NYCBABYLON PROMISES

Dear V-

Call me. This is not a joke. I need to have dinner with you soon.

x,
nycbablon

Gimme More

Ok, as much fun as everyone has made of Britney, her new song went to the test tonight at my dance class. And, the verdict is....Gimme More is an awesome song that really moves and grooves.

Gossip Girl

Well, today is the official first day of the new fall TV season. I used to be very excited for this day, but now I'm not as hopped up as I used to be. Perhaps I'm just another casualty of the digital age. The show I did watch and was immediately hooked, however, was CW's Gossip Girl. Gossip Girl chronicles a bunch of privlaged New York City kids and an anonymous blogger who writes everyone's business on her "gossip girl" blog. I felt like was back in the prime of 90210, and I just saw the pilot. I was laughing out loud as a bunch of teenagers gulped martinis and referenced dancing on tables at Bungalow back "in the old days."

Eastern Promises

Tonight I saw the David Cronenberg film Eastern Promises. If you can handle some ulta-violent scenes, I recommend to "run don't walk" to this gripping and exciting film. There is an amazing fight scene in a sauna that I predict future directors will copy for years to come. Somehow, Cronenberg has become of the best living directors. His films continue to get better and more exciting as he meditates on the meaning of family and what it means to be "normal." Plus, you get to see hot Viggo Mortensen in full-frontal nudity in what I predict will be an Oscar nominated performance.

Hilarious Britney Spoof

Beware of the McDonald's Angus Burgercast

BEWARE OF THE BABYLON is live on tape this week
eating McDonald's outside the Newscorp headquarters in midtown.
Consumerist ranting and raving in this episode:

* Taste-testing the new McDonald's Angus Burger.

* Marc Jacobs hot new Mouse Shoes - worth every penny.

* Career advice for Britney Spears, and Todd.

* Holding out for a hero, or at least some novocaine.

* Why the Weiss family pets last longer.

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes.

OR, just listen right here and now with the audio player below...

The Pick Up Artist

I am accidentally watching some insane show called The Pick Up Artist on VH-1. I know Gawker has been making fun of it, but I am shocked at how ridiculous this program really is. There is some asshat in black eyeliner with a goatee, ponytail and an earring in his chin trying to teach a bunch of normal guys how to pick up women. Right now he is seriously instructing these guys how to pick up an exotic dancer as if this is the ultimate goal of a pick-up artist. I mean, that's a challenge? It's actually much harder to pick up women like myself and friends such as ANP. We're actually much better catches than exotic dancers. We have jobs, decent incomes, and aren't trying to get off the pole.

One Star: New Macy's Ad

To see the crazy new Macy's commercial, click here. It's worth the click.

Emmy Live Blog

Stars like Eva get their tan on for the Emmy's!

I'm getting my dinner ready so I can live blog with a full stomach. I don't really care about the Emmy's in the same way I do the Oscars, but I feel obligated to comment. So far, I'm wathching E! and trying to figure out why Guliana Too-Tan-Di got this job. Poor Joan Rivers is stuck Live Blogging like me.

8:00PM
The show just opened and one thing I hate is cartoon characters on Award Shows. This is so fucking stupid. I was checking out the fashions on the web. I'm behind in making my dinner because I was shopping and trying to find things that didn't make me look pregnant. Hayden Pantierre doesn't seem to care about this though.

Fat is the new black.

8:13
Piven won again. It's too bad the show is kind of boring now. What in the hell is Vanessa Willams wearing? I hope Hugh Laurie wins Best Actor. I love him. Who in the hell is this guy Terry O'Quinn who won best Supporting Actor and what show is he on?

The hottest man at the Emmy's.

8:23
Tina Fey looks the best she ever looked. She follows the Weight Watchers diet. I have to confess. I am kind of liking Ryan Seacrest. Perhaps this is a sign that I'm getting old. I also have to confess, I don't quite like Ugly Betty. What is up with Jaime Pressley? I think Catherine Heigel is the most beautiful woman there tonight.

Who's the boss of this bad hairdo on Judith Light?

8:59
I had to run out and pick up my camera which was stolen by a busboy on my birthday. I may not be a celeb, but I have the power to track down stolen goods through intimidation tactics. What did I miss?

No joke. Tina and Julia look fabulous.

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn about Ellen Pompeo.
9:11
There is something crazy about Neil Patrick Harris making a joke filled with sexual inneundo towards Hayden. Isn't he gay now? I hope the Sopranos wins Best Drama series. It was so much better than crap like Lost and Heroes. This commercial for Macy's is fabulous. I love Trump blow drying his hair and Jessica Simpson trying to break into the store.

Is it me, or does Steven Colbert look like Bob Saget?

9:27
Jesus, how old is Tony Bennett's wife? Speaking of older men, Mark Harmon isn't aging well.

Is John Stewart now old enough to be considered a silver fox?
9:40
Jersey Boys? I thought we were supposed to have a surprise Britney Spears performance!
9:43
Todd and I are on the phone now discussing how everyone looks like they are 90 years old or at least 30 years older than they actually are. Todd is now saying how the entire cast of Roots look like they are on the verge of death. Perhaps all the young people don't watch TV anymore and watch YouTube. Todd and I are now officially old.
9:53

Ten years ago Lewis Black was performing with my sad ass at Gotham Comedy Club. Now he's getting free jeans and doing his routine on the Emmy's.

10:05
Tom from myspace just officially jumped the shark as a guest on the Emmy's. That reminds me that I need to check my facebook account. Thanks to the Internet, I don't watch as much TV anymore as I used to so perhaps the Academy might want to tone down the current.com thing. Brad Garrett is making some very Borscht Belt blue jokes about being in between Fisher's legs. And when did Patricia Heaton morph into Joely Fisher? And, Elaine Stritch actually is very old but still looks younger than John Stewart and Judith Light.


Patricia Heaton is reincarnated as Joely Fisher.
10:23
Now Fox is plugging Don't Forget the Lyrics, which is actually pretty entertaining although Singing Bee is slightly better. Todd's right. Rupert has fixed the entire Emmy's although this is pretty fantastic with Kanye West as the opponent singing his own songs.
10:39
Ricky Gervais just won. Oh good. Here's my dream man, Hugh Laurie. My mother just called me and told me how she hates when actresses show too much boob. It's a good thing I'm not a Hollywood actress because she would see how I love to show off my own boobs any chance I get. I'm glad Sally Field won. What just happened? They totally edited and blanked out Sally's speech! WTF? Censorship on the Emmy's? Now we we are in The Memoriam section which is making me sad.

Fox doesn't seem to really like Sally Field turning the sound off during her acceptance speech.
10:51
I am so ready for this Emmy's to be over. I don't watch Ugly Betty, but America Ferrera is pretty cute. Before I was obsessed with Hugh Laurie, I was in love with Jimmy Smitts. Thanks god he's on to wake me up the last few minutes of this show. By the way, I decided that I love Heidi Klum's Dior dress which reminds of an old Christian Dior dress I have the poster for on my wall. And doesn't it seem like the entire cast of Pretty in Pink is there except for Ringwald?

Christian Dior Me like Heide Klum!
11:02
Wow! 30 Rock winning is an upset. Just a year ago, I was so excited for the Sunset Strip and Krawkoski was wasting time in my dance class. Oh, and there's another old comedy buddy of mine Judah Friedlander on the stage. I should have stayed in comedy.
11:09
While I love House, I'm glad Sopranos won because it really was a fantastic show. And, support Joan Rivers and read her live blog here. Without her, we wouldn't have all this preshow television we've grown to expect and love.

Mile High

I just returned from a business trip to Denver so I haven't been able to blog. I was completely outside of my comfort zone, but I have to admit, I had a great time and learned a lot about my new business along with some nice people. I also had the opportunity to see Sinbad perform at a corporate event and questioned if perhaps I should have stuck it out as a comic, because that kind of gig seemed like a nice job. Also, I particpated in a "team building event" at Mile High Stadium that included running, climbing, etc. I'm not much of an athlete, but it was fun and I didn't kill myself. I also can recommend all of your hair care needs for 2008.

If I'm awake, I'll do some Emmy Award live blogging on Sunday night.

Chipped Molar

I am so busy and to top it off, I lost half a molar today. I'm pissed.

Britney's Balls

Sometimes my self esteem plummets and I hate my hair and my body, but now when I feel this way, I'll reference this photo of Britney Spears who wore this getup with her bad weave live on the MTV Video Music Awards to make myself feel better.

Muffy

It's fashion week and I could be blogging about that perfect white Rachel Roy suit I saw today, but I can't stop thinking about what is up with Muffy Potter Aston's hair? This is something I've often wondered whenever I see her photo. Doesn't she realize that this 'do ages her at least 20 years? Or maybe since she is married to a plastic surgeon, she really is 100 years old? Who lets her leave the salon looking like that? The hair and brows are just way to severe. She could look so much more youthful and fresh. I just don't get it. Couldn't she call Tim Gunn for an overhaul?

Fall Season

Between Fashion Week, my new job, the new iPod line, Max's hissy fit and fall shopping, I haven't had time to blog. I'm still here.

Horse Whisperer

Horse Whisperer
Originally uploaded by redrachel

I'm out horsing around this weekend. Happy Labor Day!

Burnt Man

I'm not a Burning Man kind of girl but my friend Jane has been there for what seems like years building a temple that will include a memorial for our friend so I've been thinking about her and the time she is spending in the desert. Anyway, I just read that some asshat arsonist actually prematurely burnt the man.

Here is the video.
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid285859616/bclid294430730/bctid1155331328

New Job

I started my new job and as in all life changes, I am physically exhausted. I, however, wanted to share this quote I saw in one of my coworkers email signatures today. I'm totally in my element now.

A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair. ~Steve Martin

And You Thought I Was a Dumb Blonde

Check out the stupidest beauty pageant contestant EVER! Miss Teen South Carolina exemplifies what's wrong with our American school systems.


Check out Mo Rocca's hilarious commentary here.

Feel Better Butterscotch Stallion!

Owen, MJ Cat and I hope you feel better soon! Get healthy and give us a call when you are ready! Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go

Most of my good friends know that despite my obvious affection for 80s New Wave, Brit Pop and reggae, in my quiet times I listen to a lot of Bob Dylan. Along with Willie Nelson, Bob Marley and Stevie Wonder, I never tire of Bob. His music always reaches me in a fresh way as a lyric will suddenly make sense to me although I may have heard a song hundreds of times before. As the summer fades, I always feel nostalgic for my college days and vividly remembered a story today involving the music of Bob Dylan and my old friend G whom I met my first semester of college. G is very blonde, tall and WASPY. He also has a very dry sense of humor and he's smart. He also used to be kind of silly, but I don't think many people knew that about him. To impress me upon our first meeting, he invited me to his room at his fraternity house and played me his top 10 favorite Bob Dylan songs in descending order and we discussed each song. I remember that "You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go" was his #1 although G will deny this today. After that year, G disappeared from school for some years. I think he went to Vietnam or somewhere like that. When he came back during my senior year, he lived downstairs from me. Most of his friends had since graduated and we resumed our casual friendship. He confided to me that he didn't have many friends left and that he "appreciated me." One night, G came knocking on my door at two in the morning. He appeared raw and exposed in a Holden Caulfield sort of way. He confessed that he had taken a train to the city to attend his grandfather's funeral. He then confessed he was wearing his dead grandfather's Brooks Brothers boxer shorts he had swiped after the funeral. He asked if he could spend the night with me in my room because he couldn't be alone. He was so visibly shaken and vulnerable, I said yes and over 6 feet of George slept with me in my tiny little single college bed. After that morning, G stopped talking to me but every morning I'd hear from my open window, Bob Dylan coming from his below and I convinced myself he was sending me Dylan messages rather than speaking to me in person. One morning, I remember hearing Like A Rolling Stone and the lyrics, "You never turned around to see the frowns on the jugglers and the clowns when they all come down and did tricks for you. You never understood that it ain't no good. You shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you." And at the time, that particular verse felt like a shot through the heart from G although today I understand the song on different level as a meditation on lonliness and success. I don't know why I'm writing this now, but as I was thinking about the Todd Haynes film, this memory came back to me. G and I have since made up (after graduation we started hanging out again) and we see each other every other year or so and he still denies that You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome was his favorite Bob Dylan Song.

I'm Still There

The Summer of Magical Thinking

Tomorrow, I start a new phase of my life as I begin a brand new job. This summer has been a blur. I've been reading Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking and this book really does provide the best account of grief I have ever read. She describes physically feeling cold, exposed and raw, all emotions and sensations I am experiencing. After Teeks'memorial service, I became so cold that I started shivering and my teeth uncontrollably chattering. Despite our friend Hunter providing me his jacket (actually it was Teek's old jacket), I still couldn't stop shaking. And, nobody wants to hear anymore that I'm still feeling sad and exposed and I'm trying so hard to hide it, I sometimes I feel like I am going crazy.(Didion also describes this as well.) And, the thing is, sometimes I feel as if I've completed some major rite of passage and that my life will become more meaningful and purposeful. Today, I saw a little boy release a helium balloon in Father Demo Square. When I was a little girl, my mother used to get me a balloon when she dragged me to the mall. From the moment it was tied on my wrist, I remember feeling a sense of panic that I would lose the balloon, which I almost inevitably did before I reached the front door. As I watched my balloon float into the great beyond, I remember encountering feelings of lack of control, regret, sadness, loss and wonder as I watched the balloon float into some unimaginable destination in the sky. As I watched the little boy today release the balloon, I realized that those feelings I encountered at the age of 5 weren't much different than the grief I experienced thirty years later. So, tomorrow is a new beginning or one of my new beginnings and it's all going to be alright.

It's Longan Season!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I picked up some crazy fruit in Chinatown. It turns out they are called Longans and they taste like a melon grape. Get some while you can!

I'm So There

I can't wait to see the new Todd Haynes movie "I'm Not There." I have no idea what it's about except all these different actors and actresses portray different parts of Bob Dylan's life. Any film that combines Bob Dylan, Cate Blanchett and Todd Haynes is already my most anticipated upcoming movie. I'm not even thinking twice cause I know this is going to be alright.

Happy Birthday To Me

Today, I woke up and realized I'm fucking 36 years old which for the first time in my life, just sounds plain old. Last night my friend Joe told me this is going to be the best time in my life but I'm not sure what he means. Let's hope he's right. It's also MJ Cat's Founders Day, which is the day we celebrate moving in together since nobody knows his actual birthday. I bought him a 12-pack of fake furry mice. He bit me on the ankle when I got out of the shower.

Balance Transfer Complete

Today was my last day pushing credit cards on the young, poor and balcon populations. My banking days are done. I lasted 1 year and 9 months which is A LOT longer than anyone who knows me thought I'd stay. Aside from learning how to read a complicated P&L and learning about complicated sourcecode structures, the most important thing I'll take away from my job is that I'm pretty damned smart. I may not have a MBA but my math skills, creative ability and ability to build relationships is much stronger than many of my former colleagues at one of the world's largest companies. During my final hours, MBAs I never even met where making desperate phone calls asking me about how to reach the youth market, leverage social networks, make friends at Google or assess a media buy. I apologize I don't have over ten years to explain all I know to you (which is how long it took me to learn all this stuff). And I did make some pretty awesome friends. If it weren't for colleagues Scott, Anittah, Nadine, John, Jen and Michael, I never would have lasted as long as I did. Thanks, guys. You saved my smart out-of-place ass.

The Man Who Got Away

Well, at least one of them....

My birthday is on Sunday so I'm feeling nostalgic for the days when I was young, fun, cute and fabulous....

Web .5

My friend ANP has inspired this post. Friday is my last day at my job and I've also been in the process of interviewing for new jobs and starting a brand new one on 8/27. One of the most fascinating trends, I've seen at a variety of companies across different industries is this bizarre sudden desire to create an "email strategy." It's almost as if corporations can't graps how to leverage Web 2.0 so they are going back to reinventing the wheel by leveraging their outdated email lists or renting them from elsewhere. When I have these conversations, I feel like I'm time travelling back to 1997 to talk about the World Wide Web and "viral." I find it insane that rather than invest in their brands through advertising, set upaffiliate marketing programs and test new marketing models such as social networks, companies are creating task forces and hiring people to send out some SPAM. How much unsolicited email are they opening themselves? Instead of creating new applications for facebook in their spare time, are they going into their filter and finding out how to send money to some desperate Nigerian? Are they interested in how to score Ambien without a doctor's prescription? Do they want to purchase a ProSun Bed? So, to all you crazy email marketers out there, here are some SPAM headlines that I might actually open. Now, try to get these through your legal department.

1. Home makeover and cleaning for free with no strings attached.
2. You have won a free no strings attached trip to Aruba.
3. You are fabulous and have been chosen to replace Jay Leno.
4. Your cat has been chosen as the new Fancy Feast spokescat.
5. We found the bracelet you lost 10 years ago.
6. I want to give you all of my money.

Cleaning Up

Last night, I did some cleaning to celebrate my upcoming birthday this weekend. I'm a bit of packrat and not very good at throwing stuff away, but last night I rid myself of four garbage bags of things I don't have space for in my apartment. Here they are:

1. All-in One Stereo Combo-I haven't listened to an actual CD in two years. I'm completely digital. I won the stereo in 1996 as part of a raffle.
2. Smelly old ironing board
3. Small suitcase I received as a high school graduation gift.
4. Cancelled checks from 1998. Boy, did I use to buy a lot at the Gap.
5. VHS tapes. It's bad enough I still have cassette tapes, but these were just taking up too much space.
6. Christmas Cards. I love my friends, but I don't need to keep your old holiday cards.
7. Trashy paperbacks I'll never read again. Yes, Bergdorf Blondes is in the give away pile in the hallway.
8. Datebooks from 1995-2005.
9. old lipsticks that have almost turned to chalk
10. old swimming goggles from 1986

Hot In the City

Today was hot and the subways weren't working and I am not very productive in heat.

The Lake House

I'm cleaning my kitchen and watching the most confusing movie ever called the Lake House. Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reaves are penpals except they live two years apart from each other. It's so confusing and complicated and I need to turn on Big Love.

The Beware of Father Democast

BEWARE OF THE BABYLON is live on tape this week from the new
Father Demo Square in the West Village.

* Rachel unveils her naivety by dating older gay men.

* Todd unveils his concern for Rachel dating older gay men.

* The argument over the best pizza in New York continues.

* Shout out to hair products, never tested on animals.

* A rotating cast of characters in Demo square for support.

* What social networks are advancing our web status these days?

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes.

OR, just listen right here and now with the audio player below...


play it here sucka

Me Gusta Chetes

Tea Partay

Todd sent this to me. Have a good Saturday!

Good Luck Signs

Tonight I went to the Ford models party at the Maritime Hotel. I have no idea why I was invited to this event, but I had a good time and the events surrounding the event are hopefully signs of my changing luck. Here they are:

1. On the way to the party, I swear I saw socialite Paul Judelson having a glass of wine.
2. Then, immediately after the Judelson siting, I saw a whippet.
3. Then, at the party, I saw my old boss Scott Greenstein which reminded me of how much I achieved since I worked for him back in 1995.
4. An actual cute nice guy asked me for my number in a room full of tall models.

Perhaps things are back on track for me!

Madame is a Whore!

The greatest puppet of all time Madame was spotted with Matthew Broderick in the Hamptons. I wonder if SJP knows that her husband is running around behind her back.

Blind Item

What celebrity blogger is about to make a big change in her life with the simple statement, "Because I'm worth it?"

RIP Michelangelo Antonioni

I went to bed writing about Bergman, and then I woke up and immediately read about Antonioni's death. We've lost the last links of the great days of European art cinema. And to show that bad things happen in "3s," I realized yesterday walking down Carmine that the great independent video store Evergreen Video on Carmine Street was closed forever. I know I bought into the whole Netflix craze and I work as a digital marketer and for a living I evangalizes such things as YouTube, iTunes, MySpace and shit like that, but right now I feel guilty. I loved browing the old titles and seeing my neighbors at Evergreen as part of my village routine. I'd go there, browse, rent some crazy title, then go to the cheap bookstore across the street and then finish off my night at Grey Dog (which I happened to notice has a franchise now on University Place.) This weekend, I will go to a movie at Film Forum, buy a book at an independent bookstore and read the actual newspaper.

RIP Ingmar Bergman

Consolation Shoes

ANP was pissed at a guy who disappeared on her for a few days and to make it up to her, she suggested that he buy her a pony or a couple of dresses and it seems he agreed. Well, I've been stood up, abandonded and left behind by the dead, and I fucking want these Christian Louboutin fishnet boots. They are available at Bergdorf Goodman. I'm having a crappy depressing summer and these would perk up my fall. My birthday is next month. I wear a size 38. Plus, imagine how hot I'll look in these riding my pony?

What is the Meaning of Life?

Can someone help me explain what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing other than working, hanging out with Max and craving red meat?

The Harry Podcast

Put down the Harry Potter book and
download the exciting new podcast from
BEWARE OF THE BABYLON

* High anxiety hits New York. Again.

* What's with the new Harry Potter book exactly?

* How to sleep your way to the top. starting with the job interview.

* Todd and Rachel actually agree on a song they both like right now.

* What exactly did Joanie love about Chachi?

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes.

OR, just listen right here and now with the audio player below...


play it here, sucka

El Cantante Review

Tonight, I saw a screening of the new biopic El Cantante starring Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony about salsa pioneer Hector Lavoe. This film has been one of my most anticipated summer releases as I have a fascination with Marc Anthony, the music and the dark tragic story of Lavoe.

Yet, I can't begin to express how awful and cheesy this movie turned out to be. JLO is a terrible actress and the script was downright amateur. The story of Lavoe's life was framed with these awful painful monologues JLo performs as Lavoe's wife Puchia. JLo's performance reminded me of having to sit through the awful acting encountered in a high school drama class. I don't know if she is a worse actress or singer. I think I might enjoy her singing more. Love Don't Cost a Thing is a pretty good song. Oh, and she is very pretty.

The film is full of flashbacks of scenes that already occurred earlier in the film to show the characters' emotional state. This doesn't work. I never figured out what drove Lavoe or his wife into drugs and despair. I hate the flashback tactic. It's a cop out and I prefer to see some actual acting rather than cheap visual narrative tricks. Show me in the actor's face how he's feeling and not through flashback scenes of shit I already saw fifteen minutes ago. Also, slow motion was used repeatedly to highlight a "very dramatic" situations. I almost walked out but was so in awe of how bad this film turned out to be, I stayed until the very end.

The only thing about the film I liked was Marc Anthony who is an amazing performer and actually really looks like a heroin junkie alcoholic with AIDS. The musical numbers are fantastic. With a different script, no JLo and a talented director this could have been a fantastic movie.

Selena + Gigli = El Cantante

Val is a Manwich

Val Kilmer used to be one of the hottest men in Hollywood. He was even hot in that crazy movie where he played a blind man who made Mira Sorvino cry when he gave her a massage. He was hot in the Doors. Hell, he was hot as Batman and Top Gun. But, now, Kilmer has lost his boyish figure and people like Perez are making fun of him. You must click on this if you haven't seen the current Kilmer.

This is a message to Val. I'm lonely and I'd still date you. You seem like you enjoy going out to dinner and I need some fun. Even in your current state, you're still hotter than guys like Zach Braff. Call me.

Just Say No

I have certain "friends" who sometimes call me and demand me to perform tasks for them or provide them with information on demand. I have one person who demanded I get one of his clients booked for a paid speaking engagement at my company. When I said I couldn't help him because that is so out of my realm at such a large company, he insulted me by stating, "I thought you were very important. I guess that's a myth," and then he hung up on me. (If he hand't hung up on me, I would have continued to ask around.) I had another friend request the number of my hair colorist. She made an appointment with him, showed up late, insisted on seeing another colorist I didn't recommend and ended up freaking out at him and me when she didn't like her hair. This, of course, according to her was my fault and she still asks me if I have my hair done there and then critiques my hair in a negative way.(I was stupid and gave her the number for the guy who cuts my hair. She hated her haircut.) This same person called me today and demanded the phone number of another friend of mine to help her sell something and I said I was not comfortable handing out her phone number without asking her permission. This friend who requested the number was upset I wouldn't just provide the information immediately and hung up on me in a huff. (I still sent the information she needed.)

The thing , I'm always happy to help. I've helped four friends get new jobs this year. I've sent my hairdresser a lot of new clients. I've promoted products, movies or shows I like on this blog at the request of some publicists. I'll pick up your dry cleaning or walk your dog if you ask. I want to recommend you to the co-op board because I know what an awesome person and neighbor you are. I, however, can't just always say yes and perform magic and if you are a friend, I expect you trust my judgement and respect my boundaries.

Right now, as I go through this very slow and painful process called "grief," I've been thinking about and evaluating my personal relationships. While I have some friends that I may see or talk to more than others, I really value the people that my friends are and how much they mean to me. I see the goodness in their hearts and and respect their individuality. Some may be neurotic, be on tour, be super busy at work, have little kids or live far away, but I love them and know that they have my best interest at heart and I have theirs. I, however, do not have tolerance for those kind of "friends" who call me with demands and when I cannot deliver, they hang up on me. Hanging up on friends is simply unacceptable. When I used to get upset with myself for not being able to deliver these types of unreasonable requests, Teeks used to say, "That person is being unreasonable. That person is off the list." From the great beyond, I'm taking his advice and wisdom to heart.

She's Major

Tonight I watched the NBC special where Victoria Beckham aka Posh Spice was documented moving to Los Angeles. While this may sound like summer TV drivel, this special should actually be mandatory viewing for all M.B.A. students. The special was clearly a Beckham informercial introducing a new celebrity product to the nation.

While the Beckhams are wildly popular in Europe, middle America is really not that aware of the fabulousness that is Victoria. Forget David and his soccer gig, it's all about Posh. I work with so many number crunchers who supposedly understand marketing via their business degrees, but often, they get so get caught up the numbers, they miss the big idea. Right now the "big idea" in "celebrity" is clearly The Beckhams. While they already have their names on some jeans and some perfume, I expect the Beckhams to start licensing out their name to the masses soon. So, it might be difficult to sort of the immediate ROI of the Beckhams, but in a few months, the investment will pay off. We'll all want Victoria's hair, her sunglasses, her shoes, her home decor and her Bentley. Soon we'll be able to fake the Beckham lifestyle with cheap Beckham products available at Target, Kohls and J.C. Penny. I even vote Victoria to be the new host on The View.

See? I'm sold.

Rapper's Delight

There is the Gangsta' Rapper on my block who actually solicited me last night on my way to Grey Gardens. When I say solicited me, I mean he blatantly asked to get in my pants, dinner not included. The thing is, this dude is kind of hot. I think perhaps I've been targeting the wrong demographic. Perhaps I should give up silver foxes, hedge fund managers and Hollywood types and go Gangsta. I could be the next Coco.

Grey Gardens

Last night, I finally saw Grey Gardens the Musical. While the musical itself was not so great and the songs forgettable, Christine Ebersole's performance was amazing. The show closes 7/29 so I suggest you check it out.

To Blog or Not to Blog

I apologize for not writing but I've been too sad and also sick with a summer cold. I am starting to feel more myself and will be able to post and podcast again soon. I've been struggling with what I want to write here going forward because I've found that many who know me personally are having difficulty taking me seriously and seeing me in real pain in my day-to-day life. Right now, my life is just not that funny or full of jokes. My real life is not this blog.

But, I still do know that life needs to be fun, and pointing out the ridiculous and hilarious can provide some distraction from the pain we all face at some point. We all need good laughs and debates about bad hair weaves, award shows, wrong romantic choices, TomKat, asshat coworkers and our pets.

So, I'm not sure if I'll ever be the same person I was, but I do know I'll somehow be better. The greatest comedy comes from the greatest pain.

Weave of the Week

This is Billy Bob Thorton's wig weave. What happened to growing old and bald with dignity?

Dramatic Chipmunk Never Gets Old

I know we've all seen this a billion times by now, but for some reason, the Dramatic Chipmunk aka Prairie Dog continues to amaze me.

Paul Judelson is the New Tinsley Mortimer

One meaningless thing that has been bugging me for months is who in the hell is Paul Judelson and why is he in all the social columns? I don't think it's his bland wife Alice that's getting him all the press. But, what is it? Is he rich? Is it his hair? Is it the funky eyeglasses? How old is he? Is he really funny? Does he drink a lot? Where does he buy his clothes? Where does he live? Is he hot or is he butt? I can't tell. Please fill me in.

Concert For Rachel

Today I spent in bed watching the entire Concert for Diana on VH1. I have to admit, it was almost as good as Live Aid. If someone ever has to plan an all-day concert for me, here is who I want to perform in my memory.
1. Kate Bush
2. Duran Duran
3. Jimmy Cliff
4. Spice Girls
5. The Smiths
6. Amy Winehouse
7. Bryan Ferry
8. New Order
9. Willie Nelson
10. Live
11. John Legend
12. Aimee Mann
13. Elvis Costello
14. Prince
15. Cyndi Lauper

The Jewel of the Village

Gawker has this funny series where some guy speaks to himself in the not so recent past. Today, the guy spoke to his former self about The Jewel Theater aka 100 Third Avenue. As my close friends know, I once lived above the Jewel. Here is an account of my time there from this blog.

Many of you might remember during the late 90's, I lived in an illegal apartment above a gay porn theater on lower third avenue. My roommates included a despotic skirt-wearing Iranian and his caffeine-addicted girlfriend, a Japanese guy named Aki who had a well-known acoustic act at the Sidewalk Cafe, a photo student from Cooper Union named Joanna and Melissa, an eccentric girl who lived in the back room we called the "Anne Frank Suite." While I would be sitting in my room quietly watching Fashion Emergency, Jo and Melissa were having a secret affair breaking up the entire fabric of our dysfunctional family. The affair even inspired the song "Joanna" recorded by the late great band The Cogs. Jo was forced to move out of the apartment by her controlling boyfriend in the middle of the night after he learned she was "licking ditches" with the crazy girl from the Anne Frank Suite. She skipped out on the rent and left the apartment in the middle of the night. I've lost touch with all these people but I did get an email from Melissa informing me of her current whereabouts via this interview on Gothamist. She's now driving a cab. Read the interview here. Now, I wish I knew what happened to Aki. He was a nice guy.

I left out the part where I actually had to use the Jewel bathroom after the skank owner decided to remodel ours and removed my toilet for a few weeks. So, I spent more time in the Jewel than you can imagine. The Gawker article paints even a seedier picture of what was going on upstairs. Oh, how I miss Clinton the 90's. Be sure to read about it here.

Happy Birthday, Todd!

You're officially in a new checkbox! Enjoy your special day! We might be getting older, but we're still young at heart! I love you!

Thoth

During the last difficult time of my life after 9/11, I waitressed at the Risotteria. My favorite customer was a gentle man with a Prince-like vibe who came in often with his mother. He always chatted with me and left me a very nice tip. After some time I realized that my favorite customer was the subject of the thg 2002 Oscar-winning documentary Thoth. I looked forward to his visits and hearing about his performance art. Tonight, however, I was very sad to see Thoth getting buzzed off of America's Got Talent. Who made him do that? It was beneath Thoth to put himself on this modern-day Gong Show to be judged by David Hasselhoff. Poor Thoth.

Aruba Day

I've been thinking of all the great times I had recently as I try to meditate myself back into a state of happiness and reality. One of those very special days was spending Aruba Day in March with ANP and her sister VP. Sometimes the best times happen with just good friends, store-bought cake, cheap beer and a bright sunny day. Call your friends and tell them that you love them today! Try to make each day your own Aruba Day!

Ravolta

When I was very very young, I had my first celebrity crush on "John Ravolta" as I used to call him. Back in his Saturday Night Fever, Travolta was hot. Now, he's a gay scientologist in a wig. I guess my taste in men has always been iffy.

Emotional Composition

I know that it's bugging everyone that I know that I'm still in state of shock and despair over the death Tim. I've learned that grief is not something that magically goes away in a couple of weeks, and I'm really only in the raw stages of feeling the loss of someone who was part of my life every single day. I'm a pretty strong woman but I need my friends to accept that I am not quite myself right now, but I hope they can still go on being my friends even when I'm not so sunny. I don't want my friends to be afraid to speak to me or ignore me, and I accept that some of them are just more emotionally equipped to provide the certain kind of support I need right now. So, please don't treat me like I don't exist. I feel dead as it is right now.

I'm the Smartest, So There!

Despite popular belief among York Suburban alumni and faculty, standardized test scores and our parents, I am most likely smarter than my younger sister according to new scientific studies.

"This is a beautiful study that should put an end to an unnecessarily heated debate over intelligence and birth order," he said. "If you were raised as the first born, you will most likely have a higher IQ -- end of story. Now we should focus effort on finding what this means."

So, eat that, Ellen.

To read the study, click here.

Hillary for President!

This presidential campaign ad featuring Hillary Clinton spoofing the Sopranos finale is brilliant. So, aside from about to announce her "song," Hillary is really telling us that like Tony Soprano, she is one tough broad who knows where the bodies are buried. In my opinion, I want our next president to know all the dirty little White House secrets and I guarantee Hillary and Bill know a lot of scary shit. So, all you Hillary haters out there, would you rather have a president who knows NOTHING or someone who knows stuff we don't even want to know about. Information is power. Plus, I miss Bill.

Death of a Salesman

As you know, the past couple of weeks have been very difficult for me. One of the side effects of grief, is that one loses tolerance for asshats (my new favorite word courtesy of ANP). Today, I dealt with the worst kind of asshat which is the self-entitled pushy salesman. I've been transitioning into a new job and part of my job is business development which means having to take the calls of sales people. I'm the kind of person who always returns a call and if I can't talk to you, will set expectations for when I can.

When I came back to the office, I received numerous emails from a salesman freaking out that the person whose job I am assuming had left the company. I responded that I was aware of his product, that I was in transition and had been out of the office due to an emergency and that I would get back to him when I fully assumed the role and was up to speed. I told him I had been out of the office and couldn't provide him any proper attention now.

Tip One: If you are selling someone something, listen to her about when she says she'll respond. If she can't respond now, barraging her with emails and phone calls is not such a great sales tactic as she doesn't have the attention or information to listen to you pitch.

He did not like this and said that his project had already received "verbal agreement" and then listed a bunch of people I already work with and know. I asked them about this agreement, and they all said that they had not agreed to anything.

Tip Two: Don't lie to me and take advantage of my lack of experience in my new role. This is not a good way to start a relationship.

I wrote in my calendar to respond to this person next week. Today, I went into the office. Last night was the first night I've been able to go to bed before four and I felt slightly more composed as I entered the office. I checked my voicemail and my boss's boss forwarded me a voicemail from the saleperson's boss stating that I haven't responded to him making me look irresponsible and careless. Needless to say, this pissed me off and started off any kind of ongoing working relationship I had with this company on the wrong foot. I don't appreciate unwarranted tattling and I don't like working with trashy salesman. I like to work with companies that are intuitive, smart and thoughtful and don't appreciate those who try to make me like I'm not doing my job when I have already responded to you and set expectations.

Tip Three: Don't fucking call up the chain to get your way because one day when I have full say (and I will because I'm young and ambitious), I will NEVER fucking take you or your minions calls ever again)

So, although my boss's boss understand my situation, I'm still pissed at this company. If you are in the field of sales, don't behave like an asshat or I guarantee your numbers will be down and your reputation irreversibly tarnished.

Raise Your Hands to Happiness

I've been experiencing a whirlwind of emotions the past few days. Dealing with sudden grief is such a confusing and complicated process. I know I won't be totally myself for awhile but tonight, I'm thinking about how insanely happy I've been in 2007. Frankly, since the New Year, I've been having one hell of a time hanging out with friends, meeting new people and totally getting my groove on. During these intense times of confusion and sadness, I'm trying to celebrate the fact that I am young, vibrant and loved by my friends and family. I look forward to spending more time with all of you very very soon!

Tim "blowing hard."

I returned home after a very tough and strange few days saying goodbye to my beloved Timothy in LA. I was deeply moved sharing stories about Tim with his friends and family. He deeply impacted people's lives in ways that we will all never forget him. As one of his friends said, he was "too cool to be forgotten." I will always love and miss him. He taught me I have great capacity to care for and love someone without judgement. I would also like to send my love to all my friends who have provided me a shoulder to cry on or listening to me talk the past week. I wouldn't be able to get through this very sad and shocking time without your friendship and support. Wherever he is, I know Tim thanks you for watching out for me.

Today has been a total blur. I've been feeling so numb all day and I'm trying to pack to go to Los Angeles for a memorial service for my friend Teeks who passed away this week. I spoke to some of his friends today and everyone is in a state of shock and surprise. I'm going through what some professionals define as depersonalizaton. I'm scared to get on the plane tomorrow because then it will all be real. It's been a week since I last spoke to Teeks and began to worry that something was wrong when I didn't hear from him over the weekend. I keep thinking that I'm going to hear his special ringtone on my cell but I'm coming to terms that I'll never hear from or see him again. It's a strange experience when one expects the worst and then actually faces it. I keep going through our last conversation last Thursday night and I want to remember everything we said but I can't. I know we spoke for over an hour and I had to hang up because it was getting so late and I had to get up early. But, recently we talked about how happy that we were in each other's lives and how we were going to be friends forever. I didn't know forever was only going to be for a few days more.

My dear friend Teeks that I wrote about in this blog was found dead in his apartment this week. I am in shock and there is so much I want to write and say and have explained and I can't. I just want him to call me. I want him to come back. I want him to tell me a story. I want him to tell me to get over myself. I want him to kiss me on the top of my head. I want to hear his laugh. I want to cry and I can't. I will not be writing the next few days. I need to grieve.

I Love Posh!

I know that Victoria Beckham aka Posh Spice is an ano-no-soul-alien-talentless-tacky stick figure, but I love her. She was always my favorite Spice Girl and her husband David Beckham is pretty hot. If I was an ano talentless celebrity, this is exactly how I'd dress and like Posh, I wouldn't care if every tabloid said I looked like a prostitute in this outfit. I'm not joking. I am confessing my love for Posh with all sincerity and with all my commoner heart. Posh Spice is my new favorite fashion icon.

Xanadu The Musical. Seriously.

This afternoon, I joined Todd and our cohorts Ann and Craig to see a preview of the new Broadway musical Xanadu. While you might think this is just a campy remake of the convoluted 1980 cult classic starring Olivia Newton John and Gene Kelley, this musical actually contains some serious subtext. A satire about the decline of the American Musical Theater, Xanadu was ridiculous, extremely entertaining, campy, genius and funnier than anything I've seen on SNL in the past ten years. Not just "children's theater for 40 year old gay men", Xanadu the Musical is a commentary on both the "jukebox musical" and the lame movie-to-Broadway trend which has been denigrating the white way for years.

Surprise!

Last night I attended a fabulous surprise party for my good pal Chris. As you can see, we had a blast and Chris was extremely surprised. Chris is always asking to be written about on the blog, so this post is a special gift this to you, buddy! You're a great person and loved by all of your friends. The photo above is all of us excited to surprise you before you arrived! Happy Birthday!

There's a Place Where Nobody Dares to Go!

It's official. I'm going to see Xanadu the Musical on Sunday! Eat your hearts out!

postpostpostpostmodernblogging

One of my secret pleasures is checking my stats for this blog. I especially love visiting the keyword referrals to see what you guys type in to find this blog. Today, there were some hilarious ones. Perhaps nycbabylon is a monitor of the current cultural zeitgeist. I just want to know. Why were you smelling your dog's vagina and who is a fan of MJ in the UK?

1. rosie vs elizabeth
2. big city under 21 club york
3. topper mortimer
4. cruise countdown widget
5. what to wear to the mtv movie awards seat filler
6.mj cat
7. why does my dog's vagina smell like maple syrup?
8. rene fris bio
9. what do golden monkeys eat
10. flirt cosmetics
11. japanese hairdress
12. nycbabylon
13. somers farkas
14. catsuit fashions on youtube

Dogs Eat Dog

Today, I've read this horrible story that some UK performance artist protested the act of fox hunting by eating a Corgi, the Queen's favorite breed. I'm an animal activist, but this story made my stomach turn as I don't believe in cooking and eating dogs. I mean what kind of moron protesting some kind of animal injustice would eat another domestic animal? The most upsetting part of the story is that Yoko Ono participated in the dog eating. I used to stand up for Yoko as she is a talented filmmaker and Bottoms was really a favorite of mine. But, now she is off my list. I now hate Yoko Ono and I propose we all band together to protests these dog-eating protestors!

Has LinkedIn Jumped the Shark?

Last night my mother called me with a serious concern in her tone. She stated, "There is this web site and all of your information is on it!" I was alarmed and asked what kind of information and she stated that it said where I went to college and even had my resume posted. She sounded worried that someone was stealing my information and posting my secret work history on the internet and that perhaps there were even some nude pictures posted. After some more questions, I realized that she was actually referring to my profile on LinkedIn. I assured her that I actually posted my own information and that LinkedIn was a legitimate professional networking for people to connect with other professionals, search for jobs and connect with colleagues and also that it is a rapidly growing social network. She had no idea what I was talking about. She still thinks I'm spending all my time on friendster.com. She still tells my sister, I won't answer the phone because I am "on AOL doing friendster." She is so wrong. Friendster is so 2002. Last year, I was spending a lot of time "doing myspace." Recently, I've been spending a few minutes "doing LinkedIn" but spend most of my time counting my points on WeightWatchers.com, a site that never goes out of style. She doesn't even know about D-Listed, and she'd love the gossip but I don't want her snooping around my online addictions anymore. Then, she stated she wanted to "snoop" around on LinkedIn but didn't want to register her own profile so she can protect her privacy. I explained that career networking is not a bad thing, but it is hard to argue with a woman who won't give out her cell phone number so she won't be bothered when out of the house. Oh, and she insists that dial-up service is better than DSL. What does this all mean? Has LinkedIn jumped the shark?

R.I.P Charles Nelson Reilly

I was very sad to hear that Charles Nelson Reilly passed away from pneumonia over the weekend. I have to confess a secret. Charles Nelson Reilly was an early influence on me. From his wacky appearances on Sid and Marty Krofft shows such as Lidsville or his double entrendres on Match Game, I always appreciated him. His out and proud comedy has led the way for many comics including Todd.