Happy Halloween!

If I ever get a kid, I'm dressing him or her as Prince for Halloween.

Things to Do While in Line at Trader Joe's

Yesterday, I ventured to Trader Joe's on the worst night of the week to go there. If you find yourself stuck in line at Trader Joe's for 45 minutes on the a Sunday night, here are some ways to pass the time.

1. Shop. Ask the hipster captain staff or whatever they are called to get the shit you need while you wait in line.
2. Watch Gossip Girl on your new iPod Video Nano. Think about how you wish you were rich enough to have a private chef so you don't have to stock up on cheap Trader Joe's frozen foods on a Sunday night.
3. Read Self magazine. I'm always behind on my Self, and I love to catch up at Trader Joe's.
4. Call your ex boyfriend and ask him what he's doing. You can hang up on him when the one of the hipster captain staff people drops some pita in your cart.
5. Call your mother. She'll be glad to hear your saving money and buying actual groceries rather than eating out every night.

Happy Birthday ANP!

I'd like to wish a very happy birthday to fellow blogger, dear friend, travel companion and whacko Anittah! Anittah is the only friend and person I know who has the balls to jello wrestle, walk out of a crappy job without another one, match her travel tracksuit to her suitcase and wear a white pornkini to a Halloween party dressed up as a "douchebag." Despite the tough exterior, she's an amazing friend who is always around to share a meal and a laugh, provide insightful advice, go to Aruba and have some honest to god fun. Plus, she really came through for me this year when I had a very tough time. I will always be grateful to her for that.

So, crazy Anittah! I love you and look forward to having more laughs, tears and memories as you enjoy finally being OVER 30!

Win a Date with NYCBABYLON and Jimmy Carter Contest!

My family and old friends know of my fascination with President Jimmy Carter. My first comedy routine in the late 70s actually involved a Carter impression and a song I wrote about the Iran hostage crisis sung by my Carter character. (I have this on a cassette tape somewhere as proof.) I've also been a long-time Jonathan Demme fan as well, so imagine how excited I am to see the new documentary Jimmy Carter: Man from Plains directed by Demme which is being released this weekend.

To celebrate, I'm hosting a contest where one lucky winner will be able to attend a white tie benefit in Washington D.C. where he/she will be able to escort me to a star-studded event where we will actually be able to meet Jimmy Carter in person. To enter, please send an essay of why you love Jimmy Carter and why you have lust in your heart for me. This is not a joke.

Who Would You Rather Wednesday

They Called it Wild Fire

Just in case you were worried about how the rich and famous are reacting to the CA wildfires, click here. It's nice to know the addicts staying at Promises are all safe now.

Marie Osmond Falls on Her Ass: The Video!

Dancing With the Stars: Marie Osmond Collapses!

Marie Osmond just totally passed out on Dancing with the Stars! This was exciting TV!

Update

I've been out celebrating Viggo's 49th birthday and haven't been able to blog. Actually, I've been thrown on my ass with a nasty cold/flu and haven't been able to get out of bed. I, however, have so much I need to comment on and Todd and I have been too busy to do the podcast, so here's the lowdown:
1. I can't believe Dumbledore is a 'mo. I wonder what other imaginary characters are going to come out of the closet. Is Judy Blume going to out Fudge?
2. While I find it fascinating that Jessica Seinfeld gave Oprah 21 pairs of "thank you" shoes and that she may be the James Frey of cookbooks, I find it most interesting that this is all over a cookbook trying to fool kids into eating veggies. This is a woman who tries to pull one over on her own children by deceiving them into eating food they don't like. One time my mother tried to force me to eat stuffed shells by shoving them down my throat and while this was upsetting at the time, I now appreciate she didn't try to hide them in a brownie.
3. I am upset about Ellen DeGeneres and the Iggy scandal and I'm praying someone doesn't come to my house to confiscate Max.
4. I got my flu shot a week and half ago so why is it that I now have the flu?
5. The weather is starting to really freak me out. Why is it still summer and what is going on with those wild fires in CA? I'm now more afraid of Mother Nature than Bid Laden.
6. I don't understand how Lohan found a bf in rehab. Aren't you supposed to stay single for your first year in the program?
7. What the hell is wrong with Britney Spears and why does she eat so much fast food in public? I only sneak my fast food when nobody is watching. Maybe Britney should call Jessica who can help her sneak her junk food into a carrot.

Sex and the City Movie Update

Tonight I was a guest on the Sex and the City movie set. I met director Michael Patrick King who told me I had a "business handshake." I didn't uncover any plot details except Miranda has moved to Chinatown and is bummed out and alone on New Year's Eve so Carrie goes to visit her wearing her trademark fur coat, pajamas and a Madamesque silver sequined turban. Carrie also had dark brown hair. There is also a pit bull in the movie and his trainer looks like Fabio.

That's all I've got.

Mad Money

OMG. I just saw a preview for the new movie called "Mad Money" starring Katie Holmes, Latifah and Diane Keaton. This movie looks just plain terrible. Also, for those of you care, Jessica Seinfeld gave Oprah 21 pairs of designer shoes thanking her for promoting her cookbook on her show. Like Katie Holmes, it is amazing what a rich celeb husband can do for your career. Comments?

Tuned Out

In the past week, I was given a Blackberry and a new iPod Video Nano. Now, as my mother pointed out, I never have to have a human conversation again. So, in light of my new adjustment to my new job and to my new electronics, I'd like to send the following shout-outs to my friends:

1. Chris and Lynn--Congrats on the birth of Emmett!
2. Erik and Jason--Sorry for not calling you in Chicago! I was over scheduled and breaking out.
3. Adie and Shauna--Please invite me over to see the babies! I'm not comfortable with dropping in unannounced.
4. ANP--Congrats on the new job!
5. Scott-I miss you as my boss!
6. Kristen-Can't wiat to see your new pad. Say hi to Cookie for me!
7. Laura and Chris and Erik and Lori--We must get together soon!

That's it for now.

No Country for Old Men Event

I love Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem. The movie was fabulous too.

Pageant Flashback

I love the talent portion of pageants and this particular routine reminded of some girl from Jr. Miss who did cartwheels in an Uncle Sam costume with her clarinet and then went into a Yankee Doodle Dandy solo.

No Country for Old Women

I've been so busy with work and BAFTA, that I haven't had a second to blog. But, now I'm back and here's some of the things I've learned over the past week.

1. Josh Brolin is one of the best looking men on the planet.
2. Negative customer reviews on your web site can actually have a positive impact on your business.
3. Max does like other cats.
4. Ann Taylor is not my favorite store, but is the best store to buy suits on sale.
5. David Cronenberg is smart and interesting in person.
6. O'Hare airport sucks just as much as LaGuardia.
7. Chicago is cold.
8. Virgin Orchid is my new favorite Essie nail color.
9. There is a genre of music inspired by Harry Potter called "Wizard Rock."
10. Tommy Lee Jones is cool.

Things We Lost in the Fire Review

I had no expecatations about the new Halle Berry film Things We Lost in the Fire and only attended the screening because it stars my lusted-after Benicio del Toro. I, however, did not anticipate how raw and moving this film turned out to be. I cried thw entire way home. I went in without any knowledge about the film so I will not spoil it for you except to say that Benicio's performance is incredible and at times, he actually seemed to be channelling James Dean. He may have won my BAFTA vote over Viggo. I can't decide so whoever calls me first and takes me to dinner will win my support.

The Power of Darkness

Tonight, Wyndham and sat through three hours of the Tolstoy play "The Power of Darkness" at the Mint Theater which was a very long three hours of our lives. And you thought "War and Peace" was long? It reminded me of House of Sand and Fog in that I hated every character in the entire play. I felt like I was sitting through the entire Russian Revolution. The play was so devoid of humor that I was forced to laugh out loud when the lead throws a newborn baby down a shaft. The lead, however, who Wyndham used to babysit, was hot and did have a leading man spark. Hopefully, his next job will be a better showcase for his looks and talent.

More interesting than the play was the 90+ crowd that filled the audience. I mean, these theater fans were so old that we felt we were in a morgue. I'm not exaggerating. During the intermission, we had to go into the hallway and discuss the audience more than the play.

To All the Boys I've Loved Before...

Over the past few weeks, I've been receiving desperate phone and text messages from men I was interested in the past. Actually, it was so far in the past that I've actually moved on and don't really think about them so much anymore. Now, that I've started a new job and prioritized some life goals, I must tell you guys, you are not at the top of my list anymore. I still like you as a friend and we can meet up one day but you seem to forget that there was a time, you broke my heart. You have a lot of nerve to leave me whiny messages about how I haven't called you back because I'm "too important" now or too busy to see you right now. And the truth is, I'm swamped and don't want to play your game of pursuit-withdrawal right now. So, simply, in my busy life right now, you are just not at the top of my call list. As you told me when you were a dick to me three years ago, "It's not you, it's me."