Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Just Say No

I have certain "friends" who sometimes call me and demand me to perform tasks for them or provide them with information on demand. I have one person who demanded I get one of his clients booked for a paid speaking engagement at my company. When I said I couldn't help him because that is so out of my realm at such a large company, he insulted me by stating, "I thought you were very important. I guess that's a myth," and then he hung up on me. (If he hand't hung up on me, I would have continued to ask around.) I had another friend request the number of my hair colorist. She made an appointment with him, showed up late, insisted on seeing another colorist I didn't recommend and ended up freaking out at him and me when she didn't like her hair. This, of course, according to her was my fault and she still asks me if I have my hair done there and then critiques my hair in a negative way.(I was stupid and gave her the number for the guy who cuts my hair. She hated her haircut.) This same person called me today and demanded the phone number of another friend of mine to help her sell something and I said I was not comfortable handing out her phone number without asking her permission. This friend who requested the number was upset I wouldn't just provide the information immediately and hung up on me in a huff. (I still sent the information she needed.)

The thing , I'm always happy to help. I've helped four friends get new jobs this year. I've sent my hairdresser a lot of new clients. I've promoted products, movies or shows I like on this blog at the request of some publicists. I'll pick up your dry cleaning or walk your dog if you ask. I want to recommend you to the co-op board because I know what an awesome person and neighbor you are. I, however, can't just always say yes and perform magic and if you are a friend, I expect you trust my judgement and respect my boundaries.

Right now, as I go through this very slow and painful process called "grief," I've been thinking about and evaluating my personal relationships. While I have some friends that I may see or talk to more than others, I really value the people that my friends are and how much they mean to me. I see the goodness in their hearts and and respect their individuality. Some may be neurotic, be on tour, be super busy at work, have little kids or live far away, but I love them and know that they have my best interest at heart and I have theirs. I, however, do not have tolerance for those kind of "friends" who call me with demands and when I cannot deliver, they hang up on me. Hanging up on friends is simply unacceptable. When I used to get upset with myself for not being able to deliver these types of unreasonable requests, Teeks used to say, "That person is being unreasonable. That person is off the list." From the great beyond, I'm taking his advice and wisdom to heart.

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