Vagina is the New Black

A trend I've been following over the past year is the fashion trend of young celebs flashing their naked shaven beavers. Paris Hilton and Lindsay "Firecrotch" Lohan were the first to start this trend earlier this year. Now, desperate Britney Spears is following at the tail end of the hoo-ha flash craze. Frankly, once Britney adopts the trend, that trend has jumped the shark and will soon be available at Claire's boutique and the San Gennaro street fair. This morning, I flashed my own crotch while going down the steps to the V train at the West 4th Street subway station. A subway tunnel wind caught hold of my skirt raising it far above my waist. I, however, have taken the trend to the next level. I displayed to the entire rush hour scene a full bush hidden by granny panties.

Free Advice

In the spirit of the holiday season, I'm doling out some free advice today. This is the kind of advice you can't tell anyone to their face so I'm writing it down in the blog.

1. Eat something. Frankly, I used to be concerned about friends and celebrities with eating disorders. Now, I just find anorexia to be boring. I prefer bulimics, because at least they will go out for dinner. Watch the documentary Thin, look at Nicole Richie's zombie hands or check or Kate Bosworth's 20-something wrinkles and you will see how tiresome eating disorders have become. Help exists. Get some.

2. If your insurance will cover some kind of plastic or cosmetic surgery, you should probably get it. For example, if you are overweight and need stomach stapling and it will be paid for by your insurance, go for it. Or if your boobs are too big and your insurance will cover it, get the reduction. You can get a full set of veneers FOR FREE? Get in the chair. Insurance companies are cheap so if they are willing to cover you on something like this, chances are that you really need it.

3. If more than one person has suggested you need to see a shrink, make an appointment. You might not be crazy, but perhaps your friends are sick of hearing your problems and it is time to turn to a professional for help.

4. If you are a member of an organization, don't say you hate being a member of that organization to other members who enjoy it. For example, if you are a member of BAFTA and you hate the Q&As and are upset about the fees, don't rain on the parade of your friend who is also a member and enjoys the privileges.

5. Don't diss your friends for a man/woman. Listen, we're happy you have a new boyfriend or girlfriend, but remember to make "friend time" or who is going to be around to console you when things don't work out or to be very happy for you if they actually do?

6. Don't ask your other woman or ex-girlfriend to go ring shopping with you. If you have a flirtation with a woman, even the mere suggestion of asking her to help you pick out an engagement ring for your other woman will really hurt her feelings and piss her off.

Rest In Peace Robert Altman

"There are no good and bad movies, only good and bad directors."-Francois Truffaut



Robert Altman, the great American auteur, died today at the age of 81.

If you've never seen a Robert Altman movie, queue these up on your Netflix. These are my personal favorites:

1. Nashville: Nashville is not only my favorite Altman film, but one of my overall favorite movies. To see a great American movie about America by a great American director, rent Nashville immediately! Plus, "I'm Easy" is such a fabulous song and you will melt when Keith Carradine sings it to Lily Tomlin.

2. McCabe and Mrs. Miller: Leonard Cohen soundtrack, Julie Christie and 1970's Warren Beatty. Are you convinced?

3. The Player: This is one of the greatest "Hollywood on Hollywood" films ever. The jokes still hold true.

4. Short Cuts: Read the Raymond Carver stories and then rent the DVD. I was amazed how Altman actually brought the stories to life with emotion and complexity.

5. Gosford Park: Altman channels Jean Renoir.

I just watched A prairie Home Companion a couple of weeks ago and while it was not one of my favorite Altman films (but a very good one,) I realized today that this is a film about death and it was appropriate to be Altman's bittersweet last movie.

Kramer Apologizes

I am watching David Letterman and Jerry Seinfeld asked Michael Richards to apologize for his racist tirade at LA's Laugh Factory earlier this week. Frankly, this apology is one of the most uncomfortable television segments I've ever seen. Now, Kramer looks like he's going to cry and the audience is laughing out of discomfort. I don't know what to say and can't wait for this show up on youtube.com.

Best Wishes TomKat!

Let this photo be a reminder that anything in life can be possible. That is all I can say about the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes wedding.

The Lloyd Cole Cast

Don't get weird on us babe, it's the Lloyd Colecast...

• Rachel prepares to have her heart broken by Lloyd.

• Todd ponders inflation over bagels.

• Lloyd wonders who the hell we even are.

As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

DogCat not TomKat: Cat Gives Birth to Puppies

Today, there was a report that a cat in Brazil actually gave birth to dogs or cats that look like dogs or half breed dog/cats and claims that her cat was humped by a neighbor dog three months ago and these are the offspring. I don't know if this is genetically possible but I would love to have one of these little guys. I'd love a dogcat that is more playful and responsive but that also uses a litterbox, purrs and doesn't need to be walked.

TomKat Wedding Update: Vows

Today the NY Times reported some of the mystery surrounding a Scientology wedding. It turns out that a Scientologist groom must vow to provide a woman with "clothes and food and frills and perhaps a cat." I always have been suspicious of both marriage and of Scientology, but perhaps I just need to marry a Scientologist. You don't even have to convert and they VOW to accept your pussy.

Bobby: The Worst Film of 2006

I've seen some excellent movies in the past week including Stranger Than Fiction, For Your Consideration and Volver. Tonight, however, I saw the worst which is the overblown and overhyped movie Bobby which takes place in the Ambassador Hotel the day and night Bobby Kennedy was shot. There are so many celebrity guest stars in the cast that I felt that I was having a flashback and watching a lost episode of the classic 80's Aaron Spelling TV series Hotel. There are so many interwoven half-assed plots, that you actually forget what the film is supposed to be about until the manipulative hit-you-in-the-head conclusion which uses a Bobby Kennedy speech over actual moving of the footage of the time period. I could have skipped the bad scripted fictional narrative and watched what could have been a more interesting and poignant documentary. As I sat in the theater, I kept recalling when I first saw the film Selena and couldn't wait for Selena to be shot because then I'd know the film was almost over. I felt the same way during Bobby.

Now for the acting. Demi Moore's performance is so ridiculous that I laughed out loud during her big climax where she sings Louie Louie. Then, Dawson's Creek Joshua Jackson seems to be doing some kind of weird Clooney impersonation. And, poor Christian Slater who deserves a comeback has such a poorly written role that he doesn't have a chance in this film. The kitchen scenes with Freddy Rodriguez, some other Latino actor and Laurence Fishburne are so preachy and poorly written that it was difficult to watch. Svetlana Metkina plays some Czech reporter that seems to be channeling Geraldine Chaplin's character in Robert Altman's Nashville, which is a brilliant movie that uses interwearing plots and a large cast of actors and makes many of the same politcal statements. And, I still can't figure out who the hell Harry Belafonte was supposed to be. And, can't Helen Hunt find other work anymore? Did Martin Sheen pull some strings to get her a role so she could get paid? What's the deal with Ashton kissing the asses of all Demi's exes? Why else would he embarrass himself in his role as a drug dealer? And, you will remember how much you loved St. Elmo's Fire when you seen Demi and Emilio acting together and how old they look and how old you have become and how sad it is that Emilio is now making such a bad movie. I just don't know how to explain the great Anthony Hopkins' role as actor and executive producer. At least I know why Martin Sheen HAD to appear. There is something to said about the quality of a film when the best performances come from Sharon Stone and Lindsay Lohan.

The best part of the film had nothing to do with it at all. Ralph Macchio aka The Karate Kid entered the screening behind me and I was thankful he kept his reputation in tact by being one 80's actor to not appear in Bobby. Stay gold, Ralph.

Stranger than Podcast!

Rachel and Todd completely forgo the political wrap up and instead talk about the important stuff...
Including...

• Our new book club where we talk about books we haven't read.

• A revealing talk about Kirstie Alley's swimsuit reveal.

• Academy screening madness.

• How the snatch is back.


As always, this, and EVERY, BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded to your computer and transferred to your iPod through iTunes.

BAFTA and babies

While I've been tied up with BAFTA events (History Boys, For Your Consideration, Volver, etc.), all of my close girlfriends have been popping out babies this week. I'm terrible at remembering to buy gifts so my first gift to these new little babies is to type in their names on this blog so that they can be "Googled." I will be the first person to increase their searchability making them actually more important in the world because you're nobody unless you show up on a Google search. Congratulations to Adrienne and Aaron with the birth of daughter Beatrice Marais Davenport and to Stephanie and Eric on the birth Jaden Berkson. I don't know Jaden's full name yet because I haven't spoken to Stephanie since I've been at BAFTA.

Kirstie Alley Bikini Reveal Part 2

Thank God for YouTube. I asked my mother what she thought about the Kirstie Alley bikini reveal and she said that "it's all just one big publicity stunt." But isn't that everything on Oprah? Also, I think Oprah looks thinner than Kirtie but she isn't showing us her 50+ bod in a two piece.

Kirstie Ally Bikini Reveal

For those of you who missed it, Kirstie Ally revealed her new body in a bikini on Oprah. While I would normally make fun of crazy Kirstie Ally, I have to give her props. She lost a lot of weight and as someone who has lost weight and is 20 years younger than Kirstie, I would be scared to death to go on national TV in a tankini yet alone a bikini! I will, however, make fun of the fact that she had a big Scientologist bikini shopping spree with best friend Leah Remini. I wonder if she had to be silent in the Nordstrom dressing room as she tried on suits?

Adrienne Shelly Murdered!

Last Wednesday, it was reported that actress Adrienne Shelly committed suicide in her Greenwich Village apartment. Adrienne was one of my favorite early 90's actresses who appeared in the early Hal Hartley movies. I felt sad that perhaps that since she has been somewhat forgotten, she took her own life. That, however, was not the case. I just got word from one of my cop friends in the precinct that she was actually murdered and someone is being arrested as we speak!

Happy Belated Bra Day!

It's a day late, but to all my big-busted gal pals, Happy Bra Day! Tomorrow I'm wearing my new sexy lace Elle MacPherson bra. These bras run small so I had to buy up a cup size. For all of your big busted gals out there, here are my other favorite brands of bras over a C+ cup size:
1. Chantelle-While pricey, these are the best day-to-day bras.
2. Donna Karan-I dont' mean DKNY because they don't fit like the Donna Karan models for some reason.
3. Simone Perele-I like the sheer model that is going out of production.
4. Gemma-I like the soft cup underwire that Oprah also likes.
5. Fantasie-Fantasie makes the best strapless bra for those above a C-cup!

Who Would You Rather Wednesday

So, after it took me 2.5 hours to get into my apartment in the midst of the Halloween parade, I chilled out to the televised version although it was really outside my window. For best costume, I vote some dude dressed up as his own myspace page. He made a lifesize copy of his page, and put his head in the hole where his photo would be. But, my favorite moment was George Whipple interviewing Gene Simmons from Kiss. I think Kiss were the grand marshalls of the parade. So, George asked Gene to show his famous tongue and Gene Simmons said, "This tongue can whip women up into a froth." George Whipple did not know what to say and said, "Well, I have my eyebrows." I think I'll take the tongue if I have to choose.