My Living Will

I guess I better get this down in writing in case something happens to me.

1. Please consider my life worthless if I cannot enjoy the following activities:
-watching television
-swallowing
-listening to music
-gossiping
-petting animals
-thinking
-breathing
-talking

2. If something happens to me that I cannot function and enjoy a certain quality of life (if I am forced to eat through a tube and/or live on a breathing machine) and if you notice little brain wave activity, please remove the tubes. I, however, do not want to die of thirst, so please administer some kind of medicine to put me to sleep rather than let me starve to death.

3. I do not want to be cremated. I want my entire body to be buried in an above ground mausoleum situation. I do not want to be put in the ground in a coffin.

4. I want an old fashioned wake where people dance, get drunk and listen to my favorite music.