYLON and Jimmy Carter Contest!

My family and old friends know of my fascination with President Jimmy Carter. My first comedy routine in the late 70s actually involved a Carter impression and a song I wrote about the Iran hostage crisis sung by my Carter character. (I have this on a cassette tape somewhere as proof.) I've also been a long-time Jonathan Demme fan as well, so imagine how excited I am to see the new documentary Jimmy Carter: Man from Plains directed by Demme which is being released this weekend.

To celebrate, I'm hosting a contest where one lucky winner will be able to attend a white tie benefit in Washington D.C. where he/she will be able to escort me to a star-studded event where we will actually be able to meet Jimmy Carter in person. To enter, please send an essay of why you love Jimmy Carter and why you have lust in your heart for me. This is not a joke.

Who Would You Rather Wednesday

They Called it Wild Fire

Just in case you were worried about how the rich and famous are reacting to the CA wildfires, click here. It's nice to know the addicts staying at Promises are all safe now.

Marie Osmond Falls on Her Ass: The Video!

Dancing With the Stars: Marie Osmond Collapses!

Marie Osmond just totally passed out on Dancing with the Stars! This was exciting TV!

Update

I've been out celebrating Viggo's 49th birthday and haven't been able to blog. Actually, I've been thrown on my ass with a nasty cold/flu and haven't been able to get out of bed. I, however, have so much I need to comment on and Todd and I have been too busy to do the podcast, so here's the lowdown:
1. I can't believe Dumbledore is a 'mo. I wonder what other imaginary characters are going to come out of the closet. Is Judy Blume going to out Fudge?
2. While I find it fascinating that Jessica Seinfeld gave Oprah 21 pairs of "thank you" shoes and that she may be the James Frey of cookbooks, I find it most interesting that this is all over a cookbook trying to fool kids into eating veggies. This is a woman who tries to pull one over on her own children by deceiving them into eating food they don't like. One time my mother tried to force me to eat stuffed shells by shoving them down my throat and while this was upsetting at the time, I now appreciate she didn't try to hide them in a brownie.
3. I am upset about Ellen DeGeneres and the Iggy scandal and I'm praying someone doesn't come to my house to confiscate Max.
4. I got my flu shot a week and half ago so why is it that I now have the flu?
5. The weather is starting to really freak me out. Why is it still summer and what is going on with those wild fires in CA? I'm now more afraid of Mother Nature than Bid Laden.
6. I don't understand how Lohan found a bf in rehab. Aren't you supposed to stay single for your first year in the program?
7. What the hell is wrong with Britney Spears and why does she eat so much fast food in public? I only sneak my fast food when nobody is watching. Maybe Britney should call Jessica who can help her sneak her junk food into a carrot.

Sex and the City Movie Update

Tonight I was a guest on the Sex and the City movie set. I met director Michael Patrick King who told me I had a "business handshake." I didn't uncover any plot details except Miranda has moved to Chinatown and is bummed out and alone on New Year's Eve so Carrie goes to visit her wearing her trademark fur coat, pajamas and a Madamesque silver sequined turban. Carrie also had dark brown hair. There is also a pit bull in the movie and his trainer looks like Fabio.

That's all I've got.

Mad Money

OMG. I just saw a preview for the new movie called "Mad Money" starring Katie Holmes, Latifah and Diane Keaton. This movie looks just plain terrible. Also, for those of you care, Jessica Seinfeld gave Oprah 21 pairs of designer shoes thanking her for promoting her cookbook on her show. Like Katie Holmes, it is amazing what a rich celeb husband can do for your career. Comments?

Tuned Out

In the past week, I was given a Blackberry and a new iPod Video Nano. Now, as my mother pointed out, I never have to have a human conversation again. So, in light of my new adjustment to my new job and to my new electronics, I'd like to send the following shout-outs to my friends:

1. Chris and Lynn--Congrats on the birth of Emmett!
2. Erik and Jason--Sorry for not calling you in Chicago! I was over scheduled and breaking out.
3. Adie and Shauna--Please invite me over to see the babies! I'm not comfortable with dropping in unannounced.
4. ANP--Congrats on the new job!
5. Scott-I miss you as my boss!
6. Kristen-Can't wiat to see your new pad. Say hi to Cookie for me!
7. Laura and Chris and Erik and Lori--We must get together soon!

That's it for now.

No Country for Old Men Event

I love Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem. The movie was fabulous too.

Pageant Flashback

I love the talent portion of pageants and this particular routine reminded of some girl from Jr. Miss who did cartwheels in an Uncle Sam costume with her clarinet and then went into a Yankee Doodle Dandy solo.

No Country for Old Women

I've been so busy with work and BAFTA, that I haven't had a second to blog. But, now I'm back and here's some of the things I've learned over the past week.

1. Josh Brolin is one of the best looking men on the planet.
2. Negative customer reviews on your web site can actually have a positive impact on your business.
3. Max does like other cats.
4. Ann Taylor is not my favorite store, but is the best store to buy suits on sale.
5. David Cronenberg is smart and interesting in person.
6. O'Hare airport sucks just as much as LaGuardia.
7. Chicago is cold.
8. Virgin Orchid is my new favorite Essie nail color.
9. There is a genre of music inspired by Harry Potter called "Wizard Rock."
10. Tommy Lee Jones is cool.

Things We Lost in the Fire Review

I had no expecatations about the new Halle Berry film Things We Lost in the Fire and only attended the screening because it stars my lusted-after Benicio del Toro. I, however, did not anticipate how raw and moving this film turned out to be. I cried thw entire way home. I went in without any knowledge about the film so I will not spoil it for you except to say that Benicio's performance is incredible and at times, he actually seemed to be channelling James Dean. He may have won my BAFTA vote over Viggo. I can't decide so whoever calls me first and takes me to dinner will win my support.

The Power of Darkness

Tonight, Wyndham and sat through three hours of the Tolstoy play "The Power of Darkness" at the Mint Theater which was a very long three hours of our lives. And you thought "War and Peace" was long? It reminded me of House of Sand and Fog in that I hated every character in the entire play. I felt like I was sitting through the entire Russian Revolution. The play was so devoid of humor that I was forced to laugh out loud when the lead throws a newborn baby down a shaft. The lead, however, who Wyndham used to babysit, was hot and did have a leading man spark. Hopefully, his next job will be a better showcase for his looks and talent.

More interesting than the play was the 90+ crowd that filled the audience. I mean, these theater fans were so old that we felt we were in a morgue. I'm not exaggerating. During the intermission, we had to go into the hallway and discuss the audience more than the play.

To All the Boys I've Loved Before...

Over the past few weeks, I've been receiving desperate phone and text messages from men I was interested in the past. Actually, it was so far in the past that I've actually moved on and don't really think about them so much anymore. Now, that I've started a new job and prioritized some life goals, I must tell you guys, you are not at the top of my list anymore. I still like you as a friend and we can meet up one day but you seem to forget that there was a time, you broke my heart. You have a lot of nerve to leave me whiny messages about how I haven't called you back because I'm "too important" now or too busy to see you right now. And the truth is, I'm swamped and don't want to play your game of pursuit-withdrawal right now. So, simply, in my busy life right now, you are just not at the top of my call list. As you told me when you were a dick to me three years ago, "It's not you, it's me."

Darjeerling Limited Film Review

This may sound bizarre, but Wes Anderson's new film Darjeerling Limited left me with the same raw empathy that I felt as I finished Joan Didion's book Year of Magical Thinking. His most moving and raw movie to date, Darjeerling Limited is a cinematic meditation about grief, especially the loss of a parent. Each brother (played by Owen Wilson, Adrian Brody and Jason Schwartzman) try to reconcile the meaning of their own lives as they reunite on a train ride through rural India after being frozen by grief after the death of their father.

Although often criticized for filling emotional spaces with gags, jokes and with the right song, Anderson's films actually chronicle how many of his (my)Gen X peers actually "deal" with painful reality. And, I argue that perhaps you have to be Gen X to really "get" Anderson's films and to be on the same emotional inexplicable wavelength as we soundtrack and dramatize our emotional lives. Defined as apathetic, cynical, disaffected and slackers, Generation X has surprised our critics by becoming successful, motivated and innovative and yet we are still catching up emotionally with our own outward success.

Darjeerling is a movie about emotional recovery from devastating loss and literally letting go of your baggage, something that becomes more profound as you reach your mid to late 30s . We each bring our experiences as we watch films, and perhaps grief is an emotion so close to me right now (and a new one at that) that I couldn't be helped from being very affected by this film. Owen Wilson's character Francis is literally held together by bandages after facing his own near-death experience. (Yes, you think about poor Owen's own brush with death throughout the film.)

Tonight at the BAFTA Q&A when asked what the film meant, Anderson responded quoting Harold Pinter about how what you see and what is written speaks for itself and it's not Anderson's job to tell you what the film means and for your to draw your own conclusions. So, I'm going to eat some chicken tikka, burn some incense and meditate on how much I love Wes Anderson movies.

Viggo Update

So, Katie Holmes fantasized about Tom Cruise and now they are together. Well, I'm serious about my quest for Viggo Mortensen. Viggo, I want you. Call me. You won't be sorry.

Oh No Winona

OMG. I'm the same age as Winona Ryder. Do I look this old?

NYCBABYLON PROMISES

Dear V-

Call me. This is not a joke. I need to have dinner with you soon.

x,
nycbablon

Gimme More

Ok, as much fun as everyone has made of Britney, her new song went to the test tonight at my dance class. And, the verdict is....Gimme More is an awesome song that really moves and grooves.

Gossip Girl

Well, today is the official first day of the new fall TV season. I used to be very excited for this day, but now I'm not as hopped up as I used to be. Perhaps I'm just another casualty of the digital age. The show I did watch and was immediately hooked, however, was CW's Gossip Girl. Gossip Girl chronicles a bunch of privlaged New York City kids and an anonymous blogger who writes everyone's business on her "gossip girl" blog. I felt like was back in the prime of 90210, and I just saw the pilot. I was laughing out loud as a bunch of teenagers gulped martinis and referenced dancing on tables at Bungalow back "in the old days."

Eastern Promises

Tonight I saw the David Cronenberg film Eastern Promises. If you can handle some ulta-violent scenes, I recommend to "run don't walk" to this gripping and exciting film. There is an amazing fight scene in a sauna that I predict future directors will copy for years to come. Somehow, Cronenberg has become of the best living directors. His films continue to get better and more exciting as he meditates on the meaning of family and what it means to be "normal." Plus, you get to see hot Viggo Mortensen in full-frontal nudity in what I predict will be an Oscar nominated performance.

Hilarious Britney Spoof

Beware of the McDonald's Angus Burgercast

BEWARE OF THE BABYLON is live on tape this week
eating McDonald's outside the Newscorp headquarters in midtown.
Consumerist ranting and raving in this episode:

* Taste-testing the new McDonald's Angus Burger.

* Marc Jacobs hot new Mouse Shoes - worth every penny.

* Career advice for Britney Spears, and Todd.

* Holding out for a hero, or at least some novocaine.

* Why the Weiss family pets last longer.

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes.

OR, just listen right here and now with the audio player below...

The Pick Up Artist

I am accidentally watching some insane show called The Pick Up Artist on VH-1. I know Gawker has been making fun of it, but I am shocked at how ridiculous this program really is. There is some asshat in black eyeliner with a goatee, ponytail and an earring in his chin trying to teach a bunch of normal guys how to pick up women. Right now he is seriously instructing these guys how to pick up an exotic dancer as if this is the ultimate goal of a pick-up artist. I mean, that's a challenge? It's actually much harder to pick up women like myself and friends such as ANP. We're actually much better catches than exotic dancers. We have jobs, decent incomes, and aren't trying to get off the pole.

One Star: New Macy's Ad

To see the crazy new Macy's commercial, click here. It's worth the click.

Emmy Live Blog

Stars like Eva get their tan on for the Emmy's!

I'm getting my dinner ready so I can live blog with a full stomach. I don't really care about the Emmy's in the same way I do the Oscars, but I feel obligated to comment. So far, I'm wathching E! and trying to figure out why Guliana Too-Tan-Di got this job. Poor Joan Rivers is stuck Live Blogging like me.

8:00PM
The show just opened and one thing I hate is cartoon characters on Award Shows. This is so fucking stupid. I was checking out the fashions on the web. I'm behind in making my dinner because I was shopping and trying to find things that didn't make me look pregnant. Hayden Pantierre doesn't seem to care about this though.

Fat is the new black.

8:13
Piven won again. It's too bad the show is kind of boring now. What in the hell is Vanessa Willams wearing? I hope Hugh Laurie wins Best Actor. I love him. Who in the hell is this guy Terry O'Quinn who won best Supporting Actor and what show is he on?

The hottest man at the Emmy's.

8:23
Tina Fey looks the best she ever looked. She follows the Weight Watchers diet. I have to confess. I am kind of liking Ryan Seacrest. Perhaps this is a sign that I'm getting old. I also have to confess, I don't quite like Ugly Betty. What is up with Jaime Pressley? I think Catherine Heigel is the most beautiful woman there tonight.

Who's the boss of this bad hairdo on Judith Light?

8:59
I had to run out and pick up my camera which was stolen by a busboy on my birthday. I may not be a celeb, but I have the power to track down stolen goods through intimidation tactics. What did I miss?

No joke. Tina and Julia look fabulous.

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn about Ellen Pompeo.
9:11
There is something crazy about Neil Patrick Harris making a joke filled with sexual inneundo towards Hayden. Isn't he gay now? I hope the Sopranos wins Best Drama series. It was so much better than crap like Lost and Heroes. This commercial for Macy's is fabulous. I love Trump blow drying his hair and Jessica Simpson trying to break into the store.

Is it me, or does Steven Colbert look like Bob Saget?

9:27
Jesus, how old is Tony Bennett's wife? Speaking of older men, Mark Harmon isn't aging well.

Is John Stewart now old enough to be considered a silver fox?
9:40
Jersey Boys? I thought we were supposed to have a surprise Britney Spears performance!
9:43
Todd and I are on the phone now discussing how everyone looks like they are 90 years old or at least 30 years older than they actually are. Todd is now saying how the entire cast of Roots look like they are on the verge of death. Perhaps all the young people don't watch TV anymore and watch YouTube. Todd and I are now officially old.
9:53

Ten years ago Lewis Black was performing with my sad ass at Gotham Comedy Club. Now he's getting free jeans and doing his routine on the Emmy's.

10:05
Tom from myspace just officially jumped the shark as a guest on the Emmy's. That reminds me that I need to check my facebook account. Thanks to the Internet, I don't watch as much TV anymore as I used to so perhaps the Academy might want to tone down the current.com thing. Brad Garrett is making some very Borscht Belt blue jokes about being in between Fisher's legs. And when did Patricia Heaton morph into Joely Fisher? And, Elaine Stritch actually is very old but still looks younger than John Stewart and Judith Light.


Patricia Heaton is reincarnated as Joely Fisher.
10:23
Now Fox is plugging Don't Forget the Lyrics, which is actually pretty entertaining although Singing Bee is slightly better. Todd's right. Rupert has fixed the entire Emmy's although this is pretty fantastic with Kanye West as the opponent singing his own songs.
10:39
Ricky Gervais just won. Oh good. Here's my dream man, Hugh Laurie. My mother just called me and told me how she hates when actresses show too much boob. It's a good thing I'm not a Hollywood actress because she would see how I love to show off my own boobs any chance I get. I'm glad Sally Field won. What just happened? They totally edited and blanked out Sally's speech! WTF? Censorship on the Emmy's? Now we we are in The Memoriam section which is making me sad.

Fox doesn't seem to really like Sally Field turning the sound off during her acceptance speech.
10:51
I am so ready for this Emmy's to be over. I don't watch Ugly Betty, but America Ferrera is pretty cute. Before I was obsessed with Hugh Laurie, I was in love with Jimmy Smitts. Thanks god he's on to wake me up the last few minutes of this show. By the way, I decided that I love Heidi Klum's Dior dress which reminds of an old Christian Dior dress I have the poster for on my wall. And doesn't it seem like the entire cast of Pretty in Pink is there except for Ringwald?

Christian Dior Me like Heide Klum!
11:02
Wow! 30 Rock winning is an upset. Just a year ago, I was so excited for the Sunset Strip and Krawkoski was wasting time in my dance class. Oh, and there's another old comedy buddy of mine Judah Friedlander on the stage. I should have stayed in comedy.
11:09
While I love House, I'm glad Sopranos won because it really was a fantastic show. And, support Joan Rivers and read her live blog here. Without her, we wouldn't have all this preshow television we've grown to expect and love.

Mile High

I just returned from a business trip to Denver so I haven't been able to blog. I was completely outside of my comfort zone, but I have to admit, I had a great time and learned a lot about my new business along with some nice people. I also had the opportunity to see Sinbad perform at a corporate event and questioned if perhaps I should have stuck it out as a comic, because that kind of gig seemed like a nice job. Also, I particpated in a "team building event" at Mile High Stadium that included running, climbing, etc. I'm not much of an athlete, but it was fun and I didn't kill myself. I also can recommend all of your hair care needs for 2008.

If I'm awake, I'll do some Emmy Award live blogging on Sunday night.

Chipped Molar

I am so busy and to top it off, I lost half a molar today. I'm pissed.

Britney's Balls

Sometimes my self esteem plummets and I hate my hair and my body, but now when I feel this way, I'll reference this photo of Britney Spears who wore this getup with her bad weave live on the MTV Video Music Awards to make myself feel better.

Muffy

It's fashion week and I could be blogging about that perfect white Rachel Roy suit I saw today, but I can't stop thinking about what is up with Muffy Potter Aston's hair? This is something I've often wondered whenever I see her photo. Doesn't she realize that this 'do ages her at least 20 years? Or maybe since she is married to a plastic surgeon, she really is 100 years old? Who lets her leave the salon looking like that? The hair and brows are just way to severe. She could look so much more youthful and fresh. I just don't get it. Couldn't she call Tim Gunn for an overhaul?

Fall Season

Between Fashion Week, my new job, the new iPod line, Max's hissy fit and fall shopping, I haven't had time to blog. I'm still here.

Horse Whisperer

Horse Whisperer
Originally uploaded by redrachel

I'm out horsing around this weekend. Happy Labor Day!

Burnt Man

I'm not a Burning Man kind of girl but my friend Jane has been there for what seems like years building a temple that will include a memorial for our friend so I've been thinking about her and the time she is spending in the desert. Anyway, I just read that some asshat arsonist actually prematurely burnt the man.

Here is the video.
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid285859616/bclid294430730/bctid1155331328

New Job

I started my new job and as in all life changes, I am physically exhausted. I, however, wanted to share this quote I saw in one of my coworkers email signatures today. I'm totally in my element now.

A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair. ~Steve Martin

And You Thought I Was a Dumb Blonde

Check out the stupidest beauty pageant contestant EVER! Miss Teen South Carolina exemplifies what's wrong with our American school systems.


Check out Mo Rocca's hilarious commentary here.

Feel Better Butterscotch Stallion!

Owen, MJ Cat and I hope you feel better soon! Get healthy and give us a call when you are ready! Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go

Most of my good friends know that despite my obvious affection for 80s New Wave, Brit Pop and reggae, in my quiet times I listen to a lot of Bob Dylan. Along with Willie Nelson, Bob Marley and Stevie Wonder, I never tire of Bob. His music always reaches me in a fresh way as a lyric will suddenly make sense to me although I may have heard a song hundreds of times before. As the summer fades, I always feel nostalgic for my college days and vividly remembered a story today involving the music of Bob Dylan and my old friend G whom I met my first semester of college. G is very blonde, tall and WASPY. He also has a very dry sense of humor and he's smart. He also used to be kind of silly, but I don't think many people knew that about him. To impress me upon our first meeting, he invited me to his room at his fraternity house and played me his top 10 favorite Bob Dylan songs in descending order and we discussed each song. I remember that "You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go" was his #1 although G will deny this today. After that year, G disappeared from school for some years. I think he went to Vietnam or somewhere like that. When he came back during my senior year, he lived downstairs from me. Most of his friends had since graduated and we resumed our casual friendship. He confided to me that he didn't have many friends left and that he "appreciated me." One night, G came knocking on my door at two in the morning. He appeared raw and exposed in a Holden Caulfield sort of way. He confessed that he had taken a train to the city to attend his grandfather's funeral. He then confessed he was wearing his dead grandfather's Brooks Brothers boxer shorts he had swiped after the funeral. He asked if he could spend the night with me in my room because he couldn't be alone. He was so visibly shaken and vulnerable, I said yes and over 6 feet of George slept with me in my tiny little single college bed. After that morning, G stopped talking to me but every morning I'd hear from my open window, Bob Dylan coming from his below and I convinced myself he was sending me Dylan messages rather than speaking to me in person. One morning, I remember hearing Like A Rolling Stone and the lyrics, "You never turned around to see the frowns on the jugglers and the clowns when they all come down and did tricks for you. You never understood that it ain't no good. You shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you." And at the time, that particular verse felt like a shot through the heart from G although today I understand the song on different level as a meditation on lonliness and success. I don't know why I'm writing this now, but as I was thinking about the Todd Haynes film, this memory came back to me. G and I have since made up (after graduation we started hanging out again) and we see each other every other year or so and he still denies that You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome was his favorite Bob Dylan Song.

I'm Still There

The Summer of Magical Thinking

Tomorrow, I start a new phase of my life as I begin a brand new job. This summer has been a blur. I've been reading Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking and this book really does provide the best account of grief I have ever read. She describes physically feeling cold, exposed and raw, all emotions and sensations I am experiencing. After Teeks'memorial service, I became so cold that I started shivering and my teeth uncontrollably chattering. Despite our friend Hunter providing me his jacket (actually it was Teek's old jacket), I still couldn't stop shaking. And, nobody wants to hear anymore that I'm still feeling sad and exposed and I'm trying so hard to hide it, I sometimes I feel like I am going crazy.(Didion also describes this as well.) And, the thing is, sometimes I feel as if I've completed some major rite of passage and that my life will become more meaningful and purposeful. Today, I saw a little boy release a helium balloon in Father Demo Square. When I was a little girl, my mother used to get me a balloon when she dragged me to the mall. From the moment it was tied on my wrist, I remember feeling a sense of panic that I would lose the balloon, which I almost inevitably did before I reached the front door. As I watched my balloon float into the great beyond, I remember encountering feelings of lack of control, regret, sadness, loss and wonder as I watched the balloon float into some unimaginable destination in the sky. As I watched the little boy today release the balloon, I realized that those feelings I encountered at the age of 5 weren't much different than the grief I experienced thirty years later. So, tomorrow is a new beginning or one of my new beginnings and it's all going to be alright.

It's Longan Season!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I picked up some crazy fruit in Chinatown. It turns out they are called Longans and they taste like a melon grape. Get some while you can!

I'm So There

I can't wait to see the new Todd Haynes movie "I'm Not There." I have no idea what it's about except all these different actors and actresses portray different parts of Bob Dylan's life. Any film that combines Bob Dylan, Cate Blanchett and Todd Haynes is already my most anticipated upcoming movie. I'm not even thinking twice cause I know this is going to be alright.

Happy Birthday To Me

Today, I woke up and realized I'm fucking 36 years old which for the first time in my life, just sounds plain old. Last night my friend Joe told me this is going to be the best time in my life but I'm not sure what he means. Let's hope he's right. It's also MJ Cat's Founders Day, which is the day we celebrate moving in together since nobody knows his actual birthday. I bought him a 12-pack of fake furry mice. He bit me on the ankle when I got out of the shower.

Balance Transfer Complete

Today was my last day pushing credit cards on the young, poor and balcon populations. My banking days are done. I lasted 1 year and 9 months which is A LOT longer than anyone who knows me thought I'd stay. Aside from learning how to read a complicated P&L and learning about complicated sourcecode structures, the most important thing I'll take away from my job is that I'm pretty damned smart. I may not have a MBA but my math skills, creative ability and ability to build relationships is much stronger than many of my former colleagues at one of the world's largest companies. During my final hours, MBAs I never even met where making desperate phone calls asking me about how to reach the youth market, leverage social networks, make friends at Google or assess a media buy. I apologize I don't have over ten years to explain all I know to you (which is how long it took me to learn all this stuff). And I did make some pretty awesome friends. If it weren't for colleagues Scott, Anittah, Nadine, John, Jen and Michael, I never would have lasted as long as I did. Thanks, guys. You saved my smart out-of-place ass.

The Man Who Got Away

Well, at least one of them....

My birthday is on Sunday so I'm feeling nostalgic for the days when I was young, fun, cute and fabulous....

Web .5

My friend ANP has inspired this post. Friday is my last day at my job and I've also been in the process of interviewing for new jobs and starting a brand new one on 8/27. One of the most fascinating trends, I've seen at a variety of companies across different industries is this bizarre sudden desire to create an "email strategy." It's almost as if corporations can't graps how to leverage Web 2.0 so they are going back to reinventing the wheel by leveraging their outdated email lists or renting them from elsewhere. When I have these conversations, I feel like I'm time travelling back to 1997 to talk about the World Wide Web and "viral." I find it insane that rather than invest in their brands through advertising, set upaffiliate marketing programs and test new marketing models such as social networks, companies are creating task forces and hiring people to send out some SPAM. How much unsolicited email are they opening themselves? Instead of creating new applications for facebook in their spare time, are they going into their filter and finding out how to send money to some desperate Nigerian? Are they interested in how to score Ambien without a doctor's prescription? Do they want to purchase a ProSun Bed? So, to all you crazy email marketers out there, here are some SPAM headlines that I might actually open. Now, try to get these through your legal department.

1. Home makeover and cleaning for free with no strings attached.
2. You have won a free no strings attached trip to Aruba.
3. You are fabulous and have been chosen to replace Jay Leno.
4. Your cat has been chosen as the new Fancy Feast spokescat.
5. We found the bracelet you lost 10 years ago.
6. I want to give you all of my money.

Cleaning Up

Last night, I did some cleaning to celebrate my upcoming birthday this weekend. I'm a bit of packrat and not very good at throwing stuff away, but last night I rid myself of four garbage bags of things I don't have space for in my apartment. Here they are:

1. All-in One Stereo Combo-I haven't listened to an actual CD in two years. I'm completely digital. I won the stereo in 1996 as part of a raffle.
2. Smelly old ironing board
3. Small suitcase I received as a high school graduation gift.
4. Cancelled checks from 1998. Boy, did I use to buy a lot at the Gap.
5. VHS tapes. It's bad enough I still have cassette tapes, but these were just taking up too much space.
6. Christmas Cards. I love my friends, but I don't need to keep your old holiday cards.
7. Trashy paperbacks I'll never read again. Yes, Bergdorf Blondes is in the give away pile in the hallway.
8. Datebooks from 1995-2005.
9. old lipsticks that have almost turned to chalk
10. old swimming goggles from 1986

Hot In the City

Today was hot and the subways weren't working and I am not very productive in heat.

The Lake House

I'm cleaning my kitchen and watching the most confusing movie ever called the Lake House. Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reaves are penpals except they live two years apart from each other. It's so confusing and complicated and I need to turn on Big Love.

The Beware of Father Democast

BEWARE OF THE BABYLON is live on tape this week from the new
Father Demo Square in the West Village.

* Rachel unveils her naivety by dating older gay men.

* Todd unveils his concern for Rachel dating older gay men.

* The argument over the best pizza in New York continues.

* Shout out to hair products, never tested on animals.

* A rotating cast of characters in Demo square for support.

* What social networks are advancing our web status these days?

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes.

OR, just listen right here and now with the audio player below...


play it here sucka

Me Gusta Chetes

Tea Partay

Todd sent this to me. Have a good Saturday!

Good Luck Signs

Tonight I went to the Ford models party at the Maritime Hotel. I have no idea why I was invited to this event, but I had a good time and the events surrounding the event are hopefully signs of my changing luck. Here they are:

1. On the way to the party, I swear I saw socialite Paul Judelson having a glass of wine.
2. Then, immediately after the Judelson siting, I saw a whippet.
3. Then, at the party, I saw my old boss Scott Greenstein which reminded me of how much I achieved since I worked for him back in 1995.
4. An actual cute nice guy asked me for my number in a room full of tall models.

Perhaps things are back on track for me!

Madame is a Whore!

The greatest puppet of all time Madame was spotted with Matthew Broderick in the Hamptons. I wonder if SJP knows that her husband is running around behind her back.

Blind Item

What celebrity blogger is about to make a big change in her life with the simple statement, "Because I'm worth it?"

RIP Michelangelo Antonioni

I went to bed writing about Bergman, and then I woke up and immediately read about Antonioni's death. We've lost the last links of the great days of European art cinema. And to show that bad things happen in "3s," I realized yesterday walking down Carmine that the great independent video store Evergreen Video on Carmine Street was closed forever. I know I bought into the whole Netflix craze and I work as a digital marketer and for a living I evangalizes such things as YouTube, iTunes, MySpace and shit like that, but right now I feel guilty. I loved browing the old titles and seeing my neighbors at Evergreen as part of my village routine. I'd go there, browse, rent some crazy title, then go to the cheap bookstore across the street and then finish off my night at Grey Dog (which I happened to notice has a franchise now on University Place.) This weekend, I will go to a movie at Film Forum, buy a book at an independent bookstore and read the actual newspaper.

RIP Ingmar Bergman

Consolation Shoes

ANP was pissed at a guy who disappeared on her for a few days and to make it up to her, she suggested that he buy her a pony or a couple of dresses and it seems he agreed. Well, I've been stood up, abandonded and left behind by the dead, and I fucking want these Christian Louboutin fishnet boots. They are available at Bergdorf Goodman. I'm having a crappy depressing summer and these would perk up my fall. My birthday is next month. I wear a size 38. Plus, imagine how hot I'll look in these riding my pony?

What is the Meaning of Life?

Can someone help me explain what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing other than working, hanging out with Max and craving red meat?

The Harry Podcast

Put down the Harry Potter book and
download the exciting new podcast from
BEWARE OF THE BABYLON

* High anxiety hits New York. Again.

* What's with the new Harry Potter book exactly?

* How to sleep your way to the top. starting with the job interview.

* Todd and Rachel actually agree on a song they both like right now.

* What exactly did Joanie love about Chachi?

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes.

OR, just listen right here and now with the audio player below...


play it here, sucka

El Cantante Review

Tonight, I saw a screening of the new biopic El Cantante starring Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony about salsa pioneer Hector Lavoe. This film has been one of my most anticipated summer releases as I have a fascination with Marc Anthony, the music and the dark tragic story of Lavoe.

Yet, I can't begin to express how awful and cheesy this movie turned out to be. JLO is a terrible actress and the script was downright amateur. The story of Lavoe's life was framed with these awful painful monologues JLo performs as Lavoe's wife Puchia. JLo's performance reminded me of having to sit through the awful acting encountered in a high school drama class. I don't know if she is a worse actress or singer. I think I might enjoy her singing more. Love Don't Cost a Thing is a pretty good song. Oh, and she is very pretty.

The film is full of flashbacks of scenes that already occurred earlier in the film to show the characters' emotional state. This doesn't work. I never figured out what drove Lavoe or his wife into drugs and despair. I hate the flashback tactic. It's a cop out and I prefer to see some actual acting rather than cheap visual narrative tricks. Show me in the actor's face how he's feeling and not through flashback scenes of shit I already saw fifteen minutes ago. Also, slow motion was used repeatedly to highlight a "very dramatic" situations. I almost walked out but was so in awe of how bad this film turned out to be, I stayed until the very end.

The only thing about the film I liked was Marc Anthony who is an amazing performer and actually really looks like a heroin junkie alcoholic with AIDS. The musical numbers are fantastic. With a different script, no JLo and a talented director this could have been a fantastic movie.

Selena + Gigli = El Cantante

Val is a Manwich

Val Kilmer used to be one of the hottest men in Hollywood. He was even hot in that crazy movie where he played a blind man who made Mira Sorvino cry when he gave her a massage. He was hot in the Doors. Hell, he was hot as Batman and Top Gun. But, now, Kilmer has lost his boyish figure and people like Perez are making fun of him. You must click on this if you haven't seen the current Kilmer.

This is a message to Val. I'm lonely and I'd still date you. You seem like you enjoy going out to dinner and I need some fun. Even in your current state, you're still hotter than guys like Zach Braff. Call me.