nycbabylon

LIKE A VIRGINcast

2011-09-18T21:55:00.002-04:00

we made it through the wilderness...

Don't Come the Cowboy With Me, Sonny Jim

2011-08-04T23:07:00.000-04:00

Pandora can be psychic. This Kirsty MacColl classic completely summarizes my state of mind right now.

Back to Black

2011-08-03T21:54:00.000-04:00

I never quite understood why people have "mid life crises" until now that I am approaching my 40th birthday in 3 weeks. How in the hell did I become a combination of Marlo Thomas in That Girl combined with Little Edie combined with Blanche from the Golden Girls? It's enough to make mew want to go out and blow all my savings and take up with a 22 year old hipster from Williamsburg. I am questioning where the hell did the all the time go and wtf did I accomplish in it and I'm not so sure. I found so much confidence in my 30s and now I feel like my core is somewhat shaken. So, to you all you single ladies approaching 40 in the next few weeks, I recommend the following as I'm trying very hard to follow my own advice and while it's hard, it's somehow pulling me through...
1. Be an emotional risk taker. You have nothing to lose and put yourself out there while you can still walk and reach menopause. Love those back that care about you.
2. Blow money on good times while you can still have them.
3. No matter what, do not get another cat. (I almost did this and I'm glad I didn't or it would have distracted from my travels.)
4. Travel and have fun.
5. Be gentle with yourself. I always hear this phrase from my friends who have emerged from the depths of hell.

Last Couple Days on Earth

2011-05-18T23:33:00.002-04:00

Is the end of the world on Saturday, May 21st? Should I be nervous about this? I've been anxious enough as it is and now it could perhaps all come to an end....

Biggest Mistakes of My Life

2011-05-10T20:47:00.000-04:00

I am in the process of being considered to adopt a three-legged cat. My mother who every day becomes more of a curmudgeon gave me the unsolicited advice that if I get this cat, I'm going to make "the worst mistake" of my life. Well, for the record, I've made a lot bigger mistakes in my almost 40 years. Here they are (not in order).

1. Sitting on the floor of the car while our German Shepard was sitting on the seat while my dad was listening to the CB radio which resulted in a dog bite across my face resulting in a scar and almost losing an eye.
2. Not saving any money in my 20s resulting in major financial hardships and credit issues that have taken many years to resolve.
3. Not considering the proposal with the love of my life in my 20s resulting in a situation where I'm a lonely old maid considering adopting a three-legged cat.
4. The time I knocked over the vase of flowers during an interview at Vogue.
5. Knocking out my front tooth winding up a tennis net.
6. Bleaching my own hair after watching Lost Highway.

See, I don't make many mistakes.

Lady Madonna

2011-02-28T21:19:00.000-05:00

After all the boring Oscar fashion, I was actually relieved to see Madonna forgot her pants at the Vanity Fair party.

83rd Oscar Liveblog

2011-02-27T18:34:00.044-05:00

Melissa Leo is not only the most annoying actress but also the worst dressed.
6:30 PM
Welcome to my annual Oscar liveblog. I'm gearing up and making dinner while watching the red carpet. I predict that Anne Hathaway will bomb and that Celine Dion will sing. I'm routing for Social Network and Aronofsky. Oh, I am getting a late start because I went crazy at the Loehmann's Italian event where I got into the Oscar spirit by buying a couple of Valentino jackets.
7:23
I'm still in red carpet hell with Guiliana The Panda and Kelly Osbourne. What are their credentials as fashion critics? I lost weight and I didn't get a column in Vogue. All of these girls all look so styled. What happened to personal taste? I prefer to see mistakes than the vision of Rachel Zoe. Oh, shit. It's Celine Dion. Told you'd she would sing.

Thank God for Sharon Stone.

8:26
Getting ready for the telecast. I am wishing the following will win:
Best Picture: Social Network
Actor: James Franco
Actress: Michelle Williams
Director: Aronofsky

Also, I will be taking a bathroom break when Paltrow sings. I can't stand her.

8:30
Anne Hathaway is not funny. When I was working as a stand up, actors would try to be funny. They couldn't. This hosting gig is going to really hurt her career. That opening was unwatchable.

Max is skeptical about this telecast.

8:50
Why didn't they let Kirk Douglas host? Oh, no. Now I have to listen to that egomaniac Leo. I guess paying for your own campaign pays off. That speech will go down as one of the worst in Oscar history.

Kirk Douglas in better days. He, however, is funnier than Hathaway.

9:13
Sorkin will win but let's talk about the Bardem/Brolin sandwich. I actually have met and spoken to both of them and they as nice as they are handsome.

Now, that's a sandwich.

9:24
I want to beat the shit out of Hathaway. This is more painful than a middle school talent show. Franco is on the Pineapple Express tonight.

This is worse than Inception.

9:41
I don't understand this fake tension between Hathaway and Jackman. I mean, what was that bad joke about his being the wolver to her rine? And what was that weird out of place summer camp cabaret number Hathaway performed? This may be the worst Oscars ever. Also, I know this is an unpopular opinion, but Reese Witherspoon looks ridiculous.

Wolfman won for makeup but my bf wasn't nominated this year.

10:19
Franco looks so high I'm not sure he'll make it through the show. Oprah is very fat tonight on my HD TV.

Shout out to my alma mater! Go Tisch! Thank god for God of Love and Luke Matheny's speech and hair.

10:27

What the hell did Billy Crystal do to his face? Dead Oscar hosts are better than the ones alive today.

10:44
Yes, we live in a crazy world where Gwyneth Paltrow can win an Oscar
and sing a nominated song. I'd like to see Randy Newman and Kirk Douglas as hosts next year.

It's karaoke time.

10:56

Told you Celine would sing.

Max thinks this In Memorium is a real yawn.

11:08
James Franco can't keep his eyes open. Natalie Portman is now an Oscar winner.

Michelle, you had my vote.

11:31
Oscars are almost over. Steven Spielberg is looking very Boca tonight. Anne Hathaway should not be allowed to ever host a show again for the rest of her life. James Franco needs a urine test. Melissa Leo needs to disappear for awhile. Arnofksy should shave his stache. Christian Bale needs to shave his beard. Where is Angeline Jolie? And the winner is, The King's Speech. Thank God for PS22 to end on a good note.

The look of regret.

Bite It and Write It

2011-01-25T23:52:00.001-05:00

I have been pigging out for a year straight at too many fancy restaraunts and bad take out food. As I start my new role and a new year, I'm back on the trusted Weight Watchers diet which always work WHEN I FOLLOW IT. But, as I joined online yesterday to "bite it and write it," I was very confused because they changed how the points work. I mean, I was used to 19-23 points per day with 10 bonus points + activity. Now, I have like 35 points a day and 49 weekly and they don't count calories anymore and a glass of wine is now 4 points but what is a glass of vodka? And, I desperate need the online tool to keep track for me but I don't know how to count anything anymore. So, you had to change the program because morons where choosing a pack of 100 pt. Oreos versus a banana? Actually, I saw people do that. This all better work. If I seem cranky the next few months it is because I'm living off egg whites, pickles and bananas.

Favorite Movies 2010

2011-01-24T23:15:00.000-05:00

Since the Oscar nominations come out tomorrow, I wanted to release my list of favorte films of 2010. While many critics deliver their "best" lists, I always prefer to list my favorites as these are based on personal taste, experience of watching the film (a bad date can really ruin a movie) and their emotional impact on me. Timing is also crucial.

1. True Grit-Best line, "Well, that didn't pan out."
2. Black Swan-It's not a great movie but ever since I saw it, when I start going crazy from craving perfection, I now say, "I'm going Black Swan."
3. Somewhere-Chateau Marmont...need a I say more?
4. King's Speech-As my friend Todd always points out, I love any movie about a middle-aged man with a speech impediment (i.e. Sling Blade.) As my sister knows, I love the Queen Mother. Of course, I loved this movie.
5. Toy Story 3-Yes, I cried at the end and missed my old stuffed animals.
6. Another Year-As I get older, I like to see movies about old people.
7. Blue Valentine-I peed during the big nc-17 scence but it was still the saddest movie I saw all year. Is it me, or is Michelle Williams a great actress?
8. Social Network: Why in the hell am I not a billionaire?
9. Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work: Joan writes every joke on an index card and files it. Inspirational.
10. Exit Through the Gift Shop: Saw this right after my Spring obsession with Marina Abramovic at MOMA.

Now, get ready for the NOMS!

Team Kim Richards

2011-01-23T01:56:00.000-05:00

I have to confess, I actually teared up during the finale of Housewives of Beverly Hills. I hate admitting that I watched it and all season and that I was mesmerized with Camille Grammer's plastic surgery. But, the real star of this reality series was Kim Richards and I'm on Team Kim and and think Kyle is the meanest and most vindictive person I have ever witnessed on reality TV. Kyle holds such unresolved resentment and bitterness toward her sister and her willingness to belittle Kim on national television was inexcusable no matter what has happened between them throughout the years. I feel disgusted that BRAVO actually aired this (although it was gripping.) The relationships of sisters is complicated and sometimes messy, but despite the fights I have my sister, I would NEVER go into it on an Andy Cohen orchestrated show on BRAVO. After seeing this episode and crying at the severity at the end, I wanted to say I love my sister Ellen and no matter what happens between us, I WILL NEVER GO KYLE RICHARDS ON YOU and I know you will never leave me crying alone in the back of a limo on BRAVO. Love you, sis.

West Village Pool Scandal

2011-01-21T19:09:00.000-05:00

As many of you know, I disappear to secret outdoor spaces and beaches during the summer. One of my trusted places of refuge on hot summmer days has always been the pool located above the Printing House. There I hang with former 70 teen idols, Playboy bunnies, old Village ladies and washed up rock stars. I develop a tan starts in mid-May that lasts through the end of September. My hair turns green and I swim laps with a kickboard. Along with my gyno, one of my longest relationships in NYC has been my committment to this space and the people who go there. Over the past couple of months, Equinox purchased the Printing House threatening my private sanctuary. They are stating they will "renovate" the pool, but I fear publicity and dues will rise and my glorious summers with Jimmy, Alice, Denize and even fat Carla will end. Goodbye, old friend. Even if they surround you in bamboo and create more seating, it just won't be the same. I suppose now I'll need to spend more time at the beach.

Things I Hated 2010

2011-01-20T21:31:00.002-05:00

Things I Hated 2010
It is that time of the year when I list all the things I hated in 2010.
1. Winter hats shaped like animals.
2. The use of the word "meh" to describe a medicore emotion. I've hated this now for three years in a row.
3. The overuse of the non-word "impactful" in meetings.
4. When Max gets sick with bladder stones.
5. When men don't pick up the check. I realize this is old-fashioned but I love when he does.
6. When my colorist does not listen to me and follow my instructions.
7. Bad disgusting sandwiches at lunch meetings.
8. Community and Parks and Recreation...boring!
9. When Jenny my cleaning woman throws my shit away without asking.
10. The fact I missed a year of blogging due to corporate stress.
11. Members on task forces who do not do tasks.
12. Crying at work.
13. People who think it's OK to voice homophobic comments in front of me.
14. That period between 4-5PM when you need a taxi and you can't get a taxi.
15. When Justin Beiber tries to be cool
16. Willia H. Macy
17. mayo
18. ketchup
19. cheese
20. relish
21. Every fall when I realize moths have ruined 1/2 of my cashmere
22. Young girls who "Tweet" and think they are digital experts. Not true.
23. Sitting on the runway
24. Cold calls
25. 8AM meetings
26. Having my order messed up at a restaurant
27. Having to fire someone
28. Bras that don't fit after being "fitted"
29. Below freezing temps
30. Men who don't follow up.

The Hitler of Rodents

2010-10-14T23:59:00.003-04:00

As I was relaxing and reading Hobby Farms last night, I came across an ad for the scariest and most inhumane machine on the planet called "The Rodenator." Ed Meyer is the "Hitler of Rodents." He seeks revenge on gophers, bunnies and voles and gets off by blowing them up with his archaic rodent murdering device. We need to stop this murderer.

Add as Friend: Social Network Review

2010-09-27T22:41:00.002-04:00

I was hesitant that the movie of the Social Network wouldn't be as good as the trailer. I was wrong. The script is hilarious, Jesse Eisenberg's portrayal of Zuckerberg is uncanny and even Justin Timberlake is hilarious as Sean Parker. As someone who has built an paying career on user generated and social media content and technology, I am of course a ripe audience member for The Social Network and was going to love it even a little bit even if it was pure crap. At the post screening Q&A which included the cast and writer Aaron Sorkin, I was surprised that all of the cast members admited they don't even have facebook profiles despite all the "research" that went into the film. (I was reminded of the executives I work with that don't have facebook profiles who mandate we work with facebook as a means to itself without having any idea how the site operates.) So, essentially, The Social Network is less about Zuckerberg or the founding of facebook but actually a meditation on how the advancement of digital technology has destroyed the classic entertainment industry and narrative as we knew it. A lot of critics are comparing the film to Citizen Kane but since I saw the film last night, I keep thinking about Robert Altman's Nashville. Just like Nashville used the country music industry as a tool to investigate the politics and culture of the 1970's, the Social Network is essentially a documentation of what we've all been up to over the past decade and how the advancement of "technology" is not socializing us, but actually tools for alienation and capitalization. It's a film about the losers and the winners, the rich and the poor and the drifters and the stars in Silicon Valley. And thank god it's all documented as an actual "motion picture" rather than just a fleeting status update.

I'm in Lust

2010-09-02T00:41:00.004-04:00

I like really like this guy in an 8th grade sort of way and I realized that the only way to deal with an unrequited crush is through blogging. I like him so much that I'd do things for him that I wouldn't do for hardly anyone if they asked me. These include:
1. I'd give him some money. I hate giving anyone my money but I'd give him a percentage of my paycheck if he asked.
2. I'd wash his dishes and I don't even wash my own. The same goes for his laundry.
3. I'd be quiet if he asked me to.
4. I'd escort him to a sporting event or play tennis with him. I hate sports and tennis.
5. I'd eat cheese if he made it.

So, you get my point and I'm too much of pussy to express how I feel. I just turned 39 last week and I realized that I've become too private in the past couple of years. Well, screw it. I'm back and I'm blogging and I'm ready for love. I just hope I get to hold on to my cash.

The Secret of My Success

2010-07-15T23:32:00.005-04:00

The truth is that I've been working like a dog for the past couple of years and today I realized that the capitalist side of my personality was initially formed by multiple viewings of movies about work. Here's my cinema MBA.
1. Secret of My Success
During the 80's I had a fantasy every guy at my future office would look like Michael J. Fox. I also learned the importance of doing market research from this movie and how not to behave at a corporate retreat.
2. Working Girl
I learned that great ideas can come from tabloids and that MBA's don't use tabloids to generate new ideas and therefore, reading gossip can be a great way to get ahead in business. I also learned that shorter hair makes you look more professional.
3. Swimming with Sharks. This taught me how to deal with a bad boss. I won't reveal my secrets here.
4. 9-5. Align with the ladies to beat the boys.
5. The Devil Wears Prada. I always side with Miranda Priestly in the movie. It's okay to be a decisive powerful and influential woman. Anna Wintour is really my real-life role model.

The Long Island Terracecast

2010-07-15T23:30:00.000-04:00

This podcast, we're live on tape from a second floor terrace in beautiful, but kinda noisy, Long Island. And, yo, you gotta problem with dat, we'll come over there and bust your f*&%ing kneecaps.

On a lighter note, the topics include:

• A full on dedication to Rachel's favorite topic - Pussies.

• Todd's knack for seeing all of this summer's worst movies.

• What really gets Rachel all excited?

• How Todd's Mexican Horror Film wardrobe is not gay.

LISTEN TO THE SHOW NOW RIGHT HERE,

OR YOU CAN SUBSCRIBE AND DOWNLOAD THIS AND EVERY EPISODE ON iTunes HERE.

The Birthday Pride Podcast Beware of the Babylon

2010-06-29T23:00:00.000-04:00

What better way to celebrate Todd's birthday and gay pride, with a brand spankin' new podcast with the following topics LIVE ON TAPE from Aroma Espresso Bar in SoHo...

• The defining moment that changed Rachel's childhood involving pinball machines.

• Why gay men hate lesbians, no matter what you've heard.

• Deep reflections on growing old in the age of the podcast.

• Rachel's hate/hate relationship with the World Cup.

• The forgotten "hits" of Rick Springfield.

• Foursquare badge unlocking tips.

• How not to become Snookie.

Don't forget you can subscribe to the podcast FOR FREE and download this and over 75 BEWARE OF THE BABYLON episodes through iTunes here.

Lifestyles of the not rich and wish they were famous

2010-06-06T21:41:00.002-04:00

These are things I need to do this week.

1. Attend Webutante Ball.
2. Get a bikini wax.
3. Call my colorist. My roots are showing.
4. Watch Real Housewives of NY reunion.
5. Get permanant crown on my tooth.
6. Pick up prescription cat food at the vet.
7. Schedule some meetings that I don't have time to have
8. Finish that presentation
9. Pick up my suitcase.
10. Ride in a hot air balloon.

Madame Award: Liftetime Achievement

2010-05-27T14:41:00.003-04:00

Sex and the City 2 is just plain horrible and almost unwatchable. The only award the movie wins is that Sarah Jessica Parker is will now be given the honorary MADAME HALL OF FAME award. Throughout her costume changes, she exemplifies all the glamour of the greatest marionette of all time, MADAME. From her makeup to her headscarves, Sarah Jessica Parker's wooden self-centered acting throughout the entire movie will remind you of the beauty and fashion of Madame. Congrats, SJP.

Turn the Light On

2010-05-26T00:33:00.003-04:00

I have a female friend who insists that men "settle down" when their "lights are on." Well, I think we are in the season where men inexplicably have turned their lights to "green." I had two male friends TODAY who in the past have self declared themselves as "eternal bachelors" admit they they are settling down for women they barely know. One is 50 years old and told me this morning that he is marrying a woman that he met through a friend on facebook three weeks ago and he is marrying her in a city hall ceremony NEXT WEEK. This blew my mind before 10AM. Then tonight, I had a male friend who is in his mid-40's s that he is allowing a woman to move in with him that he met two months ago on Nerve. Perhaps I'm skeptical and jaded and all I saw were red flags flashing as they confessed their new-found loves. Or perhaps, my friend's "lights on" theory is correct. Or perhaps it's seasonal. I'm not sure and only time will tell. I wonder when my light will turn "on." I'm fascinated by the functionality of the male mind.

Parenthood

2010-05-24T19:11:00.002-04:00

In case you are wondering who in the hell watches Parenthood, well, it's my mother. I called her last week and she scolded me for interrupting her during the show. I didn't know this was one of her "shows" but now I do. When I got my period for the first time in the early 80's, I remember coming home from sax lessons and seeing a pool of blood soaked through my cordoroy boy's Levi's. Any middle schooler still wearing boy's jeans is going to be freaked out by the first flow. Anyway, I starting screaming and my mom told me to not bother her. "What's the matter? I'm watching Cagney and Lacey," she yelled across the hall. And, people wonder what is wrong with me.

Vacation Day

2010-05-19T23:27:00.001-04:00

I want to go on a safari. I never had this desire before until today when I spent my vacation day in bed and at my storage room. I want to go on a luxury safari where someone carries my stuff, I wear a complete safari wardrobe and I get to see elephants and lions. I don't want to go by myself. Who wants to join me?

Hallelujah...Only 2 more weeks of Idol

2010-05-18T23:03:00.001-04:00

Thanks to Adam Lambert I got sucked back into American Idol last season and have been watching again this season which has been terrible. I haven't even called to vote for anyone because I don't care who the hell wins. Crystal is the most talented but frankly, nobody has any charisma. I like my Idols to have some personality. Also, Lee DeWyze is even worse and more boring than Taylor Hicks. I have been hating him all season but tonight when he tortured Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah, it was my last straw. I wanted to call to have him voted off immediately. Listening to his soulless version of this song was like watching Kate Gosselin dance. Jeff Buckley's cover is my favorite and I have to confess I liked Timberlake's cover to support Haiti.

When You Were Mine

2010-05-17T23:46:00.001-04:00

I love Prince and I love this song. I also love youtube which is celebrating five years! My favorite story about Prince was when he changed his name to a symbol and I was discussing this in the car with my sister with my mom driving us to the Reading outlets. My mom couldn't wrap her brain around it and kept asking, "How do you spell that? A-S-Y-M-B-L-E" Then my sister finally yelled, "Mom, like the Equal sign." She still didn't quite understand. Enjoy.

Things I Don't Understand

2010-05-17T20:43:00.003-04:00

As I get older, there is less I understand and I'm not afraid to share it. I find the 20something set is afraid to admit they don't know it all and I suppose when I was that age, I thought I knew it all too. Here are some of the issues and concepts I don't "get."
1. Brooklyn...why do people live there? Is it out of financial necessity or is it actually cool? Why would you leave your small town to live in a borough that relies on an unreliable subway system?
2. Babies...I don't get the appeal.
3. Who are these people on Dancing with the Stars? Am I supposed to recognize most of these people?
4. What makes someone choose a career in human resources?
5. What's the deal with Ashton Kuthcher? Is he funny? Is he good looking? What's his deal?
6. Who invents business catch phrases? I heard the terms "A-ha moment," "with that being said" and "impactful" spoken at least 500 times last week.

The Babylon is Back

2010-05-16T22:48:00.002-04:00

I was at a baby shower yesterday face to face with the changes my friends have all experienced over the past five years. They are married, having babies, buying property and moving out of the state. I realized that not much has changed in my life except I'm not blogging anymore. Well, that is something that shouldn't go away. I'm back. I'm not married. I thankfully have a good job and MJ Cat is doing well after a perilous encounter with some bladder stones. There is not damned reason I am not blogging except my addiction to Farm Town which has eaten away from my blogging time. I hope you visit me again because while things may not have changed, my life is different and I'm ready to share.

Bomb Scare in Times Square

2010-05-02T01:45:00.004-04:00

I was on 45th Street tonight on my way to see Red as the bomb scare started. It was very disorganized and I was a few feet away. The scary thing is that there was very little information, disorganization and actual news. I asked the fireman in front of the theater what I should do. He stated, "You can go in at your own risk but I'd get the hell out of here." This is especially scary considering it has turned out to have been an actual bomb that could have killed many people. I'm home safely now but a bit shaken now that I'm watching the news.

We Are the World

2010-02-02T22:09:00.003-05:00

It's been 25 years since We are the World was recorded. Frankly, I'm a Band Aid kind of girl. As far as I'm concerned, you can't remake something as magical.

The Noms

2010-02-02T21:41:00.002-05:00

The Oscar nominations are in and I was happy to see all my favorite films from last year are in the Best Picture category. At first I was skeptical about the 10 films but perhaps District 9 may not have been nominated with only 5. I'm routing for Inglourious Basters and A Serious Man.

And for the record, I hate James Cameron.

Things I Hated 2009

2010-01-03T22:04:00.003-05:00

I may not have been blogging as much I used to, but I feel compelled to do my year-end list of things I hated this year because as always, I always find new things to despise on an annual basis. These are not in order.
1. Jon Gosselin.
2. Ed Hardy clothing
3. The phrases "woohoo" or "woot" to describe online excitement.
4. Being forced to work weekend and holidays.
5. Death of friends
6. My deviated septum. I need a nose job this year.
7. Swine flu. Nobody rallies around you.
8. St. Vicent's ER
9. When employees ask for a raise the same week people are getting laid off. Look around, kids.
10. Business travel
11. Terrorists
12. Levi Johnston
13. Private numbers on phone calls
14. Tooth pain
15. My never-ending student loan payments
16. mayo
17. ketchup
18. cheese
19. relish
20. The fact that my eyesight continues to get worse each year costing me thousands of dollars.
21. End-0f-year, mid-year and goal setting meetings at work, especially when someone cries during these meetings.
22. Disorganized BAFTA functions
23. That asshole who works at Union Square Optical
24. When cheese is on a hamburger when I specifically ordered "NO CHEESE"
25. 8AM meetings
26. Throwing away old furniture and electronics
27. Cold calls at work
28. Men in midlife crisis
29. The Forum
30. Jay Leno at 10PM

Best Movies of the Decade

2009-12-10T21:07:00.006-05:00

It's not only the end of the year but the end of decade. I've been home for a week now with the virus of the decade so I've been contemplating my best and favorite films of the aughts. Here you:

1. There Will Be Blood
2. History of Violence
3. Bridget Jones' Diary
4. Royal Tenenbaums
5. Lost in Translation
6. Adaptation
7. Inglourious Basterds
8. Wall-E
9. Talk to Her
10. Borat

Election Week

2009-11-01T23:59:00.003-05:00

I'm stuck. I don't know who to vote for and Dominic Carter was canned from NY1. What is a girl to do? Do I really care about term limits? There are more bums on the subway. Should I blame Bloomberg for that? I still can't rent an apartment in my neighborhood at a decent price and I make a decent salary. Whose fault is that?

Human Centipede

2009-09-30T21:58:00.001-04:00

I can't even talk about the new disgusting horror porn film Human Centipede because it upsets me in every way I can imagine. Yet, I can't stop googling to find out how it all ends. Please tell me.

Superior Donuts

2009-09-25T23:17:00.003-04:00

Saw the Tracy Letts' play Superior Donuts tonight. Dustin Hoffman was there. It was a highly enjoyable theater experience although it was no Osage August County. Michael McKeon gave a Tony worthy peformance. It sort of had a theatrical Chico and the Man feeling about it. Oh, and Chelsea Clinton was on the subway with me on the way home. She's actually kind of pretty in person.

10 Reasons Today Was Mediocre

2009-09-23T19:04:00.003-04:00

1. My boss gave me one of those end-of-day deadlines without context or direction and that stresses me out.
2. Weird smirks and sideways glances from my direct reports make me feel like Michael on the Office.
3. MJ Cat just tried to run away into the apartment upstairs.
4. This guy I like I marrying another woman on Saturday. I just thought of that one.
5. My allergist is insisting I make an appointment or he won't refill my allergy meds.
6. The recession is sucking me dry.

Transportation

2009-09-23T18:50:00.003-04:00

Today on the way home from work someone confessed she takes a taxi everyday to work! That shocked me but I hate taxis. I think I hate taxis more than I hate the MTA and I think the MTA kind of sucks. I mean I spend $27/ week now on my transit card and despite the increase in price, I have not seen an increase in service. I rarely get a seat in the morning and what's up with the IRT? Why do I always feel like I wait AT LEAST 1/2 hour to take the downtown train? I can't even go to the Upper East Side anymore because of the crowds on the 6. Taxis just make me mad because of the terrible driving and the fact that I feel like I'm going to vomit 99% of the time. I actually have vomitted in UTOG cars twice, but that was on the corporate dime.
I love New York.

I'm Still Wild About Harry!

2009-09-22T23:40:00.006-04:00

Tonight I attended an awesome private party hosted by Clive Davis celebrating Harry Connick Jr.'s new album Your Song which is a collection of well-known songs featuring Harry's vocal talents. I've been a fan of Harry's since his debut 18 years ago and he is an amazing performer. Also, attending a party with Clive Davis was on my bucket list so I can cross that one off!

Emmy's 2009 Madame Award

2009-09-21T12:40:00.002-04:00

The winner of the 2009 Emmy Madame Award is......

Cicely Tyson!

The Fall Season Has Begun

2009-09-20T23:53:00.003-04:00

I kind of took the summer off of blogging. I spent most of my free time redecorating my apartment and overtanning myself at the Printing House Pool. I travelled to Los Angeles, San Diego, Chicago, The Outerbanks, Cape May, Baltimore and York, PA for my 20th high school reunion. I haven't had time to blog, but I have a lot of stories so I'm back to blog. Hope to see you.

The Roofcast Labor Day Podcast

2009-09-08T23:00:00.001-04:00

BEWARE OF THE BABYLON is live on tape on a West Village rooftop to bring you our latest collection of wisdom:

Topics include...

• Naked podcasting. Will it start with a shower, or have we already done this naked?

• Why is Mary Poppins on Broadway so damn scary?

• How much drama is too much drama at the gym?

• The Inglourious Basterds geek-out

• Can you break up with Buddha?

• Things that make us feel old

• How to hoard episodes of A & E's 'Hoarders'

As alway, this and over 75 BEWARE OF THE BABYLON episodes can be automatically downloaded from iTunes here.

New Room

2009-07-19T21:27:00.002-04:00

I basically live in one room and redecorating one room is the biggest challenge you can have. I invite any professionals from television who want to come in and use my apartment as a decorating challenge. I mean it. Come over. Put up shelves. Paint. Throw stuff away. I'm game.

Goodbye, Max

2009-06-16T19:21:00.003-04:00

I was very sad to hear about the death of my dear friend Max Gold and my thoughts are with his beautiful wife Kimaree, his two beloved children Grayson and Georgia and his parents. Max was a quiet shy guy but through our love of film, popular culture, cigars and a good steak, we became unlikely friends in college and better friends during our early days struggling in NYC. Never one to admit a movie made him cry, Max would always say that he got a little "dusty" if the film was sentimental or sad. I have some really awesome memories of my times with Max over the past few years which only make sense in the context of our friendship and to our core group of Rat Pack friends but I'm going to share them anyway in his memory. Like many of you, I get so caught up in my life I don't have the time to tell all those out there how much they to mean to me, and Max was someone very special in my life--a constant person of sanity, generosity, fun and serenity and the namesake for Maximillian Cat. I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye. These are some of my favorite moments with my friend Max:

1. Donna Martin graduates party and his devout love/hate of Tori.
2. The night Max got his first paycheck and treated me and Al for steaks at the The Palm when I was dirt poor.
2. Seeing Lost Highway together 4 times in the theater and always making time with me to play video games prior to the film.
3. The crazy El Paso lobster dinner with my mother, sister and other random friends where we insisted that the guitar player serenade my mother with Light My Fire since she hates that kind of stuff.
4. The Five-star day where Max took me to see the Oscar red carpet, ate fish tacos for the fist time from a stand on Venice Beach and then watched the show at Randy Newman's lover's house (don't ask). Max didn't want to drive me downtown for the red carpet part, but when I got a little "dusty" he took me out of sympathy. He, however, did drive me without hesitation to the exact spot where Biggie got shot.
5. The George Clooney Dr. Ross bar incident
6. Every Rat Pack/Swingers night we ever had with Phil, Al, Dupes and Ro. It was fun to be the girl in a group of such boys.
7. Max's beautiful wedding to Kimaree that hot August day in New Orleans and the fun we had that awesome weekend when we were all together in NOLA.
8. Driving around LA in Max's car singing Sugar Ray when he moved out west and I visited him for the first time. That song Every Morning was on the radio every five minutes and we couldn't get enough of it and I still think of Max when I hear it.
9. Smoking cigars on the street to celebrate me and Kimaree's 30th birthdays.
10. The week that Max lived with me before he moved to LA and how annoyed I was that he had to watch Sports Center hogging the TV before bedtime but when he moved away, how much I really missed seeing him all the time.

Rest in peace, gentle friend.

My Bucket List

2009-05-27T21:30:00.007-04:00

It's been awhile since I posted, but I've been busy crossing of things I want to do before I die and to honor the memory of my friend Timothy who died two years. In his honor during the month of May I live freely, happily and without fear. You never know when one day you are going to sit down to watch Nova, drink a diet Shasta and never wake up again.

Here's what I accomplished in May:
1. Performed onstage with a rock band (English Beat)

2. Spoke at a professional conference to a bunch of strangers about what I do for a living.

3. Booked myself for a weekend at the Chateau Marmont an entertained friends in my room.

4. Rode up the Pacific coastline on the Amtrak.

Here is what is next:
1. Run for public office
2. Swim with dolphins
3. Go to the Italy

Decade on Morton

2009-05-03T23:05:00.002-04:00

This weekend marked my 10th anniverary in my tiny West Village apartment. I can't believe I still live here and while my life seems different it also seems the same. In 1999, I didn't have a cat, worked as an assistant, had a website on Geocities, didn't know Pepe, wasn't afraid of terrorists and had red hair. The neighborhood has definitely changed but I love the new West Side Highway and the Christopher Street pier. I am lucky and grateful that the Risotteria came into my life giving me a job and a good friend named Joe when I really needed both of them. The only thing I really need to change is my old TV which I've had since I moved here. It's time.

2009-04-07T23:52:00.001-04:00

I LOVE ADAM LAMBERT

2009-04-07T21:31:00.002-04:00

It's been a few seasons since I have been excited about American Idol but thanks to Adam Lambert, I'm Idol obsessed! He killed tonight with Mad World. Once I get the video to that, I'll post but in the meantime, watch his amazing performance of Tracks of My Tears from Motown week!

Chinese Medicine

2009-04-05T22:48:00.003-04:00

Today I spent the day in Chinatown and went into a strange Chinese medicine shop. The old man there took close photos of my eyeballs, took my pulse and examined my tongue. He told me I had trouble sleeping, stomach issues and congestion. He was so dead on, I asked him what I should do so he whipped me up a strange package of herbs and some kind of mineral that he crushed on the floor. I had to soak it, boil it and then simmer it for 45 minutes. It tasted terrible but right after I drank it, my nose cleared out and my stomach feels settled. I wish my insurance covered this.

Goodbye Blogger, Hello Tumblr?

2009-02-02T22:17:00.002-05:00

After many long years blogging here on blogger, I've decided to move to a new hosting system for awhile called Tumblr. I'll still be updating this blog for big blog events so read both in the meantime until I finalize by nycbabylon blogging strategy.

nycbabylon.tumblr.com

Groundhog Day

2009-02-02T18:23:00.003-05:00

Man, I've been in Vegas and being a terrible blogger. I'm kind of like Punxatawney Phil and have been hiding out in my hole. I didn't see my shadow today so perhaps I'll be inspired to write more here or mabye I'll just start a new babylon blog.

Thoughts?

The 2009 Golden Globes Madame Award

2009-01-12T22:52:00.004-05:00

It's that special post-awards show moment where I name the celebrity that most embodies the glamour and spirit of the greatest puppet of all time-Madame!

Golden Globes Liveblog

2009-01-11T18:14:00.044-05:00

10:59
Why isn't The Wrestler nominated? I knew Slumdog would win. I'm taking a bath. See you at the Oscars.

Mickey is more than just a piece of old meat. He's a Globes winner!

10:54
I am tearing up from Mickey Rourke's speech. I love a comeback and his performance was amazing. I also have to say that I was about three inches away from Rourke during a BAFTA event and I still can't tell you what's up with his face.

10:45
I just want to bitch that I agree it's not fair that the biggest awards are last and then the producers cut off acceptance speeches. I'm starting to get tired. I'm hoping Rourke wins.

Kate wins two Globes and professes her "love" for Leo.
10:36
Is anyone out there agreeing with me that Marisa Tomei looks fabulous? I don't like this dress the Slumdog woman is wearing. I am digging Cameron's haircolor. I think Kate forgetting Angelina has been a highlight of tonight. I remember the first time I saw Kate in Heavenly Creatures. Angelina even looks touched.

Rita Wilson wears a big fat ugly getup to the Globes.

10:28
"There's that asshole Borat." That's what my mother said just said Sascha Baron Cohen appeared onscreen. I just again had to explain that there are two categories for comedy and drama. I'm glad Vicky Cristina Barcelona won. It's on my top 10 list of 2008. Letty Aronson is Woody Allen's sister in case you don't know that. She also used to work at MOTAR.

10:16
After seeing Sigourney and Emma, I agree that we need more films with these older fabulous actresses. I, however, am not a big Sandra Bullock fan or of her dress. Where is Javier Bardem? Is he hiding out with Brolin? I didn't see In Bruges.

9:55
It's time for the lifetime achievement award. My favorites are E.T. and The Color Purple.

Duchovny is two degrees from NYCBABYLON.

OK, Duchovny is still married? I thought he and Tia broke up when he was sent to the sex addiction clinic? Also, for the record, I've never met Duchovney but I'm seperated by him by two degrees. I used to take dance class with Krawkoski who just presented him and many years ago my neighbor used to date him. Tina's dress looks good but there is something funky about ther hair and makeup.

9:35
Tina Fey is wearing a very sexy dress. Tracey Morgan is hilarious but Jeff Zucker doesn't look amused. Did anyone else read about the SAG blacklist? Where is Brolin? Is he too mad to attend? Or was he banned? I thought of Brolin because like Brosnan, he's devastatingly handsome. Also, where is Sean Penn?

Neither my mother or MJ cared for Sally Hawkin's acceptance speech although neither of them saw the film.
9:24
I only recently fired Grey's and started watching 30 Rock and I have to confess, it's really great television. For those watching the ads, I wear the Laetitia Casta shade of L'Oreal star secrets lipstick.

I need exact details to follow Seth Rogan's diet.
9:15
Is it me or does Emma Thompson look fabulous? Where are Cate Blanchett and Nicole Kidman? I would like Maggie's dress better without that print. I wore a big shoulder bow on my dress to the senior prom so I'm biased towards that silouhette.

8:55
Demi looks beter than Rumor and I was getting my chicken out of the slow cooker and didn't get a photo of Drew! Tom Cruise is with his mother. Where's Katie? Deserved but very sad win for Heath and now I'm choked up.

Do it for Johnny.
8:37
Ricky Gervais is never going to break through to American audiences. I think he's funny but the average Miley Cyrus fan will just not appreciate Ricky. He's like Eddie Izzard and the fact the Jonas Brothers followed him, shows my point. The Jonas Brothers make me feel old. Johnny Depp makes me feel lusty. Sally Hawkins is freaking out she beat Streep and Thompson. My mother just called me and once again I had to explain that the foreign press divides comedy and drama into two categories because she thought Sally Hawkins acted like a "jerk. She's a damned a movie star. She should be able to talk."

Rene does not have me at hello.
8:27
I don't understand Eva Mendes. Is she talented? Why is she on this show? I've never seen her on TV or in a movie. If I could have any job in the world, I'd want to be President of the Hollywood Foreign Press. Man, I love Gabriel Byrne. Where in the hell is he? I always used to see him looking haggard walking down Bleecker.

8:07
For the record, the TV stars I can't stand are Eva Longoria and Simon Baker. Simon Baker just looks creepy to me. Someone who is out to get me just put them on the stage at the same time. Did anyone see Neil Patrick Harris on SNL last night where he made a great Piven joke?

What in the hell happened to Sting? At least Bruce looks the same and his song won!

JLo forgets we are entering the Great Depression in her lame gown.
8:00
The show is starting. Jay from ANTM is going crazy over Drew's Galliano dress. I'm all about her hair. I think that she really caught me so offguard, she's my favorite. I love a fashion surprise. JLo looks like Hannukah gelt. We're on to Best Supporting Actress. I want Penny to win. She rocked in Vicky Christina Barcelona but Marissa is my favorite over 40. And the winner is....Kate! Wow, I'm surprised although I love Kate.

Drew and Jessica debate. Hot messes or fabulous? I think I want to do my hair like that for my sister's wedding.

Kate Winslet demonstrates real glamour. I also think Leo is still hot.

7:31
Jolie just got out of the van with Brad but Kate Winslet demonstrates perfect hair and makeup. Myley Cyrus was just on and I just don't get it.

Maggie shares an uncomfortable moment in an unfortunate dress during the preshow.

7:19
Finally, an uncomfortable red carpet moment. Ryan just asked Maggie Gyllenhaal about the death of Heath Ledger. She's wearing a very strange ruffly leopard print Lanvin dress and basically answered that she didn't want to talk about her "dead friend" during the Globes. Then, Ryan put his foot in his mouth and they went straight to David Duchovny but unfortunately they didn't ask him about his sex addiction. OMG. Drew Barrymore is wearing a Marilyn Monroe costume and promoting Grey Gardens with Jessica Lange. Drew's look is freaking me out. I need to find a photo.

7:11

Brooke Adams breaks out her Slumdog Millionaire look.

7:06
The preshow on E! is BORING. TV stars in general are boring. Susan Sarandon just showed up looking good but I could give a rat's ass about Eva Longoria.

Rumor Willis is this year's Miss Golden Globes. She's also now a redhead.

Lisa Edelstein from House vies for this year's Madame Award.

6:00 PMWelcome to my liveblog coverage of the 2009 Golden Globes! Stay tuned as I comment on the winners and fashions. I'm watching the preshow right now and it's the boring cast of Slumdog Millionaire. I'm waiting for the big stars to arrive and will be keeping you posted. For those of you who don't know, I'm all about Mickey Rourke and as always, Angelina Jolie.

Where in the hell are Joan and Melissa? Why am I stuck watching Lisa Rinna and Jay from ANTM?

My Favorite Films of 2008

2009-01-07T00:22:00.004-05:00

Before the Globes air in just a couple of hours, here's my 10 Best Films of 2008. Stay tuned for my red carpet coverage.

1. The Wrestler
2. Wall-E
3. The Dark Knight
4. Wendy and Lucy
5. Rachel Getting Married
6. Vicky, Christina Barcelona
7. Frost/Nixon
8. The Reader
9. Australia
10. Doubt

The Recession Bailout Holiday Podcast

2008-12-19T22:31:00.001-05:00

• Why in the world is Rachel dressed in a Madeline costume?
• What could that possibly have to do with the Recession?
• Who the hell is Sasha Fierce anyway?
• When will the high end stores sales end?
• How did we manage to go so long without a new show?

BEWARE OF THE BABYLON
answers all these questions and more on this brand new Christmas at Macys Santaland podcast, with very special guest, Craig the boyfriend.

As alway, this and every BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes here.

Things I Hated 2008

2008-12-15T23:30:00.001-05:00

It is that time of the year when I list all the things I hated in 2008.
1. Hearing other people talk non-stop about their wedding planning.
2. The use of the word "meh" to describe a medicore emotion. I just realized I also hated this last year.
2. Being the one having to fire someone.
3. My allergy shots which I never have time to get.
4. The fact that my walls need to be painted and I don't have the strength or time to move all my shit to the middle of the floor.
5. When my good friends have babies and completely disappear.
6. Goat cheese
7. Kelly Ripa
8. I hate when Max wakes me up by putting his nose in my face prior to 7AM.
9. Twentysomethings who think they can go from an entry-level job to becoming a VP in 3 months. Pay your dues, kids.
10. Business travel
11. Mass corporate layoffs
12. Emails warning that muggings are happening in my neighborhood.
13. Miley Cyrus
14. Deep dental cleanings
15. My never ending student loan payments
16. mayo
17. ketchup
18. cheese
19. relish
20. The fact that I always get the woman at the nail salon with the wart on her finger and I'm too scared to ask for someone else
21. Buttons falling off coats
22. Disorganized BAFTA functions
23. When guys say they want to make a date with you and then never follow up.
24. The new facebook layout
25. 8AM meetings
26. The word impactful which I learned is not really even a grammatically correct word
27. Random people who write to me on facebook for business purposed. Use linkedin, please.
28. The recession
29. George Bush
30. Andy Samberg. He's butt and not very funny.

Tales from the Recession

2008-12-10T23:03:00.004-05:00

I'm back. I've been at BAFTA every night, dealing with high pressure with work and actually out socializing! But, I'm back. I have a lot to say. First of all, The Wrestler is the best film of the year. Second of all, the economy sucks but the sales at Saks are unbelievable. Tonight, we recorded the podcast. In other words, I have a lot to say.

Australia Movie Review

2008-11-23T23:55:00.002-05:00

Rabbit-Proof Fence+City Slickers+Gone With the Wind=Australia

I predict in a slow year for film so far, Australia is now the top contender for best picture. I have to admit, it was fantastic in an old-Hollywood epic kind of way.

Serious Risks of Purchasing Salon Products Outside of A Salon

2008-11-12T21:39:00.002-05:00

I used to think I was getting a deal when I purchased salon products outside of my salon at Ricky's, at Target or at Drugstore.com. I was shocked to learn that I was not only PAYING more, but also using a product that may be fake, diluted or contaminated. I once purchased a liter of Redken All Soft from Drugstore.com and always thought it smelled funky and did not perform as what I had purchased from SuperCuts which cost less and peformed better. I urge you to support your local hairdreser. Remember, you can also buy products even if you are not getting a cut or color. The salon won't be insulted. You'll ensure you're getting an authentic product and the salon will be thrilled to have your business.

One is the Lonliest Number

2008-11-11T20:38:00.002-05:00

Tonight at the end of a very long work day, I noticed a large portion of my coworkers were leaving together. It turns out that they were going to a bar to play Taboo AND did not invite me. I asked Sarah and Cynthia who report to me and asked, "What's up? How come I wasn't invited?" Their response was, "We didn't invite any of the directors."

Am I too old to have fun? Am I scary boss? Do they need a break from me?

I like to have fun, too!

Wow

2008-11-04T23:04:00.003-05:00

It's 11:04 and I wanted to note in my blog that I'm witnessing the election of our nation's first African-American president Barack Obama. Now, I hope we see a Woman as our nation's leader during my lifetime.

I Rocked the Vote

2008-11-04T19:13:00.002-05:00

Wow. I just exercised my right to vote in this historic election. I haven't seen such excitement and crowds for an election during my lifetime. I started to get really excited when I stopped by the NBC Election area and saw the etched out ice rink at Rockefeller Center! Now,I'm hooked on TV and will liveblog if anything exciting happens during this very historic evening.

Hope you Had a Good Halloween

2008-11-02T01:59:00.002-04:00

Nothing says Halloween like Paul Lynde, Margaret Hamilton, Witchiepoo, Florence Henderson and Kiss. Thanks to Todd for telling me about this one.

The Post Op Podcast

2008-11-01T19:53:00.001-04:00

On this exciting
BEWARE OF THE BABYLON
Post Op Podcast
Rachel and Todd are live on tape from the yummy Sullivan Diner in New York City's West Village. Rachel's a survivor, Todd's all nostalgic for Halloween music, and they're both just happy to be alive.

Topics include:

* The Presidential Election Process

* Why Clint Eastwood loves Cats

* How not to ask for "Feathers and Streamers"

* Why Kurt Cobain may be a fashion role model after you've had an exhausting operation

As alway, this and every BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes here.

Scary Halloween

2008-10-31T21:39:00.004-04:00

I need to rant because I've been holed up in recovery mode for the past week. First of all, it's Halloween and there is a teenage party downstairs which is getting out of control and the fact that I even care, is making me feel old. Then, I spoke to my cousin who just moved here and she and her friends are getting "hammered" to come to the village cause they heard that is the only way to have fun here on Halloween. That made me feel old because I live in the village and am sober. Also, I heard that Sarah Palin was in in my hometown of York, PA so I asked my mother to call one of her Republican friends who attended the rally cause I want a Palin button for my collection and I can't find one here. My mother refused because she didn't want to "get invovled" which really pissed me off because I would have made the phone call for her. I also went to Time Warner Cable today to get a DVR and it was like entering the eighth circle of hell. I now understand the luxury of paying the $30 to have them come to you so you don't have to sit there waiting for an hour with the most desperate and crazy New Yorkers freaking out about their cable bills and trying to get money orders to turn their cable back on. Plus, I'm in a wedding and was told I could wear whatever I want to but now, the bride must approve. Does that count as being able to wear whatever you want? I don't think so. And to top it off, I just got my period right after my operation a week ago and I can't wear a tampon.

I'm Alive

2008-10-26T19:06:00.002-04:00

I'm kind of groggy but I'm a couple of ounces lighter after the removal of a large mass which I'll spare you the details. In any case, I'm home watching TV and still can't walk and am not supposed to make decisions for a few days. I'll keep you posted as I go from sore to stir crazy.

Here Comes the Sun?

2008-10-20T22:33:00.004-04:00

I've been in a rut. I'm at that point in my life where all my friends have babies and I'm home Friday night watching and enjoying The Ex List on CBS. But nothing depresses more these days that the new retro Mohegan Sun ads commercial on TV which they slaughter 80s pop songs and turn them into lyrics about visting the casino. What makes me most angry is that I make up songs like this all the time and my talent is being wasted. Also, I pitched a similar idea as The Ex List over ten years ago.

Things You Should Know

2008-10-20T21:53:00.003-04:00

1. Madonna is getting divorced. Why is this a big story when Dlisted announced this months ago?
2. It's cold and all the animals go crazy during this weather.
3. Everyone in my office has a cold.
4. I saw The Visitor this week and thought it was one of the better movies I've seen in awhile.
5. Despite being sweet, Bailey's can make some people nasty.
6. I'm not getting any younger.

What's On My Mind

2008-10-15T22:14:00.003-04:00

I've been out of commission busy at work and getting ready to have a huge mass cut out of my body next Friday. Here's what's on my mind.

1. The craziness that is Sarah Palin.
2. Why is Amy Winehouse killing herself?
3. What to write on the other blog I secretly write.
4. How can I get MJ cat to stop scratching my chair

Outstanding Questions from the VP Debate

2008-10-03T00:11:00.003-04:00

Vote for Beware of the Babylon for President!

Rather than answer some of my questions, tonight's VP debate raised some more for me about Sarah Palin and John McCain.

1. What war did John McCain "win?"
2. What in the hell does it mean to be a maverick?
3. Since when do we want leaders who have poor elocution and grammar skills? Perhaps this is a serious indication about the problems with our educational system.
4. Who actually is a "Joe Six Pack" and how can I avoid this man?
5. Did Joe Biden have botox?
6. Is it acceptable to avoid questions and just read from a notecard during this type of debate?
7. What kind of people actually live in Alaska?
8. Why can't gays get married and why is it a political issue?
9. Are Jews for Jesus Zionists?
10. Is God really responsible for Global Warming?

Palin Blows

2008-10-01T21:59:00.002-04:00

While I love a talent portion of a beauty competition, Sarah Palin kind of blows here in her talent portion of Miss Alaska.

Feel Better, Ted!

2008-09-26T22:41:00.000-04:00

Me and Ted Kennedy, 1988.

Best Dressed at the Emmy's

2008-09-22T22:48:00.003-04:00

Even I was bored and only half watching the Emmy's so I'm giving my best dressed award to my somtimes neighbor Perrey Reeves who was the only person I know personally at this year's broadcast. I applaud for not wearing black and looking so smoking. Girls, eat lots of veggies and do a lot of Yoga and you can look at as good as this broad when you're 40ish.

Emmy's Recap

2008-09-22T21:59:00.001-04:00

The Emmy's were a real snooze last night, but Todd pointed out that I missed the bizarre Josh Groban theme song extravaganza. Since when is Groban the new millenium's Rich Little?

Let Your Body Learn

2008-09-15T22:19:00.003-04:00

Back in the 80's a big part of my teenage social life revolved around under 21 night clubs. There were two clubs in York, Pa at the time that catered to my alternative taste in music-Big City Under 21 Nite Club and Zakie's. Me and my friend Jessica's entire week revolved around Friday nights at Big City. What would we wear? (Would I wear that Benetton pink sweater dress AGAIN?) Who would drive? Who would be there? What song would be our song to dance to in the cage? Would the Swatch Bunch be there? I even had my first kiss at Big City. Tonight ,an old friend Krista today informed me that on October 11th, there will be an actual Big City reunion for those who hung out there in the '80s and I have to confess that after seeing one of the playlists for the evening, I'm tempted although I would have to recommend adding Nemesis by Shreikback. So, who's game? My mom will drive.

A Guy Called Gerald – Voodoo Ray
A Split Second – Rigor Mortis
Age of Chance – Kiss
Alien Sex Fiend – Now I'm Feeling Zombified
Berlin – Sex (I'm a …..)
Big Audio Dynamite – The Bottom Line (the only thing to do is climb)
Bigod 20 – Body to Body
Bigod 20 – IQ
Bollock Brothers – Harley David (son of a bitch)
Bolshoi – A Way
Bomb the Bass – Beat Dis (the names have been changed to protect the innocent)
Book of Love – Modigliani
Book of Love – Boy
Book of Love – Pretty Boys and Pretty Girls
Boys from Brazil – Hot Stuff
Bronski Beat – Hit That Perfect Beat
Camouflage – The Great Commandment
Celebrate the Nun – Will You Be There
Cetu Javu – Have in Mind
Clan of Xymox – A Day
Cure – Boys Don't Cry
Cure – Let's Go to Bed
Damned – Grimly Fiendish
Dead Milkmen – Instant Club Hit (you'll dance to anything by ….)
Dead or Alive – Brand New Lover
Dead or Alive – My Heart Goes Bang
Dead or Alive – You Spin Me Round
DeeeLite – Groove is in the Heart
Depeche Mode – Behind the Wheel / Route 66
Depeche Mode – Everything Counts
Depeche Mode – Master and Servant
Depeche Mode – People are People
Depeche Mode – Strange Love
Die Krupps with Nitzer Ebb – Machineries of Joy
Dominatrix – The Dominatrix Sleeps Tonight
Echo and the Bunnymen – Bring on the Dancing Horses
Eddy Huntington – Meet My Friend (called dick)
English Boy on the Love Ranch – The Man in your Life
Erasure – A Little Respect
Erasure – Oh L'Amour
Erasure – Sometimes
Erasure – Victim of Love
Fine Young Cannibals – Johnny Come Home
Friends of Carlotta – Finger FOC
Front 242 – Headhunter
Front 242 – Welcome to Paradise (hey poor, you don't have to be poor anymore)
George Kranz – Trommeltanz (din daa daa)
Hohokam – Harlequin Tears (why does your heart beat, heartbeat now?)
Humanoid – Stakker Humanoid
Killing Joke – Eighties (I'm living in the)
KMFDM – Naïve (everybody needs somebody, everybody needs love)
Kon Kan – I Beg Your Pardon
Icicle Works – Birds Fly (whisper to a scream)
Information Society – What's On Your Mind
Les Rita Mitsouko – C'est Comme Ca (laa laa laa laa)
Lil Louis – French Kiss
Lords of Acid – I Sit on Acid (darling come here … ummm… lick me in my ear)
Love and Money – Candybar Express (take a ride on the sugar train)
Love and Rockets – Ball of Confusion (that's what the wold is today, hey hey)
Man to Man – Male Stripper (in a go go bar)
Man to Man – I Need A Man
MARRS – Pump Up the Volume
Micro Chip League – New York, New York (city of the people, city of deceivers)
Mighty Lemon Drops – Out of Hand
Ministry – Everyday is Halloween
New Order – Age of Consent
New Order – Bizarre Love Triangle
New Order – Blue Monday
New Order – True Faith
New Scene – Out of Control
Nitzer Ebb - Let Your Body Learn (fast beat the feet)
Nitzer Ebb – Murderous (where is the youth)
Nitzer Ebb – Join in the Chant (guns, guns, guns, guns, fire, fire, fire whoop!)
Paul Lekakis – Boom Boom (boom lets go back to my room)
Pet Shop Boys – Always on My Mind
Pet Shop Boys – It's A Sin
Rob Base – It Takes Two
Robotiko Rejekto – Rejekto
Radiorama – ABCD
Revolting Cocks – No Devotion
Sabrina – Boys
S-Express – Theme from S-Express (i've got the hots for you)
Shooting Party – Safe in the Arms of Love (never look back)
Siouxsie – Cities in Dust
Sisters of Mercy – This Corrosion
Skinny Puppy – Dig It
Skinny Puppy – Testure
Society – Love It (cmon cmon cmon cmon cmon love it)
Soft Cell – Tainted Love
Timelords – Doctorin' the Tardis (doctor who hey doctor who)
Tones on Tail – Go! (yah, yah, yah, yah, yah, yah, yah, yaaaah, yah)
Voyou - Houseman
Wire – Ahead (i remember, i remember, i remember .. making the body surge)
Weathermen – Poison
When in Rome – The Promise
Yaz – Don't Go
Yaz - Situation
Yazz and Plastic Population – The Only Way is Up (baby)
You've Got Foetus on Your Breath – Wash It All Off (supercalifragilisticsadomasichism)

Agency Review

2008-09-10T21:42:00.002-04:00

Right now, I'm going through the process of hiring an "agency" at work. I'm always fascinated how companies come in to pitch their business and how similar it is to going on some really bad dates. My friend ANP and I always joke that there are always two sides to every relationship--the agency and the client. In life, you really want to be the client. But, if you must be the agency, it's best you practice the following unwritten rules:

1. Be careful about how you present your credentials. We don't care about what someone at your agency did ten years ago for a client that has nothing to do with your business. Also, if you must beef up your credentials, be sure as hell not to make up projects you owned especially related to the exact company you are pitching. Do you thnk we are morons and don't know who works for us?
2. Don't try to sell us shit we don't want. If we have you there to talk about media, talk about media. If you are called in to talk about design, talk about design. We know what we need which is why we spent hours working on a RFP to outline our project.
3. Be transparent. There's nothing a client hates more than a bait and switch.

Beware of the Coney Island Wonder Wheel Cast!

2008-09-04T22:33:00.003-04:00

We are live on tape from one of the
very scary shifting cars of the world famous
Coney Island Wonder Wheel
on this very special
BEWARE OF THE BABYLON

Take a virtual ride with Rachel and Todd as they:

* Scream like little bitches, while trying to podcast

* Gorge on Russian cuisine that will haunt them for days

* Swim in the live-active culture that is Brighton Beach

* Avoid buying bootleg DVDs of current movies (mainly because they didn't have Hamlet 2)

As alway, this and every BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes here.

Or listen right this very second on our custom player...

Donna Martin Graduates!

2008-09-02T20:25:00.003-04:00

I am watching the new 90210 which is making me feel old and nostalgic. When I was in college, 90210 was a BIG DEAL with me and my friends. And, it was the first show I can remember that actually had a summer season so I spent time watching it with my old high school friends as well. I have to confess I even had a Luke Perry poster on my door junior year. I would watch with my good friends Al, Phil, Max, Dupes and Ro (yes all straight men) and we were obsessed. I think the boys even splurged on the dolls. Then, there was a season where I had to work at the coffee house during 90210 so I would actually carry my 13" TV across campus and set it up behind the counter. My college graduation coincided with the high school graduation of the kids from West Beverly High. I remember sitting in my room and watching with my friends and actually crying. So, welcome back 90210. I hope it's as good as the first round and I actually teared up when I Joe Tata just had a cameo.

DNC fashion commentary

2008-08-26T22:02:00.008-04:00

Rather than make political commentary, I'll do what I'm more able to do which is make fashion commentary on the DNC.

I liked this teal Maria Pinto dress which really clung to Michelle's booty. I never really had any feelings for Michelle before but I liked the color and the modern yet classic fit. I think she should have lost the pin. She definitely is following the "volume" trend which we'll see a lot of this fall.

10:40
OK, I'm obsessed with hearing Chelsea's voice since she was silent for so long. Wow, she's blonde. Are those extensions? That's all we get? Is that a skirt suit? Chelsea is too young for that.

10:43
Why is Hillary wearing that horrific orange suit? Perhaps she is signifying this convention symbolizes her carriage has turned back into a pumpkin. All my friends know, I love Hillary but hate her "traveling pants" suits. I will post a photo as soon as I find one.

Happy Birthday To Me

2008-08-18T22:44:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow is my birthday which used to provide me with a sense of excitement but now the sentiment has somewhat changed into an unexpected reflection. As I write this, I feel a slight dull pain in my left hip which appeared in the last year. I feel a sense of nostalgia and grief for close friendships I've lost, who have died or that have faded over the years. And, yet I'm grateful for the love of my family and the five years of companionship I've shared with my cat. Five years ago I hated cats and took my family for granted. I think about all the little babies who have entered my life and how I look forward to sharing memories with the children of my close friends in years to come. I am excited that some of the friends I've lost along the way have reappeared and surprised me coming back into my life again and I'm thrilled about some of the new friends I've met recently. I am happy for the sprig of lavendar that a friend gave me tonight as a gift and am surprised that such a small token could mean so much to me. But, most of all, I think about how I'm not so concerned anymore of who I want to be but just to be content with who I am. I suppose this is the greatest birthday gift I can give to myself. Here's to a great year!

Love,
Me

She's Old, I'm Old, We're All Old

2008-08-16T23:58:00.002-04:00

Happy 50th Bday, Madonna!

Rose's Turn

2008-08-13T23:13:00.002-04:00

Last night I had the pleasure of seeing Patty LaPone in the new revival of Gypsy. I saw the recent rendition with Bernadette Peters a couple of years ago and I have to say both Mamas were equally powerful.

So Long Mr. Rogers

2008-08-10T23:44:00.003-04:00

I was very sad to hear that PBS will not be showing Mr. Rogers anymore. As a kid, I loved Mr. Rogers. My mother also loved it claiming it "chilled me out."

As a tribute, I've posted the best episode ever Mr. Rogers Goes to the Restaurant which features my late Grandmother Maribel Shearer in a cameo drinking a cup of coffee. She was so excited that she was asked to be in this episode filmed at the Hotel Saxonburg and even got us Fred's autograph!

W. Preview!

2008-07-29T22:43:00.002-04:00

The new Oliver Stone movie W. looks so bad I can't wait to see it! I love Thandie Newton as Condi!

You're Beautiful?

2008-07-28T22:08:00.003-04:00

As a woman who considers herself not a supermodel but not totally butt, I've only been called "beautiful" to my face by a straight member of the opposite sex only a handful number of times. I can't even recall any of my immediate family members ever even telling me I am "beautiful." My gay boyfriends may have called me beautiful, but they use that term loosely to greet many women.

Anyway, the men who have dared to call me beautiful tend to always be undeniably beautiful themselves so I became suspicious and allowed my faltering self esteem to take over. I ask myself such questions as:
1. Isn't he way out of my league?
2. Why can't he find someone as beautiful as he is?
3. Is he crazy?
4. What does he really want?
5. Is he slumming?

But this time, friends, I WILL NOT DO THIS. I will allow myself to be beautiful just as I am. Let's see what happens next.

BEWARE OF THE BABYLONLIZ SMITHINTERVIEW WITH A LEGEND

2008-07-24T01:03:00.003-04:00

Bringing back our ability to randomly run into celebrities in New York City, we secure an on-the-street spontaneous interview with the original Gossip Girl...
LIZ SMITH
on this very special
BEWARE OF THE BABYLON
Legendary gossip covered includes...

* Why our movie reviews don't matter (according to Liz Smith)

* Why blogging doesn't really matter (according to Liz Smith)

* Why podcasting doesn't really interest Liz Smith.

* Why Liz Smith doesn't know who Yaz is.

* Why we love Liz Smith and would do anything she says to do.

As alway, this and every BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes here.
Or listen right this very second on our custom player below...

Everything She Wants

2008-07-24T00:57:00.002-04:00

Tonight, I had the pleasure of celebrating 25 years of George Michael at Madison Square Garden with my friends Wyndham, James and Jeff. Yes, it's a scary thought to think I've been a consistent fan for a quarter of a century. I'm old. George Michael is the Sinatra of our generation. The show which clocked in over 3 hours was fantastic. I hope he comes back to entertain us again.

Nobody's Diary!

2008-07-18T01:13:00.002-04:00

Tonight I saw the Yaz concert reunion. God, I love Alison Moyet's voice. Here she is back in the day and I have to confess I got a little teary eyed when they opened tonight playing the song. I was transported back to my preteen years and how much I loved this song when I heard it on Rock Over London which was a syndicated radio show I listened to late on night through the help of a coat hanger wired up to my boom box so I could receive the show clearly.

Mama Mia!

2008-07-15T23:06:00.002-04:00

Not since Can't Stop the Music, has there been such a joyous screen movie catering gay men and the women who love them. So, if you fall into my circle of friends, run, don't walk to see Mama Mia! starring the everfescent Meryl Streep who makes a cheesey rendition of The Winner Takes it All seem as powerful as the Drink Your Milkshake scene in There Will Be Blood.

Shut Up, Steve

2008-07-13T22:44:00.003-04:00

I've been meaning to write about this for a long time, and I finally found the commercial on YouTube. I don't know how the actor playing "Steve" got cast in this ad, but he really is one the most annoying people on television today. Just watching him in this as makes me feel sick about the prospect of ever eating a Cheerio again. And, what's the deal with his eyebrows?

Double Booking

2008-07-13T21:26:00.002-04:00

I was supposed to attend a "puppy picnic" today but two of the parties responsible for planning, both "double booked" and the picnic did not happen. A puppy picnic is where you get together on the Christopher Street pier along with your pets. I'm annoyed because I was looking forward to the picnic all weekend and spent Friday night cooking picnic foods including a Thai noodle salad and guacamole. Max had his leash all ready to go. So, friends, if you make plans, please don't forget because NYCBABYLON looks forward to seeing you and is sad tonight watching the Miss Universe pageant.

Batman: The Dark Knight Review

2008-07-09T19:52:00.002-04:00

Last night, I went to a screening of the new Batman film. I was skeptical that the film was going to ride on the coattails of the mystery surrounding Heath Ledger's death. I was wrong. The film would be fantastic no matter what. I don't want to give much away, as the film is full of surprises and action. But, I do want to say that Batman is actually very deep and meditates not only on the current state of our current politics but also on the deepest conflicts that plague the human ego. What is right? Do we sell our souls to help our families? Can you really rehabilitate evil? What motivates do-gooders? Do we really know who our real heroes are?

I also have to state that Heath Ledger's final full performance is incredible. The Joker is so fully-realized, scary and plain old batshit crazy that you have to wonder if throwing himself into the performance did take a toll on his mental state.

Displacement Vectors

2008-07-03T00:23:00.003-04:00

I have been out on dates with all types of men in my life including actors, rock stars, creative types, money men, screenwriters and journalists. Tonight, however, I had my first date with an astrophysicist which actually made me feel like a dumb blonde. It's very difficult to describe my job in the beauty business to a man who is going out of town next week to try to discover a new planet. I asked him such crazy questions that I'm curious if he'll ever call me again and the crazy thing is, I kind of liked him. Here is some of the crazy questions that popped out of my mouth:
1. Are you a mad professor or more of a nutty professor?
2. Do scientists actually use scientific calculators?
3. What's your favorite equation?
4. Who's your favorite member of the British aristocracy?
5. If you find a planet, what are you going to name it?
6. How big is your telescope?
7. How often do you mention Galileo on a weekly basis?
8. What is your personal velocity?
9. What are you feelings about Duran Duran?
10. What did you think about the movie Contact with Jodi Foster?

Keep you posted. Have a Happy 4th!

Pussy Pride Day

2008-06-29T21:16:00.003-04:00

So, today my neighborhood is overflowing with half-naked drunk and drugged out homosexuals celebrating Gay Pride Day. When did Gay Pride Day become such a low-rent display of sexuality, garbage and drug use? I think Gay Pride Day has jumped the shark. I want to see a day celebrating single women in their 30's who live with their cats. We'll dress up in vintage Laura Ashley, count our Weight Watchers points and talk about the Sex and the City movie. Oh, and we'll parade our cats around in those cat strollers you can find in the Sky Mall catalogue. We'll celebrate our single status and that we're too crazy to procreate and that our true love is our rescue cat. We'll debate dry food versus wet food. We'll hold our cat dancers with pride. We won't use the lint roller on this day. Pussy Pride Day should become a national holiday!

Happy Birthday Todd!

2008-06-27T20:44:00.003-04:00

Today is the birthday of my close friend and comedy partner Todd! Here all the all things I love about Todd.

1. He never gets mad at you even when you act like an asshat.
2. He's my partner in all that is BAFTA.
3. He loves your pussy as much as you do.
4. He appreciates a pearl necklace on a lady.
5. He's an original member of the velvet mafia, even though he doesn't know it.
6. He can make a cake out of salt instead of sugar.
7. He loves to eat out at dives with me.
8. He knows a good showtune when he hears one.
9. He will be your fake straight date upon command.
10. He is a loyal and true friend!

I love you, Todd!
Happy Birthday!

I'm FINALLY back

2008-06-24T23:06:00.002-04:00

I'm back from what seems like decades of strategic planning and preparing for a company sales meeting in Hawaii. Hopefully, I'll have my life back for a couple of months so I can blog, go back on the points and spend some time with MJ and my friends! I have to say, Maui is really not any nicer than the beautiful island of Dominica so I don't really get what the fuss what about. Plus, I wanted to shoot myself on that second leg of the return flight. I still have jet lag. I'm sad to hear that one of my comedy mentors, George Carlin passed away this weekend. I'll have more to say tomorrow when I can think.

Aloha!

2008-06-20T23:37:00.003-04:00

I have been for what seems like a year in Hawaii at a National Sales Meeting. I'm fully aligned and exhausted and can't wait to get back home so I can blog. Before I leave, however, tomorrow I'm snorking! When I get back, I will be jetlagged and slightly brainwashed.

Dearly Beloved....

2008-06-08T21:05:00.002-04:00

We are gathered here to see to wish this sexy mf named Prince a Happy 50th Birthday!

Beware of the Sex and the City Product Placement Podcast

2008-06-08T21:04:00.000-04:00

We subliminally plug the products of about fifty Fortune 500 company products in this eloquently presented episode of
BEWARE OF THE BABYLON
recorded live on tape from a Fortune 500 company auditorium
Put on your best Anthony Robbins asshat grin for...

* Afterglow on the Sex and the City movie [Time-Warner]

* The mystery Doritos flavor revealed [Pepsico]

* Todd's first trip to Burger King in over 24 years [Burger King Holdings]

* We remind you to join our Facebook page [1 % Microsoft]

* This week's Guess Who I'm With Phone Challenge [Sprint Nextel]

As alway, this and every BEWARE OF THE BABYLON podcast can be automatically downloaded from iTunes here.

Listen to the show here if you have ants in your pants:

powered by ODEO

Sex and the City=Amarula

2008-06-03T22:16:00.002-04:00

I finally saw Sexo en La Ciudad or as we call here it NYC, Sex and the City. I have to confess, I actually read the book before the series even launched and was addicted to the show which forced me to subscribe to HBO. I also watch the watered-down reruns. So, as you can imagine, I had to go ASAP to see the film. A couple of weeks ago, I was hanging with my friend Deirdre and we got a little tipsy on this very sweet South African fruit liquor called Amarula. I knew it was too sweet and made of alcohol but I couldn't stop drinking it because it went down so smoothly and woke up the next day with a hangover. This is exactly what happened to me as a result of seeing the SATC film. It was sweet, and not really that good, but good enough that I couldn't stop watching and then I felt kind of empy and disappointed the next morning. I won't provide any spoilers except to say Miranda somehow aged the best and looks the most vibrant. SJP's Carrie demonstrates that being too thin can age you after forty. And, that Vivienne Westwood dress would make me want to get married too. I need to see it again this weekend.

RIP Yves

2008-06-01T23:09:00.002-04:00

A fashion God has left us. RIP, Yves.