Greatest Babylon TV Moments

As the TV season begins to pick up after the long WGA strike, I'd like to celebrate by listing some of my personal favorite TV moments from the past.

1. Kimberly's Wig Out on Melrose Place

Still sends a chill through my spine after all this time.
2. Daisy's Gratitude on Rock of Love 2

This is a recent entry, but Daisy's reaction to Brett choosing her despite all her skanks secrets confirms why I am still single.
3. We Are a Family from NBC 60th Anniversary Special

This never gets old.

Spring Break

I'm not at Spring Break, but I've decided to do some Spring Cleaning. I've rented a small storage unit as a first step in cleaning my apartment and I've purchased some new furniture. I'm nesting now which is either a good thing or a scary thing.

Singulair Kills!

So, if I'm feeling down and lonely and acting like there is no tomorrow, blame it on Singulair which I take on a daily basis. This allergy/asthma drugs has been linked with suicide deaths.

Losing My Edge

There comes a time in your life when one day you wake up and all the things that you may have considered cheeseball for the last twenty years of your hip young adult life suddenly become cute or sentimental. You can still appreciate the edgier side of culture, but I think as we get older and closer to death, we subconsciously begin to embrace the softer easier side of life. Here are some things that a mere five years ago I would have laughed at, but now I proudly enjoy without shame:

1. Beauty and Beast as sung by Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson. I heard this today while getting my lunch at a deli and finally fell into the magic of that song. Actually, I kind of like Celine Dion now too and tear up when I hear "My Heart Will Go On" from Titanic.
2. Cats-As you all know, I love MJ Cat and are about to celebrate our 5th year together. There is nothing cuter than a little kitty purring in your face.
3. Jason Castro-Even a year ago, I would have made fun of poor American Idol contestant Castro. Now, however, I've fallen under the spell of his charming songs and dreadlocks as if he's my friend's talented son.

4.

What Comes First?

I was contemplating which order one should focus one's life out of the three choices:

1. Self
2. Work
3. Family


Discuss.

LOL BRB CU L8TR

I'm old and cranky and I hate text messages and prefer you call me via landline than text me. Tonight me, Wyndham and Jimmy all tried to decipher random text messages and I realized that we are just too old for text. It's like watching your mother struggle with Digital Cable or a Tivo. I especially the hate the following types of text messages:

1. I hate when people text to make last-minute plans or any plans for that matter. Call me. It's more effective and wastes less time.
2. I hate when I call someone and instead of calling me back, the person texts me. Texting does not count as a conversation.
3. I hate text booty calls. I'm sleeping and usually miss them.
4. I hate when someone I have interest in texts me to tell me that his girlfriend is in town.
5. I hate when I host a party and send an invitation and the person RSVPs via text.

The Rock Hard Spitzer Podcast

We're live on tape from Rockefeller Center
in midtown Manhattan with a brand
VERY SPECIAL EPISODE
of BEWARE OF THE BABYLON

Whored out topics include...

* The good, the bad and the ugly post-Eliot Spitzer commentary. Mostly ugly though.

* Exclusive News Report unveils prostitution ring clients 1 through 8.

* Who the hell is Ryan Eagle?

* St. Patrick's Day ass-hat interruptions.

* Uncut candid commentary on passer-bys.

* The true story of our crazy download statistics.

As alway, this and every BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes here.

Or listen to our show at the office, when you should really be working....


powered by WHORES

Photos that Make Me Feel Old

Eric Nies from Season 1 NYC of the Real World

Photos of REM.

No One is to Blame

Me and 80s Pop Singer Howard Jones.

Head to Service

Tonight after work, the wonderful colorist David Stanko made me RFB (Really Fuckin' Blonde) which is my new favorite term to describe haircolor. I'm giving him a shout out because I am blondorexic and happy with my results. Anyway, his salon is located in the same building as my beloved gyno which in the future can make my life so much easier. As my friends know, I have a secret crush on my gyno and having RFB hair will provide me with the excuse to visit that building more than once a year with the hope of running into my Dr. on a more frequent basis.

Irresponsible Monday

So, today I was photographed with my colleagues to be featured in the April issue of Response Magazine. Because I spent all afternoon in hair and makeup, I missed the breaking of the Spitzer story which has me all wound up. So, after work, I went to the gym and caught up on the scandal on the the elliptical trainer TV. Then, I decided to take a steam. As I go into the steam room, I realize that one of the two women in the room is openly masturbating. I have to tell you, I didn't know what to do so I just sat there and closed my eyes and prayed for her to realize she wasn't alone and leave. Instead, she starts moaning. Finally, she leaves but I don't want to look at her and I keep sitting there pretending it didn't happen. When I realized she moved her show into the sauna, I ran out and changed my clothes and went to speak to the manager who responded, "Well, that kind of stuff usually happens in the men's locker room. That's why we had to lock up the men's whirpool." New York is a den of sin.

Flavor of Rock of Love of NYCBABYLON!

When I can't sleep, I watch bad vh1 Celebreality, especially Flavor of Love with Flava Flav and Rock of Love with Brett Michaels. I find it fascinating that women are competing to get with these two washed up unappetizing has beens. Yet, the women are really trashy themselves. Anyway, my favorite part of the shows are the "competitions" where the hos compete in ridiculous challenges to "win" dates with the guys. For example, Brett had women so far compete in a peep booth showdown and a USO talent show. So, I decided, if I ever have my own reality show where men compete to get with me, here are the challenges:

1. Clean my Apartment Challenge-The man who does the best job cleaning my apartment without complaining gets a date with me. This is a big challenge cause my place is not neat.
2. Teach Max a new trick-The man who can teach MJ Cat a worthwhile cat trick with the least amount of scratches wins!
3. Cook in my Kitchen-The man who make the tastiest gourmet meal using my existing pantry in my tiny kitchen wins a date!
4. Hair and Makeup Challenge-The man who can do my hair and makeup in the morning and who proves to be heterosexual wins!
5. BAFTA Awardschallenge-I will take all the men to the BAFTA East Coast Awards party and the man who complains the least wins a one on one with me!
6. Poetry Challenge-The first man to get a poem about me published in a respectable literary publication wins some alone time!
7. Karaoke Talent Show-I will take all my himbos to Sing Sing and the man who performs the best version of a Phil Collins song of his choice gets a private room with me.