Tuesday, January 30, 2007

The Root of the Matter

So, after going to bed all happy about Madame, I woke up around 4:30AM with a HORRIBLE sharp pain coming from my tooth. So, I had to have an emergency root canal today and I feel like crap. Sympathy, please.

The Madame Podcast!

Center Square dreams come true for Rachel and Todd as BEWARE OF THE BABYLON meets television and Vegas celebrity diva Madame in a rare caberet performance. Enjoy their pre-show ramblings to find out...

• just how do you get into Grey's Anataomy's Isaiah Washington's homophobic rehab?

• just how does Spring Awakening stack up against High School Musical?

• just what is it about the vagina that pissed Todd off in Babel?

• and a Sundance recap although we never saw any of the movies!

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

OR, just listen right here and now with the audio player below...

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All Madame Tuesday!

Watch this special video of vintage Solid Gold with a surprise visit at the end from our favorite dame Madame!

Monday, January 29, 2007

It's Really Madame and Me!

On account of all my recent posting, I was invited to go meet Madame in person! Of course, I made Todd go with me for the greatest photo op of all time with Madame!

SAG Awards: Madame Award

And the SAG Madame Awards goes to....

Ellen Pompeo most embodied the marionette glamour and attitude of the great Madame!

Bonus Buys

So, your bonus wasn't what your HR representative promised. That doesn't mean you can't go out and get some cheap luxury items to warm your spirt on these cold days.

1. Portolano Leather Gloves: Although these retail for $175, you can score them on sale for under $50 now at Macy's.

2. Luxury fur pet bed. Just because you can't afford a down payment, that doesn't mean your pet can't enjoy a high-end pet mat from Pet Central.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Nightgown Friday

Are you there God? It's Me, nycbabylon!

The Softer Side of xoxoanp

I realized that me and fellow blogger xoxoanp.com both took self portraits in our nightgowns this week. While I'm more modest than ANP, I'm posting my own nightie shot along with hers that I stole from her blog. These sexy shots can inspire all you readers to get excited for the first annual "NYCBABYLON and XOXOANP Caribbean Consumer Generated Media Blowout Week" which will start 3/15 in Aruba. From Aruba, we will be blogging, youtubing, flickring, while getting our tan on! We need a better name for our event. Any suggestions?

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Charcroute Awards

It's Awards Seasons and along with the Golden Globes, BAFTAs, Oscars, and the Grammys is the annual Charcroute Awards where I was an official seat filler. Being a seat filler is not an easy job. As part of this honor, I had to sit at a long formal table with a placecard and listen to a 30 minute dissertation about the definition of "charcroute." The host, however, did not speak very fluent English so I am still not quite sure what charcroute means except that after the speech some people I never heard of were inducted into the "Charcroute Hall of Fame" and then we were served a shitload of different kinds of sausages and saurkraut. I hate saurkrat more than I hate cheese and I don't think veal sausage quite agrees with my stomach. I also wasn't sat with my date Wyndham and had to converse with a food writer who told me about how she survived cancer. I'm not sure chemo and charcroute quite mix. On my other side, was a podcaster who was podcasting the event. I started asking her about her show but she didn't seem interested in my by far more popular and entertaining podcast. For her show, she was interviewing the French host who couldn't really speak English. As we left, the host kissed me on both cheeks and gave me a goody bag with even more charcroute and wine. I wonder if cats like charcroute. Now, I'm ready for the BAFTAs!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

State of the Babylon

1. I am still single.
2. I still have only one cat.
3. My immunotherapy is still at Level I.
4. I am seeing Chrystoph for cuts and Charlene for color.
5. I need to get rid of my old TV and microwave and need help in removing these heavy outdated items.
6. I am getting my deviated septum fixed in the Spring. There will be no cosmetic changes and I prefer profile photographs to be taken of my left side.
7. I still have the same job but secretly wish I had different one.
8. I renewed my BAFTA membership.
9. I am stil recording the podcast time permitting.
10. I still live in the same apartment.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Gay, Gay or Gay?

Tonight, during a very bad Monday night TV evening, I watched a new reality game show called
Gay, Straight or Taken.
where a woman had to decide out of three men which one was gay, which was was straight and which one was taken. Frankly, all three contestants were queens and I couldn't stand to even see the outcome. The woman put the men through challenges to determine their masulinity. One challenge was riding a mechanical bull which seemed a very backwards way of determining the "straight" man. Didn't she see Brokeback Mountain? I can't imagine any confident straight man or proud gay man who would humiliate himself going through this process. So, I think the game should be renamed to "In the Closet, Living a Lie or TV Whore."

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Winter Awakening

I've been feeling kind of down after the exciting holiday season, but this weekend really brought my spirits back. First, I had a great date on Friday night with an eccentric musician. As he drove me home, he pulled a tree branch from his back seat and asked me to smell it and then looked me deep in the eyes and seriously said, "It smells like Christmas." He asked me out again and I can't wait to see him once more.

Then, last night I went to see the musical Spring Awakening. I went alone and scored a second row center orchestra seat. Before the show started, Tracey Ullman sat by me. As you can imagine, I'm a huge fan of Tracey who was as funny and outgoing as she is in her act. During intermission she leaned over and asked me, "What do you make of this?" She even did a bit of shtick where she projected the average old Jewish lady response to the show. "Oy, where's the dancing?" Then someone came up to her and told her how much they loved her on Frasier which she thought was pretty funny and she looked at me and said, "Can you bloody believe that?" The show was fresh with a great score so I recommend it. Lisa Marie Presley was also there but I don't consider her nearly as exciting as Tracey. Lisa was actually with Angela McCluskey who I met and chatted for a long time with at a party last year but I didn't have time to chat with Angela or meet Lisa because I was too starstruck by Ullman. So, on Saturday night I had a great date with Tracey Ullman.

Today, I made some bolognese and cheesecake, practiced my sax and downloaded the Spring Awakening soundtrack. I'm in a very good mood and I still can smell the faint scent of Christmas.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Catblog Friday by MJ Cat: Real Men Love Pussies

I meet a lot of suitors for my person who admit to not liking cats. I was speaking about this with my pals Thor and Heather and we have a theory. Men who don't like cats, don't really like women. Cats are complicated creatures and it takes patience, confidence and good communication skills to connect and love a cat. You, in turn, have to earn our trust, love and respect. We have mysterious moods and won't provide you with instant gratification at your leisure like some dumb needy dog. The straight men (and gay ones) who love cats are more patient, emotionally healthy and kinder men than the men who hate cats. Frankly, I think if a man can't connect with me, he will never be able to connect with my person. So, if you want a quality woman, you better considering appreciating her pussy.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Deal or No Deal

So, tomorrow is big bonus day at the bank! Everyone finds out if he/she receives the "bonus" and if it was worth turning down jobs all fall to receive a check of what could be absolutely nothing! Frankly, while I really need a bonus to pay off my years of no bonus and I'll go apeshit if I get nothing, I think bonuses are a corporate mind-fuck. Here is some advice for all of you waiting for your bonus.
1. It's a beyond your control.
2. If you don't get a bonus, find another job.
3. Any money is better than no money.
4. Your company does not own you.
5. Money does not buy happiness.

Now, I'm going to worry about it.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Freshly Popped Back from the Dead

Orville's Zombie moment.

I've been so consumed with the Golden Globes, that I haven't mentioned the new Orville Redenbacher ad where a digitally resurrected Orville Redenbacher appears popping some popcorn while inexplicably wearing headphones. Isn't the fun of popping popcorn hearing it pop? Today, in AdAge, Ken Wheaton wrote a fabulous post about this disturbing scary advertisement:
The agency, the marketer and Digital Domain are crowing about the ground-breaking technology used here, but this technology is not ready for prime time. Firstly, the Orville zombie sounds nothing like the original. More important, it is visually jarring ... my emotions ranged from "this is amateurish-looking crap" to "holy jeebum crow, this scares the hell out of me" -- especially near the end, when the Orville zombie's shoulder start hitching and it looks as if he's about to hack up a hairball.

Read Todd's hilarious commentary on this ad along with the scary DirecTV ad here.

Golden Globes: Madame Award

I've created a brand new award surrounding any award show. The award is the official "NYCBABYLON Madame Award" where the celebrity attending either the show or an afterparty most embraces the style and glamour of the puppet Madame. JLO won for the MTV Music Awards and for the 2007 Golden Globes the winner is.....

Mary-Kate Olson is this year's 2007 Golden Globe winner of the NYCBABYLON MADAME AWARD!

Monday, January 15, 2007

Golden Globes Live Blog

Anyone who is anyone was at the Globes!

Todd and I are going to stay on the phone together for Best Drama. Todd is weeping like Forest Whitaker right now and somewhat incoherent. I have oyster juice all over me and I'm forming a zit on my nose so it is good we are not on the red carpet this year. We decided if you are watching the Globes, you must already love shopping at Target so Target is preaching to the converted and should save their advertising dollars for Sunday Night Football. Todd and I are voting Reese as best dressed woman. PSH and Jeremy Irons are the worst dressed men. OK, here we go! What happened to Arnold? He's as incoherent at Forest Whitaker. Todd hated Babel and is going apeshit and screaming "NO, NO!" Babel is this year's Crash. Goodnight! And to all the Oscar voters, vote for Borat!

I don't think I've ever heard Forest Whitaker speak as himself and perhaps that is a good thing because he's seems inarticulate and kind of stupid. I suppose he's touched, but I'm very confused.

PSH is the worst dressed man at the Globes. And where is Judy Dench? I guess she knew Helen Mirren was a lock for Best Actress.

I don't see how Dreamgirls could have beat Borat. As I watch this awards show, I realize how fucking good Borat really was and should win the Oscar. I also hate that they always try to get the big winners off the stage so fast at the end of the show.

Pretty! Canary is the new black!

Bill Nighy is a silver fox!
Martin Scorcese looks shocked. I'm glad he beat Clint. I'm sick of Clint. Reese looks fresh and young and perfect. Come on Borat! I am so happy he won! The performance was amazing!

I've been dating a man much older that I am and sometimes he makes very bad unfunny jokes and I have to pretend to laugh. That is how Annette Benning must feel right now.

Kate and Leo are unsinkable!
Time for the smoked oysters. I'm taking a food break during the Beatty/Hank jerk-off tribute.

All hail The Queen and thank god for Prince!

Clint Eastwood wins best Foreign Film. No comment.

Real girls can win Globes too!
Todd just called again to discuss the Back to the Future Direct TV commercial which is pretty odd. What happened to Geena Davis? Did she have a facelift?

Lighten up, Cam! You'll meet someone more age appropriate. JT was just a snack!
The second Cameron Diaz came onstage, my IM went beserk with all my girlfriends going crazy. Deirdre said she looks "disastrous" and Marcy asks, "What lamp was she pulled off of?" Give her a break. She just broke up with Justin and he's there and he is screwing Scarlett (who might be the only star I haven't seen tonight.) I agree, she could look better, but have a kind heart and remember the bad hair choices we all make during bad breakups. Now, can I say how much I hate Zach Braff? And wtf is going on with Vanessa William's hair?

You think SJP would have looked more fashionable to introduce The Devil Wears Prada.
For the record, I saw The Devil Wears Prada three times in the theater. Man, it seems every celeb in the world is at the Globes this year. Also, during the commercial break, Prince walked by. He must have arrived late and missed his chance to pick up his award which sucks because I LOVE Prince. Also, Sienna Miller is wearing a Marchesa dress which is designed by Georgina Chapman who fucks Harvey Weinstein right now. I'm not crazy about this dress but Factory Girl starring Sienna Miller is a Weinstein Company movie so I wonder if Harvey made Sienna wear Marchesa. Also, I must be getting older, because I'm kind of turned on by Bill Nighy.

I just want to say that this was a great year for movies for women. Also, there are a lot of stars at the Globes tonight. This is truly an A-list evening at the Globes.
Who would you rather? I vote Salma. She's hotter than anorexic Ellen Pompeo. Go T&A!

8:45 I love that Annette was having some champagne when the camera went to her. Meryl Streep deserved to win this. If Beyonce beat her, I was going to puke. That's all. I'm moving onto the bean dip.

I can't believe the Globes finally included Animated Film and Cars won? I hated Cars. I saw it on a plane. Shit. I just got salad dressing on my tank top.

Bobby sucked. Don't bother to see it. I am now eating some salad spinned in my new spinner. Next, I'll have some smoked oysters. I am not sure where the white bean dip fits in, but I think that might be after 10.

Two handsome cats!

Yeah, I love Hugh Laurie! He won! He's the hottest man at the Globes, Clooney!

I love Rene's dress for both the color and its length. Rene was at the BAFTA Q&A for Miss Potter. Rene weighs about 90lbs. She is very skinny.

In every award show, some old guy comes up and puts the show out of whack. So far it's this old Globes Guy who just insulted Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep by comparing them to Sunset Boulevard's Norma Desmond. That was non-comedy comedy at it's finest.

Now that Emily Blunt won, mabye she'll get to sit at a closer table in the future. But, what is wrong with her? Did she just sniff coke?

Todd just called me to discuss Jeremy Irons. Todd thought he was a "big goofball." Todd loves Clooney. Todd is live commenting during my live blogging. For some reason, Naomi Watts looks like the poor man's Cate Blanchett. She doesn't seem to be able to read the teleprompter but I guess in the world of Babel, pure communication is difficult.

What's the deal with Jeremy Irons? I used to think he was kind of hot, but he seems older than Peter O'Toole now. I don't watch The Closer so I have not feeling about this win except that Kyra's boobs looks weird in that dress.

Felicity's style desperately needs a makeover.

Beyonce should have "listened" to her sytlist and not worn this ugly trashy dress.

Smile, Angie! You're at the Globes with Brad Pitt!

I hate Clooney! What a pompous ass. Anyway, from Idol to winner of Best Supporting Actress at the Globes, Jennifer Hudson really puts the dream in Dreamgirls! I'm already two minutes into the show and I'm tearing up.

Me gusta su nalga, Penelope.

I almost didn't make it because I lost my keys at TJ Maxx, but I got the back and I'm here to blog the Globes. I'll be updating on the 1/2 hour.

I'm watching the pre-show on E! now. Angelina Jolie looks flawless but super pissed off. I'd be pissed off if I was Jennifer Anniston watching her ex gush about their kids.

Drew Barrymore looks better than last year when she forgot to wear a bra.

Felicity Huffman makes very bad dress choices. My mother just called me and said, "Can't she afford a better dress. She should be making some decent money now."

I love both the Kates. Kate Winslett is a vision of ethereal beauty.

Beyonce looks trashy. No wonder she's not getting Oscar buzz.

Meet you all the way at the Globes!

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Tastes Like Chicken: Artist Eats Swan

Performance artist Mark McGowan ate a swan today protesting the British monarchy and upper class. By law, it is illegal in the UK to eat a swan unless you are the queen. I hate George Bush and ate a cow today, but that was not in protest. I just like steak.

Live Golden Globes Blogging

I will be live blogging during tomorrow night's Golden Globes. Be sure to check back between 8PM-12AM to add your comments.

Sucky Sunday

Today sucked. Nobody called me and I fell on the corner of Bleecker and Perry and nobody stopped to help me or see if I was dead. Then my friend cancelled on me because she is feeling depressed. This pisses me off especially because this is a holiday weekend and I wanted to go out tonight. So, I made a steak and got my snacks ready for the Globes tomorrow while a huge bruise is forming on my left thigh.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Donald vs. Rosie

Today, I got an email from a reader/friend who wanted my opinion on the Rosie vs. Trump feud. Frankly, I can't believe it's still making headlines and that on a poll today that I saw on AOL, most people are on Trump's side. Here, however, are my thoughts:
1. Rosie is a comedienne and entitled to her opinion and frankly, I thought what she said was funny and Donald seems on the defense.
2. Trump's initial response on Acess Hollywood disgusted me since his comments were been both homophobic and misogynist. Instead of stating that perhaps Rosie was misinformed about his finances, he attacked her by calling her fat, unattractive, and threatening to have a friend come steal her girlfriend Kelly.
3. If Trump is as smart and powerful as he claims, he should act as a responsible corporate citizen. Instead, as a self-proclaimed symbol of corporate power, his homophobic tirades demonstrate the sexism women face in the white corporate world. If a man disagrees with him, he'd never call him "fat" or a "pig." This type of rhetoric is very anti-woman and that type of response does not create an intellectual debate.
4. It's making me sick he's dragging Ivanka into this as a mere ratings device for his show the Apprentice which I used to enjoy, but now is officially fired from my TV schedule.
5. I love the View!


It's finally cold out and I have nothing to write about because I'm home eating udon noodles and curling up on the chaise with Max. To all my friends out their joining cults, sitting home blogging or having babies, give me a call. I miss you.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Oprah Talks Shit!

I was shocked yesterday when I watched an repeat episode of Oprah where she and some guy named Dr. Oz answered "Your Most Embarrassing Questions" about poop. Oprah seriously covered questions such as "What Shape Should Your Poop Be?", "Why does poop smell?", and "What makes poop brown?" You can click here for a recap. While I have to confess, I'm curious about poop, I can't believe Oprah dedicated a show to discussing bowl movements. I'd like to ask her why pinenuts always come out as some weird deposit in my shit or what to do when you get poop stuck 1/2 way on the work toilet. Tonight, I'll be watching "Does My Butt Look Big?" I know mine does and don't need Oprah to tell me this either.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

The Smell

Yes, MJ cat and I definitely woke up to the gas smell this morning. At first, we thought it was our new stove but then realized that our water was turned off and there were a bunch of truck and jackhammers dealing with the reported leak out on Bleecker Street. I opened a window and rushed off to chair this morning's "Rapid Results" window hoping MJ wouldn't light a cigar today while I was at work. Well, I was very nervous when I heard the gas smell was permeating all of downtown and MJ was all alone with an open window. We're both alive and still don't know the source of the smell and thank god, we have running water.

Monday, January 08, 2007

The Mambocast Podcast


Mambo in the New Year with Todd, Rachel and raw fish...

* Dirty jokes about dental fillings.

* Catching up with all things BAFTA.

* Favorite holiday moments remembered.

* PLUS, we answer the question "Is he just not into her or is he dead?"

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Hold the Mayo: TomKat Marriage Update

I don't know who this person is but this account of rumors about the reasons for a possible breakup of newlyweds TomKat is fascinating. Accusations include that Katie doesn't like Tom's moving toe disorder and Tom doesn't like that Katie doesn't like mayo and Tom loves mayo. Read this fascinating article here.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?

So, before the holidays, I had more than one man hint he'd take me out for the New Year. Needless to say, they all seemed to vanish (and I mean fall off the face of the earth) one by one after they mentioned taking me out for the big night. I had more hope about some than others and surrendered myself to the fantasy that one of them would show up at the last minute and the goddess of fate would take care of me and 2006 would come to a very happy ending. Despite the fabulous time I ended up having with my gfs, I want to stress to the men out there that this kind of vanishing act is not cool during the period between 11/26 and 12/31 when women are especially vulnerable so don't hint at holiday dates when you cannot come through or at least let the woman know you are crapping out, freaking out, going out of town, etc. At least, The Boss has the decency to share his schedule with me and for that reason, he still has my respect. Out of generous spirit, I'm providing some guidance to the guilty about how to get back in my good graces.
1. Send me flowers. Make sure they are my favorite. If you don't know my favorite flowers, do some homework and find out. I have enough online media that you can find one of my friends and find out.
2. Send me an apology card that includes a photo of a cute animal on it that says, "I'm sorry" including a handwritten explanation of your disappearance. Depending on the animal you choose, I will determine if I will forgive you.
3. Call and profusely apologize and invite me to Sparks for dinner.
4. Email me a list using the headline "I'm sorry" and then list 10 things you think are great about me.
5. Write me a song about how great I am and record yourself singing it on youtube and then send me the link.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year!

A cute snack took this fabulous photo of me, Anittah and Michael Panes last night some time around 3:30AM.