Tinsley: Only One Calorie of a Socialite

There are certain tabloid items that annoy me. I'm kind of sick of reading about how Brad and Angelina are in Africa or how Vince Vaughn won't talk about his personal life. But, the person I am most sick about seeing and reading about is Tinsley Mortimer. I don't really know much about Tinsley except that she was a publicist who married rich oil-heir Topper Mortimer and now she prances around society columns with horrible hair and bad fashion choices. Where did she go to college? Who is her best friend? How old is Topper? I need more information. I'm obsessed.

Smell the Roses?

I've noticed an odd smell in my apartment recently. At first, I thought I must have spilled something like an old bottle of perfume. Then, I thought perhaps Fresh Step changed the formula. And, then I realized it was actually my garbage bags. CVS is now scenting it's garbage bags with a bizarre fresh linen smell. I don't like flowerly smelling garbage bags which adds another bad odor to the trash.

Washed Up Wednesday

If you are feeling sort of washed up today like I am, look at this photo of Gerard Depardieu at Cannes and feel slightly better about yourself.

Hot Corn, Cold Corn

Here is a wrap-up of my Memorial Day weekend:

1. I conducted an entire romantic affair via text message. I think I am the only woman who can actually turn off a guy who lives out of town via SMS.
2. I discovered a new fantastic store called Pylones where I purchased a cat alarm clock that's alarm actually sounds like a meow. This disgusted my actual cat who slept through the alarm.
3. I finally watched "40 Year Old Virgin" and cried at the end.
4. I ate dinner at Little Italy with my good friend Kristen. Afterwards we went to a cheesey bar for Pina Coladas but they wouldn't let me in because I forgot my ID.
5. I ordered a bucket of KFC for my Memorial Day pier picnic. They gave me mashed potatoes instead of corn. They were cold by the time we were ready to eat.

Dylan Biopic!

Todd Haynes is going to direct a new biopic about Bob Dylan and Cate Blanchett will actually play Bob Dylan. Due to my love of Haynes, Blanchett and Dylan, this film is going to be a run don't walk event!

NEW YORK (AP) -- Oscar winner Cate Blanchett, who has portrayed Queen Elizabeth and Katharine Hepburn, will add another legend to her resume: Bob Dylan.

The 37-year-old Australian actress is one of seven actors to play Dylan at various stages of his career in the biopic, "I'm Not There," tentatively scheduled for release next year. She'll portray a specific aspect of Dylan's personality, embodied by an androgynous singer-songwriter character named Jude, according to Killer Films, the movie's production company.

Heath Ledger and his girlfriend and "Brokeback Mountain" co-star Michelle Williams have also joined the cast, along with Christian Bale, Julianne Moore and Richard Gere.

The movie will be directed by Todd Haynes, who helmed 2002 movie "Far from Heaven" and 1998's "Velvet Goldmine," about rock icon David Bowie.




Blanchett will next be seen in the upcoming dramas "Babel," opposite Brad Pitt, and "The Good German," alongside George Clooney.

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Congested

I'm home today. My sinuses feel as if they are going to explode. I hope I am better tomorrow for Memorial Day!

Is Clay Aiken emo?

I almost fell over when I saw Clay last night on Idol. What kind of look is this? Is it emo? Is he wearing a wig? He looks a lot like Daniel Franco from Project Runway.

Low Expectations

My horoscope warned me that I should have low expectations today. I always have great expectations and perhaps my summer goal should be to live a summer with no expectations. I wonder if this will be a liberating attitude. My no expectation project starts tomorrow.

Idol Finale

Nothing like seeing your old prom date peforming on Idol...

Confessions of a Fan!

It's not a big secret that I still love Madonna. I wish I could get tickets for her show here in June! Go ahead and crucify me!

Yo Shorty!

Over the past two weeks, I've had at least 10 strange men on the street yell, "Hey, Shorty" at me when I walk by. I'm not sure what this means. The hip-hop dictionary defines the term as, "affectionate term for a girlfriend, attractive female or concubine." I, however, am not sure if there are other implications of this term and if I should be insulted the next time I'm walking home from the gym in my leggings and some guy smoking pot on a bench says to me, "What's up, Shorty?" Do you have to be short to be called "Shorty?" Do you have to be showing a lot of ass? Does the person addressing you have to be stoned, homeless or crazy? Is it a threatening word or is it like being whistled at? What is the proper response?

Britney Spears Fashion Don't of the Week

Green Acreing: Part 11

Last fall, I mocked a friend who left successful urban lifestyle to take up with a hay farmer in Oregon. I then found out many women I knew were making this same choice. I called this trend Green Acreing. Well, I spent some time this past weekend in Kennebunkport, and I'm considering taking up with an eccentric gentleman who lives up there. He's not a farmer, but an artist who is a man of means and doesn't need to work for money. I'm not sure if I pursue this opportunity, if I will be actually green acreing, or if this is a different kind of choice all together.

Another One Bites the Dust

This weekend, I'll be in Maine attending the wedding of my good friend Chris to my new friend Laura. Chris is an A+ man so this is a loss to single women everywhere. Thank God Laura is cool. I'm staying in a remote motel called the Fontenoy Terrace. If I never blog again, I'm trapped up in Kennebunkport in this scary Bates motel. Please come and rescue Max if I don't come back next week.

Katie Holmes Fashion Don't of the Week

This week Katie Holmes was spotted out with baby daddy Tom Cruise in low-cut jeans and a midriff bearing top exposing her stretch marks. Again, this is not a joke, but a real photo.

Fire Crotch

I don't know what bloated oil heir Brandon Davis and Paris Hilton have against Lindsay Lohan, but that is the nastiest video I have ever seen. I don't have any great love for Lohan, but this video makes me hate Davis and Hilton. Money sure as hell doesn't buy class. From an artistic point, this video could have been directed by Scorcese circa Goodfellas.
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Weekend in New England

This weekend I am going to a wedding in Kennebunkport of my old college friend. Another mutual friend of ours named Bruce lives in Kennebunkport, so I thought I'd give him a call and tell him that I was coming to town to see if he wanted to have dinner on Friday night. The the thing is, when I called, he didn't remember me which was odd considering we spent quite a bit of 1991 in each other's company. When he told me that he couldn't place me, I didn't know what to say, so I expressed that I was calling to see if he wanted to have dinner since I'd be in town but it was pointless since he didn't remember me. He answered that it's been 15 years, so he doesn't really remember anyone from that time. But, he said that he would like to have dinner anyway so now I am scheduled for a meal with someone who forgot all about me. I just went through my photo albums and I have pages and pages of photos of us together, so I can't figure this all out. I don't know if this counts as a blind date or a remeeting or what. And, I don't have any idea what to wear.

Business Days

I have this rule that after a date, a man has three business days to call me. If a man does not call me within 3 business days of a date, I write him off and move on to the next. I, however, am not sure if this rule translates to situations aside from traditional dates. Here are some questionable situations that I am unsure how many business days apply until my mental write-off:

1. Man is ex boyfriend who I run into on the street, end up drinking bottle-service whiskey at a club with a bunch of Brazilians and wake up half undressed in his bed the next day at 4:00PM...
2. Man is a former high school flame who has become a rock star and while on tour in the city accosts me in public...
3. Man is guy who comes over to seduce me, insults the cleanliness of my apartment and then disappears....

I don't want to waste the pretty, but I at the same time, I don't want to lose some interesting possibilities....

Go-Gos Monday

This video is fascinating for so many reasons. Jane is pissed, Joan still had Edger and the rest are all strung out and yet, it represents a happier more innocent period of our past.

Bottle Service

This past week was full of bottle service. For those of you outside the city, bottle service is when you are at a table at a party at a club and they leave you with your own overpriced bar for the price of saving you some seats. For example, you can reserve a table with bottle service promising to pay $100 for a $25 bottle of booze and some cheap mixers. Sometimes they might include some fruit or sometimes you can pay for caviar. I've never actually seen the tab for bottle service, but last night, my friend was trying to figure out the etiquette for being part of a bottle service party. Who do you thank and what do you say? I, however, am not sure if bottle service is really not about the alcohol, but a price for entrance. Or, I think that if you are famous enough someone else in paying for the bottle service and the person to thank won't even be present. In any case, I'm happy to be home drinking diet Coke out of the bottle straight from the fridge.