Thursday, June 29, 2006

I Love a Charade

Tonight at the BAFTA screening of The Devil Wears Prada, Stanley Tucci revealed that he has some kind annual charade tournament with a bunch of Hollywood heavyweights. According to Tucci, the best charade players are:
1. Steven Sondheim
2. Meryl Streep
3. Mia Farrow

God, I'd love to go that party.

The Devil Wears Prada

Forget Superman and run don't walk to see The Devil Wears Prada, a meditation on what women must compromise to experience professional success. Meryl Streep turns what should be a caricature of Anna Wintour into an admirable complex woman struggling with the sacrifices that women make to encounter enviable professional success. Anne Hathaway plays the self-entitled stupid bitch who doesn't realize she has a very good mentor and throws it all away to preserve some archaic notion of feminine "integrity" by taking a low-paying job and staying with her lame-ass boyfriend. If Miranda Priestly is the devil, I'm going to hell.

Superman vs. Mr. T.

I pity the fool who doesn't love this video!

What Not To Wear Thursday

I have no idea who this Jodie Marsh person is, but she looks horrible in this outfit. What ever happened to class?

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Wednesday Update

Today is one of those days that I wish was Friday. After a long grueling day at the bank, I had a relaxing dinner at Anita Lo's Annisa. I had the skate. As my friends know, Skate is my favorite fish and I wasn't disappointed. The service was excellent and I was not disappointed with my meal.

Hitch Your Star Elsewhere!

I never watched the View, but I still find Star Jones annoying. I don't like that she won't reveal that she had stomach staples as a major part of her diet and I find it bizarre that she is so delusional that she thinks that her husband is actually straight. So, I was interested to watch her goodbye on the View. Then, I read that she was actually fired and now on, I just read that ABC is tired of Star's bitching about being fired, they asked her to not come to work tomorrow! I'm on pins and needles to see how the Star Jones soap opera plays out this morning. I'll be at work, so email me with the scoop if you watch this morning's The View!

Happy Birthday, Todd!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Happy Cat Week!

Not only is it Todd's birthday, but it's also National Cat Week. I don't know what that means but let's celebrate our cats!

Thanks for the Memories

I was sad to hear about the death of the greatest TV producer of all-time Aaron Spelling. From Charlie's Angels to Love Boat to Dynasty to 90210 to Melrose Place, Spelling dramas taught me about fashion, romance and addiction to night-time soaps. As a little girl, I loved watching the lineup of celebs on Love Boat while Fantasy Island gave my nightmares. In college, I used to carry my television to my coffee house gig so that I could watch 90210 during my shift. When I moved to NYC, I bonded with new friends over the excitement of Melrose Place. Goodbye, Mr. Spelling. You were the greatest TV producer EVER!

Pet Pride

Somehow during my gay pride parade boycott, I missed that Liza Minelli was down the street from me reigning over a pet beauty pageant. If I would have known, I definitely would have dolled up and dressed Max in the bowtie for the butch/femme portion of the contest. I would have been all about pussy for the chance to meet Liza!

Monday, June 26, 2006

Superman Returns

I just returned from a screening of Superman Returns which was an entertaining 2 1/2 hours. The plot seems to take place after Superman 1 and 2 and thankfully ignores Superman 3 starring Richard Pryor. Superman 1 and 2, however, were a long time ago and I am confused about some basic Superman trivia.

1. Does Superman have human organs?
2. Why did Superman leave to go back to find his planet? Why did it take 5 years?
3. Why hasn't Jimmy Olsen or Lois realized Clark Kent is Superman?
4. Why was Lex Luthor put into jail?

You will want to know these answers before you attend. Overall, Superman returns did not contain the psychoanalytic subtext of the Hulk or the emotion of Batman Begins, but if you need to chill in the theater on a hot hot day, Superman will do.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Operation Exposure Activate!

Thank God I found out about Operation Exposure last week. Today, as I left my apartment in the midst of Gay Pride madness, I was greeted by a drugged out and drunk gay guy flashing his penis at me in broad daylight. I went to the cop on the corner and told him I needed the Operation Exposure team to protect me and he said that they were already on their way! I imagine OE had a busy day today. I saw nudity everywhere today as part of Gay Pride Day. I don't understand how public drunken nudity supports the cause, but I saw more cock, exposed tits and asses in a one hour than I've seen in the past 3 years. I am proud to be a hetero but I don't go around with my ass hanging out or peeing on cars to show my pride. What ever happened to class?

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Gato Robato

I want a Robot Cat, and I want one NOW! Unlike MJ Cat, my little Robot Cat won't bite me when I put my shoes on, get pissed off and throw his litter all over the floor or bite my head at 4AM.

Tinsley: Before and After

I was very excited to find this Tinsley Mortimer collage on Social Rank. Again, Tinsley is the #1-rated socialite and I still don't know why. She is definitely more exciting than the zany Zani Gugleman.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

The Meowcast

listen now...

Life is kind of like reality television.
Our lives are like reality television about cats.
BEWARE OF THE BABYLON explores this theory on this week's episode.

Meow meow meow, Todd and Rachel, meow meeeeooowww meow:

• A visit to the most famous place in all of catdom right now-Meow Mix House.

• Favorite song by a tragic musical figure.

• Capitalist career advice from Rachel.

And weddings, suicide, and how the best is yet to come.

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

Operation Exposure

The NYPD announced today their new program called "Operation Exposure" where they will cracking down on flashers and gropers on the subways. Office James Hall just exclaimed on NY1, "We don't want that stuff going on in the subways." Frankly, this is the best name for police initiative I've seen in a long time. It sure beats other lame operation names such as Nexus or Atlas.

Cat-Ass- Trophy

Ok, as I posted last week, I've been slightly obsessed with the Meow Mix House. It seems that I'm not the only person that has noticed the solitary Calico hogging the couch. It turns out Bambi has not been adopted due the perception to her sour personality. I actually went to the Meow Mix House tonight to investigate the issue. Bambi is like MJ Cat and does not prefer the company of other cats. When taken out of the house, she is loving and playful. I am sensitive to this type of animal because MJ Cat is also a solitary cat and he's a wonderful pet! Although Ellis is my favorite, I'm now voting for Bambi!

The Septum

A couple of weeks ago, I had a catscan of my sinuses and was diagnosed with a deviated septum. I haven't seen the ENT yet for my follow-up visit, but I'm hoping he recommends a nose job so I can give he excuse that I have a "deviated" septum in order to redefine my appearance as Ashley Simpson did last month.

Pray that I can get a free nose job! I've never had plastic surgery and am hoping this is my big chance!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Weird Austin Sign

Weird Austin Sign
Originally uploaded by redrachel.
I saw this sign in Austin, Texas. I was curious, but didn't go into this establishment.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The Best is Yet to Come

I just got back from a long weekend in Texas where I attended the wedding of good friends Lori and Erik. I ate so much bbq and beef that I am not eating for the next two weeks. In any case, the mother of the groom took me aside and said in the way only a Jewish mother can, "Perhaps you'll be next." I responded very cynically, "I don't think anytime soon." At this time, she took my arm, looked deeply in to my eyes and seriously proclaimed, "Rachel, the best is yet to come." God, I hope she's a prophet. I can't go to anymore weddings alone. I'm exhausted.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Where's the Beef?

I'm off to Texas for a long extended weekend. I'll be back on Tuesday with updates.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Meow Mix House

Two days ago, Todd sent me a press release that Meow Mix is launching a "reality" commercial show where stray cats will compete in a Survivor/Big Brother television program on Animal Planet. The to cat will become an executive at Meow Mix. As other cats are voted out of the house, they will get new homes and a year supply of food.

If you visit the Meow Mix Web site, you will see how the marketing team at Meow Mix continues to launch creative and fun promotions. Right now, there are already 30,000 votes on the site. MJ and I voted for Ellis, the erudite cat from Portland. We also even watched the webacam for a few minutes. Also, the cats each have their own blog. I've always argued that marketing blogs don't work, but I have to confess, I'm compelled by these fake Meow Mix catblogs. I will check them on a daily basis and even visit the Meow Mix House on 5th Avenue. The first episode will air on Animal Planet on Friday night at 9:10. Set your Tivo.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Ghosts of the Past

If we ever had any type of relationship and you are feeling the urge to contact me via phone, here are the rules:
1. I don't want to chat with you about my love life. Ask me out on a date.
2. I don't want to hear about your recent breakup. Apologize for your past behavior.
3. I don't want to talk about work. Apologize.
4. Be upfront and honest and tell me why you are contacting me, rather than a confusing, "What's up?" Chances are I'll meet you in person. Otherwise, I wouldn't have picked up the phone in the first place.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Tony Awards Live Blogging

I cancelled a date tonight to sit home in my negligee with my cat and watch the Tony Awards. Check out Harvey Fierstein in the presenter gift suite trying on this Chantelle bra. Coincidentally, I bought the same bra yesterday which makes me in the target Tony Award demographic. I'm officially old.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

What Not To Wear Friday: Jessica Simpson

This is the ugliest dress I've ever seen. I can't even make a joke this dress is so ugly.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Cat Whisperer

Tonight I had to go assist my friend WLS as he catsat a big fat orange tabby named Kushka. Wyndham was impressed with my cat training skills. As some of you know, when MJ Cat first moved in with me, he was a very mean and naughty cat. Now, almost three years later, he is lying submissively beside me with all four paws up in the air. Here are some of my secret cat training tips:
1. If your cat looks like he is going to kill you, sternly yell "no" and get out of bottle of Bitter Apple and spray it in the air. Doing this once will scare the hell of your cat and from then on, just hold up the bottle when your cat looks ready to attack and he will run and hide. Cats hate the bitter apple bottle.
2. If your cat starts attacking your head at 4AM and wakes you up out of a deep sleep, get up and sternly say "No" and pick up your cat and put him in the kitchen for the rest of the night. (I put him with his food, water, and litterbox.) Shut the door and ban him from the bedroom for the rest of the night. I did this for two months and now MJ knows that sleeping in the bed with me is better than sleeping alone in the kitchen.
3. Sometimes MJ just gets nasty and wraps himself around my leg and arm while biting me. When this happens, I hiss at him and spit at him. This usually shows I am the dominant cat and he disentangles himself and hides in the other room.
4. Drug your cat. If MJ is bugging me, I always give him some catnip to chill him out.
5. When all else fails, grab the cat dancer to distract your cat. Cats love to dance.

Bag Snob

I recently discovered a new blog called Bag Snob. This site is entirely devoted to the discussion of upscale handbags and if you know me, this is a favorite topic. They even have a photo of my "Vagina" bag!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Shiloh Jolie-Pitt

Enjoy these photos of Shiloh Pitt-Jolie. She looks just like her mother.

Monday, June 05, 2006

The Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobiacast

On the sixth month of the sixth day of the sixth year we celebrate our Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia with a brand new

Other highlights include:

• Patrick Dahlheimer of LIVE promotes the band's new album in our first ever exclusive interview.

• We make our emergency meeting plan for where to meet in case of a biblical apocalypse.

• I give podcast-safe dating updates.

• Breaking up is hard to do when Jennifer Aniston stars in the movie.

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

Socialiate Summer Trends

Mrs. Thomas Wyman, Peggy Mejia, and Nancy Fowler all look very modern and fresh at this year's Botanical Ball!

MJ Cat has been out and about during the Spring Social season which culminates with the Conservatory Ball at the New York Botanical Garden. This event is described by some as the social event of the season. New York Social Diary goes as far to pronounce" For good reason the Ball is often cited as the 'best dressed and most elegant evening' of the season." If this is the case, let's all get on our orange glow tans, bleach blonde bouiffants and Alexis Carrington gowns and party like it's 1985!
This socialite incorporates the big black and white trend with soft makeup and untelling plastic surgery.

Tonight, MJ Cat also stopped in tonight at the CFDA Awards. Mistaking it for a prom, he realized he actually was snapping photos of Karl Lagerfeld posing with Lindsay Lohan who is starting to look like a weathered socialite herself! I also love the way Karl is rocking those fingerless motorcycle gloves!

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Not Lost in Translation

Since I took my new job in financial services, I've been feeling very uptown and affluent. Prior to my new lifestyle, I used to feel very downwardly downtown mobile. Because of this, I've been to every upscale hair salon in the city so that I could feel fancy for a couple of hours each week. From Federic to Brad to Garren, I've dabbled with the best of the them. Now, that I can actually afford it, I decided to slum it, and head to Alphabet City for some experimental hair color. I met this very cute young Japanese hairdresser at my friend Collette's party and decided to throw caution to the wind and let him revamp my hair color. When I got to the salon, I realized immediately that I was in Harajuku territory and that nobody spoke very good English. Also, all the hair magazines were in Japanese and they had extensive offerings of perms and extensions. I couldn't quite translate the concepts of ash and my dislike of brassy blonde color into Japanese. I made the stylist actually get out the color sample book to explain what I liked, but I was still nervous because he just kept nodding no matter what I said. So, I sat there panicking for three hours as he foiled and painted and mixed. The only thing he said to me that I completely understood was "relax." As I waited, I found myself figuring out about how I was going to write about my upcoming "Harjuku Hair Crisis of 2006." Instead, for the first time in years, my hair is exactly as I like it. He did a fantastic job for 150% less than I have paid elsewhere. At the end of the appointment, we actually bowed at one another as I accepted his business cards in both hands (in true Japanese style) to give to my friends who I know are going to be very curious who did my fabulous new hair color.

Thursday, June 01, 2006


Over the past week, I feel as if my life is becoming the movie Safe. Like Carol, the character played by Julianne Moore, I am experiencing severe lonliness combined with very bad allergies. For those of you who haven't seen this brilliant horror film, the plot revolves around a California housewife who suddenly falls victim to an inexplicable, apparently incurable illness. She suffers from coughing fits, hives, nose bleeds and bad headaches. She almost drops dead at the allergist as he tests her. She breaks out after a bad perm. She can't breathe at the dry cleaner. Failing to find any medical explanation for her maladies, her doctor refers her to a psychiatrist, who suggests that her physical ailments are psychosomatic. At her wits' end, Carol withdraws to an expensive New Age retreat for sufferers of "20th century disease," where the community's guru champions a dubious regimen of diet, climate control, introspection, and self-love. I am starting to hate my own allergist, because she cannot seem to cure me and I'm sick of staying up all night sneezing! Should this be my next step? THE DAMNED SHOTS ARE NOT WORKING AND I AM NOT GETTING RID OF MY CAT!