He's Just Not That Into You

I'm not sure if this book is either the most evil or perhaps the greatest book ever written, but all the women I know are annoyingly discussing it and it's starting to make me nervous. Is this self-help trash liberating or is it evil in the same way as the stupid Rules were? And it doesn't seem to cover the more complex and mysterious episodes of what does it mean if a man passes out after inviting you over for a booty call or what if he call you up on the phone and asks for Katrina and your name is not Katrina or what if he calls you at work and starts masturbating? Does that mean he's just not into you?

Amazon.com: Books: He's Just Not That Into You : The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

Cooking For Engineers

Should I create a blog that is "Cooking for People with Boring Publishing Jobs" or how about "Cooking for Film Professors" or how about "Cooking for Sluts?" In the meantime, you can check out my recipe for fig vinegar pork chops. They are easy enough even for an engineer to cook.

Cooking For Engineers

The Surreal Life According to Mom

It's been a long time since I interviewed my favorite television critic, my mother. My mother is a 60-year-old self-described "educator" who lives in York, PA. I interviewed her to discuss VH1's TV sensation The Surreal Life. By the way, I am so watching the AllHipHop.com : News">spin-off.

NYC: So, did you watch The Surreal Life?
MOM: What am I supposed to say? I hate all these people.
NYC: What do you think about Brigitte Neilson?
MOM: She's a drunk and she's nuts.
NYC: Do you know that she says she's in her early 40's?
MOM: What? Didn't you see her in those tight pants? That's an old-woman's body. All that stuff hanging out.
NYC: She says she's in her early 40's.
MOM: No way. I don't think so. How old is Sly now? He's over 50.
NYC: If you lived in the house with Brigitte and she was walking around naked in front of you, what would you do?
MOM: I'd be disgusted and I'd move out. She's funny looking and bizarre.
NYC: Do you like the feeling of water getting into your clothes?
MOM: No, I don't like getting cold right away.
NYC: Who would you share a room with from the Surreal Life?
MOM: Ryan Starr. She seems the most normal. I sure don't want to room with that farter from the New Kids.
NYC: As an educator, if Flavor Flav had his own children's TV show, would you let your students watch it?
MOM: Absolutely not. He's not a good role model. To tell you the truth, I don't know who Flavor Flav is or what he does. I never heard of him.
NYC: Do you think Flavor Flav and Brigitte make a good couple?
MOM: No. Just No.
NYC: Did you know that they are creating a spin-off show where they will travel cross country together?
MOM: Good luck to the both of them.
NYC: Do you prefer gold teeth or platinum teeth?
MOM: I guess platinum. They are not quite as obvious. I hate gold teeth.
I really hate them.
NYC: Which language do you speak better? Charo or Flavor Flav?
MOM: First of all, I hate Charo. I hate her accent. I hate all that cuchi cuchi shit. Johnny Carson used to have her on all the time and I hated her then. She's truly and always annoying.
NYC: So, you speak Flavor Flav better?
MOM: Yeah, I speak ghetto.
NYC: I didn't know you spoke ghetto.
MOM: Yeah, I understand most of it.
NYC: But if you are so ghetto-fabulous, how is it you never even heard of Public Enemy or Flavor Flav?
MOM: Let's just say I have more contact with the ghetto than wherever the hell Charo is from. Is it Portugal? Let me repeat. I hate Charo.
NYC: Do you think that you will watch this show again?
MOM: I couldn't even watch it until the end. I have to watch my tape of Guiding Light now. I don't understand this show. I don't know who these people are and it all just means nothing to me.

Gawker Stalker: I look like Molly Ringwald?

I'm the "Molly Ringwald looking girl" talking to Ed Kowalczyk, although I think I look better than Molly these days. By the way, we went to homecoming, not the prom. And for the record, he wore a leather tie.
Gawker Stalker: John McEnroe Likes Indie Pop

Vote for Max on Catster!

Please vote for Max on Catster.com. He only has three paws now, and I think Max is truly a five-paw cat. For those of you who don't know, catster is the friendster for cats.

Results from the Annual 2004 York Fair Eat-Off

Howard has updated me with a report of the annual York Fair Eat-Off. Unfortunately, I could not compete this year. Frankly, I think Eric and Howard tied, as Eric consumed beverages laced with Sweet and Low which do not count during an eat-off. Howard's report is below:

The results are in and Eric has defended his title at the York Fair Eat-Off (results at bottom). Eric had his game face on as he fasted on all day and lined his stomach with Maalox to prepare him for the digestive demands of fair food. Eric’s concentration was at such a high level that he lost his wallet (which I think he later found) at one of the vendors’ stands. Unfortunately, I could not keep up with Eric and experienced sharp shooting pains up the left side of my arm (is that bad?) after my funnel cake which prevented me to eat substantially more. Bryan had a pitiful showing demonstrating that he has the will to resist such culinary delights and will probably live 2 years longer than Eric and me.

BTW, I feel like ass right now

First Place - Eric
1. Pit Beef Sandwich
2. Fried Hamburger with Onions & Sauce
3. 32 Oz Coke
4. Chicken on a Stick with Roll
5. Italian Ice
6. Soft Pretzel
7. Orangeade
8. Slice of Pizza
9. 16 oz lemonade
10. Roast Beef Sandwich
11. 32 oz iced tea with 4 sweet & lows

Second Place – Howard
1. Italian Steak Sandwich
2. Fried Hamburger with Onions & Sauce
3. Jumbo French Fries
4. Funnel Cake
5. Italian Ice
6. Chili Dog
7. Orangeade

DNQ – Did not Qualify - Minimum of Five major fried items need to be eaten

Bryan – absolutely pitiful showing
1. Italian Steak Sandwich
2. Corn Dog
3. Fried Hamburger with Onions & Sauce
4. ½ whoppee pie

Please don't let me die alone at Spa 88!

In a city where you can be killed or drop dead at any moment, I always try to rate my worst-case death scenario. Yesterday, I was confronted with the terrifying possibility of being left for dead at Spa 88 aka the Wall Street Bath and Day Spa on Fulton Street. If I am ever with you at Spa88 and I pass out in the sauna or have a heart attack in the cold pool or slip in the steam room, please don't abandon me leaving me to be stuffed into the Siberian Pelemeny in the restaurant or have my breasts cut off to be used as jacuzzi flotation devices!

$40=Painting, Mirror and Two Hours of Crack

The Norm Crosby-loving cad described in the blind item earlier this week has completely made it up to the West Village socialite he left last weekend waiting for him in his lobby. She's fully satisfied. Here's how he did it-
1. He took her to Sparks. Classy.
2. He purchased a beautiful mirror for her from a bum on the street selling trash
while he bought a painting for himself.
3. Before fully purchasing, he examined all cracks.
4. He threatened to throw his dog off of the bed when the dog started growling at
her.
5. He offered to get her juice when he she asked for it.
6. He gave her his ex's bobby pins.
7. She thinks he told her that he acutally liked her, although she's not sure if he
was talking to her or to his dog.

Blind Item

What decadent handsome editor-in-chief known for his love of the OTB and The Poseidon Adventure couldn't fufill his end of a booty call? Rumor has it he convinced a charming, chaste and gorgeous West Village socialite to come downtown to watch the Jerry Lewis telethon with him only to pass out on his daybed leaving her confused in her negligee waiting for him in his lobby? He says he'll make it up to her. She's not sure how.

Best Celeb Siting of the Week

Today I think I almost fell over when I realized I was walking behind Lenny Kravitz, Lisa Bonet and daughter Zoe all walking hand in hand on Broome Street. Lenny and I are the same size. I don't think he recognized me from the time we shared a picnic lunch at Jones Beach back in 1994.