Unhappy Halloween

This has been my most depressing Halloween ever. I usually like to go and march in the parade, but this damned bronchitis left me short of wind and watching the parade at home on NY1. I start my new job on Wednesday and am praying that I recover.

Your Cat's Just Not that Into You

Last year, I was obsessed with the He's Just Not That Into You and now a new book has come out entitled Your Cat's Just Not that Into You. So, not only have I been wasting the pretty on a stream of emotionally unavailable men, it turns out I've been wasting the pretty on MJ Cat. It's true. He bites me, destroys my furniture and wakes me up at 5AM for no apparent reason. I've been sick with bronchitis for a week and he hasn't provided any sympathy and has been ignoring me. I guess I should give up men and cats and go get myself a dog.

Friday Catblog by MJ Cat

DSCF0391
Originally uploaded by redrachel.

I'm dieting during my week of vacation and I'm hungry as hell. As you can see, I'm a little big around the middle these days.

Halloween Costumes Greatest Hall of Fame

Halloween used to be my favorite holiday. This year I have nowhere to go, so please feel free to use any of my costumes from Halloween pasts. I never had a mother who could sew or make exciting costumes so I either had to buy the plastic ones or invent my own. Here are some of my favorites:

Werewolf(1976): I was so excited when my mother bought me the werewolf costume at Kmart ahead of time to ensure it wouldn't be sold out. I, however, became scared of my own costume and it had to be moved out of my closet to another room. I remember my father put the mask on when I was watching TV, peeked around the corner and scared the hell out of me.
King Kong (1977): I loved the Jessica Lange King Kong remake so I wore an oversized King Kong mask along with a black bodysuit and tights. I'd still wear this costume if I could, but I weighed only 30lbs at the time.
Dead Cowboy (1980): I was kind of a tomboy at the time, so dead cowboy was an easy costume to create. I just wore my western shirt and Billy the Kid jeans. I put on some pop guns on a holster and finished it off with a skeleton mask.
Marilyn Monroe (1988): This costume is pretty standard and my best friends Stephanie and Jessica dressed up as James Dean and Elvis to be part of the dead legends group. Our fourth friend Leigh, however, dressed up as a sexy skunk which totally screwed up our theme. Her mother didn't think it was appropriate for her to dress up as a dead celebrity but she somehow got away with wearing a bodysuit and a bushy tail.
Madonna: (1989-1991): I dressed up as various incarnations of Madonna throughout college.
Courtney Love (1992): I don't know why I chose to dress up as Courtney before she was even that famous, but I had so many baby doll dresses and my Madonna wig was on the fritz so it all made sense during my days of irony.
Miss Georgia (1995): I decked out in full beauty queen regalia to rollerblade through my first Greenwich Village Halloween Parade. This was my best Halloween in the city.
Willie Nelson (2003): I revived my dead cowboy look except I bought a Dorothy Wizard of Oz wig and converted it to Willie Nelson by removing the bows. I handed out candy to little kids in Chelsea with my pregnant friend Diane. Nobody knew who I was except one hip father. I did see one kid dressed up as a werewolf so I gave him some extra candy.

Hot Time in the City

I'm taking a vacation for the next week in my own apartment. Today was a very exciting day. I went to D.O.C.S. because I can't get rid of this damned cough. Then, I went to buy a new DVD player since mine died. Now, I'm making some Italian sausage and tomato sauce. I can't imagine what excitement will come tomorrow. I think tonight I'm going to get my sweaters out since the temperature outside has plummeted.

Flown the Coop

Smallbat is gone. He's not on the wall anymore and must have flown away to another place. Perhaps he knows I'm leaving today too and this is some kind of October sign. I'm taking the rest of the week and part of next week off to recoup, rest and pet MJ Cat. Then, I'm off to corporate America.

Take This Job and Shove It

Tomorrow is my last day at my current job. I am in the process of creating a "smooth transition" so I won't be able to blog much today. All I can say is that quitting is very stressful.

Friday Catblog by MJ Cat

MJ Cat
Originally uploaded by redrachel.

I love cuddling on a chilly rainy fall morning. I can't wait until next week when my person takes a vacation and spends everyday with me before she turns into a corporate drone.

Flickr is the New Google

Wall of Kitsch
Originally uploaded by nycbabylon.

I am now obsessed with Flickr, which is a Web site that allows users to publically post photos. I love snooping through stranger's lives through their photos photos. I also love snooping through the photos of exes on Flick as well. Imagine my surprise when I found an ex's flickr site and was able to see his new wife in the flesh. Once I saw her small tits, their perfectly decorated mid-century modern apartment and her long hair, I was able to know why he didn't marry me. I used to Google men, but now I'm going to flickr them to see what really goes on their sick heads.

Smallbat

This is a photo of a little baby bat that we've named "smallbat." Smallbat has been literally hanging outside our office walls for the past couple of days. I'll miss him so much when I leave this building for good next week.

Announcement

I am in the process of changing jobs. This is much more stressful than I imagined it would be. I've had to resign twice due to the fact that my boss was on her honeymoon during the period I had to give my notice. All of this big career stress is making me not able to feel emotional about things I normally would be going crazy about had I not been switching jobs. Here are some things that I wish I could emotionally respond to but am unable to right now:

1. TomKitten: In the back of my mind, Katie Holmes looks more pregnant than she says she is, but when I think about it, my head kind of hurts and I must stop.
2. The Englishman: I like this guy and he's having a bad week and told me he's in a foul mood and can't talk to me until Friday. Normally, this would upset me. Today, I don't care.
3. Ashton Kutcher's fedora: Thinking about this gives me also gives me a little headache.
4. Citarellagate: I got in trouble last night for gossiping at Citarella with Big Hands Meaghan. Has the West Village turned into Wisteria Lane?

TomKitten Gossip: Exclusive Gossip

I just ran into Big Hands Meaghan at Citarella and although she is a slightly unreliable source, she is slightly connected to the higher powers that be. In any case, BHM told me that Katie Holmes is actually carrying the frozen sperm of Scientology leader L. Ron Hubbard. I don't know if this is true, but I feel compelled to report this piece of celebrity gossip.

It was a Full House

I am posting this from location in York, Pa, where I am in town for a wedding. After the wedding we all went back to the Yorktowne hotel where I capped off the evening with Bob Saget who was also in town for a gig. I actually had to call my mother to tell me to pick me up later than planned because I was hanging out with Bob. I never thought I'd ever utter to a parent, "Can you pick me up at 12:30 cause I'm in the middle of something with Bob Saget," and then say to Bob Saget, "We need to wrap this up because my mom is coming to pick me up." In any case, Bob told me a juicy story about Bungalow 8, that Jew jokes in York bomb, that Jon Stamos is the most fabulous man on the planet and that Naomi Watts is a witch. I kind of love Bob Saget now. He's sexier than Liev Schreiber and is my new favorite celebrity.

Intelligent Design Update: Dover Update

New York Magazine has a piece written by Kurt Anderson this week entitled "Why Intelligent Design Must be Stopped. You can read it here.

Because I was born and raised in York County, I have a special interest in this political topic. What I am about to say will sound mean and snobby and perhaps vengeful, but growing up in York County, I was once called a "stupid Jew" by a student who attended Dover Area High School. Although this was scary and hurtful, I questioned the education that these kids were receiving at Dover Area School District and the values of their parents. I attended a school that was known as the "snob school" While not that diverse, my school district encouraged kids to attend college and attempted to keep religion out of the classroom. While I fully agree with everything that Anderson is stating, I would like to add something that most press coverage does not mention. Dover is full of hicks and the fact that these uneducated airbags are getting so much press coverage is upsetting to others in the county. So, I'm a Jew and an Evolutionist and believe it or not, I'm from York, PA.

Rosemary's Baby?

The Squid and the Whale

For those of you who are big Jeff Daniels fans and whose parent's divorce fucked you up in the 80's, run dont' walk to see The Squid and The Whale. So far, this is the best movie I've seen this year.

Wedding Update

I just went to a wedding this past weekend in Nowhere, Ohio. Again, I was not invited with a date but I shared expenses with a friend which made attendance somewhat feasible. In any case, I created a new strategy of attending weddings alone that make the time more fun and pleasant, especially when you really don't know anyone else there.

Steal someone else's date. I tried this tactic and it definitely added more fun to the event. I treated my pretend date as I would any other man in my command and for some reason this guy totally obliged to my requests. He escorted from my car to the church with an umbrella, he sat with me the table when I didn't want to dance while his real date danced with her friends, he got me drinks at the bar and he even saved the plant I had carry as I almost dropped it in the parking lot. At the airport, he even hugged me goodbye. The best part is that his real date didn't even seem to care. I hope I see him again although his name has already slipped my mind.

A New Leash On Life

A reader complained that I've been spending too much time on this blog posting photos of my cat and sharing lame celebrity gossip. He's right, but I have an excuse. I am making some major life changes and decisions now that will be leading me towards the scary world of adulthood. I can't reveal what these are, but soon you will all find out and I will have much more to discuss than my my cat and Katie Holmes. I know you all love a mystery.

Friday Catblog by MJ Cat

Most people don't know that I am a devout "Catlic" so I am praying that my person's trip to Ohio this weekend is safe and that nothing scary happens on the New York City transit system!

Gentiles Don't Eat Dessert Podcast

Listen as Rachel serves chopped liver to two Jews who can't stand it and four Gentiles who can't get enough.

Other shocking revelations in tonight's Rosh Hashanah podcast include...

• What celebs will be inscribed in the book of life this year?

• The secret recipe for Temple Chicken.

• Todd can speak Hebrew, but then again, so can Wyndham.

• The strange connection to Macho Man and Xanadu.

• and for the first time anywhere - Olivia Newton John exclusive audio commentary.


Click the picture to hear it or use iTunes' new podcast feature to subscribe to all the podcasts (just search for Beware of the Babylon and subscribe).

Whirlwind of Gossip: Keanu Reeves and Diane Keaton?

I've had such an overflow of celebrity gossip in the past two days that my mind is spinning. I don't know what is true or false or just plain crazy.

1. Katie Holmes is pregnant and Tom Cruise is the father. Are her very strict Catholic parents upset?
2. Nick and Jessica are over. Nick is kind of sexy and he can do better.
3. Keanu Reeves is dating Diane Keaton. I wonder if he's more than just a snack to her or if she's trying to capitalize on Demi's recent wedding.
4. Lindsay Lohan was in another car crash.

If I'm missing anything else, please let me know.

Breaking News: Tom and Katie Expecting?

Oh my god! Katie Holmes is pregnant with the baby of Tom Cruise and this has been confirmed. I'm too shocked to say or write anything else today.

Happy New Year!

My spirituality is very fickle, but I love this time of the Jewish New Year where I can attempt to wash away my sins, whip up some chopped liver and take a day off of work!