The Hitler of Rodents

As I was relaxing and reading Hobby Farms last night, I came across an ad for the scariest and most inhumane machine on the planet called "The Rodenator." Ed Meyer is the "Hitler of Rodents." He seeks revenge on gophers, bunnies and voles and gets off by blowing them up with his archaic rodent murdering device. We need to stop this murderer.

Add as Friend: Social Network Review

I was hesitant that the movie of the Social Network wouldn't be as good as the trailer. I was wrong. The script is hilarious, Jesse Eisenberg's portrayal of Zuckerberg is uncanny and even Justin Timberlake is hilarious as Sean Parker. As someone who has built an paying career on user generated and social media content and technology, I am of course a ripe audience member for The Social Network and was going to love it even a little bit even if it was pure crap. At the post screening Q&A which included the cast and writer Aaron Sorkin, I was surprised that all of the cast members admited they don't even have facebook profiles despite all the "research" that went into the film. (I was reminded of the executives I work with that don't have facebook profiles who mandate we work with facebook as a means to itself without having any idea how the site operates.) So, essentially, The Social Network is less about Zuckerberg or the founding of facebook but actually a meditation on how the advancement of digital technology has destroyed the classic entertainment industry and narrative as we knew it. A lot of critics are comparing the film to Citizen Kane but since I saw the film last night, I keep thinking about Robert Altman's Nashville. Just like Nashville used the country music industry as a tool to investigate the politics and culture of the 1970's, the Social Network is essentially a documentation of what we've all been up to over the past decade and how the advancement of "technology" is not socializing us, but actually tools for alienation and capitalization. It's a film about the losers and the winners, the rich and the poor and the drifters and the stars in Silicon Valley. And thank god it's all documented as an actual "motion picture" rather than just a fleeting status update.

I'm in Lust

I like really like this guy in an 8th grade sort of way and I realized that the only way to deal with an unrequited crush is through blogging. I like him so much that I'd do things for him that I wouldn't do for hardly anyone if they asked me. These include:
1. I'd give him some money. I hate giving anyone my money but I'd give him a percentage of my paycheck if he asked.
2. I'd wash his dishes and I don't even wash my own. The same goes for his laundry.
3. I'd be quiet if he asked me to.
4. I'd escort him to a sporting event or play tennis with him. I hate sports and tennis.
5. I'd eat cheese if he made it.

So, you get my point and I'm too much of pussy to express how I feel. I just turned 39 last week and I realized that I've become too private in the past couple of years. Well, screw it. I'm back and I'm blogging and I'm ready for love. I just hope I get to hold on to my cash.

The Secret of My Success

The truth is that I've been working like a dog for the past couple of years and today I realized that the capitalist side of my personality was initially formed by multiple viewings of movies about work. Here's my cinema MBA.
1. Secret of My Success
During the 80's I had a fantasy every guy at my future office would look like Michael J. Fox. I also learned the importance of doing market research from this movie and how not to behave at a corporate retreat.
2. Working Girl
I learned that great ideas can come from tabloids and that MBA's don't use tabloids to generate new ideas and therefore, reading gossip can be a great way to get ahead in business. I also learned that shorter hair makes you look more professional.
3. Swimming with Sharks. This taught me how to deal with a bad boss. I won't reveal my secrets here.
4. 9-5. Align with the ladies to beat the boys.
5. The Devil Wears Prada. I always side with Miranda Priestly in the movie. It's okay to be a decisive powerful and influential woman. Anna Wintour is really my real-life role model.

The Long Island Terracecast

This podcast, we're live on tape from a second floor terrace in beautiful, but kinda noisy, Long Island. And, yo, you gotta problem with dat, we'll come over there and bust your f*&%ing kneecaps.

On a lighter note, the topics include:

• A full on dedication to Rachel's favorite topic - Pussies.

• Todd's knack for seeing all of this summer's worst movies.

• What really gets Rachel all excited?

• How Todd's Mexican Horror Film wardrobe is not gay.

LISTEN TO THE SHOW NOW RIGHT HERE,


OR YOU CAN SUBSCRIBE AND DOWNLOAD THIS AND EVERY EPISODE ON iTunes HERE.

The Birthday Pride Podcast Beware of the Babylon

What better way to celebrate Todd's birthday and gay pride, with a brand spankin' new podcast with the following topics LIVE ON TAPE from Aroma Espresso Bar in SoHo...

• The defining moment that changed Rachel's childhood involving pinball machines.

• Why gay men hate lesbians, no matter what you've heard.

• Deep reflections on growing old in the age of the podcast.

• Rachel's hate/hate relationship with the World Cup.

• The forgotten "hits" of Rick Springfield.

• Foursquare badge unlocking tips.

• How not to become Snookie.


Don't forget you can subscribe to the podcast FOR FREE and download this and over 75 BEWARE OF THE BABYLON episodes through iTunes here.

Lifestyles of the not rich and wish they were famous

These are things I need to do this week.

1. Attend Webutante Ball.
2. Get a bikini wax.
3. Call my colorist. My roots are showing.
4. Watch Real Housewives of NY reunion.
5. Get permanant crown on my tooth.
6. Pick up prescription cat food at the vet.
7. Schedule some meetings that I don't have time to have
8. Finish that presentation
9. Pick up my suitcase.
10. Ride in a hot air balloon.

Madame Award: Liftetime Achievement

Sex and the City 2 is just plain horrible and almost unwatchable. The only award the movie wins is that Sarah Jessica Parker is will now be given the honorary MADAME HALL OF FAME award. Throughout her costume changes, she exemplifies all the glamour of the greatest marionette of all time, MADAME. From her makeup to her headscarves, Sarah Jessica Parker's wooden self-centered acting throughout the entire movie will remind you of the beauty and fashion of Madame. Congrats, SJP.

Turn the Light On

I have a female friend who insists that men "settle down" when their "lights are on." Well, I think we are in the season where men inexplicably have turned their lights to "green." I had two male friends TODAY who in the past have self declared themselves as "eternal bachelors" admit they they are settling down for women they barely know. One is 50 years old and told me this morning that he is marrying a woman that he met through a friend on facebook three weeks ago and he is marrying her in a city hall ceremony NEXT WEEK. This blew my mind before 10AM. Then tonight, I had a male friend who is in his mid-40's s that he is allowing a woman to move in with him that he met two months ago on Nerve. Perhaps I'm skeptical and jaded and all I saw were red flags flashing as they confessed their new-found loves. Or perhaps, my friend's "lights on" theory is correct. Or perhaps it's seasonal. I'm not sure and only time will tell. I wonder when my light will turn "on." I'm fascinated by the functionality of the male mind.

Parenthood

In case you are wondering who in the hell watches Parenthood, well, it's my mother. I called her last week and she scolded me for interrupting her during the show. I didn't know this was one of her "shows" but now I do. When I got my period for the first time in the early 80's, I remember coming home from sax lessons and seeing a pool of blood soaked through my cordoroy boy's Levi's. Any middle schooler still wearing boy's jeans is going to be freaked out by the first flow. Anyway, I starting screaming and my mom told me to not bother her. "What's the matter? I'm watching Cagney and Lacey," she yelled across the hall. And, people wonder what is wrong with me.

Vacation Day

I want to go on a safari. I never had this desire before until today when I spent my vacation day in bed and at my storage room. I want to go on a luxury safari where someone carries my stuff, I wear a complete safari wardrobe and I get to see elephants and lions. I don't want to go by myself. Who wants to join me?

Hallelujah...Only 2 more weeks of Idol

Thanks to Adam Lambert I got sucked back into American Idol last season and have been watching again this season which has been terrible. I haven't even called to vote for anyone because I don't care who the hell wins. Crystal is the most talented but frankly, nobody has any charisma. I like my Idols to have some personality. Also, Lee DeWyze is even worse and more boring than Taylor Hicks. I have been hating him all season but tonight when he tortured Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah, it was my last straw. I wanted to call to have him voted off immediately. Listening to his soulless version of this song was like watching Kate Gosselin dance. Jeff Buckley's cover is my favorite and I have to confess I liked Timberlake's cover to support Haiti.

When You Were Mine

I love Prince and I love this song. I also love youtube which is celebrating five years! My favorite story about Prince was when he changed his name to a symbol and I was discussing this in the car with my sister with my mom driving us to the Reading outlets. My mom couldn't wrap her brain around it and kept asking, "How do you spell that? A-S-Y-M-B-L-E" Then my sister finally yelled, "Mom, like the Equal sign." She still didn't quite understand. Enjoy.

Things I Don't Understand

As I get older, there is less I understand and I'm not afraid to share it. I find the 20something set is afraid to admit they don't know it all and I suppose when I was that age, I thought I knew it all too. Here are some of the issues and concepts I don't "get."
1. Brooklyn...why do people live there? Is it out of financial necessity or is it actually cool? Why would you leave your small town to live in a borough that relies on an unreliable subway system?
2. Babies...I don't get the appeal.
3. Who are these people on Dancing with the Stars? Am I supposed to recognize most of these people?
4. What makes someone choose a career in human resources?
5. What's the deal with Ashton Kuthcher? Is he funny? Is he good looking? What's his deal?
6. Who invents business catch phrases? I heard the terms "A-ha moment," "with that being said" and "impactful" spoken at least 500 times last week.

The Babylon is Back

I was at a baby shower yesterday face to face with the changes my friends have all experienced over the past five years. They are married, having babies, buying property and moving out of the state. I realized that not much has changed in my life except I'm not blogging anymore. Well, that is something that shouldn't go away. I'm back. I'm not married. I thankfully have a good job and MJ Cat is doing well after a perilous encounter with some bladder stones. There is not damned reason I am not blogging except my addiction to Farm Town which has eaten away from my blogging time. I hope you visit me again because while things may not have changed, my life is different and I'm ready to share.

Bomb Scare in Times Square

I was on 45th Street tonight on my way to see Red as the bomb scare started. It was very disorganized and I was a few feet away. The scary thing is that there was very little information, disorganization and actual news. I asked the fireman in front of the theater what I should do. He stated, "You can go in at your own risk but I'd get the hell out of here." This is especially scary considering it has turned out to have been an actual bomb that could have killed many people. I'm home safely now but a bit shaken now that I'm watching the news.

We Are the World

It's been 25 years since We are the World was recorded. Frankly, I'm a Band Aid kind of girl. As far as I'm concerned, you can't remake something as magical.

The Noms

The Oscar nominations are in and I was happy to see all my favorite films from last year are in the Best Picture category. At first I was skeptical about the 10 films but perhaps District 9 may not have been nominated with only 5. I'm routing for Inglourious Basters and A Serious Man.



And for the record, I hate James Cameron.

Things I Hated 2009

I may not have been blogging as much I used to, but I feel compelled to do my year-end list of things I hated this year because as always, I always find new things to despise on an annual basis. These are not in order.
1. Jon Gosselin.
2. Ed Hardy clothing
3. The phrases "woohoo" or "woot" to describe online excitement.
4. Being forced to work weekend and holidays.
5. Death of friends
6. My deviated septum. I need a nose job this year.
7. Swine flu. Nobody rallies around you.
8. St. Vicent's ER
9. When employees ask for a raise the same week people are getting laid off. Look around, kids.
10. Business travel
11. Terrorists
12. Levi Johnston
13. Private numbers on phone calls
14. Tooth pain
15. My never-ending student loan payments
16. mayo
17. ketchup
18. cheese
19. relish
20. The fact that my eyesight continues to get worse each year costing me thousands of dollars.
21. End-0f-year, mid-year and goal setting meetings at work, especially when someone cries during these meetings.
22. Disorganized BAFTA functions
23. That asshole who works at Union Square Optical
24. When cheese is on a hamburger when I specifically ordered "NO CHEESE"
25. 8AM meetings
26. Throwing away old furniture and electronics
27. Cold calls at work
28. Men in midlife crisis
29. The Forum
30. Jay Leno at 10PM