I Want My Money Back, You Bitch

I am currently dealing with the process of being completely disposed and ignored, like rotten vegetable remains in a garbage disposal. My shrink is on vacation in Portugal and the disposer refuses to talk to me and the romance was too short-lived to get any sympathy from friends. So, I'm seeking the counsel of my ipod. Here's my current playlist.

The One That Got Away - Tom Waits
Nothing screams "breakup" like Tom Waits sitting at a piano with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other while growling into a microphone. And you get the impression that if anyone knows anything about love gone bad, about regret, it's the man with the gruff, weathered voice. When Tom sings, "Well I've lost my equilibrium, my car keys and my pride" and "just don't misspell her name buddy, she's the one that got away," I feel it.

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes-Eartha Kitt
Eartha's melancholy cover of this song can make anyone cry upon repeated listening while in an irrational state. I especially get involved in how it invokes that fleeting period of the optimism when you meet somebody new, realize that you like him although you are warned by all of your friends to steer clear, find out that your friends were right that he is perhaps a disaster, and then deal with all the disappointment alone after he inevitably lets you down. This song is sure to make you cry, especially if you are chain smoking obsessing about the situation and listening to this song for the 15th time. Yeah, smoke is in my eyes and it's a Marlboro Light.

Almost Blue-Elvis Costello
Inevitably, when I realize that I can't be with the one I want, I tend to just go for whoever is around, especially if he is really tall, handsome, has washboard abs and cowboy boots. I don't care if we really have nothing at all in common and I just like the way he picks me up in his car and every time he sees me says, "I forgot how pretty you are." Except when I'm with him, I somehow I can't get the images of someone else's left dimple or those weird hairs on his nose or those weird freckles on his thigh out of my mind. I think about how the last time I saw that someone else when he seemed happy, he climbed in the shower with me. I miss the way he made me laugh at bad Red Foxx jokes. Elvis Costello totally gets this in this song...the emotion of subconscious sadness, the cynicism, the regret, the distraction, the hope. The Everything But the Girl cover is equally effective.

Don't Think Twice, it's Alright - Bob Dylan
Nobody does dumped like Bob. While Bob has numerous songs about associating with the wrong person, this one is my favorite. In it, he never admits that his heart's been broken, choosing instead to merely shrug the whole thing off and slide in subtle and less than subtle insults at every opportunity, something I always appreciate. Best line: "Good-bye's just too good a word, gal; so I'll just say fare thee well. I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind; you could've done better, but I don't mind. You just kinda wasted my precious time. But don't think twice, it's alright." What he's saying is "Things didn't work out, but it's not me, it's you...and you suck."

No More Drama - Mary J. Blige
Whenever I'm feeling down, I listen to Mary J. I mean she's seen it all and now she's looking fabulous and experiencing huge success. This song is the "I Will Survive" of the new millennium. When Mary sings, "Only God knows where the story ends for me, but I know where the story begins. It's up to us to choose whether we win or loose and I choose to win," I get a little spring in my step. While I admit this is terribly cheesy, it totally works.

Song For the Dumped- Ben Folds Five
This song is the ultimate succinct and simple "I got dumped" songs. Ben Folds is super pissed and it sounds like he's going to slam his hands through his piano and for some reason this song always makes me feel better. How many times I've wanted to say, "So you wanted to take a break? Slow it down some and have some space. Fuck you, too. Give me my money back, you bitch."