Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Free Advice

In the spirit of the holiday season, I'm doling out some free advice today. This is the kind of advice you can't tell anyone to their face so I'm writing it down in the blog.

1. Eat something. Frankly, I used to be concerned about friends and celebrities with eating disorders. Now, I just find anorexia to be boring. I prefer bulimics, because at least they will go out for dinner. Watch the documentary Thin, look at Nicole Richie's zombie hands or check or Kate Bosworth's 20-something wrinkles and you will see how tiresome eating disorders have become. Help exists. Get some.

2. If your insurance will cover some kind of plastic or cosmetic surgery, you should probably get it. For example, if you are overweight and need stomach stapling and it will be paid for by your insurance, go for it. Or if your boobs are too big and your insurance will cover it, get the reduction. You can get a full set of veneers FOR FREE? Get in the chair. Insurance companies are cheap so if they are willing to cover you on something like this, chances are that you really need it.

3. If more than one person has suggested you need to see a shrink, make an appointment. You might not be crazy, but perhaps your friends are sick of hearing your problems and it is time to turn to a professional for help.

4. If you are a member of an organization, don't say you hate being a member of that organization to other members who enjoy it. For example, if you are a member of BAFTA and you hate the Q&As and are upset about the fees, don't rain on the parade of your friend who is also a member and enjoys the privileges.

5. Don't diss your friends for a man/woman. Listen, we're happy you have a new boyfriend or girlfriend, but remember to make "friend time" or who is going to be around to console you when things don't work out or to be very happy for you if they actually do?

6. Don't ask your other woman or ex-girlfriend to go ring shopping with you. If you have a flirtation with a woman, even the mere suggestion of asking her to help you pick out an engagement ring for your other woman will really hurt her feelings and piss her off.

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