This is the best Web site I've seen in a long time.
MarryYourPet - The pet and people wedding specialists
Monday, June 21, 2004
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Kamm Gets His or Don't Snub Me at Da Silvano
New York Post Online Edition: gossip
In one of my first jobs and a low woman on the totem pole, I used to take a lot of calls and office visits from Oliver Kamm who was a velvet-mafia wannabe and up the ass of my velvet-mafia boss (actually I'm not sure who was up whose ass.) Anyway, Oliver was always overly sweet to me asking me to do him favors and to get my boss on the phone for him. As a courtesy, he used to send me this very bitchy weekly email that he used to write about Christy Turlington who was in one of his classes at NYU. He would take notes on everything she said in the class and then comment on them in these nasty emails that were sent to all his friends. They were actually very funny. I remember at the time, he was also very into snowboarding. Anyway, years later I ran into Oliver at Da Silvano and he totally snubbed me and was extremely rude whenI came over to his table to say hello. He actually said to me, "I can't believe they let you in here." I never forget a social slight, so I appreciated hearing that Kamm is actually a crazy man surrounded by meathead goons.
In one of my first jobs and a low woman on the totem pole, I used to take a lot of calls and office visits from Oliver Kamm who was a velvet-mafia wannabe and up the ass of my velvet-mafia boss (actually I'm not sure who was up whose ass.) Anyway, Oliver was always overly sweet to me asking me to do him favors and to get my boss on the phone for him. As a courtesy, he used to send me this very bitchy weekly email that he used to write about Christy Turlington who was in one of his classes at NYU. He would take notes on everything she said in the class and then comment on them in these nasty emails that were sent to all his friends. They were actually very funny. I remember at the time, he was also very into snowboarding. Anyway, years later I ran into Oliver at Da Silvano and he totally snubbed me and was extremely rude whenI came over to his table to say hello. He actually said to me, "I can't believe they let you in here." I never forget a social slight, so I appreciated hearing that Kamm is actually a crazy man surrounded by meathead goons.
Friday, April 23, 2004
New York Post Online Edition: news
New York Post Online Edition: news It would be hard to get down in a tree.
Don't sleep with your students.
Variety.com - Inside Move: Elvis to leave building Could this be the critic the Post referred to last week in a blind item?
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Monday, April 05, 2004
Believe it or not, I'm in the home section!
For those of you who missed me in the home section, check out my fabulous Shrine to the Goddess and Kit-Kat clock. I think they should have devoted an entire article to me. New York Post Online Edition: Real Estate Page 40
Also, I've been getting a lot of requests regarding my new haircut. You can get yours done by Todd at Edris while actually having a bird's-eye view of Sally Hirschberger giving the $600 hair cut!
Also, I've been getting a lot of requests regarding my new haircut. You can get yours done by Todd at Edris while actually having a bird's-eye view of Sally Hirschberger giving the $600 hair cut!
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Who I am through Googlism
Just when I was losing touch with myself I turned to Google. Who needs yoga or meditation when you can simply go to this site to really determine the outside world's perception of who you really are? Plus, I have been dwelling on the fact that the current guy I am having relations with failed to invite me to a benefit that he is hosting this evening and somehow I found comfort in the fact that Google doesn't even know who he is or is not. I at least can rest assured that I am nice.
Friday, March 19, 2004
Tossing Salads and Rainbow Parties
Yesterday Oprah ran a rerun which was actually a promotion for the movie Thirteen and called "Is Your Child Leading a Double Life?" As part of the show, Oprah had teens and their moms discussing their teenager's sex life. The highlight of the show was a writer for Oprah magazine discussing teen sex terminology. My mother must have missed the original episode because she called me to discuss this segment and thanks to Oprah, I had a frank discussion with my mother about rainbow parties, tossing salads and booty calls. I must be old-fashioned, because I really wasn't comfortable defending the joys of a well-timed booty call to my mother who found absolutely no merit in such an exchange. I assured here that I did not accept booty calls as a teenager. I also felt old because I never heard of a rainbow party and assumed it was for someone who was "coming out" rather than a bunch of girls putting on lipstick and marking a guy's penis in a different spot. As for tossing salads, I had no comment on that one. Sometimes it's best to keep things private.
This Afternoon In Drama: The Mating Habits Of The Nerd
This is hilarious. I am voting for Yoanna. And how gay was Shandi's boyfriend? For the record, Tyra will never be the next Oprah. This Afternoon In Drama: The Mating Habits Of The Nerd
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Tori Spelling's Registry
For those of you who have been enduring my countless emails regarding the wedding registry of Tori Spelling and the baby registry of Debra Messing, check out this hilarious piece in New Yorkish.
Meanwhile, please check out my own registry for my own imaginary wedding to George Charelton on http://ww1.williams-sonoma.com/reg/registrylist.cfm.
Meanwhile, please check out my own registry for my own imaginary wedding to George Charelton on http://ww1.williams-sonoma.com/reg/registrylist.cfm.
American Idol and America's Next Top Model Roundup
American Idol has finally kicked off it's real competition. This week I am voting for John Peter Lewis. Although Jasmine was the best, JPL reminds me of Beck. John Stevens, the ugly redhead, is my least favorite this week. I am crossing my fingers that he gets voted off the show tomorrow night. He sucks.
Meanwhile, America's Next Top Model is winding down and I was pleased that April who I am convinced is actually the same person as Tammy from The Apprentice was voted off.
Meanwhile, America's Next Top Model is winding down and I was pleased that April who I am convinced is actually the same person as Tammy from The Apprentice was voted off.
Monday, February 23, 2004
Sunday Brunch Etiquette
Due to the horrible brunch date I had on Sunday, I now find it necessary to outline the following rules to determine the value of sleep versus a free meal on a date. To prevent the waste of time and general unpleasant atmosphere I experienced, please note that you will have to follow these rules to have the pleasure of my company for any upcoming brunches:
1. You must order something that can be chewed. Simply ordering a single espresso does not count as a meal.
2. If you have become a vegetarian since I last saw you, I don't want to hear about it.
3. Please think of conversation topics prior to the meal. Don't ask me boring questions such as "What adventures do you have planned?" because, frankly, you probably don't really want to know that answer and I'm not going to be honest, especially if I'm expecting you to pick up the tab. Also, asking me the same stupid question that you did five minutes ago is unacceptable.
4. Compliment me if I look nice, especially if I dragged my ass out of bed to meet you before noon on a Sunday.
5. I really don'ht want to hear your laundry list of activities for the next three months. If you are so busy that you feel the need to make excuses as to why you can't see me for another three months, don't bother to invite me to brunch in the first place. I have better things to do.
6. Don't throw a hissy fit when the waitress asks us to move to accommodate a larger party. They are just trying to make a buck, and if you have the nerve to order only a fucking single espresso, at least be appreciative of the hostess' business acumen.
7. Don't make cracks about how hard it is to live in the city for under six figures and about going to Milan to buy your fucking ugly clothes. I make under six figures and feel bad enough about that as it stands.
8. Don't pretend to go to the bathroom so that you can call one of your clients.
1. You must order something that can be chewed. Simply ordering a single espresso does not count as a meal.
2. If you have become a vegetarian since I last saw you, I don't want to hear about it.
3. Please think of conversation topics prior to the meal. Don't ask me boring questions such as "What adventures do you have planned?" because, frankly, you probably don't really want to know that answer and I'm not going to be honest, especially if I'm expecting you to pick up the tab. Also, asking me the same stupid question that you did five minutes ago is unacceptable.
4. Compliment me if I look nice, especially if I dragged my ass out of bed to meet you before noon on a Sunday.
5. I really don'ht want to hear your laundry list of activities for the next three months. If you are so busy that you feel the need to make excuses as to why you can't see me for another three months, don't bother to invite me to brunch in the first place. I have better things to do.
6. Don't throw a hissy fit when the waitress asks us to move to accommodate a larger party. They are just trying to make a buck, and if you have the nerve to order only a fucking single espresso, at least be appreciative of the hostess' business acumen.
7. Don't make cracks about how hard it is to live in the city for under six figures and about going to Milan to buy your fucking ugly clothes. I make under six figures and feel bad enough about that as it stands.
8. Don't pretend to go to the bathroom so that you can call one of your clients.
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Burning Bladder
For the first time in my life, I'm suffering from the dreaded "burning bladder." Since is the first time I've ever experienced what my doctor actually referred to as "a result of too much nookie," here is a list of symptoms and clues to detect burning bladder before it turns to a kidney infection:
1. You find yourself having to pee every second, except no pee comes out and when it does, it feels like you have to pee again immediately.
2. You faint on your bedroom floor and don't really care when your cat attacks you.
3. The guy you suddenly decide you like who has been calling you suddenly stops calling you leaving you up to suffer in solitude.
4. You have bad pains in your lower back.
I don't feel like writing more because I don't feel well.
1. You find yourself having to pee every second, except no pee comes out and when it does, it feels like you have to pee again immediately.
2. You faint on your bedroom floor and don't really care when your cat attacks you.
3. The guy you suddenly decide you like who has been calling you suddenly stops calling you leaving you up to suffer in solitude.
4. You have bad pains in your lower back.
I don't feel like writing more because I don't feel well.
Monday, January 12, 2004
Please Nominate Me for A Street Name
Considering the amount of time I spend on my block, don't you think that the corner of Morton and Bleeker should be named after me? Please submit your nominations on my behalf.
Monday, December 22, 2003
The Men of 2003
This is a list of the best men I dated in 2003. These are the men who inspired me, drove me crazy, consumed me and pissed me off and, yet, made my year memorable. Due to all of their insane behavior, I've changed their names. I'm doing this NOT to protect the innocent, but to protect myself since most of the men I meet don't like to be written about in a public forum.
The Architect (January-present)
I ushered in the New Year with a date with The Architect. The date was started out extrememly promising. We met for a drink and then went to Corner Bistro for burgers. He even gave me best line of the year-
"I think you are smart, and talented and beautiful and you look like you really need to hear this. I don't know what is going to happen between us, but I do know that I want to be the person that every day tells you that you can do it and that you are amazing."
Well, the date ended up with me sleeping over at his pefectly clean apartment and getting my period and bleeding ALL over his new ultra-white Conran's sheets. Thinking this was a deal breaker, I expected to never to hear from him again. Unfortunately, I did. He sent me a photo of his penis in an email. He is also always inviting me to log on to Yahoo! Messenger to watch him jerk off. It turns out that he is a noncommittal pervert. Yet, he always tells me how hot I am, and gives me advice about my other men. And for this reason, although we do not date, we still "see" each other and communicate almost daily.
The Old Crush (February-present)
I really had the hots for The Old Crush in the early 90s in college. As I was in the midst of my unhealthy Architecht situation and famished from starting a new diet, The Old Crush called me out of the blue and told me to "come over." I had just taken an Ambien and was in that phase right before the Velvet Hammer hits when you are completely out of your mind. So, in my new black sexy nightgown, I went over to his Soho loft, ate a slice of pizza and passed out. The best night of the year with The Old Crush was at a bizarre karaoke bar where we ended up singing a duet of "How Deep is your Love." When we go out, I secretly like the way he pinches my ass when I get up to go to the ladies room. He still calls mes out of the blue, invites me over for some pizza and Ambien and then we'll both pass out and act awkward the next morning.
The Scope (May-July)
Although I dated The Scope the previous year, he had a resurgence as my weight loss really began to show. We hadn't seen each other in months after he went through a bout of depression and basically blew me off. The party was in his loft where he had a lot of "performers" playing music, showing films and DJing. Although he basically was with another girl at the party, he was flirting with me which reminded me of why I liked him in the first place. We ended up going on a couple of dates after this where we would see French movies, drink martinis and kiss on street corners. One night after a date in the meat packing district, the Scope invited himself over to my place. My place was a complete mess and I asked him to stand outside while I made sure there was no dirty underwear on the kitchen table. I came out to give him the "all clear," but he was gone. Panicked, like a flash and in my bare feet, I ran out the front door to see why he left so suddenly and unexpectedly. I couldn't find him and went back inside defeated. Turns out, he was sitting across the hall and witnessed my panic attack. Needless to say, I felt like a desperate fool and blew my summer romance with the Scope which is for the best because he's currently on vacation in Vietnam with his ex-wife and child.
The Director (September-November)
In order to sum up the Director situation, I will have to be brief because I don't want to say too much in order to not piss him off any more than I already have.
1. I should have been alarmed from the beginning that he only goes by one name.
2. He's a really good kisser and he smells really good and he's really charismatic.
3. His time is consumed by a supermodel and he never had time to spend with me.
4. His ex-girlfriend showed up on his doorstep and he dumped me via email to tell me this. When I got upset about how he handled the situation, he had the nerve to tell me I was "aggressive" and "dramatic."
5. I wrote about the situation in depth in this blog and he read it, he was very upset and made me take it down which I did because I still want him back in my life.
6. I still want him back.
The Music Man (November-present)
The Music Man is a very nice man, but extremely hard to read. I can't tell if he likes me or not, although he continues to call me and make plans. I bumped him up in my rotation in the midst of the Director fiasco. Also, he's bicoastal which makes me nervous because I wonder if he has a woman in LA. In early 2004, hes attending all these high-profile events (The Golden Globes, The Grammys, a party for Outkast) and although we discuss in-depth his social schedule and what he will be wearing to these events, he has not invited me to any of them and I'm starting to get paranoid. To his advantage, this game of "pursuit-withdrawal" is upping my interest.
The Architect (January-present)
I ushered in the New Year with a date with The Architect. The date was started out extrememly promising. We met for a drink and then went to Corner Bistro for burgers. He even gave me best line of the year-
"I think you are smart, and talented and beautiful and you look like you really need to hear this. I don't know what is going to happen between us, but I do know that I want to be the person that every day tells you that you can do it and that you are amazing."
Well, the date ended up with me sleeping over at his pefectly clean apartment and getting my period and bleeding ALL over his new ultra-white Conran's sheets. Thinking this was a deal breaker, I expected to never to hear from him again. Unfortunately, I did. He sent me a photo of his penis in an email. He is also always inviting me to log on to Yahoo! Messenger to watch him jerk off. It turns out that he is a noncommittal pervert. Yet, he always tells me how hot I am, and gives me advice about my other men. And for this reason, although we do not date, we still "see" each other and communicate almost daily.
The Old Crush (February-present)
I really had the hots for The Old Crush in the early 90s in college. As I was in the midst of my unhealthy Architecht situation and famished from starting a new diet, The Old Crush called me out of the blue and told me to "come over." I had just taken an Ambien and was in that phase right before the Velvet Hammer hits when you are completely out of your mind. So, in my new black sexy nightgown, I went over to his Soho loft, ate a slice of pizza and passed out. The best night of the year with The Old Crush was at a bizarre karaoke bar where we ended up singing a duet of "How Deep is your Love." When we go out, I secretly like the way he pinches my ass when I get up to go to the ladies room. He still calls mes out of the blue, invites me over for some pizza and Ambien and then we'll both pass out and act awkward the next morning.
The Scope (May-July)
Although I dated The Scope the previous year, he had a resurgence as my weight loss really began to show. We hadn't seen each other in months after he went through a bout of depression and basically blew me off. The party was in his loft where he had a lot of "performers" playing music, showing films and DJing. Although he basically was with another girl at the party, he was flirting with me which reminded me of why I liked him in the first place. We ended up going on a couple of dates after this where we would see French movies, drink martinis and kiss on street corners. One night after a date in the meat packing district, the Scope invited himself over to my place. My place was a complete mess and I asked him to stand outside while I made sure there was no dirty underwear on the kitchen table. I came out to give him the "all clear," but he was gone. Panicked, like a flash and in my bare feet, I ran out the front door to see why he left so suddenly and unexpectedly. I couldn't find him and went back inside defeated. Turns out, he was sitting across the hall and witnessed my panic attack. Needless to say, I felt like a desperate fool and blew my summer romance with the Scope which is for the best because he's currently on vacation in Vietnam with his ex-wife and child.
The Director (September-November)
In order to sum up the Director situation, I will have to be brief because I don't want to say too much in order to not piss him off any more than I already have.
1. I should have been alarmed from the beginning that he only goes by one name.
2. He's a really good kisser and he smells really good and he's really charismatic.
3. His time is consumed by a supermodel and he never had time to spend with me.
4. His ex-girlfriend showed up on his doorstep and he dumped me via email to tell me this. When I got upset about how he handled the situation, he had the nerve to tell me I was "aggressive" and "dramatic."
5. I wrote about the situation in depth in this blog and he read it, he was very upset and made me take it down which I did because I still want him back in my life.
6. I still want him back.
The Music Man (November-present)
The Music Man is a very nice man, but extremely hard to read. I can't tell if he likes me or not, although he continues to call me and make plans. I bumped him up in my rotation in the midst of the Director fiasco. Also, he's bicoastal which makes me nervous because I wonder if he has a woman in LA. In early 2004, hes attending all these high-profile events (The Golden Globes, The Grammys, a party for Outkast) and although we discuss in-depth his social schedule and what he will be wearing to these events, he has not invited me to any of them and I'm starting to get paranoid. To his advantage, this game of "pursuit-withdrawal" is upping my interest.
Monday, December 01, 2003
Holiday Wish List
My Thanksgiving holiday was so tense and full of drama, that my holiday season can only improve by receiving fabulous gifts over the month of December. Please consider the fact I was dumped via email a couple of weeks ago and need to be cheered up any way possible. These are things that I know will brighten my holiday season.
1. I need the Laura Mirkin clutch bag for future dates.
2. I smell absolutely divine in Annick Goutal's Petite Cherie perfume.
3. My cat Maximillian Joseph would really love to go crazy with this TurboCatScratcher. (It's amazing how much the names of cat toys sound like sex toys. )
4. I love these Kiss My Face candles. They smell incredible.
5. I think this Sony Digital Camera will fit in my clutch bag.
6. If you really want to make my holiday season, you could score me a date with Benicio.
7. I'm feeling down, so I need some classic bling, and not the kind that will go out of style in a month.
8. Finally, I think I wouldn't have been in the position I am in now if I knew the definition of "It's all Good" means "No problem" and not "Yes, I like you. Everything is great." Perhaps someone will buy me the Hip Hop Dictionary.
1. I need the Laura Mirkin clutch bag for future dates.
2. I smell absolutely divine in Annick Goutal's Petite Cherie perfume.
3. My cat Maximillian Joseph would really love to go crazy with this TurboCatScratcher. (It's amazing how much the names of cat toys sound like sex toys. )
4. I love these Kiss My Face candles. They smell incredible.
5. I think this Sony Digital Camera will fit in my clutch bag.
6. If you really want to make my holiday season, you could score me a date with Benicio.
7. I'm feeling down, so I need some classic bling, and not the kind that will go out of style in a month.
8. Finally, I think I wouldn't have been in the position I am in now if I knew the definition of "It's all Good" means "No problem" and not "Yes, I like you. Everything is great." Perhaps someone will buy me the Hip Hop Dictionary.
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