After a long vacation, I revisited my old friend the Velvet Hammer last night. To avoid any problems, I even made sure I was in bed after taking only 5 milligrams. Then the phone rang, and I made the terrible mistake of answering it without looking at the caller ID. As far as I can remember, here is a transcript of the conversation:
Caller: Hey, it's John.
NYCB: What do you want?
Caller: I want to apologize for being such a dick and not calling for you so long.
NYCB: Upfront, I think you should know that I took an Ambien about 15 minutes ago and that is the reason I am slurring and will not be making any sense throughout this conversation.
Caller: That's cool. I'm in bed too.
NYCB: You know it has been a really long time. I totally wrote you off. You have been a dick. My hair is brown.
Caller: So, what else is new?
NYCB: I bought a new dress. There's a lion on TV. Where are you going for the election?
Caller: What? Listen. I get it. You are mad because I've been such an asshole. I'm calling to apologize.
NYCB: Listen, I told you I took a sleeping pill. I can't have this conversation right now....
Caller: I miss you.
And, that is all I remember which sucks because I really needed that kind of ass-kissing call and due to the Ambien, I totally forget what happened after that moment and am living now in my own drug-induced cliffhanger. Do not answer the phone when taking Ambien.