Thursday, June 07, 2007

Today has been a total blur. I've been feeling so numb all day and I'm trying to pack to go to Los Angeles for a memorial service for my friend Teeks who passed away this week. I spoke to some of his friends today and everyone is in a state of shock and surprise. I'm going through what some professionals define as depersonalizaton. I'm scared to get on the plane tomorrow because then it will all be real. It's been a week since I last spoke to Teeks and began to worry that something was wrong when I didn't hear from him over the weekend. I keep thinking that I'm going to hear his special ringtone on my cell but I'm coming to terms that I'll never hear from or see him again. It's a strange experience when one expects the worst and then actually faces it. I keep going through our last conversation last Thursday night and I want to remember everything we said but I can't. I know we spoke for over an hour and I had to hang up because it was getting so late and I had to get up early. But, recently we talked about how happy that we were in each other's lives and how we were going to be friends forever. I didn't know forever was only going to be for a few days more.

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