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One of my secret pleasures is checking my stats for this blog. I especially love visiting the keyword referrals to see what you guys type in to find this blog. Today, there were some hilarious ones. Perhaps nycbabylon is a monitor of the current cultural zeitgeist. I just want to know. Why were you smelling your dog's vagina and who is a fan of MJ in the UK?

1. rosie vs elizabeth
2. big city under 21 club york
3. topper mortimer
4. cruise countdown widget
5. what to wear to the mtv movie awards seat filler
6.mj cat
7. why does my dog's vagina smell like maple syrup?
8. rene fris bio
9. what do golden monkeys eat
10. flirt cosmetics
11. japanese hairdress
12. nycbabylon
13. somers farkas
14. catsuit fashions on youtube

Dogs Eat Dog

Today, I've read this horrible story that some UK performance artist protested the act of fox hunting by eating a Corgi, the Queen's favorite breed. I'm an animal activist, but this story made my stomach turn as I don't believe in cooking and eating dogs. I mean what kind of moron protesting some kind of animal injustice would eat another domestic animal? The most upsetting part of the story is that Yoko Ono participated in the dog eating. I used to stand up for Yoko as she is a talented filmmaker and Bottoms was really a favorite of mine. But, now she is off my list. I now hate Yoko Ono and I propose we all band together to protests these dog-eating protestors!

Has LinkedIn Jumped the Shark?

Last night my mother called me with a serious concern in her tone. She stated, "There is this web site and all of your information is on it!" I was alarmed and asked what kind of information and she stated that it said where I went to college and even had my resume posted. She sounded worried that someone was stealing my information and posting my secret work history on the internet and that perhaps there were even some nude pictures posted. After some more questions, I realized that she was actually referring to my profile on LinkedIn. I assured her that I actually posted my own information and that LinkedIn was a legitimate professional networking for people to connect with other professionals, search for jobs and connect with colleagues and also that it is a rapidly growing social network. She had no idea what I was talking about. She still thinks I'm spending all my time on friendster.com. She still tells my sister, I won't answer the phone because I am "on AOL doing friendster." She is so wrong. Friendster is so 2002. Last year, I was spending a lot of time "doing myspace." Recently, I've been spending a few minutes "doing LinkedIn" but spend most of my time counting my points on WeightWatchers.com, a site that never goes out of style. She doesn't even know about D-Listed, and she'd love the gossip but I don't want her snooping around my online addictions anymore. Then, she stated she wanted to "snoop" around on LinkedIn but didn't want to register her own profile so she can protect her privacy. I explained that career networking is not a bad thing, but it is hard to argue with a woman who won't give out her cell phone number so she won't be bothered when out of the house. Oh, and she insists that dial-up service is better than DSL. What does this all mean? Has LinkedIn jumped the shark?

R.I.P Charles Nelson Reilly

I was very sad to hear that Charles Nelson Reilly passed away from pneumonia over the weekend. I have to confess a secret. Charles Nelson Reilly was an early influence on me. From his wacky appearances on Sid and Marty Krofft shows such as Lidsville or his double entrendres on Match Game, I always appreciated him. His out and proud comedy has led the way for many comics including Todd.

Memorials for Memorial Day

I'm heading to D.C. to hang out and do the same stuff I do in N.Y.C. but just in a different location. I, however, will go to visit Abe cause this is my fave memorial. Nothing says Memorial Day like making a pilgrimage to your favorite memorials! I never tire of the Lincoln Memorial. I'll also make a stop in Commander Salamander which was my favorite store in the 80s.

Blogger Relations

Last week I completed an interview about blogger relations for a company that sends white papers to agencies. You just may be reading this blog because you may have seen the URL in this document where I was listed as a blogging expert. I, however, thought it was ironic and hilarious that a senior leader from the company that interviewed me called me today with a "problem" about how the white papers were distributed to their clients and that the other bloggers in the study are pissed. He also pointed out in the phone message if I personally have any concerns about my own reputation being tarnished for being associated with this document that I should call him back and he would explain what happened. I did not call him back as I really have no reputation to tarnish.

I, however, would like to point out that this entire episode ironically is an example of BAD BLOGGER relations since I'm now blogging and making fun of this company. This is not positive PR for a PR company.

Rosie vs. Elizabeth

This is some A+ TV. I actually feel for Rosie. I work with someone who operates like Hasselback and it's tough.

Chuck it

Chuck it
Originally uploaded by zinegrrl.

xoxoanp.com demonstrates her own bad panties. Girls, this weekend throw away your skanky drawers. Let's start the summer in great fitting new undergarments! Old panties can ruin your day!

Girls Prefer Ugly Guys!

According to this article the majority of women prefer ugly old men. I, however am still a sucker for a pretty face who is not boring but these dudes are hard to find.

Bad Panties

There is nothing that screw up your day worse than wearing a bad pair of underwear. I vow for Memorial Day that I'm going to throw away all my bad underpants, bras and nightware. I'm starting the summer with a fresh ass.

The Bachelor Finale

I have to confess. I've been watching the Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman season finale. Tessa's mother lives in my hometown York and Andy is from Lancaster so I somehow got sucked into the cheesiest two hours of my television watching life.

Ancient Chinese Secrets

I must confess that I love finding new places for massages, manicures and facials run by Chinese immigrants. Not only are their prices CHEAP, but I've received much better services than I have at much more posh places such as Bliss, Equinox Spa and other top-rated salons. I can't link to the Web sites for these places because they don't have any but I'll fill you in on two of my favorite secret places.

Lotus Salon--This is located on West 8th Street and 6th Avenue across from the Barnes and Noble and above the Gray's Papaya hot dog stand. Aside from their $20 mani/pedi special, they give the best facial I've ever had. I have very sensitive skin and easily break out. I once left Bliss with cysts all over my face. When I leave Lotus, my skin is glowning and my blackheads are extracted. While you have to deal with the subtle aroma of hotdogs and lack of privacy, the final result is worth it. Ask for Mabel the owner and get the Salon Special facial for $65 which includes neck and shoulder massage.
Chinese Secret Massage--This is not the name of the place but it is located on Christopher Street between 6th and 7th Avenues down the block from the pet store. They have these little rooms sectioned off by curtains. The guys massaging runs into one another through the curtains and when they massage your feet they sit on a chair outside of the curtain. I get naked but always keep my underpants on. While this all sounds crazy, these guys are massage magicians. Go in and tell them your ailments and with some simple pressure techniques, they have stopped allergy attacks, cured sinus infections and cured blindess and all for the cost of about $50/hour. Rudy is my favorite.

Moment of Clarity

Today, I had a psychological breakthrough. I have a man in my life that I care very much about and today when we were on the phone while I was at work and I started bitching at him for being cranky. He replied, "I don't always have to be happy for you." He stated this in a nonabrasive manner as pure fact. I realized a few moments later that he's absolutely right. Neither he nor anyone else in my life has to be happy for me all the time and if someone is unhappy or in a bad mood, I shouldn't always take it personally. It's just not about me. I shouldn't put pressure on my relationships to perform for me. This all sounds very obvious but I think this thought pattern has hindered many relationships throughout my life. So, thank you, Teeks. I adore you even if you are a cranky pain-in-the-ass sometimes.

I Love New York

This shouldn't make me laugh, but it does.

Year of the Cat

People often tease me about how much I love my cat Maximillian Joseph. As a 30-something broad living along with her tabby, I realize that I'm a bit a social cliche. Last weekend, I saw the movie Year of the Dog which has really made me think about my relationship to my pet. Molly Shannon's character falls apart after her pet beagle unexpectedly dies. After this happens, she goes through a period of self-discovery accepting that her strong passion for her dogs and her committment to animal rights does not make her crazy, but defines her identity and gives her life purpose. Not all of us have the character to become dutiful wives or caring mothers or rich CEO's. Some of us define ourselves and are content as animal nuts and if our pets can provide us self-esteem, love, happiness and companionship, what is wrong or crazy about that? Plus, just look at Max's handsome face. Meow.

6 Degrees In York

My hometown local paper the York Daily Record has a hilarious new feature where people write in how they are "6 degrees" away from knowing a famous person. I think this is hilarious since I'm from York and actually could serve as a conduit to other Yorkers who know me since I actually know and have met many famous people. Some unsuspecting Yorkers who know me would be shocked to learn that they are only two degrees away from a variety of celebrities such as Russell Simmons, Madonna, Jane Krawkowski, Billy Baldwin, Johnny Rotten and the Zog.

Check this article out. It is hilarious.

Spring Awakening Sweeps Tony Noms!

Spring Awakening, the best musical I saw this season, garnered 11 Tony noms! I love that Broadway is recognizing this great show. If you come to NYC, run and don't walk to see this show. The music is fantastic.

Reality Really Bites!

Remember when Ethan was hot? I do, especially that fateful night at Wetlands. I suppose we were both younger and cuter then.

Dear White Corporate Male America

One of the archaic cultural elements of working in corporate America is that there are still men in charge who think using sports metaphors (especially baseball and football terms) in large team meetings is an appropriate way to get their team excited. For example, a headline to a page in a presentation might say "Hit a Grand Slam" or he might mention his son's Little League team's strategy, or he might make a joke out of some sports scores. (I can't even quote an example because I tune out to this kind of bullshit.) I find this kind of white male rhetoric exclusive and sexist and it really doesn't motivate me or pump me up to succeed. While I appreciate the person in question loves himself some team spots, I also think consistently using sports metaphors to motivate a diverse group of people would be as arbitrary as me leading a team using my love of cats.

Here are some examples of how arbitrary this kind of rhetoric can be:

1. Don't Be Pussies: Facilitating Change
2. Catch that Mouse! Get 10 million accounts!
3. Get Out Your Scratching Posts: Annual Review Guidelines
4. Catnip Crazy: Getting Feedback from Your Boss
5. Your Jacobson's Organ: Sniffing Out New Trends
6. Cleaning Out the Litterbox: Audit Kickoff!

See how crazy that sounds? I, however, am smart enough to know that some people hate cats and people would think I was kind of crazy and wonder why in the hell they worked for a company that used this kind of crazy cat talk.

Christopher Just Kicked It

I can't fucking believe this.

Babylonian Idol Podcast-The Final Four

THIS WEEK ON BABYLONIAN IDOL
WE'RE DOWN TO THE FINAL FOUR!

Experience the talented Todd, Rachel, Mr. T, and the return of Barry Bellenbogen. Don't forget to vote at BewareOfTheBabylon.com

OTHER STAR-MAKING TOPICS INCLUDE:

* the ghost of dylan thomas

* sweet & vicious rumours about british royalty

* how we both once got a little hasselhoff

* just for the sponsorship of it, diet coke

* how to become more "global"

* what to do when your pussy gets wet

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

OR, just listen right here and now with the audio player below...


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Jane Rules

Is it me, or does Jane Fonda look the best out of these three?

Big Black Hole Tuesday

Tuesday is the worst day of the week. As usual, today sucked like all other days.

1. I woke up with a killer headache.
2. The final four on American Idol all suck.
3. I'm fucking starving after 100% committing back to Weight Watchers.
4. All my friends at work quit and I don't have any more good friends at the office.
5. I have nothing exciting to blog about.
6. MJ Cat just fell in the tub and then as revenge bit me.

Costume Institute Gala Red Carpet Arrivals

Next to the Oscars, the Costume Institute Gala at the Met has become one of my favorite annual fashion events. This year, however, the event celebrating Poiret: King of Fashion was more of an actual costume party than a fashion show. Celebrities dressed up as gorillas, other celebrities, tin foil, and former first ladies as they crowded the red carpet. Here's some highlights:


Parker Posey dressed up as Cat Scratch Fever.


Is that Amanda Lepore? No, it's Jessica Simpson!

Jennifer Garner as former first lady Nancy Reagan.

Mary-Kate Olsen dressed up in a classic gorilla suit.

Renee Zellweger dressed up as a tube of toothpaste.

Christina Ricci went as Terri Hatcher.

Chloe Sevigny is a magical leprichan.

Kelly Ripa dressed up a fake-baked TV star.

Jennifer Connelly went as Reynolds Wrap.

Cameron Diaz dressed up like a movie star.

Cate Blanchett dressed as the greatest puppet of all time-Madame!

Who is that robot with Marc Anthony?

Julianne Moore dressed up as Sienna Miller dressed up as Edie Sedgwick.

Paris Hilton Sentenced to Prison!

I usually don't care about Paris Hilton gossip but I just learned that the self-entitled heiress is going to jail for breaking her parole. I love it when celebs who think they are above the law go to prison.

Hasselhoff is the New Baldwin

The Beware of the Baldwincast

The rude and thoughtless little pigs of podcasting return in this very special podcast focusing on the future, but also kind of a little on the past.

This week's angst-ridden podcast also includes...

• thoughts on our need for a DJ name

• how France made Todd Alec Baldwin deficient

• quality time with crazy right wing Rachel

• Bronski Beat sings the latest Jock Jams

• what The Sopranos has in common with Melrose Place

• marketing buzzword mad-libs for all ages

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

OR, just listen right here and now with the audio player below...

Tribeca Film Festival Update

Tonight I attended a BAFTA reception at the Soho House in honor of British filmmakers showing at the Tribeca film festival. I haven't been to the "Ho-Ho" house in years but despite the fact that (as usual) Todd bagged going to BAFTA with me, I put on a new Spring outfit and went all by myself. Within the first ten minutes, I made a new friend named Wendy who works at WE TV. The only celeb we spotted was Kim Catrall. Jane Rosenthal was also there but Jane is not a celeb.

The most interesting part of the evening is that I actually ran into someone in from LA that I met during that crazy party I went to last fall in LA. If you read that post, you can see how traumatic that evening was for me. So, I said to him, "It's surprising to see you" and he replied, "I'm actually not surprised to see you. You have a blog." What the hell does that mean?

Rules of the Pool

I just started swimming as part of my fitness routine and there are all these rules of the pool. I'm trying to figure out if the pool rules are a metaphor for real life rules. I'm learning these rules by making mistakes or by having the lifeguard yell at me for breaking them.

1. Don't swim in the fast lane if you really want to swim slowly. It's not a race.
2. Make sure all your hair is tucked into the cap or you will get in trouble.
3. Don't assume you will be rotating lanes. You may just be asked to swim in the same one.
4. Make sure to breathe.
5. Old goggles are not as clear as new ones.
6. Make sure to doll up after your swim. You might run into someone on the way home.