Tonight I had to go assist my friend WLS as he catsat a big fat orange tabby named Kushka. Wyndham was impressed with my cat training skills. As some of you know, when MJ Cat first moved in with me, he was a very mean and naughty cat. Now, almost three years later, he is lying submissively beside me with all four paws up in the air. Here are some of my secret cat training tips:
1. If your cat looks like he is going to kill you, sternly yell "no" and get out of bottle of Bitter Apple and spray it in the air. Doing this once will scare the hell of your cat and from then on, just hold up the bottle when your cat looks ready to attack and he will run and hide. Cats hate the bitter apple bottle.
2. If your cat starts attacking your head at 4AM and wakes you up out of a deep sleep, get up and sternly say "No" and pick up your cat and put him in the kitchen for the rest of the night. (I put him with his food, water, and litterbox.) Shut the door and ban him from the bedroom for the rest of the night. I did this for two months and now MJ knows that sleeping in the bed with me is better than sleeping alone in the kitchen.
3. Sometimes MJ just gets nasty and wraps himself around my leg and arm while biting me. When this happens, I hiss at him and spit at him. This usually shows I am the dominant cat and he disentangles himself and hides in the other room.
4. Drug your cat. If MJ is bugging me, I always give him some catnip to chill him out.
5. When all else fails, grab the cat dancer to distract your cat. Cats love to dance.
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