Do Not Get Closer

I can finally report on the most overrated and pretentious movie of the year. Laughable in the wrong places, poorly adapted and terribly acted, Closer is this year's Mystic River. Frankly, it's standard pretentious middlebrow "crap" posing as intellectual arthouse fare. Closer markets itself relying on pretty faces and a soundtrack. Julia Roberts seems like she's subtly acting because the character she plays is so poorly written. It's clear that she doesn't even understand her own role yet alone her connections to the other characters. Natalie Portman is terribly miscast and delivers one of the worst performances of the year. I laughed out loud during her final scene when she spit in Jude Law's face and I wanted to slap her throughout most of the movie. I don't think Mike Nichols intended this to be the laugh-out-loud moment of the year, but I couldn't control myself. I always want to spit on Natalie Portman anytime I see her in any movie or giggling on Bleeker Street with her friends. The 90's are so over now, and the days of Neil LaBute self-congratulatory nastiness seem tired and dull. Spend your money on Sideways.