Friday Catblog by MJ Cat: Ambien

This week, MJ Cat stars in the short film entitled "Ambien." As you will see he is a method actor.

Click here to see the film!

The Baby Mama Podcast

This week's Beware of the Babylon goes out to all our baby mamas.

Other bold statements include:

• Creationists need to keep it in their pants.

• Shania don't impress us much.

• Jim Croce may be alright after all.

• Pit-stains rock Rachel's world.

Plus, don't miss this week's exciting new feature: SHE'S A LADY!

Click here to hear it or use ITunes' new podcast feature to subscribe to all the podcasts.

The Great Panda Trial

In my new favorite blog yorkblog.com, resident columnist Mike Argento examines the Intelligent Design trial going on in Harrisburg, PA. For those of you not following this debate, Dover School District in York, PA wants to incorporate the textbook "Of Pandas and Men" which refutes Darwin's theories on evolution. Argento discusses the testimony of a science teach who had to quit teaching due to the debate. If Intelligent Design is approved to be taught in public school science classes, Argento asks:

You start questioning your decision to dedicate your life to this school. What’s next? Will the school board ask you to start teaching that gravity is merely a theory and that you have to balance that theory with the belief that gravity is God’s way of saying you’ve had too much tequila? Will the school board start telling history teachers that because some believe the Holocaudidn'tidn’t happen, that they’ll have to balance their instruction thusly? Will the school board demand that English teachers begin teaching kids that the plural of “you” is “youse”?

It's all in the Gravy

Every once in awhile someone gives me a fabulous easy-to-make recipe that I must share with my readers. Here is one for Chicken Marsala. I don't have the measurements, so use your judgement.

Ingredients:
Boneless thin chicken breasts salted
Fresh Pepper
Mushrooms
Marsala Wine
Fresh Parsley
Garlic-flavored Pam
Can of Franco American Beef Gravy

Brown the chicken in the Pam. Set aside. Brown the mushrooms in some more Pam and add some parsley. (I love parsley so I add it to everything.)Pour in a small amount of Marsala wine and stir it in to the mushrooms. Then add enough Franco American gravy until it thickens. (I added 1/2 small can). Serve with noodles or pasta and garnish with fresh parsley. (I also add fresh pepper to everything.)

The Blog Everyone is Talking About!

York, PA has finally launched a blog called Yorkblog.com. From high school football to the denial of Darwin to managing livestock, this blog makes Gawker look like yesterday's news.

Friday Catblog by MJ Cat

I'm slightly hungover from a catnip binge last night, so I'm taking a break from starring in any films this week. I just hope my behavior doesn't get me fired from any of my spokescat deals!

I Do Not Sniff the Coke: Kate Moss Update

In light of the recent downfall of supermodel Kate Moss, I would like to make the following comments. For those of you living in a cave, Moss was caught sniffing cocaine and had the photos splashed all over the tabloids. As a result she's lost multi-million dollar contracts with H&M and Chanel. I do not do any illegal drugs, but I want to say that I do prefer that my favorite models do for the following reasons:

1. The drug use of models allows me to understand how they stay thin and validates that I will never be that thin since I can't afford cocaine and am afraid of messing around illegal addictive substances.
2. When I shop at a store that's clothing is promoted by Moss or any coked-up model, I feel better when I might have to buy a size larger than I think I am due to the fact that I know that Moss is coked up and therefore, can fit into very small European sizes.
3. Coked up models are the ideal candidates to promote cosmetics as one of my biggest challenges is covering up blotchy skin and dark under-eye circles. Because drug use can contribute to these complexion issues, supermodels are the perfect spokeswomen to promote these types of products.

Green Acres Is Not the Place to Be

I've heard the most startling news over the past 24 hours. A new trend which I will now call "Green Acreing" is arising among thirty-something single women where they leave their fabulos urban lifestyle, move to the country and make hay with the man they love.

-A successful New York woman who has toiled away at JP Morgan for 13 years is leaving her luxurious lifestyle and beautiful apartment to take up with a hay farmer in Oregon. The closest Wal Mart is over an hour away and they have to take an airplane to get groceries.
-I heard the Park Avenue daughter of a successful New York City physician has taken up with a truck driver and she is very happy. I never have met a truck driver in my life or considered dating one.
-A trust-fund pretty girl married a high school science teacher, moved to the midwest and is now divorced.

I dated the son of a dairy farmer in high school and let me tell you, a girl can get badly bitten rolling around in a corn field.

A tit for a tit! Tyra Banks Show Update!

I cannot wait to go home and watch the Tyra Banks Show All About Breasts show tonight!

Tyra puts a decisive end to the rumors about her breasts with an on-air sonogram. Plus, Tyra gives real women bra makeovers, and tells one young woman she’ll finally get the life-changing surgery she needs to boost her self-esteem. And blonde bombshell Anna Nicole Smith and “Desperate Housewives” star Ricardo Chavira, a spokesman for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, stop by to talk about these celebrated womanly assets. And check out the latest in bust-enhancing lingerie with a Victoria’s Secret fashion show.

In honor of Tyra's Tit Day, I will reveal that mine are real and that they are spectacular.

Emmy Post Show

The past couple of days have been very surreal. After a Saturday night filled with liquor and lust, I attended a very long and bad matinee peformance of Fiddler on the Roof starring Rosie O'Donnell and Harvey Fierstein. Fiddler on the Roof has always been one of my least favorite musicals. I also am not a big fan of Schindler's List. In any case, afterwards, Todd and I had this bizarre photo shoot at Sardi's and I ate so much salt I probably look as bloated at Patricia Arquette did last night at in that ill-fitting white dress she wore to the Emmy's. After the photo shoot, I rushed home to watch the Emmy's and as I turned on the channel, thought I was hallucinating that Donald Trump was wearing overalls and singing the Green Acres theme song with Megan Mullally. I had to go to bed early so I only watched a short amount of post-Emmy coverage and I swear that Trump told that Guiliana the Panda woman on E! that he was going home to "make love" to Melania. Then, Patricia Arquette came in for an interview and she seemed either highly medicated or drunk and made a comment about how Hollywood people find TV people inferior. Then Sela Ward came on covered in feathers and was talking in an inflated Southern accent like she just downed a bottle of Wild Turkey. At this point my own Velvet Hammer kicked in and I'm not sure what is real or what I dreamed or if he's ever going to call me again.

The Riding the Bus With My Fiddler Podcast

Podcasting may be in the 14th minute, but we're gonna spend that damn last minute in style:

- a post-theatre photo shoot at Sardi's

- a full recap of Rosie O'Donnell's broadway Mitzvah

- Ipod Nano: A Sex Toy

- A British Invasion

- Basic Instinct - for the blind

It's all just too too exciting. Click the photo to download or listen.

Friday Catblog Starring MJ Cat

This is the final film in the MJ Cat Trilogy. Please enjoy Cat in Babylon and be sure to dontate to the Red Cross or the Salvation Army to support the victims of the Hurricane Katrina.

Watch the movie here.

RenKen Over!

Back in May I reported on what I felt was the Zellweger/Chesney marriage conspiracy. Today the couple announced that they are having their marriage annulled. So, in the time period that I've had one dish waiting to be washed in the sink, Rene Zellweger has lost forty pounds, met her husband, married him for four months and now is having the marriage annulled. Perhaps the stagnancy of my life isn't so bad after all.

Evolution Schmevolution

Last night the Daily Show finally covered the "intelligent design" debate occurring in Dover Area School District. Although I am from York, I did not attend Dover schools or did not associate with anyone who did. Being a Jew, I wasn't really part of the Creationist crowd during my formative years.

The Daily Show segment entitled titled "Evolution Schmevolution," asked "should your child's curriculum really be decided by experts in their respective fields?" Then they visited the Bronx Zoo and Dayton, Tennessee-site of the Scope Monkey Trials. It's too bad they didn't go to York. I promise to do my impression of a York/Dover accent on the next podcast.

I Want You in My House

It's been a long time since I've had a celebrity crush, but I'm totally hot for Hugh Laurie the star of the Fox TV show House. For those who haven't watched the show, the plot centers around an anti-social doctor who solves mysterious diseases with little bedside manner. He is also addicted to pain killers and walks with a limp due to some problem I haven't identified yet. When I was in college, I had this crush on this guy named Bruce King who was always unshaven and walked with a limp. My friends thought it was crazy that I loved Bruce so much. One time, I slept over in his room on his couch and ended up with a terrible case of noisy and smelly gas. When he woke up, he asked me without any sort of hesitation if there was anything he could do to help me with my "stomach situation." Needless to say, I was humiliated and embarrassed to pursue him any further.

Tyra Banks is One Crazy Bitch

As many of my personal friends know, Tyra Banks was unknowingly responsible for the demise of a brief romantic fling I had two years ago. I any case, it doesn't seem that Tyra is going to become the new Oprah. If you haven't seen this site or watched the show, don't miss it.

My Fantasy Football Team

All of my friends are participating in something called "Fantasy Football." There is this very cute guy who sits in the office across from me so I am trying to impress him by assembling my dream football team although I know nothing about Pro Football except players who might have appeared on the Love Boat or in a national commercial. Here's my dream team!

Tony Dorsett
Danny Marino
Mean Joe Green
Dick Butkus
Dave Rimington
William "the Refrigerator" Perry
Jason Seahorn
Joe Namath
Alge Crumpler
Alex Karras
Jim Marshall
Antwaan Randle El
Mike Ditka
Walter Payton
Lynn Swan
Fran Tarketon

The Washington Square Potcast

Rachel and Todd turn 21 on this podcast and you will learn...

- how to imagine no bush

- what every woman is reading

- what irks Todd and Rachel

- why babies should stay clear of Rachel's mom's dog

- beware of the band geek sucking on reeds


If you haven't already done it...
click here to subscribe to the podcast on ITUNES.

Or if you just want to hear it from here...
click here to download the podcast and listen.

Friday Cat Blog: Starring MJ Cat

Please enjoy the second part of the film trilogy starring MJ Cat. This week he stars in the acclaimed very short film Catnip Dreams.

Also, check the sidebar to enter the Beware of the Babylon Film festival with your own very very short "movie."

I Want To Talk To You

One of the things that upsets me the most in this world is when someone leaves a voicemail stating in a serious voice, "I want to talk to you." This kind of cryptic message is never good and it usually means that I don't want to talk to the person who left the message especially when I can't even figure out what they could want to talk to me about that could be confrontational. I just received such a message from a friend who told me to call her back and so, I called her back and she said that she couldn't talk. So, I asked her what she wanted to talk to me about and she sounded like she wanted to have some kind of serious conversation and said, "This is not something I want to say and then hang up." If you read this blog, don't ever do this to me as this is the kind of thing that makes me neurotic and paranoid.

10 Years Younger

Tonight I'm having dinner with my friend Mark Montano, the famous host of 10 Years Younger and a designer on While You Were Out. If you watch these shows, you can experience why I love Mark so much as a friend! If you don't watch, be sure to check him out on TLC. He is the only man that I ever met who ever actually made a sofa!

Goodbye, Little Buddy

I was sad to hear that Bob Denver, star of Gilligan's Island passed away today at the age of 70.

NBC Doesn't Care About Kanye West

If you haven't read or witnessed one of the most exciting, hilarious and surprising moments of television history, the Washington Post has a transcript of the scripted versus unscripted banter between Myers and West which took place during NBC's live hurricane relief concert on Friday night. Despite watching Kanye West ad lib while Mike Myers tried to stay composed and not laugh, I think my favorite part was when the camera ripped away from West and went to a very startled Chris Tucker standing by a refrigerator. Luckily, I taped the concert so I could watch the clip over and over again all weekend. I feel guilty for laughing my ass off during what was supposed to be a serious and bleak television program, but I found myself more entertained than I was for the Jerry Lewis telethon on Labor Day.

Catblog Friday: Starring MJ Cat

This week mark's the the first film of a triology I starred in over the past week. The first in the series, is a short film entitled Birds of Morton Street. The next two segments of the series will debut on this site over te next couple of weeks.

Also, please check out my friend Thor's cat movie site which also features me!

Hurricane Katrina

Today, I'd like to express my thoughts and prayers for those suffering from Hurricane Katrina.