15th High School Reunion Update

I just returned from an exciting weekend in Pennsylvania where I caught up with some former classmates. Here is a rundown of gossip from my former classmates. I am glad I live in NYC now.

1. Judy got her tubes tied and told us this fact unsolicited at dinner. She also drank alcohol through her two pregancies, but her kids are "fine."
2. Matt now weighs 265 lbs. He weighed 135 at the time of graduation but due to a thyroid condition, he put on a lot of weight. His wife was nice and didn't seem to mind.
3. Howard said Kate looks the best and even better than I do. I disagree.
4. Joel hit on Jessica making her leave the bar early because he was making her "nervous."
5. Gary was wearing a polo shirt with the Country Club emblem embroidered on the sleeve. He said some pretty racist and homophobic comments at Denny's.
6. Brian and Linda's children were kind of wild.
7. Kathy and Rick ended up getting married. They both look and act exactly the same.
8. Steph confessed to Kate that she threw up before every swim meet and this pattern continued until college.
9. Samantha donated her old used pocketbooks for the silent auction. Howard thought this was tacky.
10. Erik has a lot of tatoos and is a bartender in CA. He did not show up for the reunion.
11. Mark asked me for my number and I am deciding if I should call him.

My readers and friends are equally neurotic

I want to thank all my readers who sent me emails in sympathy to my birthday dilemma. Here is my favorite response. I've taken out the names as this reader is notoriously private, but I really appreciated her kind words and relate to her neuroses. I consoled her by telling her any guy who would go to a Rush concert is lame.

" I just read your entry about the ipod. That blows! I think you should set up a jar at your party and write "IPOD FUND" on it. People will totally put money in it when they hear your tale of woe. Then tell your mom and sister that your FRIENDS contributed to the purchase of your ipod and they will both feel like jerks.

Don't feel bad about your birthday. My friend, insane crush of 2 years plus, and date to your party sent me an email today saying he had to cancel because he forgot that he was going to a Rush concert on Thursday night. With his girlfriend. (name deleted but it's a very BAD and STUPID NAME.) I was ditched for someone named (BAD AND STUPID NAME.) Also I have no date to and no prospects for my baby brother's wedding in a month. I went to heat up water for my laxative tea but my mother made me turn off the microwave because she was on the phone and the microwave and the phone can't be used at the same time. I don't know why. It's one of her "rules". I had to drink tepid laxative tea. It's called Smooth Move. How fitting. Someone in this house may end up chopped up in the freezer.

Your party will be fun. I'm looking forward to it. Think about the ipod jug.

Happy Birthday to Me?

Today my sister called me and informed me that she and my mother wanted to give me an ipod for my birthday, but that I would have to pay for part of it.

I had two options involving this "gift":

1. They would give me a gift certificate for the Apple store where I could put the money towards an ipod.
2. My mother would purchase the ipod using her education discount and I would have to reimburse them any amount over $200. My sister preferred this option because it was saving me money regarding my own contribution for own gift. I could either write them a check or she would just deduct her portion of the bill for the birthday dinner we are planning for my mother on Friday.

Here is my response and thoughts on this matter:

1. I never asked for them to buy me an ipod and was going to purchase one on my own. I don't know why they feel this insane need to "give" me an ipod.
2. I do not really appreciate having to negotiate the cost for my own birthday gifts and anything I have to pay for is technically not a gift at all.
3. What is wrong with these people? I don't understand why they think that the general rules of etiquette do not apply when dealing with family members.
4. How is it that I'm in my 30s and every year in some way I'm forced to feel like I am somehow in 16 Candles?
5. Now that I'm 33, can I legally divorce my family?


Etiquette International - The Art Of Gift Giving

Another Man Bites the Dust

When I first entered high school, I had a massive crush on Steve Carter. He was a senior and I was freshman and I loved him. He was funny, smart and nice. He once drove me to our band concert in his jeep. (He played the trumpet and I played the sax.) Unfortunately, when we arrived I fell out of the car and he laughed. On our band trip to Texas, I took numerous photos of his ass as he walked in front of me on the Dallas Cowboys football field. I have these photos proudly displayed in my high school photo album. Steve was also cast as Conrad Birdie in York Suburban 1986's production of Bye Bye Birdie. I was cast as a groupie who screamed and fainted each time he came near me. During our final production, we had a moment where I swear he actually winked at me onstage. After Steve graduated, I forgot about him and moved onto deeper obsessions. I miss the innocent crush I had on Steve. Now, he's a doctor and married to some girl he met on a mountain.

The New York Times > Fashion & Style > Weddings & Celebrations > Kathryn Simons, Stephen Carter