The Men of 2004

This is a list of the best (not all) of the men I dated in 2004. These are the men who inspired me, drove me crazy, consumed me and pissed me off and, yet, made my year memorable. Compared to 2003, I must confess it's been a busy year. Despite being so busy, it's been passionate and I actually miss spending time with some (not all) of them. As always, I've changed their names, not to protect the innocent but to protect myself.

The Music Man (November 2003-February 2004)
Looking back, I can't say why he was in my life. To see what prompted me to tell him to never call me again, please refer to my Brunch Etiquette tips. I do not miss him at all. I went through a period where I dated eccentric weirdos and he was fortunately my last.

The Playboy Auctioneer (December 2003-April 2004)
Although we technically never dated, I spent a lot of time and cold nights with this man last Winter. We both enjoyed reality television, smoking, gossip and text messaging. I loved watching him on PBS and he loved that I loved watching him on TV. Also, he really did make me laugh. At the time, I had a hard time admitting that I actually really liked him because he was a close friend of one of my best friends and I felt that I had to put my guard up. Things ended after he went on a business trip to the Czech Republic and met some woman while he was there. When he returned, this "most eligible bachelor" told me we couldn't see each other "that way" anymore and I don't think he wanted to be friends after I referred to his new woman as his "Czech whore." It took me a couple of months to get over him.

First Step (April 2004-July 2004)
Rebounding from the Playboy Auctioneer, I met First Step at a coffee shop. I even dragged my ass to eat Thai food and watch Netflix with him in his Brooklyn apartment. He used to send me video messages at work where he would go into the closet at his office and sing songs for me. While I realize this sounds very cheesy, it always made my day. Unfortunately, First Step had just entered AA the previous month and wasn't really allowed to be dating so I called it off in both of our best interests.

Full Bodied (July 2004-August 2004)
I really didn't like him, but he was just kind of around and told me how hot I was and how he just loved my "full body." Paranoid about the "full bodied" comment, I immediately stopped eating, but my friends assured me that I looked fine and that he was just into T&A. He ended our affair over email (he had a girlfriend) and I actually forgot about him until I just wrote this. I can't even remember his last name.

The Nice Guy (May 2004-July 2004)
A DJ at a club I used to frequent, The Nice Guy was extremely nice. We went out on many dates and I even went to see his band play a couple of times. I never put out at all because I just never really dug him and I can't quite say why. I found an easy "out" after his entire gastro system shut down in some sort of freak illness and he had to go into the hospital and be fed through a tube.

Mr. Book (August 2004-October 2004)
Out of all the men I have dated in the past couple of years, I had the strongest feelings for Mr. Book. He was extremely smart, handsome, fun, funny and just easy to be around. He even showed me the warts on his foot on our first date. On our second date, he told me that he really liked me and I remember feeling this great sense of relief and optimism. I still don't quite understand why it ended other than he became clinically depressed. While our affair was brief, I confess that I miss him and the process of getting to know him. He bought me this large wall mirror that I have hanging above my couch and whenever I look at myself in it, I see his dimples smiling back at me. I hope he can find his own smile again.

Non-Alcoholic (October 2004)
Trying to Not Waste the Pretty after the Mr. Book fallout, I quickly rebounded. I liked him because he has been sober for over ten years and he mentally just seemed "there" and "into me." Unfortunately, I was a mess and mentally "not there." I royally fucked it up with him on our third date by calling him Mr. Book's name during a moment of passion. All I can say the timing was off and he was a really nice guy with a great ass.

The Spanker (November 2004)
Although we had met years ago, I had one date this year with the Spanker. We only had one date because instead of kissing me goodnight like a regular date, he pushed me against the wall and spanked me. I might be crazy, but this scared me and I didn't respond to the crazy email he sent me. After this date, my friends put me on dating probation which I am technically still on until January.


The Snack (December 2004-present)
Although I am technically still on probation, I am allowed to spend time with The Snack because he makes me happy. And to all of those who keep asking me, I confess now that I actually kind of like him. OK, I really like him BUT THIS WILL NOT GET SERIOUS. It's just that he's uncomplicated, sweet, kind and fun. I am looking forward to spending the day with him tomorrow.