BunnyBlog Friday

When you see a bunny this big, you can't even think about cats. Some crazy German dude bred a rabbit that is over 3 ft. tall and weighs over 17 lbs. I want a Giant Bunny! I want a Giant Bunny NOW!

Celeb Gossip Round-Up: Fact or Fiction?

This week, I kept encountering insane celebrity gossip and photos that I've read in bits and pieces in papers left on the subway and headlines on random web sites. I'm not even sure if I even read some of this stuff or it just came to me in a dream. I had to take a Benedryl so I'm feeling very Fit Club Jeff Conaway so my brain is kind of muddy. Please let me know if this is all fact or fiction.

1. Lindsay Lohan had the word "breathe" tattooed on her wrist to remind herself of her recent asthma attack. I am thinking I might have the word "Starve" tattooed on my stomach to remind me to diet. Also, she slipped and cut herself in Brian Adams' house in London. Why was she even there? Are they friends? How do they know each other?

2. Jodie Sweetin aka Stephanie Tanner from Full House was a meth addict and had to have an intervention conducted by the Olson Twins, my buddy Bob Saget, and hottie Jon Stamos. She claimed she got hooked on meth cause she was bored after being unemployed at the age of 13. When I was unemployed and bored, I got hooked on Full House.

3. Katie Holmes was photographed wearing the bizarre vagina bodysuit above and Brittney Spears is rumored to be pregnant again. I don't have anything to say about this as the photo above speaks for itself.

4. Heather Locklear is divorcing Richie Sambora? If they can't last, I lose all hope in true love.

Carry On!

I just finished watching my favorite show Project Runway. This week's episode was one of the gayest hours of television I have ever seen. As the competitors make dresses out of flowers, Vosovic comes out on national telvision, Santino impersonates Tim Gunn, Nick talks about beards and Andre mos out over moss. But, the best moment of the entire episode is when Tim Gunn saunters in to see the mess that Andre has made, and exclaims, "Look at this flotsam and jetsam!" Tim Gunn is my new favorite C-list celebrity. He even has his own podcast and blog!

The NomCast Podcast

In honor of today's Oscar nominations we get all film school geeky.

Topics include:

• A full run down of The Noms.

• Dorothy's sexual journey to meet the Wizard.

• The most interesting thing Rachel learned in film school.

• The Selena - L.A.'s hottest car rental.

• Who are the Barrymores of our generation?

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

Harvey and Bob

I just received my New York Magazine and there is an article about Harvey and Bob Weinstein. First of all, Bob looks terrible in the photo. Also, how did Harvey score such a hot new babe? I guess money can make any face handsome. I think my favorite part of the article is where Meryl Poster states that Harvey has "evolved." I do have to give them credit for Transamerica. God, it's been ten years since I left Miramax. That's a lifetime ago. I wonder how I've evolved.

Gothgirls

For the past two weeks as part of my downward winter emotional spiral, I've been spending Saturday nights at Goth night at Luke and Leroys. (Needless to say, my outfits are more Go Gos than Goth.) In any case, there were a lot of freaky people totally jamming to the Cure, Smiths and Sisters of Mercy. One woman was all gothed out in a very very short skirt and my friend Kristen and I gasped as she bent over revealing that she was not wearing any panties. The scene was totally the opposite of Marquee or Bungalow and for some reason, I just can't get enough...

Copcast

Cops don't always make the best gentleman. If you are feeling kind and want to be nice to a cop and meet him for drinks to teach him how to podcast, be warned that he might display behaviour that is not becoming of a man who is supposed to be protecting you. He might drink too much, talk about "banging" the lady beside you at the bar and might be bizarrely obsessed with his cell phone. If you need to get a manicure, go to the salon rather than waste time with a horny cop.

Dance With Me

I just came home for a dance class where I danced next to the great Jane Krakowski. While Jane is not necessarily a household name, she is recognizable from her days on Ally McBeal. In any case, this was my first time at this class and to be frank, I'm a terrible dancer. I've always been a little heavy on my feet and have trouble following choreography. To make matters worse, we had to learn a routine to Tyra Banks' song Shake Your Body. For those of you who are long-term readers, you know how that song played a role in the breakup of one of my men in the past so hearing Shake Your Body always kind of pisses me off. The teacher of the class asked if anyone could name the singer and I was the only one who knew that it was Tyra. Then we had to break up into dance performing groups and it was just me, Jane and one other woman and I still couldn't get the steps down. When she found out it was just the three of us, she gave me a look which I couldn't quite interpret.

The Most Depressing Day of the Year

Today is supposedly the most depressing day of the year. I've been having a good day, except I just fell flat on my ass in my apartment. I slipped on an old copy of Life and Style. I think I broke my toe so now I just might be depressed. I like a man that I have absolutely no chance with, so this could also be construed as a depressing situation. Max just bit me on the leg so that kind of bummed me out. I haven't been able to call Todd back so that is sad and I have engagements I'd rather not attend for the rest of the week. And to top it off, I need a manicure but don't have any fucking time to get to the salon. Now, I'm very depressed.

Tuesday Update

I haven't been able to write beause I've been overwhelmed with work. Well, overwhelmed isn't the proper word, but I've been busy. I haven't been so busy in a long time, but it feels good and satisfying to have so much on my mind and unfortunately, my plate.

Don't Cha Cast

Don't cha wish your podcast was raw like this?

Rachel and Todd wax poetic this week on...

• Globes all over the Golden Globes.

•The End of the Spear - The Year's Hotest Gay Porno.

• How Margaret Thatcher ruined Rachel's love life.

• How the recorder is kinda not like a kazoo.

• Which waiter to stay away from at this week's location, the Westway Diner.


As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

Why Me?

Nancy Kerrigan has to be questioning her career status on the new Fox Show Skating with Celebrities. She's paired with former Full House Star Dave Coulier who was" just asked, "What would you rather have in your arms-a hockey stick or Nancy?" He didn't have an answer to the question.

Dave Coulier is becoming a professional celebreality presence after his appearance on the the Surreal Life. Actually, despite the fact that I'd never want to bug Coulier in the middle of dinner, I prefer him over Kerrigan who I never quite thought was that talented or interesting. My favorite skater of all time is, of course, Brian Boitano.

The Recorder

Due to the loss of my saxophone, I've been forced to play the recorder again. My cat hates it and attacks me as I play. I now have a scratch across my left cheek making me look like Marla Hanson. Please send me some sheet music so I can learn some songs.

Best Films of 2006

I wrote this weeks ago, but I had to see a couple more movies before my final posting. Here's my Top 10 of 2006.

1. The Queen
2. Borat
3. Tristam Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story
4. Volver
5. Marie Antoinette
6. A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints
7. The Devil Wears Prada
8. Stranger Than Fiction
9. Children of Men
10. Babel

Best performances of the year:
Best Actress: Helen Mirren in the Queen
Best Actor: Sascha Baron Cohen in Borat
Supporting Actress: Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada
Supporting Actor: (Tie) Jackie Earl Haley in Little Children and Eddie Murphy in Dreamgirls

Big Black Hole Tuesday: Golden Globes Edition

After a long weekend, the Golden Globes have left me pondering some of these big questions on a Tuesday. Female stars such as Drew Barrymore, Mariah Carey and Queen Latifah, however, have proved why they call this awards show "The Globes."

1. Who wrote that crazy opening song to the tune of the Pussycat Doll's "Dontcha?" Am I imagining the lyric when Anthony Hopkins appeared--"Hannibal Lecter is licking his lips to taste the Cecil B?" That is so bad it's funny.
2. What's the deal with Kevin Bacon's hair? Who told him that it is OK to go out of the house looking like that? And does he have the same stylist as Tim Robbins?
3. Since when is it OK to show the side of your boobs or sagging boobs? What were Drew and Barrymore thinking?
4. Who keeps telling Penelope Cruz that she looks good with bit hair and that she can speak English?.
5. Who cares about Emmy Rossum?
6. Who has the most self esteem out of the following: George Clooney, Deborah Messing or Steven Speilberg?

Ask MJ Cat: Friday Catblog

MJ Cat just earned his PhD in Cultural Studies from Trinity Online University. So, now MJ is able to answer questions and offer advice on any topic. Think of MJ Cat as a foxier furrier Dear Abby. From love advice to fashion tips to Oscar race predictions, MJ Cat has an answer for everything.
>^..^< >^..^< >^..^< >^..^< >^..^< >^..^< >^..^<

Dear MJ Cat: Should I get a new car?--Deirdre, NY NY

Dear D: I'm a city cat so I've never been in car. The only benefit of having a car in general for me would be so that I can easily travel across state lines. Cats aren't allowed on Amtrak or Greyhound. I wouldn't care what kind of car I had as long as it took me safely through the tunnel.

Dear MJ Cat: I work 12 hour days and can't seem to get to the gym. What should I do about my exercise regime?-J, New York, NY

Dear J: First of all, you need to structure your work time more efficiently so that your work/life balance is in check. If someone dangles the cat dancer in front of you, you don't always have to jump. One of the most highly effective habits of a successful cat is to spend some time each morning structuring and prioritizing both your work and your personal tasks and sticking to your plan. My other recommendation is to join the gym at work and setting time aside on your calendar to go three times per week.

Dear MJ: Do you like cat booties?--Brunettie, York, PA

Dear Brunettie: I don't play well with other felines, so I don't get to see a lot of cat ass.

Dear MJ: How do you stay regular? Zel Norm, NYC

Dear Zel: I watch my diet and eat food strong in protein and fiber. Also, don't eat too much cellophane cause that definitely stops me up.

Santino's Sarcasm

As much as I loved Austin Scarlett last year on Project Runway, I dislike Santino on the second season. I do think he's talented, but he's an asshole. Tonight he even insulted Michael Kors stating that the average Banana Republic shopper never heard of Kors because Kors has an "older" clientele. Kors should have kicked off his greasy-haired ass off the show on the spot. I hope that Daniel Vosovik wins. I miss Austin so I'm reposting my all-time favorite photo of him.

Salchow!!!!!!!!!!!!

Traditionally, January is my month of hibernation where I diet, experiment with my hair and watch tons of television. Thank god for Project Runway and American Idol. I am also looking forward to Fox's new reality show Skating with Celebrities which I predict may be one of the best TV shows EVER. Where else can you see Nancy Kerrigan double with Dave Coulier or Debbie Gibson get thrown on her face by Kurt Browning? Also, the host is the fantastic Scott Hamilton! I am so excited that I'm doing backflips here in my studio.

Sloppy Seconds Ain't My Style

Just when celebreality could not get any better, this week on Celebrity Fit Club Jeff Conaway aka Kenickie OD's on Benadryl and gets a lecture on prescription drug abuse from Chastity Bono. I'm not making this up. Watch it to believe it.

A Very Good Cat

I would like to dedicate today's post to Colin, my catblogging friend Jazz' cat. Losing a pet is a difficult so today give your pet a hug and a treat in memory of Colin who we know was "a very good cat."

The Astmaticast Podcast

Rachel and Todd catch their breath at L’Angolo and discuss the first week of 2006.

Topic include…

• Asthma—it’s not just for the weird kid anymore.

• Todd’s new beard—is it working?

• The Tale of Sweeney Rachel (and Todd)

• Will Rachel’s hot new brunette locks snag the Baldo?

• The best gefilte fish is your own gefilte fish.


As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

Drunk in the Candy Store

The New York Post reported today that a mom is suing Applebee's for getting her kid loaded on a Long Island Iced Tea. The mother became suspicious when the kid started rolling around on the table and licking the bread basket. She tasted his apple juice and found out it was a Long Island Iced Tea. Now the mother is claiming the kid is having terrifying nightmares where he is spinning and the calls them "Applebee's" nightmares.

When I was a kid about that age, I also loved alcoholic beverages. If I was ever in a bar no floater beer would go unturned and I put Creme de mente on my iced cream whenever it was offered. Last week at work, somebody brought in a entire case of those chocolate liquor-filled candies which I announced I used to love as a kid, much to everyone's shock.

Booze is like TV for kids. I don't go crazy over TV or drink that much anymore because I had my fill as a child.

Friday Catblog by MJ Cat

Max's New House
Originally uploaded by redrachel.

Here I am in my new cathouse. I'm still recovering from the New Year and am breaking out all over my little cat chin. I hate cat acne.

Asthma is the New Black

According to the New York Post, Lindsay Lohan celebrated the New Year with a hard-core asthma attack. For those of you who know me, in October I also had an asthma attack that sent me to the ER. I've been coughing ever since. I like to think that asthma is the new health trend problem taking over such outdated 90's illnesses as Epstein-Barr and manorexia. Asthma is the new "in-condition" of 2006. I am hoping this trend sparks such accessories as jewel-encrusted autohalers, Cartier nebulizers and Louis Vuitton leather Peak Flow meter belt bags. Perhaps people will start ODing on Singulair. I'm finally proud and happy to admit that I have asthma. Thanks, Lindsay.

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

After the New Year, I always say that it's a downward spriral towards Valentine's Day. This year, I'm trying to keep a positive attitude and look forward to the following:

1. Martin Luther King Day: This is the day I like to eat dim sum and go to the movies.
2. Dieting. I fell off the wagon and am waiting for the compliments to come again.
3. American Idol keeps me going through the winter.
4. Awards Show Season

Happy New Year!

This past weekend was so fabulous and fun that I spent today making a movie to immortalize bringing in 2006 with my core karaoke crew Kristen, Ken and Alex. I hope your celebrations were as happy as ours.

To watch click here.

The Year of the Podcast Podcast

It's the YEAR OF THE PODCAST, so Rachel and Todd are counting down their favorite moments of 2005 live on tape from the Grey Dog Cafe

On the show this week, Rachel and Todd discuss:

• why some cats like the movie Crash

• the Pros and Cons of the Brit.

• why Rachel wants to be taken the Candy Shop

• their favorite celebrity outbursts.

• and their love for their listeners.

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

Best Films of 2005

Well, I've seen a billion movies and it's time for my annual list. 2005 was an excellent year for movies.


1. A History of Violence
2. Last Days
3. Squid and the Whale
4. Brokeback Mountain
5. Keane
6. The Intruder
7. In Her Shoes
8. Match Point
9. Millions
10. Batman Begins

Back on the WW Wagon

Well, after gaining 10lbs. during the holiday feeding frenzy, I'm back on the WW Extreme diet. Wish me luck. I want to be back to my fighting weight by Valentine's Day. Also, please excuse my crankiness as I'll be living off of pickles, celery and raw fish for the next 6 weeks.

Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman

As a holiday treat, I thought you might enjoy some adolescent photos of me taken around 1985. One of my favorite after-school activities was dressing up in vintage 50's dresses and dancing around with stuffed animals or posing with rifles.

Holiday Greetings from the Upper Crust

Every holiday season I look forward to the "Best of" lists and the nysocialdiary.com round-up of socialite holiday cards. Please provide your own comments as this collage overwhelms me again this year.

Happy Holidays from MJ Cat!

I'm spending the holidays alone but I want to wish all of you a happy holiday season full of good catnip, dangling toys and Pounce treats!

The Men of 2005

This is a list of the best (not all) of the men I dated in 2005. These are the men who inspired me, drove me crazy, consumed me and pissed me off and, yet, made my year memorable. While my friends think I had a good year, I think it has been kind of boring compared to last year which was full of drunks, skunks and spankers. This year kicked off with Liev Schreiber toasting the New Year with me which I hoped would be a sign of a good year to come.

The Slow Zone (January-May)
The Slow Zone is a guy I met up with at the Zog's New Year's Eve party. I already met him before because he dated a friend of mine when they were in college and I knew him slightly from the comedy scene. He was very attentive at first. I even confessed to my friend that I met him and that things were heating up knowing this would upset her. In any case, he suddenly started making excuses about how he had to work all the time and he kept me hanging for months. Then, I found out that The Slow Zone is his actual nickname among women in New York City. If you meet the Slow Zone, be careful because he cannot commit.

Chris x 3 (Spring)
As things were slowing down with the Slow Zone, I found myself dating three guys named Chris. Although it was very confusing, I thought that perhaps the trinity of three men named Chris might symbolize the resurrection of my love life at that time.

The Widower (May-August)
The Widower was a really nice guy and I really liked him. Unfortunately, he found my blog and podcast and every conversation we ended up having became about how he didn't want to ever be mentioned in the blog or on the podcast. We ended up arguing about this on a nightly basis. I told him to stay away from my media because it was upsetting him so much. In any case, he got back together with an old girlfriend and according to my stats, I don't think he's reading this blog anymore.

The Italian Snack (November)
He's Italian, 23 years old and lives around the corner. What else do I need to explain? I have a feeling he'll text me in 2006.

The Brit (May-present)
Although we met in May, things didn't heat up until late summer. He's sometimes cranky and sometimes sweet, but he's the best man I've met and he puts up with all my shit and he is extremely supportive and encouraging in all my endeavors. Oh, and he sends me hand-painted postcards in the mail.

The Architect (January 2003-present)
Despite the fact that I haven't seen him in over a year, he got married and his new wife is pregnant, he is still around via email and IM. I told the Brit about him and he wants me to send the lascivious notes he sends me to his new wife. I, however, don't think that is such a good idea.

Strike!

The Transit System is shut down which means that I'm working from home today. This is kind of like a snow day for urban adults, but without the sledding! Of course, I found out there is that one goody-goody from work who rode his bike to the office and will probably be bragging out this for the rest of his life. All I can say, it's going to be a very cold ride home for him across the 59th Street Bridge. As for me, I just did a load of darks and am getting ready for a conference call. Max attacked my tuna sandwich so I had to make another one. I love the strike!

Do They Know It's Babylon Podcast

And in our world of plenty
This week, Todd celebrate the holidays (like all Jews do)at the Chinese restaurant.

"We can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around the world
At Christmas Time"

-Boy George
This week on the podcast we deck the halls, light the menorah and discuss

• our love/hate relationship with Santa

• how Judy Bloom ruined Christmas

• all about the holiday songs that matter

• this week's inappropriate fur joke

• just how "Chinese" is the Coffee ice-cream?

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

Holiday Party Wrap-Up

I've been out every night at various holiday parties so I haven't been able to blog. Here's some highlights:

Best food: Shauna's mango-glazed ham
Most annoying guest: Broken-nosed photographer guy at Collette's party who tried to get all the girls to pose nude
Most Snacks: All the young media buyers at Google's client party
Worst Food: Company holiday party gave me a bad bad stomach the next day.

Most Awkward Moment of 2005

Tonight I got to an industry-related holiday party and try to make conversation with an account representative. I was running out of topics so I asked if someone I used to know still worked at his company. He then put his hand on my shoulder and said, "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but he's dead." I didn't know what to say and there was this awkward five minute pause. Out of all the people that work there, why did I have to mention the one that died tragically young?

Match Point

Along with my love Benicio del Toro, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers is my second top celebrity hunk. I don't understand why he's not a bigger star. Todd and I saw Match Point tonight and I Rhys-Meyers was as exciting and sexy as Aslan in The Chronicles of Narnia. Anyway, today I went top the gyno and he found another lump in my breast and also told me that I better think about getting pregnant soon because I'm not getting any younger. Well, Benny or Johnny, if you are reading this, I'm ready to become the mother of your child. I'll even vote for you for best actor in our podcast awards!

The Gift that Never Gets Given

What does it mean when someone you care about DEMANDS that you do not buy him a gift? And what does it mean if you love buying gifts? I don't have an answer to this dilemma.

Vadar Had Jumped the Shark

My good friend Todd has pointed out what the best/scariest online promotion I have ever seen in all my years as a marketer. Burger King as teamed up with Star Wars to create a site where Darth Vadar can actually guess what you are thinking. It really works. Todd got it to guess vagina and I got it guess sphincter. Try it. You will be so amazed you will definitely be craving a whopper.

What I Want for Cat-mas: Friday Catblog by MJ Cat

DSCF0361
Originally uploaded by redrachel.

The holidays are approaching so while you are out shopping, don't forget to buy something for your favorite cat. Here's my list for Santa:
1. New Alpine Cat Scratcher
2. Little furry mice
3. Catnip-filled cigars
4. Cat spa
5. Doritos

The Untouchables

When I was in college, there was this group of untouchable boys who would leave me kind of tongue-tied and nervous whenever I had to interact with them. One of the members of this group was a guy named John McCouch who now plays a hot stud on a soap opera. John was my partner in dance class so he introduced me to some of his "untouchable" hot friends. John had this good friend named Casey who was in an English class of mine. Whenever I had to interact with Casey, I was immediately reduced to my adolescent state as Casey always had the prettiest and most sophisticated girlfriends on campus. At the same time, Casey always had time to say hello to me which I interpreted as pity.

Well, tonight, after 15 yrs. of unrequited love and forgotten fantasy, I ended up actually having dinner and drinks with Casey and was disturbed when I realized that he's actually a nice, approachable and decent guy. I'm mad at myself for being such a low self-esteemed moron when I was 19 yrs. old. Casey is on his second wife, so perhaps if and when he's ready for his third, I will need to make my intentions known.

Things I Hated 2005

It is that time of the year when I list all the things I hated in 2005. For last year's list, you can click here.

1. Tyra Banks. I'm sick of her and wish she and wish she would just disappear.
2. Hal Spark's commentary on VH-1 shows. He's not funny and he talks too much and I dread seeing him on TV.
3. Skinny celebrities going out in fat suits to see what it's like to be treated as a fake fat person.
4. When men I like get too tied up with their work to call me daily.
5. Danny Bonnaduce and Christopher Knight. I hated them then and I hate them now.
6. My doctor. He's not helping me get over this bad cough and I can't even get an appointment with him.
5. Max (my cat) biting me on the calf when he doesn't want me to leave in the morning.
6. Dieting. It still does and will always suck.
7. TomKat, but everyone kind of hates them. I just feel very sad because I used to like Tom.
8. I am very upset that my local laundromat has closed down and I have nowhere close to go to do my darks. I hate this situation and I hate the mean man who runs the place I now go to on Carmine Street.
9. Running out of toilet paper
10. Current wives of ex-boyfriends
11. I hate it when I ask for a raise at work and I'm told to get another job and they can match it. Why do companies play that game? It just seems so stupid.
12. I hate the jeans section at Bloomingdales. It is too overwhelming.
13. I hate growing out my hair.
14. I hate waiting at the nail salon.
15. Rain. I hate it when it rains.
16. I hate being invited to weddings without a date.
17. I hate cleaning the bathroom.
18. Smelly homeless people on the subway
19. The customer service people for Sprint PCS
20. Sunburns
21. Itchy feet
22. Paris Hilton and all the gossip that surrounds her. It's boring now.
23. mayo
24. ketchup
25. cheese
26. relish
27. I hate that Clinique has discontinued Gentle Light makeup.
28. I hate when Todd forgets the proper equipment to record the podcast and we have to use his digital camera.
29. I hated working in Hoboken, but I took care of that.
30. I hate when my friends don't live up to their potential and don't take risks to change their lives.
31. I hate being single when I'm sick. I don't have anyone to clean up the puke or make me soup.
32. I hate Mark McGrath as a host on Access Hollywood.
33. I hate when my leg cramps at the movies.
34. The way my cat won't eat out of the bowl and only food from off the floor
35. cab motion sickness
36. I hate finding out someone I like has a substance abuse problem and I was too stupid to know it.
37. Buying my own drinks.
38. I hate worrying about terrorist attacks.
39. 9:00AM Monday morning meetings.
40. Current celebrity perfumes including the stinky ones by Britney Spears and Sarah Jessica Parker.
41. Pet abuse
42. People taking credit for other people's works.
43. People who use big words in order to appear smart, but really talk straight out of their asses.
44. Inefficient clerks at check-out counters
45. Dick Cheney
46. I hate leaving Max alone by himself when I go away.
47. I hate when my iPod crashes and the fear that I can instantly lose days and days of downloading.
48. I hate the cost of good bras.
49. I hate visiting people. My friends are starting to complain but I prefer to be in my own town in my apartment.
50. Allergies and asthma

The Lion, the Witch and the Podcast...

A game of hide-and-go-seek takes Rachel and Todd on a trip way beyond R. Kelly's closet and into a world beyond your imagination.

Highlights include:

• Narnia - It's E.T. good.

• She bops a we bop

• Billy Joel's Italian secret

• Fear the glockenspiel, love the skin flute

• Peta approved podcast procedure


CLICK ON THE PHOTO ABOVE TO HEAR THIS WEEK'S SHOW ON YOUR COMPUTER
or use ITunes' new podcast feature to subscribe to all the podcasts
(just search for Beware of the Babylon and subscribe)

Catblog Friday: Tabby Stowaway is Reunited with Her Person!

MJ Cat is busy working on his holiday cards, but he wanted to let you all know that is cousin Emily was reunited with her person after her ordeal where she ran away from home and stowed away for three weeks in a shipping container headed to France.

These Boots Are Made for Walking

It's that time of the year where mid-tier department stores like Macy's and Lord & Taylor conduct their annual holiday friends and family sales. I never thought I'd ever say this, but I am Friends-and-Familied out. Everything is starting to look the same from year to year and low-rent cashmere still pills even with the additional 20% off the 40% sale price. I have decided these stores must repeat these big huge sales so you can replace all the crap that either got worn out or was too trendy from the year before. The only thing I saw that I REALLY wanted was not on sale and those were the Tara Subkoff for Easy Spirit boots. I just can't justify or afford paying almost $500 for Easy Spirit shoes. If, however, you are reading this and you are from another country and DO NOT know what to buy me for Xmas, I am a size 37.5 or 38 and would also love the fur scarf at Bergdorf Goodman. (You know who you are!)

Take It On the Run

I just returned from my first work karaoke outing. I think I found a good team for me to be a part of in the workforce. I've never had a job where I was able to sing a Tainted Love duet with my cool new boss or got to see the woman from Global getting down with the office Snack to Living on a Prayer. Banking rocks!

The Fur Scarf

Today I tried on a mink scarf at Bergdorf Goodman. If you are reading this and want to buy me a really nice present, I want the chocolate brown mink scarf located in the front of the store. I'm too young for a fur coat but the right age for a fur scarf. Despite what I said in the last podcast, I do not want a fur scarf made out of my cat.

Stairway to Heaven

I haven't been blogging because I've been hiding out in bed and eating cake while listening to the entire 1043 top classic rock songs on Q104.3 with my special friend. This was a perfect way to end a relaxing Thanksgiving weekend. For those of you who must know, the #1 song was Stairway to Heaven.

Things for Which I Give Thanks 2005

Well, it's that time of the year where I contemplate for what I am thankful this year. Here is the list:

1. MJ Cat-Believe it or not, I am still thankful I have the pleasure of sharing my home with this wild cat. I love him and I look forward to seeing him every day.
2. Matthew-Despite what I say and or how I behave, I'm thankful that I met him and that he still seems to like me.
2. My New Job-I have been working so hard for so long so it's nice to be out of the poverty bracket.
3. Todd and the Podcast-Working with Todd on the Beware of the Babylon podcast has been the most satisfying creative experience I've had in many years. I'm also very thankful that Todd is my friend.
4. The Risotteria-I still drop in on almost a daily basis and Joe still provides me with wine and advice.
5. Mary Kay Timewise-Eveyone at my new job thinks I am in my early-mid 20s.

Help me Hello Kitty!

Leave it to Hello Kitty to help you with all your Big Black Tuesday dilemmas. She offers more advice, but this particular test seemed the most relevant. Let me know how it pans out for you. Thanks to my new buddy at Tokyo Shoes for leading me to the guru that is Hello Kitty.

Rest sound knowing that Hello Kitty can help you with all of your life's problems.

Aslan Lives!

I haven't seen a really great movie this year until tonight. I attended a screening of the new Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I don't know if I've ever seen an adaptation that so vividly brought a favorite childhood book of mine to life. Although I enjoyed the animated version as a kid, this movie brought the book to life in the vivid way I pictured so many of the characters when I first read the book in third grade. The movie itself defies intellectual criticism in the same kind of way as did My Dog Skip . Aside from the spectacular cinematography and the exciting adventure narrative, the film brought me back to my youth and reminded me how much I love reading and how that particular novel captured my imagination as an optimistic young girl. When the film goes into release on December 9th, I highly recommend that you see it as soon as possible. My eyes felt dusty throughout the movie as I experienced a serve sense of nostalgia along with emotions of hope and faith that movies can still be really entertaining.

I Am Getting Married!

I'm through with the Snack and planning my upcoming wedding. I've noticed a recent trend where brides and grooms are creating elaborate wedding Web sites to create some excitement around their upcoming nuptuals so I'm working on mine now!

For details about my wedding, click here!

The History of a Loft Reflects the His-and-Her Story of a Couple - New York Times

My friend Kristen once tried to set me up with this buy in this past Sunday's Real Estate section. Unfortunately, I was too stupid to unerstand this man's apartment potential and didn't have any interest. I hate seeing my mistakes in the Times. Now he's married and has a lot more space than me.
The History of a Loft Reflects the His-and-Her Story of a Couple - New York TimesThe History of a Loft Reflects the His-and-Her Story of a Couple - New York Times

The R Kelly Cast

This week Todd and Rachel podcast from O'Flaherty's on Restaurant Row and end up
trapped in R. Kelly's closet...

Highlights include:

• How best to remember your pets

• Who would your rather? Bono or Sting?

• Why you shouldn't go into Rachel's closet

• Baby names that do not go well with 'Sokolove'

• Who get's the baby?




CLICK HERE or
or use ITunes' new podcast feature to subscribe to all the podcasts
(just search for Beware of the Babylon and subscribe)

All That and a Bag of Chips

As part of my obsession with my new 23 yr. old snack, I decided to have a complete Snack weekend. For those of you unfamiliar with the term "Snack" please read the following post entitled "The Joys of Snacking with Younger Men" that I wrote last year. I haven't seen him since Thursday although he did call me and hang up. I fear though that in the current cultural environment where Demi married Ashton and Cameron and JT are still together, that perhaps the shelf-life of a Snack can be extended and I'm not sure if that's such a good thing. I'm always curious what these younger men do in their free time with their friends. I have a feeling they are not sitting home watching 60 Minutes and making turkey chili.

Here's how I spent my weekend researching Snack lifestyle:

-I actually went to see the movie Prime which kind of sucked but was a movie about the shelf-life of Snacks. I was much more interested in patient/therapist storyline than I was in the relationship between Uma and her Snack. What does this say about me?
-I went shopping at Urban Outfitters and bought some t-shirts.
-I had my hair cut and asked my guy to make it "messier."
-I ordered chicken wings and a slice of pizza for dinner.
-I stayed in bed until 2 today.

I just hope he calls me or I run into him again in the neighborhood soon. I'm having Snack withdrawal.

Survey Results

MJ Cat is celebrating Veteran's Day and taking the day off from catblogging. In any case,I wanted to present the survey results from my Man Survey.

It was an even split for the preselected candidates, but under the "other" category, ten people wrote in "Todd" so Todd won the survey. Somebody wants me to get with some guy from the NBA who was also not an option because he DUMPED ME over three years ago. Todd is also not a viable option because he is GAY and has a serious partner. So, I decided to choose Il Sputino the Italian Snack because he smells good and told me that I "impress" him. This survey was a waste of my time.

Big Black Hole Thursday

There are many things I don't understand in this crazy world. Here are some of them:

1. How is that ugly crazy Lisa is still a contestant on America's Next Top Model?
2. What exactly is wrong with Fernano Ferrer?
3. What is Max thinking when he stares at me for hours on end?
4. Where should I go to buy a new winter coat?
5. Why does House limp?
6. How does one celebrate Veteran's Day?

New Online Survey: Should I Be Into Him?

Well, it's that time of the season where men appear from the woodwork as they anticipate a lonely upcoming holiday season. Here are my current choices of men who at this moment appear to be into me. Please vote for your favorite so I can make an informed decision about how best to spend my time.

Il Sputino
Pros: He's 23, Italian and handsome.
He lives around the corner.
He attends film school and can talk serious film with me.
He likes to cook.
He's up for activity any time.
Cons: He's young and foreign.
His friends are young and smoke pot.
He doesn't properly keep a schedule.

Full House
Pros: He's very smart and has celebrity friends.
He's already bought me a gift which was a book about the psychoanalytic theories about the art of flirting.
He's kind of famous.
Cons: He's 50.
He spends every other weekend in Toronto with his ex wife and two kids.

Englishman in New York
Pros: We already have an established relationship.
He sends me painted postcards.
He makes me laugh.
He loves MJ Cat and vice versa.
Cons: He's obsessed with work and gets grouchy when things don't go well for him at work.
He wishes that he was dating a model rather than me.

The Lower East Side Rock Star
Pros: He's in my dating age range.
He's a member of SAG.
He's persistent.
Cons: He lives like he's a Snack.
He spends a lot of time a band practice.
He can't make a date and always calls me at the last minute.

The Trumpeteer
Pros and Cons:He plays the trumpet.



Click here to take our Online Survey

Kate Bush "Aerial" Album Released Today!

After 12 years, Kate Bush, one of my favorite singers, has released her new album "Aerial." I am an unabashed and unapologetic fan of Kate. I remember the first time I heard "Wuthering Heights" in the early eighties and was blown away that a teenager could write a song like that. While my friends were freaking out to Menudo, I was contemplating the second side of Hounds of Love. I even stood in line for five hours in the sleet to have Kate autograph the most expensive CD I ever purchased which was the bootleg Phoenix Recordings. I am glad she's back. Now, I have to go listen to Aerial so I can savor it without interruption. For those of you who might be unfamiliar with Kate, here is the Wiki summary of her career.

Here are my top ten favorite Kate Bush songs:
1. Wuthering Heights
2. Running Up That Hill
3. Cloudbusting
4. Under the Ivy
5. Why Should I Love You
6. December Will Be Magic
7. You're The One
8. The Man With the Child In His Eyes
9. Wow
10. This Woman's Work

Tasteless Cat Humor

This is sick, but it made me laugh.

Working Girl Update

Despite my Avian flu, I love my new life in corporate America. I haven't felt this comfortable since I had a temp gig as a sales assistant at Dean Witter. I don't know why I thought I should be working in "entertainment/media" for all these years. Banking rules! Everyone at my new job has been very nice to me. At my last job, I sat alone in a cube for weeks before anybody really talked to me. I'm booked up for lunch for the next month and I've already made two new friends. Now, I just need to focus on my wedding and I will be living the American dream.

The Smells Like Maple Syrup Podcast

We're back from our hiatus and Todd and I caught up tonight at Cafe Dante for a brand new Beware of the Babylon podcast!

In this week's long awaited podcast, find out -

• what you should do if your pussy smells like maple syrup

• who put the rum in the baba rum?

• why Todd's Dad might have to arrest him

• what kills the music game for me

• how do you measure, measure a year?


Click the picture to hear it or use ITunes' new podcast feature to subscribe to all the podcasts (just search for Beware of the Babylon and subscribe).

Friday Catblog by MJ Cat: Up All Night, Sleep All Day

DSCF0261
Originally uploaded by redrachel.

I've been having a terrible time sleeping because my person has been coughing all night. For the last two nights, I've been sleeping alone on the chair. Next week, I'll be answering your questions for "Ask MJ Cat" so please email me at nycbabylontips@aol.com with your questions.

100 Third Avenue Update

Many of you might remember during the late 90's, I lived in an illegal apartment above a gay porn theater on lower third avenue. My roommates included a despotic skirt-wearing Iranian and his caffeine-addicted girlfriend, a Japanese guy named Aki who had a well-known acoustic act at the Sidewalk Cafe, a photo student from Cooper Union named Joanna and Melissa, an eccentric girl who lived in the back room we called the "Anne Frank Suite." While I would be sitting in my room quietly watching Fashion Emergency, Jo and Melissa were having a secret affair breaking up the entire fabric of our dysfunctional family. The affair even inspired the song "Joanna" recorded by the late great band The Cogs. Jo was forced to move out of the apartment by her controlling boyfriend in the middle of the night after he learned she was "licking ditches" with the crazy girl from the Anne Frank Suite. She skipped out on the rent and left the apartment in the middle of the night. I've lost touch with all these people but I did get an email from Melissa informing me of her current whereabouts via this interview on Gothamist. She's now driving a cab. Read the interview here. Now, I wish I knew what happened to Aki. He was a nice guy.

Help me House!

God, I wish I could score an appointment with Dr. House. I spent the last day of my vacation at D.O.C.S. which is the urgent care center. It turns out that I was breathing at only 1/2 my lung capacity so I had two nebulizer treatments and was prescribed some steroids. I pray the drugs kick in before my first day of my new job tomorrow. Dr. House could have cured me in an hour, but D.O.C.S. took over a week.

Unhappy Halloween

This has been my most depressing Halloween ever. I usually like to go and march in the parade, but this damned bronchitis left me short of wind and watching the parade at home on NY1. I start my new job on Wednesday and am praying that I recover.

Your Cat's Just Not that Into You

Last year, I was obsessed with the He's Just Not That Into You and now a new book has come out entitled Your Cat's Just Not that Into You. So, not only have I been wasting the pretty on a stream of emotionally unavailable men, it turns out I've been wasting the pretty on MJ Cat. It's true. He bites me, destroys my furniture and wakes me up at 5AM for no apparent reason. I've been sick with bronchitis for a week and he hasn't provided any sympathy and has been ignoring me. I guess I should give up men and cats and go get myself a dog.

Friday Catblog by MJ Cat

DSCF0391
Originally uploaded by redrachel.

I'm dieting during my week of vacation and I'm hungry as hell. As you can see, I'm a little big around the middle these days.

Halloween Costumes Greatest Hall of Fame

Halloween used to be my favorite holiday. This year I have nowhere to go, so please feel free to use any of my costumes from Halloween pasts. I never had a mother who could sew or make exciting costumes so I either had to buy the plastic ones or invent my own. Here are some of my favorites:

Werewolf(1976): I was so excited when my mother bought me the werewolf costume at Kmart ahead of time to ensure it wouldn't be sold out. I, however, became scared of my own costume and it had to be moved out of my closet to another room. I remember my father put the mask on when I was watching TV, peeked around the corner and scared the hell out of me.
King Kong (1977): I loved the Jessica Lange King Kong remake so I wore an oversized King Kong mask along with a black bodysuit and tights. I'd still wear this costume if I could, but I weighed only 30lbs at the time.
Dead Cowboy (1980): I was kind of a tomboy at the time, so dead cowboy was an easy costume to create. I just wore my western shirt and Billy the Kid jeans. I put on some pop guns on a holster and finished it off with a skeleton mask.
Marilyn Monroe (1988): This costume is pretty standard and my best friends Stephanie and Jessica dressed up as James Dean and Elvis to be part of the dead legends group. Our fourth friend Leigh, however, dressed up as a sexy skunk which totally screwed up our theme. Her mother didn't think it was appropriate for her to dress up as a dead celebrity but she somehow got away with wearing a bodysuit and a bushy tail.
Madonna: (1989-1991): I dressed up as various incarnations of Madonna throughout college.
Courtney Love (1992): I don't know why I chose to dress up as Courtney before she was even that famous, but I had so many baby doll dresses and my Madonna wig was on the fritz so it all made sense during my days of irony.
Miss Georgia (1995): I decked out in full beauty queen regalia to rollerblade through my first Greenwich Village Halloween Parade. This was my best Halloween in the city.
Willie Nelson (2003): I revived my dead cowboy look except I bought a Dorothy Wizard of Oz wig and converted it to Willie Nelson by removing the bows. I handed out candy to little kids in Chelsea with my pregnant friend Diane. Nobody knew who I was except one hip father. I did see one kid dressed up as a werewolf so I gave him some extra candy.

Hot Time in the City

I'm taking a vacation for the next week in my own apartment. Today was a very exciting day. I went to D.O.C.S. because I can't get rid of this damned cough. Then, I went to buy a new DVD player since mine died. Now, I'm making some Italian sausage and tomato sauce. I can't imagine what excitement will come tomorrow. I think tonight I'm going to get my sweaters out since the temperature outside has plummeted.

Flown the Coop

Smallbat is gone. He's not on the wall anymore and must have flown away to another place. Perhaps he knows I'm leaving today too and this is some kind of October sign. I'm taking the rest of the week and part of next week off to recoup, rest and pet MJ Cat. Then, I'm off to corporate America.

Take This Job and Shove It

Tomorrow is my last day at my current job. I am in the process of creating a "smooth transition" so I won't be able to blog much today. All I can say is that quitting is very stressful.

Friday Catblog by MJ Cat

MJ Cat
Originally uploaded by redrachel.

I love cuddling on a chilly rainy fall morning. I can't wait until next week when my person takes a vacation and spends everyday with me before she turns into a corporate drone.

Flickr is the New Google

Wall of Kitsch
Originally uploaded by nycbabylon.

I am now obsessed with Flickr, which is a Web site that allows users to publically post photos. I love snooping through stranger's lives through their photos photos. I also love snooping through the photos of exes on Flick as well. Imagine my surprise when I found an ex's flickr site and was able to see his new wife in the flesh. Once I saw her small tits, their perfectly decorated mid-century modern apartment and her long hair, I was able to know why he didn't marry me. I used to Google men, but now I'm going to flickr them to see what really goes on their sick heads.

Smallbat

This is a photo of a little baby bat that we've named "smallbat." Smallbat has been literally hanging outside our office walls for the past couple of days. I'll miss him so much when I leave this building for good next week.

Announcement

I am in the process of changing jobs. This is much more stressful than I imagined it would be. I've had to resign twice due to the fact that my boss was on her honeymoon during the period I had to give my notice. All of this big career stress is making me not able to feel emotional about things I normally would be going crazy about had I not been switching jobs. Here are some things that I wish I could emotionally respond to but am unable to right now:

1. TomKitten: In the back of my mind, Katie Holmes looks more pregnant than she says she is, but when I think about it, my head kind of hurts and I must stop.
2. The Englishman: I like this guy and he's having a bad week and told me he's in a foul mood and can't talk to me until Friday. Normally, this would upset me. Today, I don't care.
3. Ashton Kutcher's fedora: Thinking about this gives me also gives me a little headache.
4. Citarellagate: I got in trouble last night for gossiping at Citarella with Big Hands Meaghan. Has the West Village turned into Wisteria Lane?

TomKitten Gossip: Exclusive Gossip

I just ran into Big Hands Meaghan at Citarella and although she is a slightly unreliable source, she is slightly connected to the higher powers that be. In any case, BHM told me that Katie Holmes is actually carrying the frozen sperm of Scientology leader L. Ron Hubbard. I don't know if this is true, but I feel compelled to report this piece of celebrity gossip.

It was a Full House

I am posting this from location in York, Pa, where I am in town for a wedding. After the wedding we all went back to the Yorktowne hotel where I capped off the evening with Bob Saget who was also in town for a gig. I actually had to call my mother to tell me to pick me up later than planned because I was hanging out with Bob. I never thought I'd ever utter to a parent, "Can you pick me up at 12:30 cause I'm in the middle of something with Bob Saget," and then say to Bob Saget, "We need to wrap this up because my mom is coming to pick me up." In any case, Bob told me a juicy story about Bungalow 8, that Jew jokes in York bomb, that Jon Stamos is the most fabulous man on the planet and that Naomi Watts is a witch. I kind of love Bob Saget now. He's sexier than Liev Schreiber and is my new favorite celebrity.