Emmy Post Show

The past couple of days have been very surreal. After a Saturday night filled with liquor and lust, I attended a very long and bad matinee peformance of Fiddler on the Roof starring Rosie O'Donnell and Harvey Fierstein. Fiddler on the Roof has always been one of my least favorite musicals. I also am not a big fan of Schindler's List. In any case, afterwards, Todd and I had this bizarre photo shoot at Sardi's and I ate so much salt I probably look as bloated at Patricia Arquette did last night at in that ill-fitting white dress she wore to the Emmy's. After the photo shoot, I rushed home to watch the Emmy's and as I turned on the channel, thought I was hallucinating that Donald Trump was wearing overalls and singing the Green Acres theme song with Megan Mullally. I had to go to bed early so I only watched a short amount of post-Emmy coverage and I swear that Trump told that Guiliana the Panda woman on E! that he was going home to "make love" to Melania. Then, Patricia Arquette came in for an interview and she seemed either highly medicated or drunk and made a comment about how Hollywood people find TV people inferior. Then Sela Ward came on covered in feathers and was talking in an inflated Southern accent like she just downed a bottle of Wild Turkey. At this point my own Velvet Hammer kicked in and I'm not sure what is real or what I dreamed or if he's ever going to call me again.