Gone Mousing by MJ Cat

I'll be away mousing until next week while my owner tans herself in the Caribbean. Here I am with my travel bag which includes my blanket, cat chows, Pounce treats, litter and my catdancer. If you are in New York City and you know where I work, stop by and say hello!

Jay from PA Won Project Runway!

Although Austin Scarlett lost, I am pleased Pennsylvanian Jay beat out Wendy and Kara Saun. For those of you who missed it, the finale of Project Runway was two hours of gripping television. Kara Saun acted like an entitled bitch and Wendy Pepper makes funny faces when she's confronted. Jay's line deserved to win, but it reminded me of Marc Jacobs in many ways. Well, I finally have my Wednesday nights back.

Jay McCarroll wins first 'Project Runway', but popular series' future uncertain - Reality TV World - News, information, episode summaries, message boards, chat and games for unscripted television programs

Who Needs Christo?

Mike Argento, the columnist for the York Daily Record, compares New York's Central Park to York's Cherry Lane. I have seen both the Gates and have spent some time on Cherry Lane. I can't critique the murals on Cherry Lane since I haven't been there since 1989 when I made out with some boy I met at Zakie's Night Club under-21 Sunday. I hung out at two Under-21 clubs in York when I was a teenager. One was Big City Under 21 Nite Club and the second one was on the third floor of Zakie's on Sunday nights. To this day, I still feel a slight sense of vacancy on both Friday and Sunday nights. I've never been able to fill that void where I danced in a dark smoky room to New Order and Bronski Beat. In any case, I can't picture the guy I kissed or the painting of a man chopping off a woman's toenail on Cherry Lane. In 16 years, I wonder if I will be able to visualize the Gates. Who needs Christo? We have our own special art - York Daily Record

Project Runway Finale

Tonight I will have to say goodbye to my favorite program Project Runway. I hope that bitch Wendy Pepper loses.

We'd Like to Thank the Academy Podcast

Our inaugural podcast received so much response that we decided to do it again!

This week, Beware of the Blog and NYCBabylon give our thoughts on the upcoming Oscar nominations from the historical Chumley's. We do not have a special guest, as everyone we invited said we were not "big" enough for them to stop by and give us some time. So, please help us to become bigger and if you want to be on the show, please let us know.


To listen, go to this link and right click and "Save as Target" to download to your computer.

I Love Ooh La Lift!

Combined with Boing Concealer and Ambien, Ooh La Lift is the best cosmetic product available on the market. I didn't realize how old and tired I look until a woman at Bloomingdales showed me the magic of this product on one eye. I now look like I'm 21!

Big Black Hole Tuesday

OK, I had a bizarre weekend which left me wondering about the state of the world in which I live. Here are my unanswered questions:

1. In the Paris Hilton Sidekick transcripts, she mentions "Baltazar Getty." Is she referring to Lost Highway actor Balthazar Getty? Is he alive? Is he off the stuff? Why did Paris think about him on 9/10/2004?
2. What was upiwth my date on Sunday night and why was he such a jackass?
3. What is this pain in my right hand? Is it arthritis?
4. For how many more seasons will American Idol last?

A Beer and a Shot in the Dark

Last night I think I had one of my worst dates ever. Here are some signs your date might be going very badly:

1. He shows up in an old ratty grey t-shirt and jeans. You are supposed to go to a French restaurant so you are dressed up in a cute silk skirt and sexy top.
2. He orders a shot before he even says hello to you. He doesn't ask what you would like to drink.
3. He calls you before the date and changes the time so that he can "get a workout in." You are already applying your eyeliner.
4. Despite your charming attempts at conversation, he finishes his beer, finally looks at you, tells you he's just not up for conversation and says, "I'm going home." He leaves you sitting alone at the bar. Only 15 minutes have passed.

If this ever happens to you, go immediately to you gay boyfriend's house. He will make you feel better and tell you that look fabulous and don't smell.

Total Target Recall!

For those of you who shop at Target, please be aware that this $25 is being recalled. The heel is falling off and women everywhere are falling and breaking their ankles! Go to Target for full details!

Wink, Wink: MJ Cat's Friday Catblog

My person is under strict orders to NOT mention me or show my photos on any dates. As the main cat in NYCBabylon's life, if any of you suitors come across this blog you should know the following:

1. I sleep in the bed with her and she cuddles and doesn't snore. Her ass makes a very nice pillow.
2. If you piss her off, she'll lock you in the bathroom.
3. She likes to take photos with her camera phone.
4. I am grateful that she gave me a nice home. Perhaps one day you will get as lucky.
5. She provides fresh food and water. Sometimes she brings me home surprises.
6. If you get sick, she'll stay with you until you recover.

I Love the Liger!

The Post must have been low on news since today I enjoyed articles on screwing hawks and a 800 lb. liger!

My Politics

I received a comment yesterday about the fact that I rarely discuss my politics. For those of you who know me personally, you know I have a sister with high political aspirations and I must take special care to not become the Roger Clinton or Billy Carter of our family. She already found out about this blog and is upset that I am sharing personal anecdotes over the public Internet. In the meantime, I do have some political views that I will share with you.

1. If you are a woman, you should vote in every election. Women were once not allowed to vote and your elders fought for you to have this human right. I always vote.
2. If a person is cruel to animals, he or she should go to jail. If a person has a drug problem, he or she should get some help.
3. New York City deserves more money for protection against terrorists.
4. Anyone who wants to get married should be able to.
5. Intelligent design should not be taught in public schools.
6. Rich people should pay more taxes and stop complaining about it.
7. Social Security should be saved.
8. Music and art programs should be saved in public schools.

I Have Many Secrets

This blog is fabulous. I'm posting a secret next week.

PostSecret

The Perfect TV Show for the "Hip, Young and Gay."

Don't forget to watch Project Runway tonight!

The New York Times > Arts > Television > TV Watch | 'Project Runway': Hemlines on the Stand: A Design-Off for Fashion Glory

Who Got the Salad Spinner?

The older I get, the more men I meet with ex-wives. When I find out a man was once married, first I look in the New York Times to see if the wedding was written up. I like to see if the woman was able to stop working before the wedding or to see if the wedding even made the paper at all. My next step is to do an extensive search for an old bridal registry that can perhaps reveal what went wrong in the marriage and give secret insight into a man's real personality. Here are my findings out of a study of three men I've dated who were once married:

1. All three men registered at Bloomingdales and were married in 2000.
2. All three registered for the OXO Good Grips Salad Spinner. Only Man #1
received it. Man #1 was very into tossing salads and his wedding was the only
one not written up in the Times.
3. Man #1 only registered for a set of Wusthof knives, and yet received only one
8" cleaver. Man #2 received a full set of Henckles knives. Man #3 only
registered for the Henckles Four Star 8" Chef's Knife which he did receive.
Isn't it bad luck to receive a knife as a gift? Perhaps these marriages were all
doomed by the registry itself.
4. Man #1 registered for Le Creuset cookware. Man #2 registered for Analon
Professional cookware and Man #3 registered for Calphalon pans. It's too bad
it didn't work out with Man #1, because I prefer Le Creuset.
5. Man #1 and Man #2 did not register for any barware or drinking glasses while
Man #3 registered for a set of Christofle red wine glasses. Man #1 and Man #2
are heavy drinkers.
6. Only Man #2 registered for linens including a down pillows and a down comforter.
This means he is most likely not adverse to living with a cat.

Inaugural Podcast!

So, Beware of the Blog and I have teamed up on the new trend of PODCASTING. For those of you not in the know, PODCASTING is a special broadcast which you can download to your iPod or listen to from your computer. Over your lunchbreak, on your commute or on the elliptical trainer, Beware of the Babylon Podcast will provide you with approximately 27 minutes of New York City commentary and gossip .

We will be broadcasting from a different location in New York City each week.
Special guest stars to be announced soon.

This week's show comes from the Angelika Film Center in the West Village.

If the link doesn't work, right click and save as target HERE:



When you get to the link, right click, and download the mp3 to your iTunes or Windows Media Player. The easiest way to download is to "right click" on the title of this article "Inaugural Podcast" and then go to "Save Target."

Enjoy!

Worst Vday Ever

I only have three hours to go until this rockbottom day officially ends. I always say that New Year's Eve to Valentine's Day is just one downward spiral, and this year, I was right. Tonight I came home from work, went to the gym, and ate a turkey burger and an orange. Now, I'm watching the Westminster Dog Show. My friend Jeff is very upset I failed to mention my evening last Friday night. He's upset I didn't write about how I kissed a friend on a dare and actually considered going home with a gay man. He doesn't understand that this behavior was just part of the downward spiral. Now, I'm waiting for the sun to shine tomorrow so I can start feeling like a normal human being again. For now, I'll let MJ Cat bite me until midnight.

Valentine's Day for the Single Cat: Friday Catblog

Valentine's Day is only a couple of days away, and as always, I'm single and going to be spending it alone locked up in the apartment. Here's how I am going to survive what can be a very lonely day for a single cat.

1. I am going to curl up and snuggle with my person. She's a woman in her thirties and I'm a cat and this is a big day for all those like us to celebrate our circumstantial relationship.
2. I am going to eat Fancy Feast rather than my usual boring dry Iams chows. Calories don't count on Monday.
3. I am going to run around the hall and get some exercise. Spring is on the way and I need to look good.
4. I am going to go nuts with my catdancer. I am going to jump as high as I can.
5. I am going to examine the closets and see what all that crap is in there buried at the bottom.

Goodbye Austin!

Austin, I will miss you. My friend Jessica called and left a message last night for me stating that she thinks the reason that I fell for Austin so hard was because he must remind me of my old friend from middle school named Chris Leach. The last time I saw Chris was at the 8th grade dance when he took all the dateless girls to the dance in a stretch limo. Chris wore a white tuxedo with tails. I somehow had a date so I didn't talk to Chris that evening. He didn't enter high school with us and I never knew what happened to him. Did he reinvent himself as Austin Scarlett?

He Wants to Make the World Beautiful

I have watched hours and hours of reality television since the Real World premiered in the early 90's. I have never cried during any of these programs...until tonight. Austin Scarlett was tragically eliminated on Project Runway and Wendy Pepper, the talentless hack, made it to the final three in his place. And who is to blame for this national travesty? The also talentless and tasteless Nancy O'Dell from Access Hollywood chose the very ugly Pepper creation over Austin's beautiful and tasteful gown. Nancy, you are now guaranteed to look like an asshole on the red carpet. Austin, when you make it as a big time designer, I will become your client. I hope you one day dress me because I know in your hands, I will look and feel beautiful.

Ward Churchill update

To see the latest on Hamilton College's response to the Ward Churchill fiasco, click here.

A Perfect Day

So, yesterday was supposed to be a 5-star day, but it wasn't. So, this morning, I woke up and tried to recount previous 5-star days. I am qualifying a "5-star" day as a day when some point during that time period, I remember thinking, "This is such a perfect day. I am totally happy right now."

Here's what I remember as being perfect days:

September 2004--An early fall sunny day included a nice bridal luncheon, a spa date with Mr. Book and dinner at Les Halles. Mr. Book also gave me a book as a gift. This was right after we first met and didn't hide from one another.

August 2003--The day I achieved Lifetime status at Weight Watchers was such a great day!

January 2003--The day began with my first Brazilian bikini wax which turned out to be a painless and satisfying experience. Afterwards, my close male friend The Declinist and I spent the day and night together in snowy below-freezing weather. We first met for dinner at McDonald's and then went to meet our friend George Charlton at the Gramercy Park Hotel. George acted crazy and gave me two Hello Kitty vibrators as a belated X-mas present. This made me angry for some reason which was actually kind of funny. The Declinist and I went back to his place, gossiped and had a non-erotic erotic evening where he sneaked a peek at the wax. He let me sleep over and let me tell you, the Declinist has the MOST COMFORTABLE bed ever.

March 1999--My friend Max escorted me around LA right before the Oscars and let me see the red carpet in person. He also took me shopping at Fred Segal which was way and beyond the call of duty for a straight male friend. Then we went back to Venice Beach, ate fish tacos and watched the Awards. That was a fun day.

May 1993--I hosted a Bloody Mary party on the field right before I graduated college. My best friends and I drank bloodies all day in our bathing suits and then we went back to my room and cried as we watched all the members of 90210 graduate from high school.

March 1993--My first love Morgan and I were in Telluride. We went skiing, fooled around in the jacuzzi, had dinner and then went to see the movie Groundhog Day. I think of that day every time I see that movie on TV and wish I could live that day over and over again. That was also the day I ate my first tomato.

July 1991--WHFS festival on the 4th of July. My best friend Jessica and all of our favorite bands--all day long.

August 1989--I had this crazy 18th birthday party where nobody showed up except my very best friends. Some other girl was having a beer bash across town and my mother wouldn't serve any alcohol to underage kids so everyone went to Linda's party instead of my pool party/crab bash. My friend Howard videotaped the entire day which included my party, my friend Patrick accompanying me and Jessica on my new guitar to Boy's Don't Cry, Stephanie dancing to James Taylor's You've Got a Friend, Jessica and me playing Space Station pinball at Sub's Unlimited Plus and then all of us driving around in my red Dodge Raider looking for my boyfriend Chip. This was such a perfect teenage day, and was my last innocent free day before I moved away to college the next morning.

May 1988--The day of the York County Jr. Miss pageant was such an exciting and fabulous day. This was also the last time I would ever be that skinny and tan in a white beaded gown.

November 1986--My friend Jessica and I had started going to Big City Under 21 Nightclub and they erected this cage in the middle of the dance floor. I distinctly remember us totally having a moment in the cage rocking out to a-ha's song The Sun Only Shines on TV. We thought we were so cool.

My Five Star Day

According to my horoscope, today is supposed to be a 5-star day. So, far nothing has happened beyond the ordinary. Here is my day so far...

7:30 AM--Wake up with MJ Cat's ass in my face
8:15 AM--Chase MJ up and down the steps as he escapes the apartment as I'm leaving for work
9:00 AM--Attend very boring all-company meeting
10:30-12:15PM--Return to office and work
12:15 PM--Pick up lunch from Wolfgang Sucks
12:30 PM-- Make copies to take to my boss who forgot to take them along for her meeting
12:30-1:30PM--Work
1:30PM-2:30PM--Go to H&R Block and get ripped off
2:30PM-3:45PM--Work
3:45PM-3:50PM--Quick personal call from my friend Joe to discuss his cat
5:00PM-5:30PM--Leave office and commute home
5:30PM-7:00PM--Chill out and watch NY1. Handwash bras.
7:00-8:00--Brazilian Tummy Tuck class at Equinox


That leaves only 4 hours for something spectacular to happen, because this so far, has not been a 5-star day!

I Love "Love is in the Heir"

I don't love her as much as I adore Austin Scarlett, but I have a bizarre fascination with "Princess" Ann Claire from the E! Reality Show, Love is in the Heir. For those of you who haven't watched it, the program chronicles the adventures of an exiled Iranian "princess" who is working hard to become a Nashville singer. She needs to prove herself to her parents, or they will financially cut her off and she will be forced to give up her personal assistant and Hollywood Hills pad. I won't tell you how it all works out, but I learned that if this crazy broad can call herself a princess, I am, in fact, a princess of the same degree.

MJ Cat Savant: Friday Catblog

Again this week, MJ Cat is answering questions on any topic. With his PhD in Cultural Studies, MJ is an expert on everything and anything. If you would like to "Ask MJ," send an email to nycbabylontips@aol.com.


Dear MJ: Is is it ever acceptable for a man to wear jewelry? Can I wear my diamond tiara to the Oscars?--Wyndham S.,NY, NY

Dear Wyndham: It's never acceptable for a man or a cat to wear any kind of jewelry unless it is a tasteful wedding band or cufflinks. This also applies for gay men unless you are unless, of course, the impeccable Austin Scarlett from Project Runway. Carson Kressley can't even get away with a diamond tiara. Are you going to the Oscars? I'd like to go. I don't get out much and I walk on leash and with my impeccable grooming and tasteful fur, I'd be a smash on the red carpet.

Dear MJ: Does anyone ever enjoy networking for business purposes?--Rachel A., NY, NY

Dear Rachel: I enjoy getting out of the house whenever I get the chance. Even social networking can lead to business deals. If it weren't my owner's social/business networking, I'd still be living in the basement of a restaurant. Just remember, always take the meeting.

Dear MJ: How do I get my baby off the bottle?--Diane A., New York, NY

Dear Diane: Thank god it's a baby. NYCBabylon recently was trying to get someone off the bottle and it ruined their relationship. I kind of keep this a secret, but I drink out of mug. Why don't you try offering your baby a tippy cup and just keep patiently trying. Training a baby is like training a cat. Just be patient, show affection and be persistent!

Dear MJ: What's the difference between sushi and sashimi? And what's the allure of the handroll?--Chris G, New York, NY

Dear Chris: You know how I like my fish raw and pure, but sashimi is my personal preference because I'm a cat. Sushi is fish over the rice. As for the handrolls, it's a great gimmick so you don't have to share with someone who wants to eat all of your roll!

Dear MJ: I'm going to Southern California in the Spring and don't know what to wear. What should I pack?--Ellen W., Washington D.C.

Dear Ellen: I'm not really into clothes, as I'm a cat, but I do watch Project Runway. You know those Banana Republic commercials that are on Project Runway showing the early Spring line? Those types of outfits would be great for L.A. Jeans, short sleeve silky tops and light-weight coats will make you look comfortable California cool.

Dear MJ: How can I surprise my husband for Valentine's Day?--Jessica H., New Boston, NH

Dear Jessica: I always like it when I get surprised with a cat-nip filled cigar and a cat massage.

Don't Think Twice, It's Alright

I'm reading Bob Dylan's Chronicles now, and I have to admit, I strive to one day to be able to poetically express myself like Bob.

I saw someone last night who broke my heart and it was hard to get my words out. I wish I could have just quoted Bob's great song Don't Think Twice, finished my drink and then went home to watch Project Runway.

I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But goodbye's too good a word, gal
So I'll just say fare thee well
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right

>

Austin Always in Style

Last night after seeing my ex who was trying his very hardest to act normal and composed, I was relieved to return home to see my favorite boy on TV, Austin Scarlett. Nobody can turn a dark night into pure sunshine like my boy Austin. Also, I was surprised today that other Web sites are now reporting on Austin one week after my pledge of allegiance to this new king of Reality TV fashion!

How cute is Phil? Like most men in my life, he's going to retreat for a few more weeks leaving me cold and alone.

Hamilton College's Decision

Over the past couple of days, I've received numerous emails, phone calls and have seen quite a bit of local coverage regarding Hamilton College's invitation to Ward Churchill to speak on a panel. Ward Churchill's recent statements comparing the victims of the 9/11 attacks to Nazi's and that the victims could be "blamed" caused a national controversy and upset many New Yorkers, victims' families and Jews, including myself. I'm also an alumna of the college and distraught that this is the second time this month that college would tarnish it's reputation with such careless management. The college sent out "special emails" to alums regarding the situation and has cancelled the lecture due to officials receiving "death threats." Frankly, I know that Hamilton is most concerned with losing donations from alums and our class president in the past has urged us to not give money when the school makes such poor decisions.

I have fond memories of my Hamilton years and am more than satisfied with the complete liberal arts education that I received. My former academic advisor and mentor actually directs the Kirkland Project which has been responsible for inviting these controversial speakers. I am conflicted because she taught me to wholeheartedly voice my opinions, to not be afraid to ask questions and to believe in my own accomplishments in order to become a successful independent female presence. A much needed liberal voice during my undergraduate years, she now seems to have cloudy business judgment from spending over twenty years in am ultra-conservative academic environment.

Coincidentally, I was out of work during the 9/11 attacks and was getting ready for a job interview at the WTC at 9:30AM that very morning. Also, I am still paying off my Hamilton College student loans.

Check Out that Cheney

This exact photograph represents what is wrong with our country today. For those of you still wearing Norwegian fishermen sweaters, THROW THEM AWAY! From now on, whenever I see someone wearing something completely inappropriate to an event, I will sneer in his face and then say to my date, "Check out that Cheney."

Big Black Hole Tuesday

After a busy week of dates and fine dining and fun, I'm again in the Big Black Hole. Perhaps the hole will appear less frequently once the temperatures rise. Here are my questions for this week:

1. What ever happened to that guy who sent me the song last week? He seems to have disappeared.
2. Why are so many Americans prejudice against Canadians?
3. Will the allergy shots really help me since I refuse to get rid of my cat?
4. What's the difference between the Procor and the Elliptical trainer?
5. Do blondes really have more fun?