Tinsley: Only One Calorie of a Socialite

There are certain tabloid items that annoy me. I'm kind of sick of reading about how Brad and Angelina are in Africa or how Vince Vaughn won't talk about his personal life. But, the person I am most sick about seeing and reading about is Tinsley Mortimer. I don't really know much about Tinsley except that she was a publicist who married rich oil-heir Topper Mortimer and now she prances around society columns with horrible hair and bad fashion choices. Where did she go to college? Who is her best friend? How old is Topper? I need more information. I'm obsessed.

Smell the Roses?

I've noticed an odd smell in my apartment recently. At first, I thought I must have spilled something like an old bottle of perfume. Then, I thought perhaps Fresh Step changed the formula. And, then I realized it was actually my garbage bags. CVS is now scenting it's garbage bags with a bizarre fresh linen smell. I don't like flowerly smelling garbage bags which adds another bad odor to the trash.

Washed Up Wednesday

If you are feeling sort of washed up today like I am, look at this photo of Gerard Depardieu at Cannes and feel slightly better about yourself.

Hot Corn, Cold Corn

Here is a wrap-up of my Memorial Day weekend:

1. I conducted an entire romantic affair via text message. I think I am the only woman who can actually turn off a guy who lives out of town via SMS.
2. I discovered a new fantastic store called Pylones where I purchased a cat alarm clock that's alarm actually sounds like a meow. This disgusted my actual cat who slept through the alarm.
3. I finally watched "40 Year Old Virgin" and cried at the end.
4. I ate dinner at Little Italy with my good friend Kristen. Afterwards we went to a cheesey bar for Pina Coladas but they wouldn't let me in because I forgot my ID.
5. I ordered a bucket of KFC for my Memorial Day pier picnic. They gave me mashed potatoes instead of corn. They were cold by the time we were ready to eat.

Dylan Biopic!

Todd Haynes is going to direct a new biopic about Bob Dylan and Cate Blanchett will actually play Bob Dylan. Due to my love of Haynes, Blanchett and Dylan, this film is going to be a run don't walk event!

NEW YORK (AP) -- Oscar winner Cate Blanchett, who has portrayed Queen Elizabeth and Katharine Hepburn, will add another legend to her resume: Bob Dylan.

The 37-year-old Australian actress is one of seven actors to play Dylan at various stages of his career in the biopic, "I'm Not There," tentatively scheduled for release next year. She'll portray a specific aspect of Dylan's personality, embodied by an androgynous singer-songwriter character named Jude, according to Killer Films, the movie's production company.

Heath Ledger and his girlfriend and "Brokeback Mountain" co-star Michelle Williams have also joined the cast, along with Christian Bale, Julianne Moore and Richard Gere.

The movie will be directed by Todd Haynes, who helmed 2002 movie "Far from Heaven" and 1998's "Velvet Goldmine," about rock icon David Bowie.




Blanchett will next be seen in the upcoming dramas "Babel," opposite Brad Pitt, and "The Good German," alongside George Clooney.

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Congested

I'm home today. My sinuses feel as if they are going to explode. I hope I am better tomorrow for Memorial Day!

Is Clay Aiken emo?

I almost fell over when I saw Clay last night on Idol. What kind of look is this? Is it emo? Is he wearing a wig? He looks a lot like Daniel Franco from Project Runway.

Low Expectations

My horoscope warned me that I should have low expectations today. I always have great expectations and perhaps my summer goal should be to live a summer with no expectations. I wonder if this will be a liberating attitude. My no expectation project starts tomorrow.

Idol Finale

Nothing like seeing your old prom date peforming on Idol...

Confessions of a Fan!

It's not a big secret that I still love Madonna. I wish I could get tickets for her show here in June! Go ahead and crucify me!

Yo Shorty!

Over the past two weeks, I've had at least 10 strange men on the street yell, "Hey, Shorty" at me when I walk by. I'm not sure what this means. The hip-hop dictionary defines the term as, "affectionate term for a girlfriend, attractive female or concubine." I, however, am not sure if there are other implications of this term and if I should be insulted the next time I'm walking home from the gym in my leggings and some guy smoking pot on a bench says to me, "What's up, Shorty?" Do you have to be short to be called "Shorty?" Do you have to be showing a lot of ass? Does the person addressing you have to be stoned, homeless or crazy? Is it a threatening word or is it like being whistled at? What is the proper response?

Britney Spears Fashion Don't of the Week

Green Acreing: Part 11

Last fall, I mocked a friend who left successful urban lifestyle to take up with a hay farmer in Oregon. I then found out many women I knew were making this same choice. I called this trend Green Acreing. Well, I spent some time this past weekend in Kennebunkport, and I'm considering taking up with an eccentric gentleman who lives up there. He's not a farmer, but an artist who is a man of means and doesn't need to work for money. I'm not sure if I pursue this opportunity, if I will be actually green acreing, or if this is a different kind of choice all together.

Another One Bites the Dust

This weekend, I'll be in Maine attending the wedding of my good friend Chris to my new friend Laura. Chris is an A+ man so this is a loss to single women everywhere. Thank God Laura is cool. I'm staying in a remote motel called the Fontenoy Terrace. If I never blog again, I'm trapped up in Kennebunkport in this scary Bates motel. Please come and rescue Max if I don't come back next week.

Katie Holmes Fashion Don't of the Week

This week Katie Holmes was spotted out with baby daddy Tom Cruise in low-cut jeans and a midriff bearing top exposing her stretch marks. Again, this is not a joke, but a real photo.

Fire Crotch

I don't know what bloated oil heir Brandon Davis and Paris Hilton have against Lindsay Lohan, but that is the nastiest video I have ever seen. I don't have any great love for Lohan, but this video makes me hate Davis and Hilton. Money sure as hell doesn't buy class. From an artistic point, this video could have been directed by Scorcese circa Goodfellas.
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Weekend in New England

This weekend I am going to a wedding in Kennebunkport of my old college friend. Another mutual friend of ours named Bruce lives in Kennebunkport, so I thought I'd give him a call and tell him that I was coming to town to see if he wanted to have dinner on Friday night. The the thing is, when I called, he didn't remember me which was odd considering we spent quite a bit of 1991 in each other's company. When he told me that he couldn't place me, I didn't know what to say, so I expressed that I was calling to see if he wanted to have dinner since I'd be in town but it was pointless since he didn't remember me. He answered that it's been 15 years, so he doesn't really remember anyone from that time. But, he said that he would like to have dinner anyway so now I am scheduled for a meal with someone who forgot all about me. I just went through my photo albums and I have pages and pages of photos of us together, so I can't figure this all out. I don't know if this counts as a blind date or a remeeting or what. And, I don't have any idea what to wear.

Business Days

I have this rule that after a date, a man has three business days to call me. If a man does not call me within 3 business days of a date, I write him off and move on to the next. I, however, am not sure if this rule translates to situations aside from traditional dates. Here are some questionable situations that I am unsure how many business days apply until my mental write-off:

1. Man is ex boyfriend who I run into on the street, end up drinking bottle-service whiskey at a club with a bunch of Brazilians and wake up half undressed in his bed the next day at 4:00PM...
2. Man is a former high school flame who has become a rock star and while on tour in the city accosts me in public...
3. Man is guy who comes over to seduce me, insults the cleanliness of my apartment and then disappears....

I don't want to waste the pretty, but I at the same time, I don't want to lose some interesting possibilities....

Go-Gos Monday

This video is fascinating for so many reasons. Jane is pissed, Joan still had Edger and the rest are all strung out and yet, it represents a happier more innocent period of our past.

Bottle Service

This past week was full of bottle service. For those of you outside the city, bottle service is when you are at a table at a party at a club and they leave you with your own overpriced bar for the price of saving you some seats. For example, you can reserve a table with bottle service promising to pay $100 for a $25 bottle of booze and some cheap mixers. Sometimes they might include some fruit or sometimes you can pay for caviar. I've never actually seen the tab for bottle service, but last night, my friend was trying to figure out the etiquette for being part of a bottle service party. Who do you thank and what do you say? I, however, am not sure if bottle service is really not about the alcohol, but a price for entrance. Or, I think that if you are famous enough someone else in paying for the bottle service and the person to thank won't even be present. In any case, I'm happy to be home drinking diet Coke out of the bottle straight from the fridge.

Blind Item

What rock star popular in the 90s hit on a sexy blogger Thursday night confessing perhaps he should have made his move on her tenth grade at the Sadie Hawkins Dance and both of their lives could have turned out completely differently and then heinvited her up to her hotel room? She declined, but now that she's up past 2:00 AM and has to get up early for work this moring, she's wishing they would have both been much braver adolescents...

The House of Style: Anniston to buy Mr. T's House

In what has to be the best gossip, I've heard in a long time, Jennifer Anniston supposedly wants to buy Mr. T's house located in Illinois so she can live closer to Vince Vaughn. Man, I wish I could buy Mr. T's house. First of all, a few years ago he pissed off all his neighbors by cutting down all the trees in his yard because they were affecting his allergies. Plus, I wouldn't even have to decorate because I imagine the interior is so opulent that I wouldn't want to touch it. I picture shiny gold chandeliers in every room. Plus, I think living in the positive karma of Mr. T would bring luck to any woman.

Nursing Bras are Not Hot

I think Katie Holmes needs to get Stacey and Clinton on her ass so that she finds out that open showing nursing bras are something NOT TO WEAR!

Not Drowned Alive

For those of you who didn't waste two hours of your life watching David Blaine try to hold his breath, here's what happened:

New York - After spending seven days living underwater in a giant goldfish bowl US stunt artist David Blaine failed Monday in a world record attempt at holding his breath underwater.

Blaine, whose previous stunts included fasting for 44 days in 2003 in an box suspended high over London's River Thames, held his breath for 7:08 minutes. The world record of 8:58 minutes is held by Germany's Tom Sietas.

Immersed Blaine managed to remove two of his handcuffs and was attempting to free himself from chains when he had to be pulled from the snow globe-like tank by divers.

His stunt in the plaza of Manhattan's Lincoln Centre for the Performing Arts was broadcast by the ABC television network as part of its campaign to nab viewers in a ratings period that determines advertising rates throughout the year.

Blaine's effort had been hampered by liver problems and sores all over his body caused by his week-long immersion in water.

Drowned Alive: Beware of the Babylon Podcast

Hold your breath!

INSPIRED BY POSEIDON AND DAVID BLAINE, WE ATTEMPT TO BREAK THE WORLD RECORD FOR THE LONGEST UNDERWATER PODCAST FROM A HOT TUB...

• How long can we hold our breath? Will Rachel beat David Blaine?

• Will we get electrocuted first by the microphone in the hot tub?

• Can we create a new Pussy Posse for the new millenium?

• Will all the background noise make you feel like you have to pee?

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

Review of York County Junior Miss

Because the lack of reporting from the local papers, I had to search random myspace blogs to find out the winner of Saturday Night's Junior Miss program. As I predicted, overachieving Karin Tsai won. Here is the review:

Congrats to Karin, if you don't know she won Junior Miss. In other words, Junior Miss was ok really long and funny. People should show there talents off to people that will tell the truth, the snare drum girl was...like the girl who did the poem reading...which was like the girl that did like the opening to a play...which was like the girl that had a little Wizard of Oz connection to her speech for her teacher lol. I need to work on Physics today, or I can just let it go but my answers will all be wrong, what else...I still need to get a tux, I need to do something else but it never seems to work out right, I need to call the Vikings club about a job, other than that I think I am doing great.

Drowned Alive Sunday

Today I spent vicariously trying to figure out what it would be like to be drowned alive. First I went to a screening of Poseiden which was full of drowning action, but little character development. Afterwards, Tod and I went to see David Blaine drowning alive in his sphere located in Lincoln Center. Tomorrow night Blaine is going to hold his breath for nine minutes while escaping from chains and handcuffs. The real magic for me is figuring out where his pee goes.

Krumpin' Cruise

This is Tom Cruise going nuts on the BET channel as he promotes Mission Impossible III. This video makes me want to convert to Scientology.

Rest in Peace, Fred

I was very sad to learn today that Fred Gentile of Saxonburg, PA passed away this week. Fred was my grandfather's best friend and when my grandfather died, Fred created the H.L. Shearer Sporting and Literary Society in his honor. When I read the obituary, I was touched that the society is still in existence. Fred was a good man and a fine host at his hotel. I hope Fred and my grandfather Hugh Shearer have been reunited in heaven and are up there hunting ducks, drinking JD and reading good books together.

Alfred "Fred" Gentile, 63, of Saxonburg died Wednesday at his home.
Born Sept. 15, 1942, in Tarentum, he was the son of Domenic Gentile and the late Jean Carlaccini Gentile.
He was a 1960 graduate of Tarentum High School and a 1964 graduate of Washington & Jefferson College. In 1966, he received his master's degree in business administration from Penn State University.
Mr. Gentile was commissioned as a second lieutenant in the Army in 1966 and served 13 months in Vietnam with the 109th Infantry Brigade. He was awarded the Silver Star; four Bronze Stars, three with "V" Device and one with an Oak Leaf Cluster; the Purple Heart, the Army Air Medal, the Army Commendation Medal, the Vietnam Campaign Medal and the National Defense Medal.
In August 2000, his football jersey was retired from Washington & Jefferson College, and he was honored with the naming of the Eaton-Gentile Hall Champions building at W & J.
He was owner of the Hotel Saxonburg since 1975. He was founder of the Saxonburg Festival of the Arts and founder and member of the H.L. Shearer Sporting and Literary Society. He also was a member of the Phi Kappa Psi fraternity and enjoyed hunting, fishing and sporting clays.
Surviving are his wife, Carolyn Athey Gentile, whom he married July 2, 1966; two daughters, Cara Lynn Gentile of Philadelphia and Amy Gentile Crowdis and her husband, Paul Crowdis of Fort Worth, Texas; and a grandson, Braden Stemley. He also is survived by his father of Natrona Heights, and a brother, Gary Gentile of Pittsburgh.
GENTILE - Friends of Alfred "Fred" Gentile, who died Wednesday, May 3, 2006, will be received from 7 to 9 p.m. today and from 2 to 4 and 7 to 9 p.m. Friday at the Fox Funeral Home, 410 W. Main St., Saxonburg. Services will be at 11 a.m. Saturday at the funeral home with the Rev. John Rebel officiating. Burial will follow at Arlington National Cemetery.
Memorial donations may be made to the H.L. Shearer Sporting and Literary Society, c/o SK Operating Inc., 309 S. Pike Road, Sarver, PA 16055; or to the Saxonburg Area Library, P.O. Box 454, Saxonburg, PA 16056.

MGH's Major Mistake

This is a photo of my new bff Marcia Gay Harden at the Met's Costume Gala held earlier this week. I'm not sure if MGH is trying to channel Debbie Mazar or Barbie. In any case, this dress was a major mistake. Marcia, we're friends now. Give me a call and I'll advise you on what to wear to your next gala.

Shave Everywhere

Click here to see one of the best product marketing campaign I've encounted in years. Norelco is capitalizing on the shaved balls trend and actually developed a microsite dedicated to smooth male bodies. If this is the kind of direction Norelco is taking, I'm sending in my resume. Click here to check this out. Be sure to watch the music video.

The TrumpCast Podcast

You're Fired!

No wait, come back here.

Todd and Rachel get Trumped in this special BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast recorded live from Trump Tower...

• Is Trump Tower the next "Blueberry Hill?"

• What is Tony Soprano's secret?

• Why is the York County Junior Miss Program good for Evolution?

• Who is Rachel bitching out this week?

• Where is the best place to buy infant gangsta clothing?

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

Junior Miss Update

Last year the Junior Miss board of directors announced that the program was closing. Of course, people went nuts and the program is back due to grassroots efforts. This Saturday the local York County Junior Miss program will celebrate 41 years. It seems, however, that the program has become much less competitive and they will let anyone in who applies. Back in my day, York County Junior Miss was competitive and you had to have real talent to make the cut. I had close friends who didn't make it and I still think they harbor some resentment till this day. Although I'm glad it's back, I do not think reciting a poem like that broad from Dover (the creationism school disctict) cuts it. I urge you to go to this link and meet the contestants.

I Still Love Karaoke

Todd documented our last karaoke outing. As you can see it was a blast.

System Reinstalled

I'm back and after a few weeks of steroids, Asthmanex and Singular, I'm feeling better. Here is what is up for the week:
1. Get to know the new boss.
2. Tuesday breast biopsy
3. Caroline's bday party
4. Makeup sort
5. See Joe's kittens
6. Take old clothes to Salvation Army
7. Date with Fawlty Towers
8. Record podcast
9. Read old magazines
10. Watch Netflix movies finally