The Jewel of the Village

Gawker has this funny series where some guy speaks to himself in the not so recent past. Today, the guy spoke to his former self about The Jewel Theater aka 100 Third Avenue. As my close friends know, I once lived above the Jewel. Here is an account of my time there from this blog.

Many of you might remember during the late 90's, I lived in an illegal apartment above a gay porn theater on lower third avenue. My roommates included a despotic skirt-wearing Iranian and his caffeine-addicted girlfriend, a Japanese guy named Aki who had a well-known acoustic act at the Sidewalk Cafe, a photo student from Cooper Union named Joanna and Melissa, an eccentric girl who lived in the back room we called the "Anne Frank Suite." While I would be sitting in my room quietly watching Fashion Emergency, Jo and Melissa were having a secret affair breaking up the entire fabric of our dysfunctional family. The affair even inspired the song "Joanna" recorded by the late great band The Cogs. Jo was forced to move out of the apartment by her controlling boyfriend in the middle of the night after he learned she was "licking ditches" with the crazy girl from the Anne Frank Suite. She skipped out on the rent and left the apartment in the middle of the night. I've lost touch with all these people but I did get an email from Melissa informing me of her current whereabouts via this interview on Gothamist. She's now driving a cab. Read the interview here. Now, I wish I knew what happened to Aki. He was a nice guy.

I left out the part where I actually had to use the Jewel bathroom after the skank owner decided to remodel ours and removed my toilet for a few weeks. So, I spent more time in the Jewel than you can imagine. The Gawker article paints even a seedier picture of what was going on upstairs. Oh, how I miss Clinton the 90's. Be sure to read about it here.

Happy Birthday, Todd!

You're officially in a new checkbox! Enjoy your special day! We might be getting older, but we're still young at heart! I love you!

Thoth

During the last difficult time of my life after 9/11, I waitressed at the Risotteria. My favorite customer was a gentle man with a Prince-like vibe who came in often with his mother. He always chatted with me and left me a very nice tip. After some time I realized that my favorite customer was the subject of the thg 2002 Oscar-winning documentary Thoth. I looked forward to his visits and hearing about his performance art. Tonight, however, I was very sad to see Thoth getting buzzed off of America's Got Talent. Who made him do that? It was beneath Thoth to put himself on this modern-day Gong Show to be judged by David Hasselhoff. Poor Thoth.

Aruba Day

I've been thinking of all the great times I had recently as I try to meditate myself back into a state of happiness and reality. One of those very special days was spending Aruba Day in March with ANP and her sister VP. Sometimes the best times happen with just good friends, store-bought cake, cheap beer and a bright sunny day. Call your friends and tell them that you love them today! Try to make each day your own Aruba Day!

Ravolta

When I was very very young, I had my first celebrity crush on "John Ravolta" as I used to call him. Back in his Saturday Night Fever, Travolta was hot. Now, he's a gay scientologist in a wig. I guess my taste in men has always been iffy.

Emotional Composition

I know that it's bugging everyone that I know that I'm still in state of shock and despair over the death Tim. I've learned that grief is not something that magically goes away in a couple of weeks, and I'm really only in the raw stages of feeling the loss of someone who was part of my life every single day. I'm a pretty strong woman but I need my friends to accept that I am not quite myself right now, but I hope they can still go on being my friends even when I'm not so sunny. I don't want my friends to be afraid to speak to me or ignore me, and I accept that some of them are just more emotionally equipped to provide the certain kind of support I need right now. So, please don't treat me like I don't exist. I feel dead as it is right now.

I'm the Smartest, So There!

Despite popular belief among York Suburban alumni and faculty, standardized test scores and our parents, I am most likely smarter than my younger sister according to new scientific studies.

"This is a beautiful study that should put an end to an unnecessarily heated debate over intelligence and birth order," he said. "If you were raised as the first born, you will most likely have a higher IQ -- end of story. Now we should focus effort on finding what this means."

So, eat that, Ellen.

To read the study, click here.

Hillary for President!

This presidential campaign ad featuring Hillary Clinton spoofing the Sopranos finale is brilliant. So, aside from about to announce her "song," Hillary is really telling us that like Tony Soprano, she is one tough broad who knows where the bodies are buried. In my opinion, I want our next president to know all the dirty little White House secrets and I guarantee Hillary and Bill know a lot of scary shit. So, all you Hillary haters out there, would you rather have a president who knows NOTHING or someone who knows stuff we don't even want to know about. Information is power. Plus, I miss Bill.

Death of a Salesman

As you know, the past couple of weeks have been very difficult for me. One of the side effects of grief, is that one loses tolerance for asshats (my new favorite word courtesy of ANP). Today, I dealt with the worst kind of asshat which is the self-entitled pushy salesman. I've been transitioning into a new job and part of my job is business development which means having to take the calls of sales people. I'm the kind of person who always returns a call and if I can't talk to you, will set expectations for when I can.

When I came back to the office, I received numerous emails from a salesman freaking out that the person whose job I am assuming had left the company. I responded that I was aware of his product, that I was in transition and had been out of the office due to an emergency and that I would get back to him when I fully assumed the role and was up to speed. I told him I had been out of the office and couldn't provide him any proper attention now.

Tip One: If you are selling someone something, listen to her about when she says she'll respond. If she can't respond now, barraging her with emails and phone calls is not such a great sales tactic as she doesn't have the attention or information to listen to you pitch.

He did not like this and said that his project had already received "verbal agreement" and then listed a bunch of people I already work with and know. I asked them about this agreement, and they all said that they had not agreed to anything.

Tip Two: Don't lie to me and take advantage of my lack of experience in my new role. This is not a good way to start a relationship.

I wrote in my calendar to respond to this person next week. Today, I went into the office. Last night was the first night I've been able to go to bed before four and I felt slightly more composed as I entered the office. I checked my voicemail and my boss's boss forwarded me a voicemail from the saleperson's boss stating that I haven't responded to him making me look irresponsible and careless. Needless to say, this pissed me off and started off any kind of ongoing working relationship I had with this company on the wrong foot. I don't appreciate unwarranted tattling and I don't like working with trashy salesman. I like to work with companies that are intuitive, smart and thoughtful and don't appreciate those who try to make me like I'm not doing my job when I have already responded to you and set expectations.

Tip Three: Don't fucking call up the chain to get your way because one day when I have full say (and I will because I'm young and ambitious), I will NEVER fucking take you or your minions calls ever again)

So, although my boss's boss understand my situation, I'm still pissed at this company. If you are in the field of sales, don't behave like an asshat or I guarantee your numbers will be down and your reputation irreversibly tarnished.

Raise Your Hands to Happiness

I've been experiencing a whirlwind of emotions the past few days. Dealing with sudden grief is such a confusing and complicated process. I know I won't be totally myself for awhile but tonight, I'm thinking about how insanely happy I've been in 2007. Frankly, since the New Year, I've been having one hell of a time hanging out with friends, meeting new people and totally getting my groove on. During these intense times of confusion and sadness, I'm trying to celebrate the fact that I am young, vibrant and loved by my friends and family. I look forward to spending more time with all of you very very soon!

Tim "blowing hard."

I returned home after a very tough and strange few days saying goodbye to my beloved Timothy in LA. I was deeply moved sharing stories about Tim with his friends and family. He deeply impacted people's lives in ways that we will all never forget him. As one of his friends said, he was "too cool to be forgotten." I will always love and miss him. He taught me I have great capacity to care for and love someone without judgement. I would also like to send my love to all my friends who have provided me a shoulder to cry on or listening to me talk the past week. I wouldn't be able to get through this very sad and shocking time without your friendship and support. Wherever he is, I know Tim thanks you for watching out for me.

Today has been a total blur. I've been feeling so numb all day and I'm trying to pack to go to Los Angeles for a memorial service for my friend Teeks who passed away this week. I spoke to some of his friends today and everyone is in a state of shock and surprise. I'm going through what some professionals define as depersonalizaton. I'm scared to get on the plane tomorrow because then it will all be real. It's been a week since I last spoke to Teeks and began to worry that something was wrong when I didn't hear from him over the weekend. I keep thinking that I'm going to hear his special ringtone on my cell but I'm coming to terms that I'll never hear from or see him again. It's a strange experience when one expects the worst and then actually faces it. I keep going through our last conversation last Thursday night and I want to remember everything we said but I can't. I know we spoke for over an hour and I had to hang up because it was getting so late and I had to get up early. But, recently we talked about how happy that we were in each other's lives and how we were going to be friends forever. I didn't know forever was only going to be for a few days more.

My dear friend Teeks that I wrote about in this blog was found dead in his apartment this week. I am in shock and there is so much I want to write and say and have explained and I can't. I just want him to call me. I want him to come back. I want him to tell me a story. I want him to tell me to get over myself. I want him to kiss me on the top of my head. I want to hear his laugh. I want to cry and I can't. I will not be writing the next few days. I need to grieve.

I Love Posh!

I know that Victoria Beckham aka Posh Spice is an ano-no-soul-alien-talentless-tacky stick figure, but I love her. She was always my favorite Spice Girl and her husband David Beckham is pretty hot. If I was an ano talentless celebrity, this is exactly how I'd dress and like Posh, I wouldn't care if every tabloid said I looked like a prostitute in this outfit. I'm not joking. I am confessing my love for Posh with all sincerity and with all my commoner heart. Posh Spice is my new favorite fashion icon.

Xanadu The Musical. Seriously.

This afternoon, I joined Todd and our cohorts Ann and Craig to see a preview of the new Broadway musical Xanadu. While you might think this is just a campy remake of the convoluted 1980 cult classic starring Olivia Newton John and Gene Kelley, this musical actually contains some serious subtext. A satire about the decline of the American Musical Theater, Xanadu was ridiculous, extremely entertaining, campy, genius and funnier than anything I've seen on SNL in the past ten years. Not just "children's theater for 40 year old gay men", Xanadu the Musical is a commentary on both the "jukebox musical" and the lame movie-to-Broadway trend which has been denigrating the white way for years.

Surprise!

Last night I attended a fabulous surprise party for my good pal Chris. As you can see, we had a blast and Chris was extremely surprised. Chris is always asking to be written about on the blog, so this post is a special gift this to you, buddy! You're a great person and loved by all of your friends. The photo above is all of us excited to surprise you before you arrived! Happy Birthday!

There's a Place Where Nobody Dares to Go!

It's official. I'm going to see Xanadu the Musical on Sunday! Eat your hearts out!