Thursday, October 21, 2004

Things I Learned This Week

I've decided to officially end my week today. It's been a crappy, depressing and grey week, but I've learned a lot of important life lessons. I am taking tomorrow off and spending the weekend boozing, whoring and doing pilates. Here is what I learned this week and feel free to apply these hard-learned lessons to your own life.

1. It is unwise to answer the phone after taking an Ambien.
2. Nice girls can finish last.
3. In times of despair, whatever you do, do not make any drastic changes to your hair. (This rhymes.)
4. If you do make drastic hair changes and then come home and hate it and then your best friend says "I can't believe you fucking did that to your hair! What the fuck were you thinking?" call your colorist immediately and cry and then he will fix it for free.
5. We live in a world where we know some people that you may even know and respect are voting for Bush. While this is disturbing, it is a fact.
6. You don't have to answer everyone at work all the time. It is perfectly acceptable to say, "I'll get back to you," especially if this is a pushy bitchy new coworker.
7. Just because a man is smart, he may not be very wise.
8. Sometimes life is grey. (My shrink told me this.)
9. He's Just Not that Into You might actually be a sacred text. When a man passes out after he invites you over, it is a warning sign that you should not ignore.
10. Baseball has nine innings, but sometimes it can have more.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I would add two things to this list:
a) the easiest person to fool is yourself (best to say this with your MrT voice) and
b) when a man says to a woman "you should consider taking a lover" most likely he has no consideration for the woman.