Idol Update

I started watching Idol today and I was bored. I used to love the show, but for some reason I'm losing my tolerance for the entire program. I can only seem to focus on reruns of Rosanne or Full House and I'm not quite sure what that means. I can't wait for my cruise in 12 days!

Pivot Tables

I realize the blog has boring, but life has been throwing me unexpected turns that has been taking me away from my private writing time. Today I spent most of the working hours manipulating an Excel spreadsheet while I came to the conclusion that I completely suck at Excel. I am part of a generational gap that does not know how to make a pivot table or create pull down menus on an Excel spreadsheet. I consider myself computer savvy, but somewhere along the path of teaching myself html and editing a podcast, spreadsheeting got lost in the mix. Although I can do a basic sum and highlight a row here and there, I prefer to keep some information at random rather than spread it all out on a chart that derives formulas from other charts that derives numbers from a complex equation that is supposed to provide some kind of realistic scenario all summed up in neat looking cells that can printed out on one sheet in a landscape format. Randomness is not such a bad thing and over the past few months, I seem to have forgotten how a surprise phone call or conversation on the corner can perhaps rapidly change the direction of my life. Carpe diem.

UN CHAT ANDALOU

Please enjoy my new short film Un Chat Andalou starring MJ Cat.

Songs for the Lonely

YouTube - David Bowie & Cher: ""

It's cold again and again, I am home on a Friday night watching youtube.com. This is a fabulous find of a duet between David Bowie and Cher.

Catblog Video Friday

Enjoy this special video for Catblog Friday brought to you by MJ Cat!

I hate my iPod!

I have to send my iPod BACK to the morons at Apple for the third time since January. They keep sending it to me UNREPAIRED. I've called 10 times and they WILL NOT fix my fucking iPod. I even have the extended warranty and they still keep telling me there is nothing wrong with my machine. I can't even charge it without the sad iPod icon appearing. Plus, it makes an audible hissing sound when I attempt to put it in fucking disc mode. I am so glad I didn't buy a Mac computer if this is the type of shit this company is producing. I FUCKING HATE THIS IPOD AND WANT IT FIXED! WHAT KINDS OF MORONS DO THEY HAVE LOOKING AT THIS BROKEN MACHINE AND TELLING ME IT IS FINE? WHY DO THEY KEEP SENDING ME BACK A FROZEN IPOD? I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS PISSED IN A LONG TIME. THEY ARE WASTING MY FUCKING TIME! IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO WORKS FOR APPLE OR YOU WORK FOR APPLE, PLEASE HAVE THEM FIX MY IPOD OR I WILL BLOG ABOUT THE INCOMPENTENCY OF THIS COMPANY ON A DAILY BASIS UNTIL THEY REPAIR MY IPOD!

Pleasure Quarters

This is a wedding web site of a friend of a friend. We are obsessed with this site, especially the honeymoon and engagement photos. I've never met the couple, but I am pretty sure I don't want any more details of their Pleasure Quarters.

Birds of Morton Street

While I am recovering, please enjoy another viewing of Birds of Morton Street on youtube.com.

Sinus Infection

All of the excitement over the podcast and the BAFTAs has left me with a terrible sinus infection. I'll blog once I recover.

The Anniversary Cast

BEWARE OF THE BABYLON celebrates one year of podcasting with this ambitious ANIVERSARY PODCAST featuring our greatest moments.

If you have never listened to one of our podcasts before, this is where to begin.

It's a self-congratulatory greatest hits bonanza you don't wanna miss.

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

BAFTA Awards!

Todd and I just returned from the BAFTA Awards East Coast party, and I have to say, I am knackered. I am not used to drinking champagne all day long. Thandie Newton was clearly the best dressed star. Jude Law looked very tossed when he came up to present. Matt Dillon looked out of place in an English speaking country. Brokeback Mountain won best picture and Wallace and Grommit won best British Film. The giftbag included some DVDs of Footballer's Wives and a Cadbury bar.

Lost Whippet!

I was very sad to hear that the search for the missing whippet has been called off. A whippet named Vivi escaped at JFK and was last seen running through the surrounding marshlands. This story sparks the same type of sadness and worry in me that I experienced when Spaulding Gray disappeared a couple of years ago. I hope they find Vivi!

Capoeira Thursday

A little known fact about me is that I've been studying capoeira for over 15 years. I just found this awesome capoeira video on youtube.com. Capoeira is a Brazilian martial art disguised as dance.

Swimming with Sharks

As I get older and more powerful and more of my friends get assistants at work, I would like to set the following ground rules. I started my career assisting someone who abused his position of power, so I am sensitive to the plight of all executive assistants around the world. These kids did not go to college to be your slave. If you are so important and powerful that you need to have your executive assistant become involved in your personal life, you should have the funds to hire a personal assistant rather than abuse the company hire.

1. Do not have your assistant call me to make social plans. Your assistant is only allowed to call me if you are either locked in a room somewhere and you do not have access to your blackberry, cell phone or other PDA that I know that you must have on you on all times in order to keep in touch with your assistant. If you have the time to give your assistant detailed instructions about what to tell me in a call, you have the minute it takes to call me personally. Plus, I am not comfortable with your assistant knowing about my personal life and where I am dining with you that evening.
2. Do not have your assistant leave me a message. Please see above. Call me personally. If you get off on having your assistant call me, then have him call my assistant so I can get off too.
3. If you are having a birthday party or some other social event, do not have me RSVP to your work assistant. The assistant that your company pays for should not be used as a social secretary.
4. The only exemption to the above rules is that your assistant is allowed to call me if you have either been rushed to the hospital for a medical emergency, you have died or you are having a mental breakdown and your assistant doesn't know how to handle the situation.

Thank you.

The Side Boob Trend

Mariah Carey continues to try to promote a new "side boob" trend. I have ratty old flannel nightgowns that look better than this.

Boots and Saddles

Willie Nelson released a gay cowboy song today entitled "Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly (Fond of Each Other)." If you have the lyrics, please send them to me.

The Bitch is Back

OK, I'm at the last ice cube of my annual meltdown and if it weren't for the Westminster Dog Show, I don't know if I could coagulate on an annual basis. This year has been an especially rough Valentine's Day. I tried to stay afloat with some extra daytime flirting with the office Snack and by wearing a kitten-heel shoe, but as I left the office tonight, I felt as if I was suffocating. I saw couples with flowers, young lovers holding hands and men lined up for cheap diamonds at Macy's. A friend confessed that after her dinner with her new man, she was going to put on feather pasties and a g-string as a special treat for her Valentine. Todd even took Craig to Forbidden Broadway rather than record the podcast. Then, when I came home I received the phone call from the British man who disappeared over New Year's Eve. I wonder if his return was planned for today, but I was glad to hear his voice. Ex-boyfriends are popping up all over the place today and I came to the conclusion that Valentine's Day is really not a day about love and togetherness, but a day for single women to revisit their past mistakes and question if perhaps a dog or cat might just be a better companion. Perhaps it is a good sign that a Bull Terrier named Rufus just took Best in Show. The persistent underdog just might come out ahead!

Puss 'N Boots

It's the final day of my downward spiral from New Year's Eve. If I make it through tomorrow, I'll be on the upswing through the final day of 2006. Unfortunately, I have to spend the day in a Risk class. Fortunately, my fantasty boyfriend Boots is in town. He's taking me to the dog show and to a late dinner. He's sending me flowers and a gift certificate to Bergdorf so I can go buy whatever I want. I need to believe in this fantasy.

Blizzard!

MJ and I survived the big Blizzard of 2006. Starting Saturday night, we holed up and decided to have a cooking, cleaning and sleeping marathon. We bought all of our groceries as the first snowflakes began to fall. First, we cleaned the kitchen and bathroom floors. I actually scrubbed while Max supervised from atop his perch on the TV box. Then, we decided to throw out some old books from the overcrowded book shelf. We threw out such classics as The Red Tent, The Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing and a 1996 Zagat's Guide. As we were cleaning, we marinated a big London Broil. Our friend Kristen braved the storm and came over for the dinner which also included wild rice and a green salad. We offered her a frozen Tasky Kake for dessert, but she declined. After our dinner party, we went to bed but were roused when the lightening and thunder started to occur in the middle of the night. We stayed into bed until 3:00. I woke up and checked out the storm and took some photos which I posted on flickr. Then, I sorted some paper. As I did this, I made homemade chicken noodle soup, turkey chili, chocolate chip cookies, saffron rice and black beans. I ate black beans on Friday and I think I need some more this week. Now, we are getting ready for bed knowing that we survived the blizzard, but are not so sure we are going to survive Valentine's Day.

Friday Catblog by MJ Cat

MJ Cat
Originally uploaded by redrachel.

My person has been out every night this week and I miss her. I wish she would dump the fantasy of an unattainable man and spend more time with me. I know what loyalty, companionship and spooning is all about.

The Grammys!

The Grammy's were pretty good this year. Check out Madonna. She rocks.

Youtube is the new flickr

As we discussed in this week's podcast, I am obsessed with Youtube.com which is a site where anyone can post and share their videos. I love to type in random words and see what comes up. Youtube.com is better than most programs on TV. Below is what I found when I typed in "cat shower."

The Ballcast

Rachel and Todd get older and wiser at Chumleys and ask important questions like:

• Where did Han Solo's mojo go?

• What is Gwyneth's favorite word in the English language?

• Who is this guy, and how do I know him?

• Why does Todd feel so old?

• Does Cruisin' count as Cruising?

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

I'm Going to Find My Cat!

I just returned from a screening of the new Harrison Ford movie Firewall. The movie was terrible and during the Q&A afterwards, Ford seemed embarrassed while Bettany seemed smug. Yet, I am scared that someone might try to kidnap MJ Cat in order to blackmail me to get inside the bank where I work. If I do not blog for a week witout notice, I am struggling to track down Max and his catnappers. I need to have a digital chip installed in Max tomorrow!

FATHER DEMO SQUARE Update

As a long time West Villager, I've been known to spend a lazy afternoon reading the paper, making out after a first date, licking a Cones cone or scarfing down a slice of Joe's sitting on a dirty bench in Father Demo Square. On warm Sundays, I tended to catch up on calls from my cell phone as I avoided sitting next to a smelly homeless person or being shit on by a pigeon. The truth is, Father Demo Square is my favorite city park and a few months ago, I was very confused as they put a wire gate around the cement park and tore out some of the benches. Friends who have witnessed this devastation keep asking me, "Do you know what's going on in Father Demo Square? Where have you been hanging out?"

Last night, the mystery was solved. Father Demo Square is being renovated to include a fountain, new benches and greenery and the worst part is that I have to wait until AT LEAST fall 2006 to be readmitted to my park of choice! Plus, I can't imagine how this "renovation" is actually an improvement. My favorite aspect of FDS was that is was the anti-park park. I loved sitting in the concrete jungle in the middle of 6th Avenue and now I have nowhere to go!

Franco!

On Saturday, as I was browsing the Soho H&M, I spotted none other than Daniel Franco, who competed and lost on the past two seasons on my favorite show Project Runway! I was on my way out of the store and it too hot for me to spy, so I left him browsing in the sale rack. This was was a very exciting way for me to kick off fashion week.

Superbowl Minnelli Sunday!

For those of you who don't watch the Superbowl you can watch TWO HOURS of Liza Minnelli on the Actor's Studio on Bravo! Rumor has it that Liza is going to make host James Lipton cry!

For WLS

My friend WLS keeps requesting I send him a photo of Janet Jackson. Well, in honor of this weekend's superbowl and the amount of calories people will be consuming, here are special photos of Janet Jackson AND Mariah Carey who are rumored to be recording a duet together soon. (WLS, fat is back so don't worry about your diet! Look at these two fabulous broads and don't fret as you continue to scarf fried oysters and drink your martinis.)

BunnyBlog Friday

When you see a bunny this big, you can't even think about cats. Some crazy German dude bred a rabbit that is over 3 ft. tall and weighs over 17 lbs. I want a Giant Bunny! I want a Giant Bunny NOW!

Celeb Gossip Round-Up: Fact or Fiction?

This week, I kept encountering insane celebrity gossip and photos that I've read in bits and pieces in papers left on the subway and headlines on random web sites. I'm not even sure if I even read some of this stuff or it just came to me in a dream. I had to take a Benedryl so I'm feeling very Fit Club Jeff Conaway so my brain is kind of muddy. Please let me know if this is all fact or fiction.

1. Lindsay Lohan had the word "breathe" tattooed on her wrist to remind herself of her recent asthma attack. I am thinking I might have the word "Starve" tattooed on my stomach to remind me to diet. Also, she slipped and cut herself in Brian Adams' house in London. Why was she even there? Are they friends? How do they know each other?

2. Jodie Sweetin aka Stephanie Tanner from Full House was a meth addict and had to have an intervention conducted by the Olson Twins, my buddy Bob Saget, and hottie Jon Stamos. She claimed she got hooked on meth cause she was bored after being unemployed at the age of 13. When I was unemployed and bored, I got hooked on Full House.

3. Katie Holmes was photographed wearing the bizarre vagina bodysuit above and Brittney Spears is rumored to be pregnant again. I don't have anything to say about this as the photo above speaks for itself.

4. Heather Locklear is divorcing Richie Sambora? If they can't last, I lose all hope in true love.

Carry On!

I just finished watching my favorite show Project Runway. This week's episode was one of the gayest hours of television I have ever seen. As the competitors make dresses out of flowers, Vosovic comes out on national telvision, Santino impersonates Tim Gunn, Nick talks about beards and Andre mos out over moss. But, the best moment of the entire episode is when Tim Gunn saunters in to see the mess that Andre has made, and exclaims, "Look at this flotsam and jetsam!" Tim Gunn is my new favorite C-list celebrity. He even has his own podcast and blog!