Monday, July 30, 2007

Consolation Shoes

ANP was pissed at a guy who disappeared on her for a few days and to make it up to her, she suggested that he buy her a pony or a couple of dresses and it seems he agreed. Well, I've been stood up, abandonded and left behind by the dead, and I fucking want these Christian Louboutin fishnet boots. They are available at Bergdorf Goodman. I'm having a crappy depressing summer and these would perk up my fall. My birthday is next month. I wear a size 38. Plus, imagine how hot I'll look in these riding my pony?

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

What is the Meaning of Life?

Can someone help me explain what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing other than working, hanging out with Max and craving red meat?

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The Harry Podcast

Put down the Harry Potter book and
download the exciting new podcast from

* High anxiety hits New York. Again.

* What's with the new Harry Potter book exactly?

* How to sleep your way to the top. starting with the job interview.

* Todd and Rachel actually agree on a song they both like right now.

* What exactly did Joanie love about Chachi?

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes.

OR, just listen right here and now with the audio player below...

play it here, sucka

Thursday, July 19, 2007

El Cantante Review

Tonight, I saw a screening of the new biopic El Cantante starring Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony about salsa pioneer Hector Lavoe. This film has been one of my most anticipated summer releases as I have a fascination with Marc Anthony, the music and the dark tragic story of Lavoe.
Yet, I can't begin to express how awful and cheesy this movie turned out to be. JLO is a terrible actress and the script was downright amateur. The story of Lavoe's life was framed with these awful painful monologues JLo performs as Lavoe's wife Puchia. JLo's performance reminded me of having to sit through the awful acting encountered in a high school drama class. I don't know if she is a worse actress or singer. I think I might enjoy her singing more. Love Don't Cost a Thing is a pretty good song. Oh, and she is very pretty.
The film is full of flashbacks of scenes that already occurred earlier in the film to show the characters' emotional state. This doesn't work. I never figured out what drove Lavoe or his wife into drugs and despair. I hate the flashback tactic. It's a cop out and I prefer to see some actual acting rather than cheap visual narrative tricks. Show me in the actor's face how he's feeling and not through flashback scenes of shit I already saw fifteen minutes ago. Also, slow motion was used repeatedly to highlight a "very dramatic" situations. I almost walked out but was so in awe of how bad this film turned out to be, I stayed until the very end.
The only thing about the film I liked was Marc Anthony who is an amazing performer and actually really looks like a heroin junkie alcoholic with AIDS. The musical numbers are fantastic. With a different script, no JLo and a talented director this could have been a fantastic movie.
Selena + Gigli = El Cantante

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Val is a Manwich

Val Kilmer used to be one of the hottest men in Hollywood. He was even hot in that crazy movie where he played a blind man who made Mira Sorvino cry when he gave her a massage. He was hot in the Doors. Hell, he was hot as Batman and Top Gun. But, now, Kilmer has lost his boyish figure and people like Perez are making fun of him. You must click on this if you haven't seen the current Kilmer.

This is a message to Val. I'm lonely and I'd still date you. You seem like you enjoy going out to dinner and I need some fun. Even in your current state, you're still hotter than guys like Zach Braff. Call me.

Just Say No

I have certain "friends" who sometimes call me and demand me to perform tasks for them or provide them with information on demand. I have one person who demanded I get one of his clients booked for a paid speaking engagement at my company. When I said I couldn't help him because that is so out of my realm at such a large company, he insulted me by stating, "I thought you were very important. I guess that's a myth," and then he hung up on me. (If he hand't hung up on me, I would have continued to ask around.) I had another friend request the number of my hair colorist. She made an appointment with him, showed up late, insisted on seeing another colorist I didn't recommend and ended up freaking out at him and me when she didn't like her hair. This, of course, according to her was my fault and she still asks me if I have my hair done there and then critiques my hair in a negative way.(I was stupid and gave her the number for the guy who cuts my hair. She hated her haircut.) This same person called me today and demanded the phone number of another friend of mine to help her sell something and I said I was not comfortable handing out her phone number without asking her permission. This friend who requested the number was upset I wouldn't just provide the information immediately and hung up on me in a huff. (I still sent the information she needed.)

The thing , I'm always happy to help. I've helped four friends get new jobs this year. I've sent my hairdresser a lot of new clients. I've promoted products, movies or shows I like on this blog at the request of some publicists. I'll pick up your dry cleaning or walk your dog if you ask. I want to recommend you to the co-op board because I know what an awesome person and neighbor you are. I, however, can't just always say yes and perform magic and if you are a friend, I expect you trust my judgement and respect my boundaries.

Right now, as I go through this very slow and painful process called "grief," I've been thinking about and evaluating my personal relationships. While I have some friends that I may see or talk to more than others, I really value the people that my friends are and how much they mean to me. I see the goodness in their hearts and and respect their individuality. Some may be neurotic, be on tour, be super busy at work, have little kids or live far away, but I love them and know that they have my best interest at heart and I have theirs. I, however, do not have tolerance for those kind of "friends" who call me with demands and when I cannot deliver, they hang up on me. Hanging up on friends is simply unacceptable. When I used to get upset with myself for not being able to deliver these types of unreasonable requests, Teeks used to say, "That person is being unreasonable. That person is off the list." From the great beyond, I'm taking his advice and wisdom to heart.

Monday, July 16, 2007

She's Major

Tonight I watched the NBC special where Victoria Beckham aka Posh Spice was documented moving to Los Angeles. While this may sound like summer TV drivel, this special should actually be mandatory viewing for all M.B.A. students. The special was clearly a Beckham informercial introducing a new celebrity product to the nation.

While the Beckhams are wildly popular in Europe, middle America is really not that aware of the fabulousness that is Victoria. Forget David and his soccer gig, it's all about Posh. I work with so many number crunchers who supposedly understand marketing via their business degrees, but often, they get so get caught up the numbers, they miss the big idea. Right now the "big idea" in "celebrity" is clearly The Beckhams. While they already have their names on some jeans and some perfume, I expect the Beckhams to start licensing out their name to the masses soon. So, it might be difficult to sort of the immediate ROI of the Beckhams, but in a few months, the investment will pay off. We'll all want Victoria's hair, her sunglasses, her shoes, her home decor and her Bentley. Soon we'll be able to fake the Beckham lifestyle with cheap Beckham products available at Target, Kohls and J.C. Penny. I even vote Victoria to be the new host on The View.
See? I'm sold.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Rapper's Delight

There is the Gangsta' Rapper on my block who actually solicited me last night on my way to Grey Gardens. When I say solicited me, I mean he blatantly asked to get in my pants, dinner not included. The thing is, this dude is kind of hot. I think perhaps I've been targeting the wrong demographic. Perhaps I should give up silver foxes, hedge fund managers and Hollywood types and go Gangsta. I could be the next Coco.

Grey Gardens

Last night, I finally saw Grey Gardens the Musical. While the musical itself was not so great and the songs forgettable, Christine Ebersole's performance was amazing. The show closes 7/29 so I suggest you check it out.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

To Blog or Not to Blog

I apologize for not writing but I've been too sad and also sick with a summer cold. I am starting to feel more myself and will be able to post and podcast again soon. I've been struggling with what I want to write here going forward because I've found that many who know me personally are having difficulty taking me seriously and seeing me in real pain in my day-to-day life. Right now, my life is just not that funny or full of jokes. My real life is not this blog.

But, I still do know that life needs to be fun, and pointing out the ridiculous and hilarious can provide some distraction from the pain we all face at some point. We all need good laughs and debates about bad hair weaves, award shows, wrong romantic choices, TomKat, asshat coworkers and our pets.

So, I'm not sure if I'll ever be the same person I was, but I do know I'll somehow be better. The greatest comedy comes from the greatest pain.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Weave of the Week

This is Billy Bob Thorton's wig weave. What happened to growing old and bald with dignity?

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Dramatic Chipmunk Never Gets Old

I know we've all seen this a billion times by now, but for some reason, the Dramatic Chipmunk aka Prairie Dog continues to amaze me.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Paul Judelson is the New Tinsley Mortimer

One meaningless thing that has been bugging me for months is who in the hell is Paul Judelson and why is he in all the social columns? I don't think it's his bland wife Alice that's getting him all the press. But, what is it? Is he rich? Is it his hair? Is it the funky eyeglasses? How old is he? Is he really funny? Does he drink a lot? Where does he buy his clothes? Where does he live? Is he hot or is he butt? I can't tell. Please fill me in.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Concert For Rachel

Today I spent in bed watching the entire Concert for Diana on VH1. I have to admit, it was almost as good as Live Aid. If someone ever has to plan an all-day concert for me, here is who I want to perform in my memory.
1. Kate Bush
2. Duran Duran
3. Jimmy Cliff
4. Spice Girls
5. The Smiths
6. Amy Winehouse
7. Bryan Ferry
8. New Order
9. Willie Nelson
10. Live
11. John Legend
12. Aimee Mann
13. Elvis Costello
14. Prince
15. Cyndi Lauper